And, yes, I’m the same person who recently wrote about my sister-in-law who was as sweet and caring a person you could ever know but she, too, jumped on the Trump Train, designation: Conspiracy City. Doesn’t matter, Old Coot could be just like her but I’ll have to see that in an swore affidavit signed by a hundred of his closest family and friends that he’s a stellar person of sound mind and character before I’ll cut him any slack. Yes, the Hard-Hearted Hannah side of my personality is busting at the seams to get out and be heard today.
Speaking of old coots, Bing the Scottish singer got himself in a bit of trouble on a night when I was wasn’t down at the cafe' for dinner. I didn’t write about it when it happened a few weeks ago but last night I saw him repeat what he did so now I have a better understanding of why he got reported to the CEO with a demand that he be kicked out for trying to kiss one of the ladies who lives here. Last night the Art Professor did exactly what I’d been thinking should have been done in that situation. She turned her head deflected the incoming kiss so it ended up on the side of her head instead of on her mouth and she grabbed his hands and wished him a good night and they both went their merrier way. I’d seen the speech pathology professors at the college---where my husband was a guinea pig for the students---teach that grab-the-hands technique to redirect a hug or kiss from stroke survivors who often have to relearn impulse control. There were several in Don’s group class (including him) who had that issue of wanting to hug in inappropriate situations and when they did, it became a teachable moment for both client, student and us wives watching from behind the one-way window.
The first time Bing tried to kiss a fellow resident from all reports she went ballistic, made quite the scene and from her own lips I knew she’d filed a complaint to the CEO. I didn’t see it happen so I didn’t voice my opinion at the time but I was thinking that a woman in our age bracket should be able to deflect an unwanted kiss without running to a higher power. He walks at the speed of a two-toed sloth, How hard could be to get away from the guy?
The CEO told her he couldn’t do anything about it. We all own our apartments, they can’t kick us out. His daughter got called, though, and the bar started limiting him to two drinks with dinner. The woman who reported him followed up her complaint with two weeks of "warning others of his bad behavior" and last night she stared daggers at him across the table. It’s a good thing she left before he tried to kiss the Art Professor or who knows what she might had done or said. The drama might have made good blog fodder but life is better without it. By the way, don’t mis-read me and think I believe it’s okay to hug and kiss a woman of any age if she doesn’t want it. I don’t. But blowing things out of all proportion happens, too.
In the movie, Queen Bees which Roger Ebert.com describes as “a gentle romantic comedy set in a retirement community that one character describes as ‘Mean Girls' with Medic-Alert bracelets’" there is a male character who spends his evenings with a different lady every night. It portrays several of the female characters as Blanche type sex-pots (Golden Girls) looking for Mr. Right Now. Ohmygod, there is nothing going on here on this campus that remotely looks like the way older people are showcased in that movie.
At least that’s what I would have said before Saturday night when one of the guys living here had invited seven ladies to dinner at the fine dining restaurant, his treat. He made the reservation under the name of “The Magnificent Seven” and it was weird being asked by the host if you were apart of the Magnificent Seven. Five us were not and we were seated off to the side and we nicknamed ourselves the Fabulous Five.
In the same time frame T-Shirt Tom was teasingly asked if he was going to treat a table of women to dinner and he said, “No, I’d be afraid I’d leave someone out and they’d get their feelings hurt.” Who said lawyers can’t be thoughtful. It was hard not to feel a little left out since those in the group of seven and the five other ladies usually all sit at one big singles table. If it hadn’t been for the guy making the reservation under such a pretentious name would it have been different? I think so. Both sets of woman looked like deer caught in headlights each time the host asked someone if they were part of the Magnificent Seven.
Old Coots. Are they worth the trouble they cause just by being themselves? Why yes, yes they are---if for no other reason than their antics make good fodder for bloggers. ©
Wow. What an ego the host of the Seven has. I can't imagine what would make me want to accept an invitation like that.
ReplyDeleteHe plays bridge with these ladies and had money in his food allowance to use up or lose it which is why he asked them to dinner on his treat. They didn't know he was going to make the reservation in such a pretentious name. Had he just put it in something like 'the bridge ladies' or so-and-so's guests I seriously doubt anyone would have been embarrassed or hurt or feel the need to explain.
DeleteI am definitely warming to T-shirt Tom. His last two mentions have been really positive. :-) The guy who hosted the Seven though. He sounds charming. NOT.
ReplyDeleteThe stories from the CCC are always fascinating and you write them so well.
Yes, he proves that first impressions aren't always the best ones. He's the guy who asked if he could sit at my table then got up and said he changed his mind a few minutes later. He's really a nice person once you get past his shyness.
