The kid is gay with half a head of long, orange hair and half a head of short black hair and recently he went to court to legally change his name. He lives in a house with 4-5 roommates and has had eleven surgeries so you know there’s got to be a sad or drama-filled back story here. And he talks too much---even I’ll admit that when put in a position where I feel I need to defend the kid. One of the big-bad sins he commits to tick off the Old Ladies is when we’re first seated he tells each of us at the table things like: That’s a pretty scarf; I love your pin; That color looks good on you; or You have a great smile (what he tells me often). I’ll bet if he was a cool, dimple-faced Brad Pitt-type waiter instead of a short kid who has a tummy that threatens to pop a few shirt buttons they wouldn’t be so offended by his attempts to connect. He normally works in the Memory Care and Assisted Living buildings and is pulled over to work on our part of the campus when they are shorthanded which is often in this climate of perpetual short staffing in the restaurant business. The cream-of-crop wait staff in town end up in the downtown places where they can make tips in the hundreds instead of here where they’re not allowed to accept them.
This particular Saturday I thought I’d explode listening to the same old broke record. Russia and the U.S. were having a pissing contest at the Ukrainian border and the anti-masks/anti-vaccines/anti-government truckers were blocking the ports between the U.S. and Canada which in turn shutdown some auto assembly factories and these ladies had nothing better to complain about than being asked if the waiter can clear the dishes off the table? We got into the 'service conversation' when I said I just let things like that roll off my back. "Life is too short," I said before being told “We are paying for fine dining service and we should get it.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying it was them, not the waiter, who was spoiling the fine dining experience. I wanted to shout, "It IS a pretty pin. You DO look good in that color and I DO have a great smile."
I’m so glad I still have a filter left in my brain that a lot of older people lose because I was thinking the woman who never married probably was so picky and prickly when she was in her prime that no one ever asked her. The other woman at least owns up to being as she herself says, “the biggest complainer on campus.” Her justification for being a complainer is, “How are they ever going to learn the right way of doing things if no one ever tells them?” Like her or not (and she has many likely qualities to off-set her pickiness) she’s up front about who she is while Old Maid---not to be confused with the delightful Never Married who I wrote about in another post---presents herself as a pious---well, I won't finish that thought because I need to go back to bed and get up on the other side.
In order to not sound like a complaining, judgmental old woman myself I’m going to end this negative post with a bunch of things that make me smile:
- Puppies trying to crawl up a flight of stairs
- A litter of kittens sleeping in a basket
- Long stem roses fully open
- Sun flowers standing in field ©
Note on the Photos: The summer before the pandemic I got to drive by this field of sun flowers every time I left my house. It always put me in a good mood to see these guys standing facing the sun. For some odd ball reason one flower head never turned to follow the sun like all the other flowers. I spent way too much time trying to figure out why it didn't want to conform....
I've always told my daughter to give me a swift kick if I become one of those old gals who makes everyone miserable. In all honesty, throughout my life, I've attracted friends who are very critical. Our recent move has given me space from negative people, and it really is a relief. My heart goes out to the 17 yr old young man. Those teen years are rough in the best situation, let alone all that he has faced. Yep, it might be time to move away from their table. I don't know if I could stomach the whole, "...this is supposed to be fine dining" discussion. Wonder where their "fine manners" went?
ReplyDeleteThankfully, there are very few negative people in my small corner of the world. Glad you have such a great repour with your daughter that you can tell her what you did.
DeleteLove this! Life is too short to have to listen to the "negative nellies". You did an excellent job of not saying what I am sure I would have that evening.
ReplyDeleteLove your posts on your CCC. Sunflowers also make me happy!
It was hard not to say what I wanted but one factor kept me from doing it. The wait staff would have heard the conversation if it had gone on too long.
DeleteI've only seen two fields of sunflowers in my life and the one in the photos, being so close to home, made me really happy. I'd stop in the parking lot on the edge and just be with them.
