Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Routines Past and Present and Scary Dogs

I’m a creature of habit and predictable patterns. I was going to say like no other, but that wouldn’t be true. Birds fly south every fall and come back in the spring. Bees and ants rest in eight hour cycles. Bears hibernate. Every species on earth has its breeding seasons and its sleep times. The sun rises every morning and sets every night and aren’t we happy about that. At least it does for those of us who live in certain regions on the earth. People who live at the top of the earth, however, where they get very little sunshine, how do they know when it’s time to sleep? Here in Michigan we just have a short twilight before darkness falls. In the Arctic Circle it’s completely dark from mid-November to the end of January. The rest of the time they have, according to sciencing.com, one of three kinds of twilight that last 24/7---Civil Twilight, Nautical Twilight and Astronomical Twilight if you want to look them up. And,  boy, did I ever get off track to what I wanted to write about which is the routine I’m settling into here in my new community. 

 

I’m almost as routine-ridge as my mom was when I was growing up when we did the laundry on Monday, ironed on Tuesday, cleaned on Wednesdays, ate left-overs on Fridays and grocery shopped on Saturdays. We only had one car so if my mom had errands to run mid-week on Thursdays she had to take my dad to work early in the after afternoon and pick him back up after midnight. During her menopause years her doctor told her to get a job to help with the symptoms she was experiencing. Ya, like we all know, now, that that was voodoo medicine he was practicing. But she did it and and that meant she had to take my dad back and forth to work every day that she worked. His factory was in a bad part of town so she went down to the humane society and got a big black dog that hated men. 

 

Jody was a purebred, Belgian Shepherd that had been badly abused and it took my dad months before he could be in the same room with that dog. Jody was loyal and protective of my mom and me but she never did learn to fully trust men. She was the perfect dog for woman to have in a car at midnight or to protect your teenager daughter when her older brother had his friends over when our parents weren't home. It only took one boy to try to kiss me and get bit for his efforts for the rest of his friends to see the error in getting in the personal space of “Little Rat.” My brother wore his nickname of “Rat” proudly and at the time I didn’t question how he got it and now that I'd like to know that back story its probably lost forever. But I'll bet my brother still remembers how our driveway was often filled with boys working on cars. The TV series Happy Days could have easily based a few episodes on their banner. Those were fun days, but I digress. Again.

 

Sundays here has evolved in being my housework and laundry days and often I don't-get-dressed because I avoid the campus restaurant and the after church crowd that gathers in the public area with their families and/or off-campus friends. This place has settled into a pattern of having the exercise classes mostly in the morning slots which keeps me from dropping into them. Four-five afternoons a week they have lecturers, entertainment or podcasts on the schedule. We've even had two bus trips to the art museum with another planned to a lavender farm. Every afternoon and evening of the week including Sundays they have something going on in the game room but all my good intentions to take part hasn’t happened yet. The crafting-for-charity get-togethers are usually in the mornings too but I do make an effort to go...it's only on the schedule maybe once a month? And I haven't missed a monthly book club meeting yet.

 

Once a day I eat at the cafe`and once a week I eat in fine dining restaurant, both to get my fix of socializing which usually takes two hours if the mix of people there is to my liking, which is most of the time. If not, I could be in and out with a take-out box as an option. I’ve taken to writing in the mornings like I used to do before the move but the afternoons that I visualized myself painting or quilting hasn't happened yet and somethings got to give for me to correct that...write less, go to less afternoon events and I don't really want to cut either one. Like yesterday afternoon we' had a live demonstration of playing steel drums(I'll write about that later.)  Throw in a few outside appointments and shopping and the week disappears quickly. My evenings are my treadmill, reading, jigsaw puzzle and my Netflix times. I've never liked crafting after dark.

