Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, September 18, 2024

Cognitive Quirks of an Octogenarian


According to Wikipedia, one of the most highly cited papers on short term memory was written by George A. Miller, titled "The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two: Some Limits on Our Capacity for Processing Information." He was a Harvard University professor and the article was published in Psychological Review in 1956. Over the years its become known as Miller's Law and it argues that the number of things an average person can retain in our short-term memory is 7 plus or minus 2 items. (Why not just say 5 to 9 items, this inquiring mind wants to know.)

Several years ago I voluntarily took one of those long form cognitive tests as part of a twelve week class being taught here at my independently living facility on improving our memories. The class was a bust. We started out with 10 or 11 in the group but by the fifth week everyone dropped out. The class came with a thick workbook that involved doing daily timed math problems, writing long-hand every day and something else I've forgotten on the 'three legged stool' for keeping our brains healthy. The cognitive test was to be taken at the beginning and end of the class for comparison. And that test included the Miller Law list of seven objects named at the beginning of the session. I was able to repeat back six of them at the end. It was a good 'thinking day' for me, but our Enrichment Director who gave the test made it too easy because they weren't exactly random words. She looked around my apartment and I was able to follow her eyes then fix an object in my brain as she named things like purse, red, clock, notebook, etc., etc. So I don't believe the test predicted anything regarding how long random things stay in my short-term memory. 

More telling to me would be to count how many times I have opened the dishwasher door when I meant to open the freezer draw right next to it. Often enough to worry me and give me flashbacks to finding things in my dad's cupboards or refrigerator that belonged in the opposite place. When will I cross over the line and start putting the ice cream next to the glasses in the cupboard or a dirty plate in the freezer? I've decided that will be the marker that will push my panic button. For now, I'm checking and correcting myself midway through dishwasher/freezer drawer mix ups. 

Another marker I will use to judge if I'm in serious cognitive decline will be often I lose things. Up until this year I could count on three fingers the number of things I've lost in my entire life. (Yes, I'm that OCD person who obsessively keeps track of my stuff.) A few months ago I lost my Mahjong Card and I had to order a new one. Don't think that didn't rattle me! Worse yet, I keep thinking someone stole or accidentally took it home because the last place I saw it was on a table after we played and the room was filled with people milling around. Don't all seniors with draining brain power who lose things get paranoid and think others are to blame when they can't find something? 

In 2020 Trump did a press interview about the Cognitive Decline Test he took (and had mixed up with an IQ test). He was bragging all over Fox News about remembering the words, "person, woman, man, camera." Among other things, he said that no one could believe he could remember those words! For awhile that Miller Law memory exercise was a standard question on the yearly Medicare Wellness Test so he wasn't fooling anyone but you'd have thought by the bragging Trump did that he'd aced an SAT test. 

I just had a Medicare Wellness test last month and that question wasn't included this time. I think they know we old people compare notes and try to cheat on the answers. For example, no one here where I live admitted to having throw rugs on their floors so we could avoid the lecture about them being leading cause of falls in the elderly. This time my test had a full page of questions about depression and self medicating with drugs or alcohol. It also asking questions about food insecurity and I wondered what they do if a senior answers indicating they have to ration their food to make it last from social security check to social security check. The last week in the month when our food allotment around here is running low there's a lot of math involved in ordering our meals to get to a break even point on the last day of the month. It's more like a game around here because we don't like to leave any money behind for the management. No one here would go without, though, if they run short, because someone always has leftover money in their allotment they are dying to share. It's usually the same people who run over or don't use up their funds. Most of us work at and brag about how close we come to the break even point.