DeleteThe other guy with the seven is the one who I emailed the refusal of his invitation to join is holiday decorating committee. We're still cordial when we run into each other but there is no real warmth behind our words like we used to have before the email.
I agree with you, Nance! I wouldn't want anything to do with a guy like that. I wouldn't want to be around the kisser guy either. Ugh! My Grandma used to call them "dirty old men"!
ReplyDeleteDid you read my reply to Nance? It's kind of gotten to be a thing to buy someone else's dinner near the end of the month if you haven't used up your food allowance because it doesn't roll over. It was the pretentious name that was out of line, in my opinion, not the fact that he asked seven women to dinner. It wasn't like he was trying to date/court seven ladies at once.
DeleteI don't know what to think of the serial kisser yet. He means no harm, I'm sure of that. I've watched him interact with his daughter. daughter-in-laws and large extended family and I think the whole family are very affectionate people. He's also depressed about moving from his home and he drinks too much. Drunks who kiss for amorous reasons don't usually just do it when a group is breaking up, they will do it any time they're next to a woman. Bing isn't doing that. He's trying to say goodnight with a peck on the lips (I think) which I wouldn't like either but I certainly won't brand him as a pervert when it may be just part of his Scottish, old world culture and it's easy enough to avoid.
The joys of living with people you didn't chose as friends and who are at various stages of aging. What a great source of human interest observations though!
ReplyDeleteYa, in a normal apartment building you wouldn't get to know your neighbors as quickly as we do here where we eat some meals together or go to the same classes, etc. But only about 50% of the people living here do get involved with the culture of the place.
DeleteThe Fabulous Five has a good ring to it. As for old coots, the one on our street recently sold his house and moved to who knows where. These last few years he stopped acknowledging me because I called him out publicly on his evil nonsense. Try that with your old coots, and if you're lucky they'll never speak to you again.
ReplyDeleteWith the exception of the guy from the elevator the other old coots have redeeming qualities that make up for their lack of judgement in the two areas I wrote about. Elevator guy is the same one who put up a fuse when he was told this is a gun-free campus. He wants to be able to "pick off terrorists from his balcony when they evade our place." I'm far more worried about a man in 80s with a gun than the other two guys I wrote about who have a couple of foibles interesting enough to write about. We all have our foibles and this place is too small to make enemies out of others for quirky, non-evil things I've described in this post.
DeleteElevator Guy is such a typical ReTrumplican Stereotype isn't he... Bless his Heart as they say in the South. *Bwahahahaha*
DeleteThe older men get, the weirder they get with the touchy, kissy stuff.
ReplyDeleteThat is often true of both sexes. Not thing is more discussing to me than an older woman who paws all over a guy young enough to be her grandson.
DeleteLucky you with endless blog fodder. Love that your group became the Fabulous Five. Really wouldn't have wanted to be one of that guys harem though his reasons were fairly sound. And T-shirt Tom gets better each telling.
ReplyDeleteI seriously doubt that the guy meant any harm or disrespect by the way is set up his dinner. It was thoughtful and thoughtless at the same time. Where as t-Shirt Tom was savvy enough right from the get-go as to what could and did happen.
DeleteI had to laugh at your line about your sister-in-law jumping on the Trump train with a destination of Conspiracy City. (Great line!) I'm with you when it comes to masking. My gosh, our little county is still in the red zone (CDC report) and people are still dying. It's no surprise that nearly 75% of those who died were either unvaxed or behind on their shots. We're still trying to be very careful and grateful we haven't had Covid, the flu or a cold. Those masks can make a difference, esp to those of us who are immunocompromised. Of course, this is America, and I'm thankful people can still choose how to think and live, but I really hate the angry political discourse surrounding Covid. Enough about politics already!! Jean, I have a question, but don't feel you have to address it if you'd rather not. You talked about people having money left on their meal accounts. Are there several plans to choose from and can you change your plan? I'm just interested to learn more about how the CCC works. You've already shared valuable info, and I've passed it on to my husband. We're always trying to plan for the future, and I like the sounds of your organization. Thanks!
ReplyDelete"Meal Plan" is really not the right term for what we have; it's more like a meal allowance that we can spend any way we want between the two restaurants on campus. One lady, tonight for example is having her entire extended family at the fine dining restaurant and paying for all of them which should wipe out her entire monthly allotment. She's been making cheap food choices all month to do it.
ReplyDeleteThe amount we get now is $200 a month and that does not roll over if you don't use it within the month. That amount is going up to $300 in April because the menu prices are going up then too. I can't believe it but there were several people at our monthly dialogue meeting with the CEO who complained about the it going up to $300 because, they say, they can't spend the $200 they get now. They would rather have the money which isn't going to happen because the whole idea is to keep the restaurants viable so we'll always have food available in the independent living part of the campus. I'm not sure if all places work the same way regarding a meal allowance but I do know of several where they order off menus. We all have kitchens and can drive off campus so we don't have to eat here. I eat here once a day and stay within a budget so that I hit the $200 mark without going over or under by more than a dollar or two. Often times the proportions are large enough that I can get a take out box for half to eat the next day.
