Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, February 16, 2022

Valentine’s Day at the Continuum Care Complex

 


First off let me say that because I’ve been a widow or a caregiver to a stroke survivor who couldn’t go anywhere by himself or handle money on his own, Valentine’s Days since 2000 have been whatever I thought up and bought myself. Which was usually just candy and flowers. Nice but not as nice as getting the “surprise” card and gift from someone who loves you. What I’m trying to say in a round-about way is I’ve grown accustom to thinking of the holiday as one for the young at heart and those who promote it.

 Valentine’s Day here at the CCC lasted several days starting off with a game called the No-So-Newly Weds which was a take off of the old TV game show named The Newly Weds. We were told there would be five mystery couples and, of course, it was the topic of a couple of meals who those couples would be. All but one couple were residents and the fifth couple was our CEO and is wife, who won the game by matching the most answers. They’d been married 40 years. One couple was married 70 years, another 60 and two at 50 years each. Two couples couldn’t match any of the ten questions they were asked. The questions were stuff like: Where did you go on your first date? Who would your spouse say is their celebrity crush? What would your spouse say is their most prized possession? and What would you spouse buy first if he/she won the lotto? What surprised me is how few of the guys could name two things correctly that their wives would have in their purses. It was a fun afternoon’s entertainment.

The weekend before the 14th T-shirt Tom had a large and very beautiful bouquet of roses of various colors sent to the concierge's desk with a card reading “for all the ladies.” (Found out recently that he is also the person who keeps a dish on the concierge’s desk supplied with tiny candy bars.) The bouquet looked like spring and made my heart happy and my head thinking about the days when I made bouquets like that for the flower shop where I worked. Only back then we didn’t have the high-bred colors they have now. It was quite amazing and must have cost a fortune. Another resident, Bing the Scottish singer, brought two dozen still-warm holiday decorated Crispy Crème donuts to our group dinner table that same weekend.

One day we all found a small Valentine’s Day card in our mailboxes from the management and for a week they’d been advertising a special meal that was served in the fine dining room on V Day. Surf and Turf, with asparagus, champagne and two to-die-for sounding chocolate desserts. I didn't go because I’m allergic to lobster and the meal was pricy, especially if you can’t eat half the entrée but I was able to score a box of chocolate covered strawberries made by one of our chefs.

Also in honor of the holiday the CCC had a guest speaker who has built a business for herself out of giving historical lectures and escorting bus, running and walking tours to various points of local interest. This presentation was on the “Great Romances” in our city. I’m kind of burned out on her, having heard her speak at my old senior hall many time plus I’d heard this talk before so I almost didn’t go. Then I decided I needed support the management when they bring in outside speakers so they’ll keep bringing them in. And really, what else did I have to do on the 14th that was so pressing that I couldn’t take an hour to walk 100 feet to the next building and hear her again?

Me? Her over-the-top (fake?) enthusiasm is starting to grade on me but I didn’t mention that to anyone here because I remember when she was a shiny-new penny on my life’s landscape, and I am duly impressed by how this young woman started off eight years ago just doing running tours in our downtown area for people in town for corporate conferences and now she’s got 33 programs on her menu of talks and full service tours she can give. I had a front row seat when our senior hall director mentored and helped her branch out from her small niche to what she does today. And Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to celebrate the power of women helping each other as well as remember those who we love or once loved. ©

My latest jigsaw puzzle. Another made by Bgraamiens named Retro Art Squares, 1,000 pieces bought at Amazon. I'm fast becoming a fan of this company. Not as hard as it looks but still took my three days of obsessing.


39 comments:

  1. Caregiving does so put the damper on Valentine's Day... and Romance... so, yeah, I buy whatever I'm thinking I want and ensure The Man gets his Chocolates. He's such a Big Kid with Treats, but being Diabetic, we have to watch him like a Hawk with them, as he ate a whole Box in one Day... oddly his numbers were great and he didn't OD. *whew* Sounds like the CCC tried very hard to make this a Special Holiday that would be inclusive of even those who may not have a Romantic Relationship going on. If someone is over-the-top I'm inclined to think it's fake too and they should land their Balloon so it seems less disingenuous and much more authentic. If what they're doing is worth getting excited and enthusiastic about, then they don't need to do it 'for' me. *LOL* Lobster allergy, you poor thing, I Loves me those Sea Roaches! Or, if I'm going OG, Crawdads will do. We had that Flood, which was about all the excitement needed for my Valentine's Day, left me in a sleep deprived haze for the rest of the 'Celebration'... ha ha ha.

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    1. She very theatrical in her speaking manner which is probably a better way to describe her than 'over-the-top' although, come to think about it there isn't much difference. LOL

      That flood would have undone me!

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  2. Thanks! Andy actually bought some flowers this year. He wanted daffodils but found a little bouquet of roses and some other things, already starting to wilt, but it was so sweet of him to do it.

