A shirt-tail relative on my husband’s side of the family got married. I’ve only met his bride once but I’ve seen plenty of photos of the couple online and in all of them she looked like a pretty and wholesome young lady. But as a bride she put her porn star sized breasts on full display in her wedding gown…if you could call it a wedding gown. It looked like it was the sheer lace outer layer of a wedding dress meant to be worn over a silk under layer. Underneath she wore black bikini panties and barely there, black self-adhesive pads for a bra. I don’t shock easily and I’m not a prude but that choice for a wedding dress to be worn in a Catholic church in front to 200 guests made me feel cringe. What was she thinking!
Being in the wedding business for twenty years, I’ve seen a ton of bridal gowns but never one like this. Granted they were all in the past century and I expect fashions to change, but is sexy the new look girls are going for these days on the presumably most important day of their lives? She is a college student, responsible for her own choices but you would have thought someone with influence over her would have knocked some sense into her. Her bridesmaids worn black velvet formal gowns that covered all but their arms as did both mothers of the bride and groom. The men in the wedding party were in black tuxes and black bow ties. All very formal and tasteful until your eyes catch the outline of the bride's underpants and black nipple pads. Had I gone through the receiving line I would not have been able to tell the bride she looked beautiful. Would you have? Am I getting too old and judgmental in my Fashion Police uniform?
The last time I donned my Fashion Police uniform was a few years ago at a high school graduation party. Before the party I couldn’t have picked the graduate out of a line up but her grandmother said the girl is “sweet inside and out.” At one point during the party she was standing with a group of friends, looking pretty with her long black hair falling half way down her backless-to-the-waist dress, the hemline of its circle skirt hitting her mid-thigh when a breeze came up and exposed her entire buttock, as bare as the day she was born. My mouth dropped up and I looked at the people sitting near me for validation that I was seeing what I saw. My shock must have shown on my face because without me saying a single word her aunt said, “I saw it earlier. She’s wearing a thong made out of dental floss.” It must have been nude colored dental floss because I couldn’t see it that time or during the other opportunities that came up later to look. (It was a windy day.) Another one of her aunts said she wouldn’t let her daughter wear a thong like that and I was having a hard time reconciling the label of “sweet inside and out” with a girl who must have felt the hot sun and wind on her bare butt and didn’t have enough decorum to go inside to put on some proper underwear.
Fashions sure have changed since my young adulthood. We had tiny pins we used to make sure our bra and slip straps didn’t slide down our arms to show. We didn't worry about our pantie lines showing because we didn't wear skirts and trousers as tight as a second layer of skin . Hems lines on skirts had to be mid-calf and we weren’t allows to wear slacks to classes in either high school in the fifties or to college in the early ‘60s. Then the Sexual Revolution came long, thanks to the invention of The Pill, and chastity and modesty took a sucker punch.
Fast forward to 2023 and I found an article in The A Magazine about a survey on the sexualization of clothing and one of the women replied with: “The problem isn’t what we are wearing, it’s how we are perceived because of it…it’s just not an invitation to treat them any differently. What we wear doesn’t define how much respect we deserve.” In another part of the article it says, Many of the women answering the survey "shared that they have been told by older men and even family members that they are ‘asking for it’ because of certain clothing items.” The article goes on to say, “Clothing is a way of expressing yourself and feeling confident, it’s not fair that women should feel they have to dress a certain way to feel safe around people.”
Rant on: And here's the difference in attitude between myself and the young women who think that way and go around showing their nearly bare butts and breasts in public. They don’t seem to understand that their fashion choices ARE sexy as hell so why are they surprised when they are perceived as sexy and looking for that kind of attention? Half naked young women need to acknowledge that if they choose to prance around showing their lady parts they should be prepared to be judged a certain way, just as they’d be judged a certain way if they wore a nun’s habit. If you wear a cute little tennis outfit and walk around with a racket in your hand, people are going to assume you play tennis. If you wear a tailored suit and heels they're going to assume you're upper management in an office. See how that works? After all, to quote their mantra, “Clothing is a way of expressing yourself.” Rant off. ©
Disclaimer: I know sexual harassment is a real thing. So please don't tell me that women should have the right to flaunt their wares however and wherever she wants. I'm not saying that they don't. I'm saying women have the right BUT along with that right should come some common sense to dress for the occasion.
