My social life is nonexistent at the moment and not because
I didn’t have events written on my day planner. It’s nonexistent because I’m
not paying close enough attention to life beyond the downsizing rut/routine I’ve
been in the past two months. Saturday I was supposed to go to a yearly Red
Hat Society party which was one of the two super-sized, dress-up events of the
year. I was looking forward to it but I got so distracted getting stuff ready
for auction that I totally forgot on Friday to lay out my Red Hat garb.
Saturday morning, I got up and went to recycling, Goodwill, the farmers market
and grocery store….just like I do any other Saturday and it wasn’t until Sunday
that I realized I missed the party! Crap.
Monday I made my weekly trip to the auction house---only
one or two more to make before I’ll switch to eBay for a winter of serious
downsizing. It's bittersweet to see so
many of Don's things disappear from the house but at least it feels like I'm
moving forward, making good progress. Even if I end up staying in this house at
least I'll be making it mine instead of living with the past so up front and
center. I'm not getting rid of all of his stuff. With a lot of things the
decisions are easy but with others I ask myself, "Does this give me
joy?" and if I answer ‘yes’, I keep it. If I can’t decide I set it aside
and revisit that decision another day.
While driving to auction house I heard a song on the
radio called Amazed by Lonestar. It’s
one that never, ever fails to give me erotic thoughts and daydreams of being young
and newly in love with Don.
“Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams”
“I can hear your thoughts. I can see your dreams.” We
never lost that in all the years we were together and I still miss sharing that
kind of depth with another person. We widows sure handle that missing-the-deep-stuff
differently, don’t we. One widow friend is a dating machine, trying to find a
new man. That’s not for me. At a widow’s blog I visit occasionally she
says she still cries a lot and her husband died around the same time as Don.
That's not me either. All three of us are lonely in crowd, so to speak. We all get out and about with
friends and have activities going on in our lives, but it’s not enough. Why isn't it enough?
Before I talk myself into a melancholy mood I’m switching
to a new topic: my non-existent Tuesday social event. I was supposed to go to a
Write and Share Meetup and this time I was determined not to miss it like I did
with the Red Hat party. I packed up my stuff and got to the library where we’ve
been meeting the second Tuesday every month since the group started but instead
of a room filled with would-be writers little kids were waiting for story time.
I checked with the librarian to see if they had moved ‘Write and Share’ to
another room and she couldn’t find a room reservation anywhere. “I just got the
email reminder yesterday,” I said. “You’re probably at the wrong library branch,”
she replied. When I got home I went to the MeetUp website and thankfully I wasn’t
the only one who had the same experience. I say “thankfully” because between
missing this and the Red Hat party I was getting seriously worried about my
brainpower petering out. This morning the organizer of ‘Write and Share’ sent
an email and I quote: “Oh crap! I’ll get this straighten out before next month.”
Oh, crap indeed. It seems the organizer thought the room was reserved until further notice but it was only reserved for the summer.
Friday is redemption day. My Movie and Lunch Club is
supposed to meet and I’m determined nothing short of an earth quake is going to
keep me from a date with Tom Hanks and iHop. The movie, The Bridge of Spies, is one I am looking forward to seeing. But I
have a confusion to make. I had it written on my day planner for next Friday
the 23rd instead of the 16th. Thankfully, they sent an email reminder.
Please tell me I’m not the only screw up! ©
