Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Hawaii Week or as They say Around Here, ‘Spend it or Lose it'

I had an entire post written but for some reason I failed to save the document and now that I’m trying to reconstruct it nothing I wrote about is busting out of my grey matter far enough to reach my fingertips. All I remember was it was inspired by seeing the Amazon delivery van pull up in front of my building. It had a message written on the side panel that said: “Warning: Contents may bring happiness.” We get deliveries from Amazon two and three times a day. We’re only 6 point something miles away from the main fulfillment center which Google says they can drive in thirteen minutes. I’ve figured it out that all my deliveries are on the last run of the day and that’s probably because I usually wait until I have three things on my gotta-have-it-at-all-costs ‘Wish List’ before ordering. I have a few dozen other things on my Amazon Wish List but those are all things I wanted in the moment but after sitting there overnight---my Carnival Rule for curbing impulse buying---the better side of me wins out and can slap my hand away from the moving them over into my Cart.

I figure when I order three things at once the three products come into the fulfillment center on three flights at the near-by airport before they are dumped into one box to put in the ‘happiness’ van. If I ordered only one thing at a time, there’s no telling  what time of the day they’d get delivered here. One of the neighbors on my floor has appointed himself the first floor mailman so he brings all the packages from our mail room to our doors. Just once I’d like the thrill of pawing through all the deliveries left by FedEx, UPS, USPS and Amazon to find the one my computer just told me was left there. But I don’t bite kindness in the butt so I thank our self-appointed floor mailman when I see him and don’t share my package pawing fantasy with him. 

This week is Aloha Week here on the continuum care campus.  We had a lecture about volcanoes on Wednesday. A sing-along of island music tonight Tuesday, and a very good travelogue about Hawaii was on Thursday. Half the residents are walking about wearing cheap-but-colorful floral leis or Hawaiian shirts. Monday we played Aloha Bingo which was the very first time bingo has been played in our independent living building. We suspect the marketing director has been strong-arming the enrichment director into not allowing it here in the past, but all the apartments are sold now so first impressions don’t count so much anymore. 

Bingo was a huge success with eighteen of us playing. It helped in no small way that there was an ice storm going on outside and we were all cocooned inside with nothing much to do but try to look out windows at the ice and fog covered landscape. It was silly afternoon with lots of humorous jabs going around the room the way it happens with a groups that knows each other well. I won three Almond Joy candy bars that looked like mush by the time they got back to my apartment. Five of the Catholics formed a table of their own and have been begging to play bingo for money for months. They even approached the CEO to ask if there are any laws against it. I don’t quite understand the big deal about playing for money vs just playing for the fun of it, but I may have the opportunity to find out now that the ‘bingo ice’ has been broken. This was only the second time in adulthood that I’ve even played bingo and I have a few things to learn. Playing corners, postage stamps and X’s came easy but we all got confused playing H’s and X’s on the same cards.

For some reason this month I ran out of my food allowance money early---we get $320 to spend however we want---and I made the mistake of mentioning at lunch that I only had $8 left to cover the next three days. So the last three nights of February I had invitations from people to buy me dinner; they all had money leftover in their food allowances. It felt weird being a “charity case” of sorts but people here who cook in their own apartments or travel always have leftover money at the end of the month and it doesn't roll over. “Use it or lose it.” 

I’m generally careful with my allowance so that I end up with only a dollar or two over or under. But I use meals to socialize and apparently I needed more people-contact in February than normal. I didn’t particularly like eating on someone else’s food allowance because felt like I needed to order the specials which is crazy. It’s not dating and two of these people had been out of state part of February and had lots of money left. People with more money than they can spend stock up on pop and ice cream bars the last few days or they fish around for people like me, who ran out so they can buy them dinners or lunches. Still, if I’m ever that short again, I’ll keep it to myself. Like I said up above, I don’t like biting kindness in the butt but I like even less advertising the fact that I can’t manage my money. ©

38 comments:

  1. That was sweet of them but I know how you feel. At least February is over now. 😊❤️
    ---Cheerful Monk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a common practice to spend you excess dollars on others. Sometimes people invite their whole families to dinner, then run out of funds fast. It's just never been me to run out before.

      Delete
  2. I get it, too. I'm not sure I could accept dinner BUT if they would lose the money if they didn't buy you dinner, what a waste. I finally figured out why my last two posts never showed up! I was inadvertently using my Hunger Fighter Google account so you probably saw ANONYMOUS. Hopefully my feeble brain did it right this time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happens all the time with Google. Ya, lots of people have over $100 left that goes away if not spent. Mainly they have it left over because they like their own cooking better.

      Delete
  3. Are the prices on your food allowance options similar to restaurants or more or less expensive. Now I'm curious! And is it like a restaurant where you order a dish and it comes with the sides or is it all a la carte? I don't know these things!