I think she'll rue her choice when she looks at these photos later. I feel sad for women who believe that beauty equates to sexuality alone or even looks alone. Apart from the inappropriate choice for a Catholic wedding, there's the matter of the horizontal black line of the panties breaking up the vertical waves of lace in an unbecoming way.ReplyDelete
And I'm regretting my failure to click over to a "name" ID rather than anonymous each time. I hope I didn't sound too judgmental. I felt sadness more than censure.Delete
This whole post and comment section is judgemental. I wouldn't worry about it. LolDelete
I couldn't agree more! Cheerful MonkReplyDelete
SERIOUS? I'm all for young and nubile to look "sexy" but in my mind leaving lots to the imagination is the sexiest of all ...ReplyDelete
Sexy to one person is another person's slutty.Delete
Well, there have been a lot of wedding dresses designed lately to look like you are wearing your lingerie on the outside and they seem to be popular. And looking as naked as possible while still being clothed is having a moment on the red carpet, from what I've seen on social media. I think both looks are tacky but what the hell do I know!ReplyDelete
If you are going for the naked dress look, skin-coloured underthings should be worn or else you lose the illusion. A dress like that was probably expensive but with the black underthings, it ends up looking cheap. I wonder: did she choose black so she could provide visual proof she wasn't going commando? I can't think of any other reason for this odd choice of undergarments.
I kinda admire someone who has that much body confidence but at the same time I wonder if she will look back in a few years and go "What the hell was I thinking?" I guess so long as she felt pretty on her big day...🤷♀️
It never occurred to me that this is a fashion trend in wedding wear!!! Just plan tacky and slutty looking. The black underwear was on purpose because---I'm 98% use because it the her theme color. When they took photos with the bridal party and again with the parents all you could look at was her underpants. I'm still shocked that girls want to look like that for their weddings!Delete
I would have been embarrassed to wear that raunchy get up on my wedding night let alone walking into any church. At least the shock kept people from laughing!ReplyDelete
Can you imagine all the older people sitting around talking about that awful dress.Delete
Oh, come on now. No, no, no - no matter how sweet inside and out, she looks tarty. How can you even contemplate to put all your wares on display for your wedding, in such blatant fashion? I want to be kind to her and just say that she must have been unaware of the effect of her "dress" and nobody told her.ReplyDelete
I wholly agree with your 'Rant' paragraph. By all means, wear what you want, this is the 21st Century, but be aware of the consequences too. Nothing you wear entitles someone to assault you, but it sure makes it more likely that it happens.
That may of course just be my age talking?
She knew what it looked like. I suspect young girls are programmed now to want to look sexy and I 100% agree with you about consequences. We may be old but I rather think of it as we've got a vast knowledge base of human behavior to back up our opinions, don't we.Delete
It really doesn't make it more likely that it happens. Sexual assault is an act of power, not sex. There have been many article debunking the dress theory. While I think that dress is awful and inappropriate, I find it sad that we as women are still buying into the trope that sexual assault is our fault.Delete
Decades ago in a debate group I remember saying, "If a woman was walking down the street stark naked it doesn't give a guy the right to rape her or excuse him if he does. She might be mentally ill or walked away from a burning building and be in daze." I have not been talking about sexual assault in this thread...sexual harassment, yes, and they are very different things. Rape can not be blamed on anyone or anything thing but the rapist.Delete
There's also a doubt standard now that guys are starting to dress sexy and work out more to look a certain way. I've seen girls in their twenties sexualize guys and touch them without an invitation but if a guy did that same thing many women would be filling a lawsuit.
Those lacey not-quite-there wedding dresses are awful IMO. Probably inspired by the Red Carpet at award shows or some such. I am horrified that the dress description in the first paragraph took place in a Catholic Church. I come from a big Catholic family, and women had to have a head covering in church when I was young for goodness sake. OTOH, I am imagining the priest standing at the altar as the bride walks up and seeing her dress for the first time. He would either have to stop the wedding or act like it was OK to keep the peace with the wedding party. I know what the priests of my youth would have done.ReplyDelete
Oh yes, they even took communion---everyone who wanted too. When the priest was standing over the couple on the kneeing bench he really got an eye full. He wasn't smiling in any of the photos either.Delete
I just don't get it! I guess if a young woman had been raised by a pack of wolves, she might not know how to dress. No, I take that back. Animals usually have lots more common sense than most humans. Are these women looking for attention? If so, for heaven's sake, their friends and family should give them some and help guide them, very early on in their lives.ReplyDelete
Maybe I'm all wet--I know I'm old fashioned--but I wonder why there's not a sense of right and wrong? Many would say that fashion and morality are not related, but I disagree.