Oh my. I would be changing my dining night, too. I feel sad for that waiter. It sounds like he is just trying to be friendly, even though he is too chatty. It sounds like it's better neither of them are married. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI love your sunflower pics. And finding one looking back at you. Nice!
He is just trying to be friendly and I think in the memory care building and assisted living building his complements are better received. These two aren't the only ones who find it annoying. Crazy, huh. He is sincere and, I think, it's just his ice breaker line. Big deal, suck it up if you can't use another compliment in your life. LOL
DeleteFor your sanity and well-being, you might be right about needing to change the day you choose fine dining . . . unless these two women are there most nights? Brava to you for trying to lightly comment on letting things such as that roll off your back and then managing not to snarl at their replies. With a gay brother and aware of only a small degree of what he endured in his teens and young adult years, I tend to say more, but I do try to be polite, too. I so don't want to be either of those two women now or as I move further into my 70's and beyond, if I should be so lucky.
ReplyDeleteSingles eating along generally get seated together when you go to the fine dining restaurant. I only go there once a week, these two and many of the others go when it's open which is four days a week. It was my Saturday treat because it's expensive. I'm sitting tonight out, just picking up a take out dinner at the cafe' and eating in my apartment.
DeleteMy god..I can’t imagine people acting like this, but they do all the time, everyday anymore. I would never sit with these two and I’d get up and leave if they came to my table. That’s why I could never live in a place like you do..too many people, too close and too much bitching over nonsense.
ReplyDeleteSounds easy to get up and leave a table, but that would make a scene in itself.
DeleteSo here's the disclaimer I feel I need to write on occasion: Please know that I write about the exceptions around here. The place is Not filled with people like these two and even they have their good points and interesting foibles. The general vibe is far from negative.
There are 52 apartments here and only about 20 people actively take part in everything going on. Another 10 pick and choose. I have not even met most people living here which means they find plenty of time alone away from others. I just don't want to leave the wrong impression of senior living places because you never know when you might not have a choice but to live in one.
I really think you should get in touch with the sunflower grower and complain about non-conforming sunflower blooms. Yes, I do!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I'd hate to be sitting with those two old biddies, get away from them sharpish, they'll drive you insane, unless you can tell them that they give being old a bad name.
I just googled why a sunflower might not turn it's head to follow the sun and it has to do with having too much or too little water. Like maybe that particular flower was standing in a mud puddle. Isn't that interesting. When grown is hot house with over head lighting they don't turn their heads at all.
DeleteWhen I get a bad draw on who I'm sitting next to I just think "blog fodder, blog fodder."
Jean--I love that sunflower photo, and it would be perfect for a post I want to write later. May I use it? I'll give you full credit. If not, no problem.
ReplyDeleteAnyway.
Bless you for your kind insight and understanding of your waiter. Sometimes, I wonder if some people age and use it as a privilege to turn mean and mouthy, or is that behaviour's origin an organic deterioration. Either way, it's difficult to be around and even more upsetting to be its target.
Go ahead on the photo, but read what I wrote to Friko above about the head turning. Apparently it's not that rare. I always wanted to write post about non-conformity to fit that photo.
DeleteOne of these two ladies spent her entire life career as a social worker. She's outspoken, liberal and she has a fighting spirit that I admire. She truly believes she's helping people with her criticisms. Like you say I would not want to be her target but she's really an interesting person.
I'm reading a book right now about a certain type of dementia that completely destroys that filter in our brains so I guess if we don't want to age badly we should practice never having negative thoughts while we still can. LOL
I love your sunflower photo. I'm sure there is a scientific explanation but I like the non-conforming sunflower idea better! Sorry you have found the damage other people's lives complainers and hope you can escape them while dining.
ReplyDeleteIt has to do with getting too much water or not enough....which I just learned this morning. I think it was standing in a water filled ditch.