I've written about my dad being in a drug trial for an Alzheimer's drug and part of that trial involved me taking him in to get an extensive comprehensive cognitive test every two months for a year. Watching him take those tests were bittersweet because 1) It clearly showed his decline, but 2) his sense of humor came through in those dementia years. But that was over 25 years ago and they have new trials going for dementia and Alzheimer's patients. They have twice a month Dementia Support Classes here on my campus and I used to go to them when my brother was alive and I probably still should given the fact that a half dozen others with dementia are living in the independent living and every day they can be found tagging along behind their spouses. Occasionally they escape the careful eye of their spouse and someone else will help them find there way. We don't have any dementia patients living on their own here, though---they are all down in the Assisted Living or Memory Care building. It's both heart-breaking and a relief for the caregiver-spouse when their partner has to move on down the line because they can't handle it anymore. On the good side they can visit daily with a short walk.

I just finished binge watching the first season of OutLast on Netflix. It's one of those reality, survivor-type shows. They started out with 16 players and ended up with a three man team that split the million dollar prize. It took place in Alaska and they had to live off the land for a month and they were dropped off with very little supplies---a hatchet, knife, bow and arrows, a tarp and a spark marker to start a fire. I don't know how realistic these survivor TV shows are when they have trail cameras aimed at them every which way. But one thing is for sure: when I'm watching dystopia and survivalist shows I start questioning my mental health because for some quirky reason I only watch them when I'm worried about something big and consequential---after my husband died and during the pandemic back a few years ago. Probably the election now is why I picked OutLast. Those kinds of shows always make me feel better about the underlying thing that is keeping me awake at night, that my life is not so bad by comparison.  ©

Until Next Wednesday. 

 


 

 

32 comments:

  1. Oh Jean, I understand what you're talking about. I walk into the kitchen (or any room), and stand there, looking around, wondering what I came in for. I know memory changes are part of aging, but I think it's compounded by stress, and Lord knows we are living in stressful times. We are seeing declines in a family member and it probably won't be long before there needs to be an intervention with more hands-on help. It's hard. Makes me want to enjoy every good day we have to live!

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    1. It's a tough subject and one we can't avoid. I do think stress contributes to it. It's especially hard to know when to step in and take a more hand-on approach to help loved ones. I think most families wait too long.

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  2. I live in fear of developing Alzheimer's. My mother has it, and I'm constantly looking for symptoms of it in my own behaviour now. It's awful.

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    1. There are supposed to be a lot of new treatments on the brink of breaking through, so that's hopeful. Having a strong family advocate is really important when facing an life-altering health issue, so make sure you keep your relationships in good shape. Just saying.

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  3. Recently I watched as my husband took a memory test and it was heartbreaking to see how many things he could not remember. She asked him who I was, if we had kids, how many kids we had, their names and ages. He really stumbled over the kids ages as thought our daughter who is 50 was 30. She also gave him the letter F and asked him to give her words that started with F. She was giving him a minute to do this. He said food then said vegetable and he could not give her anymore words. It’s heartbreaking to see someone you love lose a little of themselves everyday. Thank goodness for the support of the health care groups, family, and friends. Next step is to see a neurologist and have an MRI. In sickness and in health takes on a whole new meaning when your mate begins to have issues but I know he would do the same for me.

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    1. It's takes a committed spouse or adult child to see someone through this heartbreaking health issue, especially at the stage you're at. In time many of us are also able to find humor in it on occasion. My mahjong guru has such a wonderful attitude about her dementia, is able to laugh at herself and that puts everyone around her at ease. By the way, I'm here trying to name words that start with F. I'd forgotten that's part of the test.

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    2. Oh my gosh, that made me remember playing the alphabet game with my four-year-old son in the car. We were on F, and my sweet, innocent 4-year-old said "F*ck". My husband looked at me and said, "Forbidden!" We didn't even laugh out loud, just went on with G. Later we cracked up. That was about the time I decided it was pointless to try to teach them not to swear, I needed to teach them where to swear. They caught on quickly: swearing in front of mom and dad was ok (since both of us swear on occasion), swearing in front of grandma was a really bad idea.

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    3. That's a funny story. Thanks for sharing it. I was in my mid 20's the first time I said the F in front of my mom and were at a family Christmas party and everyone was trying to hold in a laugh. We did not swear in front of my mom!