On a much lighter note, I just had a thought. That young woman from your family who just got married will probably change her style in a few decades when crepey skin and sagging take over. Gosh, a person wants to support that stuff and cover up!!
How are your ribs healing, Jean?
I suppose if they sell dresses like that for bridal wear (which never occurred to me that it wasn't a bastardized dress) young girls have the upper hand when arguing that they are acceptable and any mother who objected was just being old fashioned. I love your point about the girls who wear skimpy clothing changing their style when their skin sags, etc.Delete
The ribs are about the same. Saw my bone doctor yesterday for a couple of issues and came out with two braces to wear. More on that in a future post.
I think The Widow B said it best: the black underwear turned the whole thing into a cheap and tacky display.ReplyDelete
It was obvious she was going for shock value--trying to be ultra-sexy and daring. Her Catholic church wedding became a something else entirely than a religious sacrament. How very odd.
I think you and Widow B are right about the black underwear. I still would have thought she is too big breasted to wear that neckline but I wouldn't felt shocked enough to write this post about that tacky look.Delete
To me she just looks so tacky. Long gone is class in this modern world. It’s a shame how women can so easily debase themselves and all for attention, like they have no self worth anymore. MaryReplyDelete
Honestly I wonder if they don't have too much self worth. They see it as their right to call attention to their bodies but demand that only the hot guys they are interested in notice them or mention their attire.Delete
It seems as if every new generation has to do or wear something to shock the older generation! :)ReplyDelete
I guess what shocks me even more than young women dressing (too) sexy for the certain activities is their total disconnect to the image they projecting. They display their bodies to draw attention to them in a sexual way then get all in a huff if a guy says something about their bodies.Delete
I was thinking about the shock aspect of it, too. And wondering what her daughter will have to wear to the alter in order to provide shock value, especially after she has seen these photos. I worked in a university and was shocked about the clothing I saw. We had a lot of international students, many young men from Saudi Arabia, and I thought a lot about how they were processing what they saw. I do blame a lot on the red carpet, where "most naked without arrest" seems to be the goal.Delete
Nina, The shock value in the future will probably be coverage neck to toe. LOL The Red Carpet had some disguishing,nearly naked looks this year.Delete
I agree with your 'rant'. What happened to class. That dress is not very nice at all. I don't understand the new trend of wearing as little as possible, to me that's not showing the world that you're equal it's plain showing off. And of course people (men and women) are going to stare and make comments. I think it's best to leave something to the imagination. vivReplyDelete
amen to that idea.Delete
Yeah, I agree this dress should have had a flesh toned underlayer under the lace. It used to be that you were going for the "illusion" of being bare without actually going there. I guess we can all be glad she didn't go commando. I used to watch "Say Yes to the Dress" but quit because I couldn't stomach young women forking over $10,000 (or more) for a dress they'll wear once. Take that money and use it for a down payment on a house, for Pete's sake.ReplyDelete
Isn't that the truth! Or buy off the rack for $1,000 and give $9,000 to feed the poor.Delete
It is hard to imagine someone in her family didn't try to talk her out of this bizarre and bawdy display.ReplyDelete
I haven't talked to her mother-in-law and I'm afraid to call until I'm over the shock of that dress. But I'm guessing you're right. In one photo she was standing next to his 90 something great-grandmother!Delete
I get it. The bride has an unfashionable, (overweight) and voluptuous body. Her groom likely admires her shape nevertheless. With this style choice she had her groom and wedding guests focusing on her assets instead of her size. Nobody was saying she’d be so much prettier if she just lost weight.ReplyDelete
She's got a beautiful face and I never thought of her as over weight until I saw her in that dress. It's not flattering at all.Delete
Hey Jean, I kept thinking of this bride's appearance in a Catholic church setting. I googled it (so it might not be reliable info), but the articles said that the Church has standards for wedding attire. They even pointed out no low necklines or bare shoulders. Now we can only guess which churches enforce this, but it made me realize that there might be some burden of responsibility that was neglected by the priest. Just thinking...Delete
Interesting! I've never seen this girl in a Facebook photo where she didn't look conservatively dressed so maybe the priest in this church didn't think it was necessary to tell her there are rules? Or she was told and chose to surprise him at the altar? If I was the parent of the bride I would have refused to pay for the wedding if she didn't pick a different dress or at least different underwear!Delete