 

Oh, and it should be noted that I’m trying to ease back into watching the Sunday news shows again and at least a hlaf hour of news every day. But doing so feels like I'm living in a loop, like in the movie Groundhog Day. Everything’s changed, but nothing has changed if that makes any sense. The Pandemic, Trump, supply chain shortages and scary people trying to destroy Democracy here and around the world. Banning a book from high school libraries about the Holocaust because it has a photo of naked lady standing in a gas chamber? Where was the outrage over Mrs. Trump’s girl-on-girl naked photos? As you can see I’m not yet sufficiently decompressed from the long break I've been on from my previous addiction to watching (way too much) news. It still has the power to raise my blood pressure. But its still our civic duty to stay informed, so I'm trying again... Besides being informed before elections get here, what happens in the world could become a question on the dementia test and who wants to fail that life changing quiz.


One of my routines is to stop writing when I hit my 1,000 word quota and I’m 85 words over now so I’m putting a period on this post right here. ©

 

Photo: The dog above was our second Belgian Shepherd, Cindy, but she and Jody looked identical. Both of these dogs and my mom were inseparable. Cindy, however had a sweet personality that could be trusted completely not to bite. My mom could tell that dog to go get the grandkids who were playing down the road and that dog would herd them just like they were a flock of sheep, usually the youngest, my nephew would be crying because that dog wouldn't let him go anywhere but back towards our cottage. The girls were older and understood and didn't seem to mind having a dog come get them when grandma called.

 

42 comments:

  1. There's something to be said for having a routine! Although, when it came to fixing meals, my MIL had a set schedule for mealtimes and so the kids knew exactly what was going to be on the table that evening, according to the day of the week. Amazing!

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    1. My mom did the same thing and I think it had to do with only shopping one day a week and foods not having the long shelf life that they have today. Certain things had to be used up first.

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  2. I think we all have some sort of routine, although I'd be hard pressed to nail mine. It does come in handy, as long as one isn't a slave to it. Nothing wrong with structure!

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    1. Structure can relate to security and knowing what to expect when we are very young and many again as are very old.

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  3. The thing I love most about retirement is the lack of schedule and routine. My pets provide the only locked in routine which involves feeding and potty breaks making my early mornings pretty rigid. Other wise I just go with what ever sounds good at the time. No special laundry day, shopping day, etc. I do really miss my personal interactions with friends and perhaps that is changing. Those routine luncheons were fun. I am glad you get to enjoy those daily.

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    1. I know what you mean about pets locking you into a routine. Just last night I had to remind myself that I no longer have to let Levi outside just before turning in. Now, my routine has to revolve around that cafe and restaurant hours of operation.

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  4. I grinned at your mention of that earlier routine. My mother did laundry on Monday, ironed on Tuesday, did general cleaning on Thursday and cooking for the weekend on Friday. I can't remember what Wednesday involved. That's probably when she played bridge!

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    1. After my mom got a job she did a lot of cooking on Sundays and made her own version of TV dinners before they were invented. I had to help her and never did learn to like cooking.

      My mom played cards, too, but I'm thinking it was only once a month (?). My best friend's mom had her bridge ladies, too, I have fond memories of helping her mom set up the bridge tables and get out all her fancy linens and tea cups...all different and elegant. She was a home ec teacher and did fancy foods. My mom had her fancy pressed glass nut dishes that she always used and I still have and fancy fan shaped pressed glass luncheon dishes which I only have one of since my move.

      They play a LOT of bridge here and I have never once in my life played it, don't really want to either as I associate it with being old. LOL

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  5. "I've never liked crafting after dark." That sentence gave me a chuckle. It's the new "Don't drink alone". LOL

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    1. I don't like to drink alone either. LOL Maybe all these years I should have paired crafting with drinking so I wouldn't be doing either one of these two things alone. Sorry, it must be twisted humor day.

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  6. Oh gosh, my mom had a routine, too. We even knew what would be on the dinner table, based on day of the week. She switched it up for special events and weekends. I loved hearing about your dogs, and enjoy your diversions. My daughter and I usually have 8-10 topics going on in a conversation, and we say we're "going down bunny trails." I actually think it sounds like you have a good, healthy mix of pleasure, exercise, and chores.