Thanks for explaining it, Jean. I don't think $300 is out of line after going grocery shopping this week...
DeleteI think that is a very generous 'allowance' for meals for a single Resident... for $200-$300 a Month many can feed an entire Family... but, it is eating out and having it prepared which I like that option a lot and wish I had a monthly 'allowance' provided for that purpose. *LOL*
DeleteThey have great fruit plates too that I've started getting for take out for snacks and breakfast. So much cheaper and fresher than from the grocery store. Fresh bake goods are a hit and miss thing. This disappear fast. I have no trouble with the amount of money we get fo food. You can't eat all of your meals on that but it covers your main meal with a few extras stuff.
DeleteI think for some Residents the Meal Allowances are Helpful if they can't get out to do much, if any, shopping and to ensure they have healthy dietary options and eat daily at least once. I know some of the Senior Housing I looked at for my Mom had a Meal or Two a Day included in the Rent/Benefits provided to the Residents. Of coarse by the time she got placed in Long Term Care all Meals were provided, but for Eleven Grand a Month, it wasn't as if that shouldn't have been full Care and included!
DeleteHow does anyone afford eleven grand a month? Should be skilled nursing at that price.
DeleteSuch fun observations! You are wise to take your time to make "close" friends. Friendly to all ... and I bet you find your new Gathering Girl group at your new place.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised that my original perceptions of some people has changed since we all first moved in so I am glad I'm taking my time getting to know others. As for finding a close knit friends here, I seriously doubt that will happen and I'm perfectly fine with that. I like the level of interaction I have with people now, don't really need more to keep me happy.
DeleteDid he try to kiss her through her mask? That'd be the ticket! Finish your meal and put the mask on before you get up to go home. I wouldn't enjoy an uninvited kiss either, but I'm with you - making a big fuss is overkill.
ReplyDeleteThe mask before standing up would probably work as a deterrent. So far as I know it's only happened the time I didn't see and the time I did. However, I don't think it would be gossip fodder at all if it was handled like the Professor did it because most people wouldn't even know it unless you were standing very close by.
DeleteGoodness. Nothing like that around here.
ReplyDeletethat you know of...LOL
DeleteWasn't the guy who slept around in that movie have dementia / alzheimers and forgot them? I could be thinking of something else. I watched that with her grandson visiting her weekly to discuss books, literature etc. Right one? I picture it just like the movie, so it's not huh? No James Caan sweeping you off your feet Jean?
ReplyDeleteAll these poor republicans dying of covid must by the hands of the dems huh? If that were true trump would be dead!
Yes, in the movie the guy who slept around had dementia and he was being shared by the women until the one caught on. Yes, you've got the right movie. No James Caan here or Anne Margaret.
DeleteThose Republican who die of Covid must be Rinos. Just sayin'
Old Coots - providing good blog fodder since...forever! LOL.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want to be slobbered over but I wouldn't kick up a huge fuss either if it was a first time offence done in the company of others, and seemed harmless enough. Some people can't or won't read body language as they are zooming in "for the kill". I like the "grab the hands" technique you mentioned. Would love to see how it's done...perhaps I can find a video of it online.
Deb
Reading other people's body language and impulse control are learned social skills and skills that people with left hemisphere stroke often have to relearn along with language.
DeleteIf you see someone coming in for a hug or kiss you don't want, just grab their hands and bring them up between you, then stiffen your elbows and take a step back to add more space if needed. Not sure how well it works with outside a class setting where they're looking for inappropriate behavior to ward off. I learned what to watch for in my husband and could just say 'impulse control' and he'd draw back from getting into someone else's personal space. It took months but eventually he didn't need the queue. I was always up front with what was happening for the teaching moment.
These are amazing (and frustrating) stories. As several commenters have mentioned, what a lot of blog fodder you have at your place! I find most people and their foibles very interesting. I come from a very affectionate family although not with strangers; it sounds like this guy's medical condition makes him unaware of exactly what he's doing. The strategy to handle unwanted physical contact is one we can all use at times. I had an uncle by marriage with whom I needed to use that move.
ReplyDeleteWe do indeed all have foibles. I'd hate to see what others would write about me. With this guy, I think it's medical AND him coming from an affectionate family. This morning I remembered him trying to side hug someone (one arm around the back with shoulders touching) and she handled it well by telling him. "No, we can't hug during Covid."