I think she should be ashamed of herself for even considering this wedding dress.ReplyDelete
I can't believe they even make wedding gowns like this!Delete
Oh my goodness I bet in a few years she will look back and think what the hell was she thinkingReplyDelete
That's a terribly unflattering dress in my opinion. I taught for 37 years and was seeing way too many body parts in the classroom so I'm not surprised but I am disheartened. When my older daughter got married, she was shown many sexy dresses by the wedding consultant. She said: "I want nothing like that. My grandparents will be there." She ended up with a very modest and beautiful dress. She looked gorgeous and classy in it. (no cleavage, covered back, covered arms)ReplyDelete
Your daughter was leveled and choose for the occasion and she will not have to be ashamed to have a wedding photo on full display in her home.Delete
The bride wore attire that you found offensive. Not the first time (hello 1960’s and 70’s) and likely not the last. However, in return, you decided to publically shame her. I find your actions to be measurable more offensive at this point, than the brides.ReplyDelete
Think about what you did here- you attempted to publically shame a woman for her clothing choice. This is what they do to women in countries we consider oppressive.
I understand you may not have cared for it. But you took it to a whole other level.
1# I've been blogging for 20 years and only 4 people in my off line life knows I keep a blog and none of them knows the bride. I fully trust them to not out me even if they did. #2 None of my readers know my full name and would have to go through a lot of trouble to track down this bride to tell her about this post if they did. #3 I didn't give the search engines anything that could lead the bride or family to find this post. And #4 Considering #1, #2 and #3 I fail to see how I'm publically shaming the woman for her clothing choice. I'm sorry you consider my actions offensive but posting a dress critique on a personal blog is not the same as posting comments on a her Facebook or Instagram thread where the bride, her friends and family could see it.Delete
You posted images of her body without her knowledge or permission, in a clear attempt to ridicule her. As a woman , and as a humanist, I find that deeply, deeply offensive.Delete
I hope you'll give that thought, as I think you are better than this blog post.
People don't post their wedding photos in public places like Facebook with any expectations that they won't be shared without permission. I was not "attempting to ridicule her". Had I wanted to ridicule her I would have posted my opinion on her Facebook thread which, by the way, showed over a 100 of her wedding photos and only five people left a comment in over a week's time. That should tell you something.Delete
You have a right to believe your characterization me as a person who would purposely ridicule a person in public, but how is that any different than you trying to ridicule me here? That's a rhetorical question. No need to reply.
P.S. Even a reverse image search doesn't bring up this bride but it does bring up a lot of photos of this dress for sale and with all of them it's showing white underwear and one bride/model was 7-8 months pregnant wearing that dress and skimpy underwear. Now I truly am shocked.ReplyDelete
Never mind what the priest or the guests thought. I couldn't help wondering what the groom thought as he watched his bride come down the aisle. I was uncomfortable just seeing the photos; actually being at the wedding would have been quite something. Of course, I have no patience for what's shown as 'elegance' at the various award shows, concerts, or Superbowl halftime shows. While I'm no prude, the whole 'selfie' culture, and the constant need to promote oneself leads to some really unattractive behaviors: not to mention dresses.ReplyDelete
I was quite shocked to learn that showing one's underwear under a sheer wedding dress is not all that uncommon. I, too, don't like that look on the Red Carpet or concerts but with some celebrities you expect the going for the shock value but is that really the message a bride wants to be remembered for at her wedding? As for the groom in one photo he's kissing low down in her cleavage if that tells you anything.Delete
Well, that's the butt-ugliest wedding dress I've ever seen. I'm not prude but good grief. There's such a thing as taste, too. And that's very bad taste. Your observations were spot on. I started to notice what I called sleazy, inappropriate dressing about 15 or so years ago when Kevin went to prom with a girl who was barely tucked in. Serious cleavage. And I thought, 'what was your mother thinking?' -- hormone-raging teenage boys, temptation all over the place. At least wait till you're eighteen. Not that a girl has to be buttoned up like the Amish but give me a break.ReplyDelete
It makes me wonder about this woman's self-esteem. While one could say she has loads of confidence, the fact that she feels compelled to show off tells me she's not so confident as she may seem. Unless she was going for the tart look...