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    1. I do have a great mix but I tend to binge on things I really like doing, then play catch up with the others and feel guilty about what I'm not doing. Long (bad) habit of not living in the moment.

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  7. I don't like routines, I like to decide that day what I feel like doing. I like a slow morning start on my computer sipping my coffee; but sometimes that keeps interrupted. Like today, I have an appointment that I should be getting ready for. Totally agree on the book banning and naked Mrs. Orange. I worry about Ukraine and what the long term effect of all this will be.

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    1. Politics both nationally and internationally are so screwed up right now, but seeing the world stand up for Ukraine is encouraging.

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  8. With your big move, it is tricky to work out a new routine and will take time, I am sure. Since I retired, I often find myself wondering what I should be doing and I do feel that I waste a lot of time. My friends say that is what retirement is for but sometimes I wish I was more productive... I think you are doing a great job of trying different things and being flexible so you can enjoy the opportunities you want to enjoy while adapting your routine.

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    1. The feeling of wasting time has always plagued me and even more so since I am fast approaching my 80s. By now I'd hoped to be down 10 pounds since moving here but I've gained 10 instead just from the good food. I was looking forward to updating my sad, caregiver wardrobe, but now I dread it.

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  9. Routines are a comfort until they start to feel like procrastination. I lost internet and phone for 6 hours yesterday and I felt unexpectedly free. Frustrated because there's always something I want to look up, but free because it was something I couldn't do much about.
    Your family Belgian's were beautiful smart dogs. Made my heart go pitty-pat.
    Where are you on getting another dog these days??

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    1. They were beautiful dogs. I'm 95% sure I'm not getting another dog although it breaks my heart to say that. Having to walk a dog is so much different than just having a fenced yard to turn them loose in. This place is idea for walking a dog though....flat and lost of paved paths and woods. I'd get a cat if I wasn't allergic so I'm sort of thinking of one of those little pocketbook dogs that can use puppy pads for it's entire life. The cost of those dogs really freaks me out but and all of the rescues I've seen get snapped up before the I even seen their listings.

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  10. I retired, then set up sort of a routine which was not too much later upended by the pandemic. Being flexible and trying to find avenues for my mind, body and spirit have been essential. That is a beautiful dog! My parents' last dog was a black German shepherd who scared the pants off anyone who showed up at their door. With good reason.

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    1. My mom was a good dog trainer and she was definitely their human. People are afraid of big black dogs that's for sure.

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  11. I love NOT having a routine. I probably should have one that incorporates exercise! My computer and coffee time takes the first two hours and watching TV shows fills the last two hours.

    My Mom loved cooking and all of her children do the cooking in their families. We had a set time (5:30 pm) but she was so inventive about dinner. My Dad was a construction worker and preferred meat and potatoes, but she tried Asian cuisine and tuna patties and casseroles from the newspaper.

    I say continue as you are! You sound happy and content.

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    1. Your computer and coffee time IS your routine and the same one I have every morning. Our night time TV is also the same.

      I am happy and content to be living here but I want to cut out more personal time for hobbies. This is the week to start because all the actives this week revolve around Lent and Taxes.

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  12. Routines are good, children need them most people know that but many don't get how important they can be in adults as well.

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    1. I agree. Routines are good for our mental health, but still need to be a little flexible for when something unexpected comes up.

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  13. Routines seem to come and go in my life. I have a few now, but know at some point things will change and so will I. You aim for 1,000 words? I aim for 400. 😊

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    1. I've been doing 1,000 words posts for so many years that I often go over and have edit them down by 200-250 words before they go live. I start out ramble writing and see where it takes me.

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  14. It's nice to have a balance between routine and novelty. Sometimes we need more of one than the other, but both are important I think.