    I think Bingo must have changed since it was the main entertainment at birthday parties in my youth. (Last week, Carson's sixth was at a Bouncy House -- times have changed since Bingo in the back yard.) Back then it was just B-25 or N-3 so I don't know this H and X thing. Maybe we need to buy Bingo for when the kids come again. I take that back -- I did play "Political Bingo" and "Hallmark Movie" bingo in recent years but it's a solo event.

    I still don't have Amazon prime so I save my "cart" till I get to the "free shipping" limit (which usually doesn't take long). My recent order arrived the other day and now I can't shop for a few weeks! This is how I define self-discipline.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A cobb salad is $9 and a deluxe hamburger is $12. Salmon is $12 with one free side and other sides available for $4 each. Not sure how prices in regular restaurants are because I don't go anymore. We get a new menu every 4 months which isn't often enough.

      I have Amazon Prime. I love it.

      Delete
  4. I don't even try to figure out Amazon deliveries. It seems that one big delivery per day would make sense, but when we're on the receiving end, most of us like getting our stuff as soon as possible.

    Bingo--what's not to love??? I guess the marketing director thinks there's a negative connotation with it, but so many of us enjoy playing. Gotta admit, playing for money does sound fun. Guess I'll side with the Catholics on that point!

    I think it's lovely that folks who have extra in their food budget treat other residents. I'm pretty sure you'd do the same thing for someone, Jean. Those kindnesses must make you feel like you're all becoming a big family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WE are a big family. You could especially see that when we played Bingo and people were yelling jabs and jokes around the room at each other. The marketing director tries to sale this place as "young active senior living" and she thinks puzzles and bingo are for older people. They don't get much older than us.

      Delete
    2. By the way, I think if Amazon tried to wait to deliver just one big load a day they'd have more than one truck could hold. They deliver a lot of large boxes of paper goods (diapers) to the nursing home building.

      Delete
  5. I understand how you felt, having to accept Charity because you felt it was a Failure on your part. And it was made public, in a way. But think of how your friends in the community were so happy, being able to help you in such a small yet valuable way. They got a great deal of Joy from it, I'm sure. You would do the same for a neighbor yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's almost like a game with those who often have lots of money in their allowance at the end of the month...to find ways to use it up. One guy invites a lot of people from the outside. One guy started buying uncooked meat from the kitchen but they put a stop to that practice after a could of months. Going over isn't a big deal because it just gets added to your monthly statement.

      Delete
  6. I'm just always impressed by the wide variety of activities and events they put on there. Something for everyone...
    It was nice of others to help you out. You had the broken rib fiasco to distract you from your budget. Don't worry about it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The ribs really did factor into going over because I couldn't get to the grocery store to buy stuff for breakfasts and snacks.

      Delete
  7. "I don’t quite understand the big deal about playing for money vs just playing for the fun of it" ... same situation with our bingo games. We can play for fun, for prizes, but not money. It has something to do with the bingo organizers having to get "Bonded" by the Treasury Department to handle money. Management doesn't want the headache and neither do the bingo organizers. Aloha Week seems misplaced in this weather. Especially when we are so close to celebrating St. Patrick's Day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They did Aloha Week last year in February too...to remind us better weather is coming, I think.

      Delete
  8. I think it's neat that people in your community share their unused food allowances in this way. I get the uncomfortableness you were feeling though, and your wanting to avoid running out ever again. That would be me too.

    Hawaii week? Fun! My daughter and son in law just booked a trip to Hawaii. As someone who grew up in the east, that seems like such an exotic destination to me...but for west coasters it is about the same as vacationing in Florida or the Caribbean, I think. I'm very interested to hear what they think.

    Deb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll bet they'll really enjoy it. I've been to the Caribbean but Hawaii seems so far away from Michigan.

      Delete
  9. That is an oddly awkward situation. I understand how the people want to use their allowance, but to be the one who they use it on does seem weird. I doubt that anyone with all that leftover moola is even giving it a second thought about buying you dinner. But still...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They really don't give it a second thought. They'd rather give it to a fellow resident than give it back to the management, who everyone thinks is overcharging for everything.

      Delete
  10. Since everyone knows you had the broken ribs which undoubtedly caused you to need more dining room meals, of course they're happy to share. I would be, and would only make a judgement if there was someone who always ran over their allowance and seemed too willing to let others pick up the slack. It's all a matter of proportion, so accept their kindness and you'll both feel good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know you're right on all scores. There are people here who have drinks and/or desserts every night that consistently go over and not many people offer to buy them dinners at the end of the month.

      Delete
  11. They sure have a lot of fun activities for you there. We visited Hawaii a few times when we lived on the West Coast and I loved it. The first time we went from here I about died on the trip back. It was long and I was brain dead by the time we got home. We've talked about it again, but neither of us has the energy for those flights, so that might be over for us.