DeleteSo I guess, according to the Covid denier coot, the nearly 1 million people who've died from it in this country are just "crisis actors." I bet he gets his information from the likes of Alex Jones. I'm glad your CCC didn't allow him to bring his guns with him when he moved in. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing there was somebody like that just down the hall. *Shudder*
ReplyDeleteA lot of Covid deniers also believe that the medical examiners all across the world are writing cause of death as 'Covid' when it was actually something else that killed them. Why anyone would believe that is beyond me but it makes as much sense of the 'crisis actors' theory which they also believe.
DeleteThe Old Coot on the elevator claims he gave all his guns to his sons but I'm betting he brought one with him. He'd better keep it out of sight because if it gets reported they can take it from him as per the move-in agreement. Thankfully he's on another floor and I rarely see him.
Yeah, I bet he "gave them to his sons" just like Trump supposedly turned over the operation of all his businesses to his sons instead of putting his holdings in a blind trust like he should have. Remember how he said he would never discuss with them how they were running things? And how his sons would just stick to that and not get involved with politics? We all know how that turned out.
DeleteThe questions of guns came up when he was asking if the elevators were going to be large enough to get his gun cabinet upstairs. He had/has dozens of guns. This was before he put any money down and he told his wife they'd have to keep looking for a place to move to because the marketing director told him the campus was gun free and he'd have to sign a paper agreeing to that. I happened to be at that meeting and heard it with my own hears. The guy was really ticked off and was spouting off about they'd be sorry if he couldn't picking terrors off from his balcony if we come under attack. I had hoped he found someplace else to move and was shocked to see him get off that elevator.
DeleteI once had an aunt who went into a care home at an advanced age. She told my Mum that the 'old coots' were quite interested in ladies still, and quite fancied a fumble if they could get it.
ReplyDeleteAt least there was safety in numbers for the seven selected.
I am also with you about the people not following the covid rules. I think I have made up my mind to drop some of them.
Another blogger in our age bracket once wrote a post about a guy who showed up on her doorstep with a penis pump. Guess he thought 'coffee' was code for something else. LOL
DeleteCovid sure has divided us in more ways than one, hasn't it.
Some old coots leave us speechless and wondering what the hell, others grow on us
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head. The ones that grow on us can be great entertainment.
DeleteI like old coots.
ReplyDeleteThey certainly add color to the world.
DeleteI'm telling you -- you have to write a book!
ReplyDeleteIf I added up the time I was in the presence of these three guys to get these stories it was only about fifteen minutes. There's a whole lot of 'boring' that goes in between the five minute encounters. Not enough material for a book.
DeleteThe old coots definitely provide you with interesting fodder for your blog.
ReplyDeleteYup, easy post to write.
DeleteGreat Blog Fodder indeed, well, Old Coots use their Wallets to entice Lady Friends, what else do most of them really have to offer otherwise? *LOL* As for unwelcome advances, I find a lot of Lonely Old Men tend to overstep their boundaries, mostly thru not thinking things thru well at all and making assumptions that Old Women will welcome any advances. Here's the rub, at the Antique Mall I see a lot of Old Women being as desperately thirsty as J-Lo for Attention, so that doesn't help, it sends mixed messages and confusion as to what is acceptable to some and not acceptable to most. It would be a very uncomfortable situation at any Age to feel Sexually Harassed, whether you be Female or Male.
ReplyDeleteI honestly I don't think Wallet Guy is romantically interested in anyone. He plays cards in the game room every day and a lot of the woman he invited to dinner were Bridge and other cards partners. I just don't think he thought about how the reservation name would go over.
DeleteYou make great points about boundaries and mixed messages. And for our age bracket the boundaries were different than they are today plus some families are natural huggers and others are not.
Doesn't really sound on the same scale as Harvey Weinstein - or Donald Trump (although I dare say he was a nuisance earlier in life too)
ReplyDeleteWho knows what any of us was like when we were younger. He talks about missing his wife a lot. I actually feel sorry for him because he feels like his kids railroaded him into selling his house and moving when he wasn't fully sold on the idea of moving...physically that boat sailed a long time ago. He falls too much to be on his own.
DeleteTotally agree, people like Old Coots are the problem and the reason this pandemic has lasted as long as it has. I don't want to be around anyone like that...not even if and when we get past the pandemic. People like that, aren't worth my time. Your campus sounds like high school, almost. Stay well, stay safe and away from unwanted kisses.
ReplyDeleteThere is drama IF you're looking for it which I do for blog fodder BUT it's also a very caring environment. For example 5-6 couples living here have spouses that are under Hospice Care or near ready for it and neighbors here have been running food up to their rooms and offering to sit with the spouse so the caregiver/spouse can get out for a walk or to run to the store.
Delete