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  15. I have "loosely structured" routines since I retired. As in, I usually get dressed before noon, but sometimes I don't. Much more common in winter, for sure, and I feel myself gaining energy with the longer days.

    I never saw a Belgian Shepherd until a former co-worker got a couple and started training them for fly ball and posting pics. I hadn't ever heard of fly ball either. But she is really into them and they appear to be SUPER smart.

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  16. Belgian Shepherds are are as intelligent as German Shepherds and would be great for fly ball. They are happiest when they are kept very busy. If they had had fly ball back in day I would have loved to take part. I really investigated the sport for Levi and decided I couldn't have kept up. We did dog dancing routines instead.

    The longer days are good for moral, that's for sure. I always look forward to daylight saving day or like I like to call the time change--- the day half the internet is complaining what the other half is cheering.

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  17. I have crisscrossed the country (driving) at least 6 times alone with my dog. He was a rescue and my vet called him a bully mix. Others called him a Pittie. He was pure love and affection. We were a certified therapy team, so his demeanor was gentle and loving to all. Yet, I know he would have protected me if it was necessary. I never felt afraid because he did look fierce from a distance, but if you got too close to us he just smiled and wagged his tail. I lost him a month after you lost Levi and I still miss him. I've adopted a new rescue, she looks fierce too, but is all love and affection too. After spending too many months alone, I told my family it was either a man or a dog. A dog was easier to find.

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    1. I'm happy you were able to get another dog and you're so right about a dog being easier than a man to find and I'd add to feed and entertain. LOL I still miss Levi, too, like you and your first pittie. I would get another in a heartbeat if I wasn't living in an apartment setting. That pull is still strong, but not particularly practical.

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  18. How else would we oldies get through the day if not by routine? I try to vary my news reading or watching right now because I find the routine news quite unbearable.
    How do you manage without your dog? I still miss mine.

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    1. We all have routines in varying degrees we just don't all acknowldge that fact. LOL

      I do miss my Levi. A lot. Thankfully my neighbor here has a dog that very much reminds me of him and I'm able to get in a few pets from time to time, but more importantly I'm able to evaluate how much effort it is to have a dog in an apartment rather than a single family home. I'm still open to the idea but only if the right dog came along.

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  19. I don't have a set routine

    When I moved here, a big downsize. I'd decided I was going to be doing "more of..." but somehow that didn't happen, not that it was a bad thing! One of things I did faithfully via routines was go pay xyz invoice at a bricks and mortar store on set days of the month, now it's all done either automatically or I pay up online. So that's one "routine" completely gone!

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    1. I can't get used to not having to pay but a couple of bills each month and I don't have to carry money to eat.

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  20. I'm finding that rituals and routines become more important as I'm aging, I prefer to know what to expect and almost long for days when nothing at all happens and life gets a bit boring. I actually appreciated the boredom of Pandemic Lockdown, it stilled Life to a nice pace that wasn't so frantic or filled with too much to do. That Breed of Dog is handsome, herding Kids, now that's in itself reason enough to get one. *LOL* Keeping informed becomes harder the more dire the News becomes. And the feigned outrages are working my last nerve when the Far Right seem oblivious to the much more obscene and criminal within their own ranks.

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    1. I love to walk herding dogs work. They sure know their jobs and are worth quite a bit of money. All the shepherd breeds are, well, bred for that.

      The world news is scary right now and I'm so glad Trump isn't in office or he'd be helping Putin right now. Our Politics used to be so fun and was a great hobby that my husband and I shared but now it's disheartening and I don't see that turning around in our life-times, Dawn.

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  21. Boy, do I remember those one car days. And that old Ford wasn't even air conditioned so the excursions we took on the days she took Dad to work were filled with open windows and wind blowing in our hot, sweaty faces.

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    1. It doesn't seem that long ago that no cars were air conditioned. I also remember when it as an optional upgrade rather than standard equipment when buying a new car.

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