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  4. I've never watched any survivalist shows, but am fascinated by your awareness of why you watch them. We all should be so in tune with our psyches. I've been asked about throw rugs & food insecurity, but not my use of alcohol. I'm just a newbie to this Medicare game, more hoops to come.

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    1. Oh, it's so much fun---trying to stay one step ahead of the Medicare Wellness Test. But I try to remember that there may be seniors who don't have others around them to open up about topics like food insecurities or drinking to self medicate and those tests give doctors a chance to prevent and/or treat senior depression which I understand is a big issues.

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  5. At this point in our lives most of us have known of someone who has died of Alzheimer's, or we have first hand knowledge of watching that painful decline. It's hard on everyone and I shudder to think of how those with few emotional and financial resources will be cared for in the years to come. Your brother was in a good facility and he had you there for comfort and continuity which had to make a positive difference for you both.

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    1. My brother had good, supportive kids who did their best to keep him in his own home for as long as it was possible. But after five years of that balancing act it's hard on everyone. he was fortunate enough to have the resources to be in a good facility and every day I thank my dearly departed for giving me that same opportunity. I used to live in fear of being a bag lady who lived under a bridge.

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  6. Those new Medicare questionnaires surprised me this year, too. The food question surprised me, but it's good they ask. As for throw rugs, I don't admit to them either. lol. And every year we get the question about grab bars in our shower, which we don't have. Ooof. I don't want to damage the tile. I know that is short sighted, but so far I have held firm. At some point, I'll get the ones that have suction cups...we bought them for the guest bath when my mom visited and they seem to work well.

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    1. I didn't get the grab-bars-in-the-bathroom question this year. I had a towel bar in the shower stall that had those suction cups and it fell down often even that finally replaced it with hooks with Command strips. Elderly people fall in tubs and showers more than any place else. The grabs bars only damage the tiles if you plan on removing them sometime in the future. Something to think about.

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    2. Fair point. I need to get the super duty stainless steel and make sure they are caulked correctly. Water is my nightmare after all the adventures in our previous house.
      I do still have a deep soaking tub, and when one of my girlfriends was seeing our house for the first time, she looked at the rib and said, “Can you still get in and out of that?” LOL For now I can….

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    3. My brother, when he was living in the dementia building was supposed to be forbidden to take baths----just showers and when someone was there to help. He forgot and got in the tub and couldn't get out and they ended up calling the fire department guys. Now, that would be embarrassing.

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  7. I am figuring I am a lost cause since I have been playing the game of "where did I put it" since my 20's. I am infamous for putting things in the freezer - like my car keeps along with the ice cream when I return home from the store.
    Yesterday it was the grandchildren's dress up clothes. I was tired of picking them up and hid them. Someone needed a costume and I tore the house apart. Never did find where I hid them from myself. My most frequently phrase is "why did I come in here?". I am a ticking time bomb.
    I know that's jokey - my dad suffered from dementia and it is not funny.

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    1. You've got to keep a sense of humor about our quirks and brain farts. The laughter keeps us from crying. If you've been playing the where-is-it game since your 20's maybe when your brains decides to change you'll be the opposite of what you've been all your life.

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  8. I took my Dad to something like the Alzheimer's trials that you mentioned. It was sad to watch him go downhill. When my kids were little, they called him the "smartest man in the world" and we would always call him when the kids were stuck on some homework problem and he always had the answers or could look them up in his encyclopedia (before Internet and Google!!). We were lucky that he was quiet and docile towards the end and didn't get angry or violent at all. I see my big brother starting to show some early signs of dementia and it sure is scary to think I'm next...

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    1. It really is something to be thankful for when an elderly person with dementia is docile. My dad was too and so easy to manage where my brother gave his kids a run for their money.