    I'll never figure out Amazon's planning. They give me a digital credit for choosing a later date, then deliver earlier than that. They delivered twice to our door yesterday...once for my husband and once for me. Wouldn't you think they would figure that out and make one trip? I do usually have something in my cart and it either gets added to something else or I decide over time I don't need it. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not all their deliveries come from the same fullfillment centers which accounts for some of the double deliveries in the same day. I love to track my deliveries which often gives you insight. I don't get the diital credit thing either.

      We do have a lot of activities and I worry that will thin out because some are not well attended. Like Tai Chi today with only two and a well known singer who played here last week only had 12 atttend when he draws big crowds in other venues.

      Delete
  12. Isn't annoying when we lose something we wrote because we forgot to hit save done it far too many times myself. This post made me think of our holiday to Hawaii which we loved so good memories

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never been there. I envy your memories of the place.

      Delete
  13. I would totally use another's leftover meal money. Because I know how much I'd appreciate it if someone used mine. It would feel good to give that gift and know my money hadn't gone back into corporate profits. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not wanting to see money go back to a corporation motives a lot of the end of the money food charity around here. LOL

      Delete
  14. I love ordering things from Amazon, especially since moving away from the city where I was much closer to stores. Sometimes, I am afraid it's just too easy, though, and I've really got to watch my spending now that I'm retired. I am so enjoying reading your blog about where you live and the things you do there. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and I agree, sometimes ordering online is too easy. But I find if I use the Wish List for a holding pin to keep me from impulse buying I don't have buyer's remorse.

      Delete
  15. Just so you know, a Cobb salad at Chick-Fil-A is $9. It's the only thing I order there, but I just had one last night. I love them, and can make two meals from them. I eat the chicken off it the first night, and then add in a few ingredients of my own on the second.

    I was off running the country last weekend, so I'm a bit behind, but being behind means most people have read through your comments. That gives me the courage to post the first thing that came to mind when you mentioned Bingo. When I go up to Kansas, I go through Oklahoma, and there are Bingo establishments galore: most associated with Native American reservations. James McMurtry, son of writer Larry McMurtry, wrote a song called "Choctaw Bingo" that's utterly hilarious, partly because it's as much truth as fiction. I love this version because I know so many of the places shown in it, and I've met a few people like those in the video. I don't think it will offend you, but if it does, just chalk it up to my quirky sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should know me well enough by now to know that very little offends me. I'm listening to your YouTube video right not. Love the beat. He's pretty talented!

      I hadn't realized that Bingo establishments are popular in other parts of the country---should have. I always associate them with old people and bite-your-cheek humor.

      Delete
  16. If they'd lose it rather than treating another resident it seems more prudent to find a recipient so it's not wasted. The Hawaiian Event sounds fun. I don't use Amazon but for Months they charged me a Prime Membership I was unaware of and only reimbursed me a small portion every though I didn't authorize it. I am not a Fan of Bezos as he treats employees badly. We have a sea of his big monstrosity warehouses here nearby. They increased crime as he hires a lot of felons and when most can't cut it and are let go... they end up homeless and go back to illegal ways... Dawn the Bohemian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are organizations that try to encourage businesses to hire x-cons---give them a chance as an alternative to them all going on welfare or back to illegal ways. You can't fault an employer for trying to take part in the program. They aren't creating the felons by giving them a chance. Some might actually work out.

      Delete
    2. Point taken but local Police say crime increases exponentially when Amazon warehouses are put into neighborhoods...they rarely build them by affluent community... Dawn the Bohemian

      Delete
  17. I'm intrigued about what happened to the Almond Joy candy bars. Were they crushed in your excited grip or was the heating just turned up super high in the complex? The Hawaii week sounds great fun - the ice storm less appealing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Neither. I put them in my purse and they got smashed by my phone being dropped on them a few times---my brother calling from memory care---and it must have been warm inside there. Hawaii Week is fun.

      Delete
  18. A wise psychotherapist once asked me how I felt when I was asked to or was able to do something for someone else. "It makes me feel good!" I replied. "Why, then," she asked, "are you so determined to deprive other people of that good feeling?" I understand that friendship is a relationship of equals, but perhaps you can look for an opportunity to reciprocate by doing something nice for those who used their leftover dining credits to buy you dinner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One lady felt she was paying me back for giving her a nearly brand new pouch for her walker and another woman is my frequent mahjong partner. I really didn't like having anyone buy my dinner but it won't probably happen again.

      Delete

Thanks for taking the time to comment. If you are using ANONYMOUS please identify yourself by your first name as you might not be the only one. Comments containing links from spammers will not be published. All comments are moderated which means I might not see yours right away to publish through for public viewing as I don't sit at my computer 24/7.