Prom dresses, I hear tell, are short on hemlines and cleavage coverage and they girls are in very high spike heels. Someday the girls will have to dress like the Amish to get the shock value they seek. LOLDelete
I don’t like the look either. She could have done better, but that’s her choice. I am disappointed in your describing her as having “porn sized breasts” . Disagree with her clothing choices, but shaming her natural body? I am surprised. OliviaReplyDelete
Finally you've said something I agree with. I shouldn't have used 'porn sized' to describe her breasts.Delete
Well I'm obviously in the minority on this one. It's not the dress I would have chosen but it's her choice. Period.I doubt that family members did not know. It's a special occasion and she wanted the spotlight to be on herself. But as a woman who still show cleavage at 71 and who has always worn exactly what I pleased I am extremely uncomfortable with women judging and shaming other women on body image, attire or anything in that vein. Whether the woman being judged knows or not.ReplyDelete
I couldn't have said it better Barb.Delete
Jean, of course it's your blog, and I do look forward to seeing it each time you publish. I guess this one just hit me in a different way.
From Wilkpedia: "Body shaming is the action or inaction of subjecting someone to humiliation and criticism for their bodily features. The scope of body shaming is wide, and includes ,although is not limited to fat-shaming, shaming for thinness, small breasts, height-shaming, shaming of hairiness (or lack thereof), of hair-color, body-shape, one's muscularity (or lack thereof), shaming of penis size or breast size, shaming of looks (facial features), and in its broadest sense may even include shaming of tattoos and piercings or diseases that leave a physical mark such as psoriasis."Delete
I understand, now, that me writing about this girl's breast size was body shaming---and I apologize if that hit too close to home and hurt anyone's feelings. I also concede the post might have been in poor taste. But I fail to see where anything else I've written wouldn't fall under the fashion critique it was meant to be except for the little side trip about sexual harassment vs. assault the comment section went on that a commenter introduced.
I seriously doubt there is a single person in our society alive who hasn't experienced body shaming, heck we even do it to ourselves. That doesn't make it right and as a whole we are doing better with young, impressionable kids especially.
But I still contend that pointing out there is a time and place to show off your wares is not body shaming. Or at least not high on the scale of body shaming like my bust size comment is. The way a person dresses in various public setting is an important part of how people judge them and that is deep in our DNA that feeds our fight or flight instinct. Yes, we do judge other by their looks whether we want to admit it or not. I learned that first hand back when my husband was doing parking lot resurfacing and we'd stop into a gas station and he'd be all sweaty and dirty and drive the asphalt truck and I'd be behind in one of our other trucks so I could go inside and pay since he couldn't without tracking in asphalt. Other women would look at him like gum on the bottom of their shoes. But when he was cleaned up and driving our Corvette he was a good looking guy and women were always hitting on him.
Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I learned something from this thread but I also can't promise that it won't happen again. Writers use the tools in their work boxes and and important part of writing is description of people. We obviously accept descriptions in fiction but not so much when writing about real people and I will file that away should I continue blogging.
Was this photo the real dress? I so don't like the look. Too me it looks cheap. Bit it's her day and if she wants to look like that so be it. But I can assure you that the majority think it's horrific. To be even more mean I'd say she was too large for this look as well. But again, it's her day and if that what she wants to put out in the world so be it I guess. As for the thong, I think it's great to wear a thong for no pantie lines. So a wind blew up her skirt, it's the same as a thong bathing suit. Those are all over the beach. Everyones butt is out. Even if I had the rockin' body to wear it, it's not for me. That would drive me bonkers! Feeling like I had a wedgie all day. :-)ReplyDelete
Yes, the was the real bride in her wedding photos she posted on Facebook.Delete
I could not stand the wedgie and bare butt feeling either, but I've seen a few woman who look okay in those kinds of swimsuit.
I agree. Less is more.ReplyDelete
Do you think someone dared her to do it?
Hard for me to believe anyone would take a dare like that on her wedding day.Delete