DeleteI'm taking a break tonight and eating take out in my apartment.
I wouldn't have held back as much as you did in defending the waiter. I love it if someone compliments me on anything these days. They don't come as often as they did when I was in my prime! And I suspect he thought he was being polite, making sure the ladies were finished before clearing. Poor kid. I would have said the part about them spoiling the dining and sure would avoid sitting with them again. Of course, I know it's a closed community and coming on with that might not let you be in their good graces. But then, would or do you really want to be? If he was spilling the goods or doing something overly obnoxious, I could maybe see some criticism but please, someone write you are loved on my restaurant check. I will tip them big.
ReplyDeleteNot so easy to have a conversation about the wait staff while they are in the room serving tables all around you. Not an easy decision to put yourself in a position where you're isolated from the others either because then I'd become the drama I try to avoid.
DeleteHe doesn't spill stuff. This kid is not a great waiter but he does try very hard. One time he completely forgot to put my order in with the chef and everyone else around me got served. Then I got charge for two meals that night. The manager got it all straightened out and I lived to tell the tale. I guess what I'm saying is---oh, crap, I don't know what I'm trying to say! Maybe that not all their criticism is unfounded. It's like once a person is deemed unfit for a job then nothing they do is ever right in some people's eyes.
I had a niece who when visiting my mother in the assisted living quarters would compliment all my Mom's lunch mates just as that young man does and they loved her. I'm sure he is quite popular at another table. Think I can see why she is still single with her negative attitude. Being single probably wasn't by choice.
ReplyDeleteLove the contrary sunflower photo:)
I just don't see why anyone is offended by a compliment. He seems sincere when he gives them and he doesn't leave anyone out.
DeleteBreaks my heart to hear of cranky bitter old women making the life if a young man so miserable, and I am sure they try to make it miserable for others too.I distance myself PROMPTLY from people like this who add nothing whatsoever to my day, my heart, my spirit.I just can’t take “MEAN GIRLS.” I will be a softhearted woman as long as I can take breath no matter how “Pollyanna” that may seem at times.. I INSIST on finding the good in others.If I can’t (such as in the case of the cranky old women and the mean girls..) I STEER CLEAR . I have a small circle of friends who share my commitment to kindness.. and for that i am grateful! Though I am enduring some hardships in my family this year.. a very sick grown son, whom we have to help right now, I strive to find something good in every day: like you mention: The antics of my two kitties, a heart warming movie, or diving deep and escaping into a good book. Life is what we make it!
ReplyDeleteWe have our Pollyanna's around here too so you'd find kindred spirits. I call one of them The Cheerleader. We often eat at a big community table that hold 15+ people so we get a mix of Mean Girls and Pollyanna's and lots of personalities in between.
DeleteIt makes you wonder why these two women are so mean. I went to school with mean kids. Worked with mean employers and fellow employees. Retired and done with that. I try to avoid situations with people like that. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteBeing with people who are so critical makes us appreciate those who aren't, who are more forgiving of the foibles in others. That's for sure.
DeleteThose women are making their own lives miserable by looking for fault all of the time instead of enjoying the good! Their loss!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that.
DeleteI’d be changing things up too, Jean. I’ll bet you won’t be the only ones giving these ladies a wide berth going forward. You’d hope at some point they wonder why no one sits with them for very long or seeks out their company but in my experience these types have no self-awareness at all. They expect everyone else to be perfect (or else!) but don’t set the same high standards for themselves (because apparently they already are PERFECTION).
ReplyDeleteDeb
I just got back from lunch and was at the table with the x-social worker and she said she has a "bad habit of being critical of others." So she knows she's not perfect. I just think she spend so many years being a social worker and tying to help people improve their lives to they could get out of poverty that she can't quit looking at others as projects, so to speak. People really are complicated, aren't we.
DeleteYes, absolutely - we are complicated! My daughter is a social worker and she is the furthest thing from this woman. I think social work has changed (for the better) - my daughter does not look (down) at her clients as “projects”… not at all.