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  9. Aging brings so many questions and worries. I'm at the age I have to chant why I leave the room so I can remember, especially if it is a two step chore (get a new box of tissues then check the mail".) I like that Doctors nowt ask about food stability and have a list of resources. Until I volunteered, I didn't know how many food pantries there are near me. One delivers!

    I'm lucky to have my family as roommates, but when they are all out and about, I take my phone with me when I head to the bathroom or take a shower! Aged people have smart ways to compensate.

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    1. I agree, we have to use smart ways to compensate and we all learn as we go on that score. Well, most people do. I see some very foolish chances being taken around here.

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  10. This was interesting, it is sad that when ones cognitive levels decline they are unaware that's happening. One needs a sense of humour when dealing with someone like that.

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  11. I vaguely remember that wellness test, but from long ago. My mother still was alive, so it had to be prior to 2011. I've not taken one since, but I think they must have changed, in the sense of being more complete when it comes to exploring issues like food and safety.

    My little memory glitches generally involve things like plant names, or the on-going game called "Now, where did I leave my keys?" I never make to-do lists and such; instead, I just try to keep it all in mind. I read once that sort of exercise is helpful for maintaining short-term memory. I do keep record of things like birthdays -- no way I'm going to remember those!

    I have become more cautious in some ways. For example, I carry my phone with me now whenever I go out; in the past, I often would just leave it at home. I suppose that's a holdover from the days when carrying a phone was impossible -- it stayed right at home, wired to the wall!

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    1. I don't know how anyone can remember all he proper names of flowers and other plants in nature. You not having shopping lists as a short-term memory exercise has got to help. Any little thing we can do like that is a good thing.

      I never used to take my phone everywhere either but living here we're always looking up something like a bunch of teens getting ready for a test. Out in isolating place like you go, you are wise to carry your phone . They can save us a lot of grief in an emerency.

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    2. This may give you as much of a giggle as it gave me. I woke up about 3, then went back to sleep. I spent the rest of the night in an extended dream. Fall had come, and the weather was beautiful, so I suggested to a friend we go to Memorial Park and walk the trails. I'll shorten this considerably, but here's the plot. I drove to a nearby hotel, parked, and started walking to the park -- which I couldn't find. I had innumerable conversations with people who didn't know where it was either, and who couldn't give me directions.

      I finally got to a hospital or some such, and found my way to an information desk. At that point I was told I was only a block or so from the park. But the kicker was the three teenaged girls sitting at the desk. One of them looked at me and said, "Why don't you use the tracker on your phone?" When I said I had left it back at the hotel, all three gave me looks of utter contempt and one said, "You're stupid."

      Then I woke up. Point taken!

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    3. You're right, it did give me a laugh at the ending! And I won't even get into dream analysis which is always fun to guesswork out.

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  12. Cognitive decline is hard to see in a Loved One and more than a bit unsettling when we see it in ourselves. The Kiddos and The Man joke that they wouldn't be able to tell really if I have it coz I've always had those list of Symptoms... and they're not being hyperbolic. *LOL* Are you fatigued, do you forget things, do you get easily agitated? Yes, Yes, and Hell Yes. *winks*

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    1. What you're saying is there an advantage to being 'Crazy Dawn' because when you for real turn that corner no one will know? LOL

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  13. I forget to live mindfully. But I've lost things all my life (still trying to find a camera I put in a safe place six years ago.) Once I lost a madeleine pan in my sofa cushions. I move too fast and it isn't always a good thing. Latest? I left my good (new) walking shoes in Ontario on Thursday and had to drive to Port Huron to meet my friend (yesterday) who kindly crossed the border to bring them back to me. All because I put them by the front door instead of the back and I was wearing my sandals so I didn't think about no shoes. But I often think we are all overloaded by stimuli and I wonder if people "forgot" so much before there was so much social and visual media pulling our attention? I'd be interested in taking the tests!

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    1. We DO often try to remember too many things and when you have a busy social life like you do, things are bound to fall through the cracks. What a great friend you have to return your shoes south of the border!

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