DeleteDeb
Your daughters is a sweetheart!
DeleteSo far, anyways! Who knows if she will turn into this woman after a lifetime of this type of work. I have my fingers crossed it won’t happen. Thanks, Jean.
DeleteOh man! I have a bitchy post written for tomorrow! I think I'll do another and save it for another Sunday!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you have lots of personalities in between! It's a great blog ... to appreciate everyone in spite of their flaws!
I do that too, try to balance the bitch, negative posts with the opposite kind so they all aren't ganged up together. It's still all about my my life experiences just maybe not in the same order in which I experienced stuff sometimes.
DeleteThis made me think of my Dad who use to say if he got as bad as his father to shoot him, one day Mum said to him "I think its time we bought a gun" dad laughed and replied point taken
ReplyDeleteThat's a great story. Thanks for sharing it.
DeleteI love how you can see the good in everyone, even the cranky folks. That's a great quality to have (along with your great smile, of course!)
DeleteThank you Bobi. I find it quite amusing, given my insecurity regarding my wardrobe, that the waiter usually finds my smile the thing he compliments me on. Once in a while it's about a color I'm wearing.
Deletethey say there is one in every pack, looks the factory line inserted TWO!
ReplyDeleteNow if Omicron is looking for a place to take up residence.....just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteNot happening. The staff here gets tested daily and everyone living here gets tested when someone gets covid. Contact tracing happens swiftly as does as does quarantines if needed. Only five have had it (2 couples and a single) but one of these ladies did get locked down for five days because of contract tracing with no syptoms. But I think I get your meaning....
DeleteJean :
ReplyDeletegreat blog, your life has become so much more entertaining after you moved to this complex.Those two complainers will drive me nuts, glad you have other good quality people there too. I agree with another commentator you are indeed very kind women & always see positives in others just like my hubby. I feel you made good choice of picking this place for you. stay blessed & keep on blogging.
I did make a good choice but I was also lucky in that we were all new going into it so that added a whole different element to getting to know people.
DeleteI don't know if 'kind' is the right word. I'd say I have a high tolerance for others who drone on about topics I don't like---as I try to figure out what makes them tick---but I do have my breaking point as demonstrated in this post.
Another interesting insight into your dining experiences. I don't have much patience for whiners. I'd find a different night to finely dine-- or different people to sit with. Of course, takeout by yourself is always a great idea, imo.
ReplyDeleteI only go to the fine dining room one night a week---its open four---to costly for me to do it more. They generally seat the singles eating alone at one big table and you don't really know who you'll end up with because we all don't go in together and we don't all show up on the same nights. It's the luck of the draw. I just happened to get a bad combo next to me too many times in a row. The other, smaller tables go to the couples, people who are treating their family/friends to dinner or for outsiders who come to the place. When I first got to the CCC I tried to avoid eating with others but they would invite me over and I didn't and still don't want to be anti-social. Meals are my socializing time so I don't do the takeout option. I consider myself a student of human behavior and I am still finding the mixer of personalities here fascinating, even when I get stuck once with trying company.
DeleteI find it interesting Jean that they automatically seat the Singles eating Alone at a Group Table. Because, I prefer to eat Alone unless I choose who I'm going to sit with. I like my Options and would discreetly ask Staff to just let me sit at a Table for One and if someone just came up and socialized a bit, that would be Okay, but I wouldn't have to endure them for a whole meal! Does that mean I'm becoming part of the Anti-Social Social Club like my Granddaughter and Grandson suspect I'm joining them in being part of? *LOL*
DeleteYou can ask the host to seat you alone unless the place is really busy and they need all the tables full. I tried that a few times but someone always came over to fetch me to their larger table. It just evolved from there. I used to love to sit in my old Guy Land Cafeteria and write but I can't get away with that here.
DeleteYou are quite correct about the advantage of all being new residents when it comes to socializing. Based on what I learned in a variety of different CCCs cliques can form sometimes making integration more challenging to newcomers.
ReplyDeleteI would want to change my dining night, too, given the experience you describe. Too bad for the young guy waiter. I wonder what, if any kind of training instruction they're given?
Interesting to learn about the non-conforming sun flower -- I didn't know
I've wondered about the training too, but he won't be fodder for conversation anymore. He's scheduled to have knee surgery and he quit his job because he'll be doing a lot of physical therapy after. He has aspirations to be a baker and wants to go to school for that.
DeleteI'm so now rooting for this Young Man to attain all of his Dreams, he's clearly had a tough row to hoe, Bless him.
DeleteLife is too short to be miserable and complaining all the time only makes everyone else miserable, right?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have a filter, but it would be fun to see you lose it. ;)
Personally, I kind of love the ONE bad ass sunflower who said: Darn it. I doing my own thing! HA.
It really is fun to be around some old people who have lost their filter. I just don't want it to be me. LOL
DeleteI like the Non-Conformist Sunflower, curious too as to why it was Fine not doing what all the others do regimentally? As for the Old Biddie Brigade, sounds to me like ultra-privilege being displayed at it's worst... and that happens whether Young or Old, if someone has led a very privileged Life and now feels Entitled to be unlovely, judgmental and so Negative that you want to slap the shit out of them. I think those Women are too Old to be called Karens... but they are the Original Version from the way it sounds. Poor Kid, can't even get tips and yet he's trying to be nice beyond just Serving the Meal. The "Fine Dining" excuse to be Mean Spirited and Malcontent just would not fly with me... being Kind should happen where ever you are Dining, even in a freakin' Soup Kitchen for the Homeless I've seen better manners than those Women exhibit! Glad you escaped, hope you don't have to endure that sort thru your Meals, the CCC sounds lovely, these types of people wouldn't be Grateful no matter or not find Fault where ever they were... Black Cloud People are the Worst to have to put up with!
ReplyDeleteWhat is sad is that they aren't the only two who disliked getting the compliments every day. I seriously don't understand that at all and have defended him for it before this night.
DeleteWhen even a compliment given with Sincerity is met with hostility and judgment towards who gave it, I have to wonder of the condition of the Heart and the Character of the person Jean. I mean, how can you react so negatively when someone tells you that you have a lovely Smile or good Taste in your Wardrobe... it isn't normal to react that way. I do not know everything that goes haywire with Aging and if that could factor in, but perhaps the person always has internal Issues unresolved? Also, your description of the Young Man made me immediately think that some may despise him and no matter how he treats them, they would not treat him with kindness nor compassion. My Grandson has often had that reaction from some Older People and he's an extremely polite and respectful Young Person towards his Elders. He once had an Elderly Couple in a Retirement Community McDonalds get confrontational with him asking why someone like him was at 'their' McDonalds!?!?!! He was just there placing and waiting on his order!
DeleteAlly Bean sent me. I enjoyed your post and admire your lively writing.
ReplyDeleteLove that Ally Bean is connecting so many of us the blog community. Thank you for stopping by.
DeleteAlly Bean sent me. I'm glad I came. (Did you see her recent post?) I'm a widow too, but I'm living at home. It should be interesting to hear about your experiences in the continuum care campus.
ReplyDeleteI've been writing about the experience of picking out this place for two years. All the ups and downs of downsizing and finding this place. So many of us widows do need or want to move on.
DeleteAlly Bean's blog roll post is something I'll keep going back to until I've visited all her friends. Welcome!!!!
You sound like someone with a great smile who uses it liberally! It's frustrating to be around unhappy, negative and nitpicky people. I try not to let it bring me down but it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI am usually a half glass full kind of person. But I try to blog my life the way it rolls on by and sometimes that includes the thorns along the way.
Delete