    Mostly we ignore Valentine's Day except to look for chocolate-covered marshmallow hearts that he loves. We look together and buy them as soon as we see them. They didn't have any this year.

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    1. I didn't even buy a heart-shaped box of candy at the half-off table the day after V Day which is a first for me in a very long time. that's probably a bi-product of all the special things that they did around here to celebrate.

      Go Andy!

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  3. I'm impressed with your jigsaw choices. Brutal, for sure!! I thought it was a quilt someone had made and presented to you. LOL Whew! I'm still working on my own 1,000 piece puzzle, after about 3 weeks of off and on work. Thanks for the advice on Valentine's Day. I'll have to do something for myself next Valentine's Day!

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    1. I'm a strong advocate of treating yourself if there is no one else in your life to do it.

      Regular picture puzzles are not as much fun for me as the challenging ones like this but the biggest trouble with the challenging ones is I can't walk away from them. I have to set an oven timer to make myself quit.

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  4. I'm glad you scored those strawberries, and how wonderful it was for you to support another woman. I laughed as I read about the questions asked of the "mystery" couples. I think I'd probably have to go back to Ann-Margret to find a star my husband would say was his favorite. You might say that our Valentine's Day wasn't very romantic. He drove with me an hour away to a health facility where helpful nurses ushered me to an exam room. After two months of constant phone calls and many frustrated tears, I finally received the two injections that comprise the Evusheld biclonal prophylactic treatment for Covid, given an EUA on Dec. 8 for people who are either too immunocompromised to benefit from a Covid vaccination or else cannot vaccinate because of a prior serious reaction to a vaccination with some of the same ingredients. I qualified on both counts. My rheumatologist jumped through hoops for me as soon as I located a provider source and nailed the deliberately mysterious sign-up process. My husband then waited through my hour-long observation period, while the transplant patient who'd also received his Evusheld injection sitting nearest me and I compared plans to spend time with grandchildren or travel, in his case. Then we drove home, with me feeling giddy with hope for the first time in a year. It was tough watching others be vaccinated and not being able to enjoy any protection myself, although I channeled some of that by getting my husband signed up as quickly as possible and offering to help others. I feared, susceptible as I was and with as many doctors' appointments as I have, that I might bring infection to my husband who has diabetes and has had a quintuple bypass. I had thought I had accepted the strictures until I found out about Evusheld. I won't have quite as high of protection as vaccinated people do, but I don't have to feel like the "unwashed" any longer when people talk about the irresponsibility of unvaccinated people. I'll remember this Valentine's Day for the rest of my life.

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    1. Your husband sounds like a really supportive guy and that count high on the 'romantic' scale in my book.

      Your comment was really interesting because I was not aware that there was an alternative-though-hard-to-find way to help protect people in your medical situation. Happy for you.

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  5. The CCC really seemed to make a very nice effort to celebrate the day and I might becoming a fan of T-shirt Tom.
    That puzzle looks brutal.

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    1. T-Shirt Tom is turning out to be a very sweet man even though he didn't make a good first impression. He says this place is making him into a nicer person.

      This puzzle has a million colors in it which makes it fun for me and each square you build from the center out then try to figure out how they all connect...different than other picture puzzles. I wish this brand puzzle didn't cost $20 each. But I keep the fun puzzles can will work it again next winter.

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  6. Sounds like the CCC had some great plans for all of you. And T-shirt Tom seems to have a good heart. :-)

    One of my all time funniest memories is of a similar game of Almost Newlyweds on a cruise I went on with a girlfriend before I remarried. It was the evening entertainment and it was just beyond funny. I can't think of a time I laughed harder. Good planning on the part of the CCC.

    V Day is a pretty small blip here. We typically buy funny cards and eat sugar - but not like we used to. What can I say? I made DH a mincemeat pie because it's his favorite and I am not tempted by it. He is still eating it and gushing about it. Easy and didn't break the bank. LOL.

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  7. I am impressed with the way your CCC celebrates special days. It sounds like they really do try to reach out and bring the residents together for some good food and entertainment. We didn't do much to celebrate, but our daughter brought us some beautiful heart-shaped sugar cookies with pink icing. She had our little grand girls all decked out in heart outfits, and that was our highlight of the day. I never thought I'd get to be a grandma, and I treasure those little dolls. Chocolate is my weakness, so I attacked my stash of Hersheys and ate my fill, lol. Jean, that puzzle is impressive!!

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    1. Valentine's Day with little girls dressed for the occasion sounds perfect, add the cookies and you hit the jackpot on a sweet day to remember.

      I loved this puzzle so much I almost started working it again as soon as I tore it apart.

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  8. That was very kind of you to go and listen to the lecture. I agree that it's important to support not only women, but local entrepreneurs.

    And thoughtfulness was bountiful at your complex, what with the residents offering up flowers and candies to be shared. How nice that there are such pleasant people to live amongst.

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    1. This place and the Life Enrichment Director is trying really hard right now to find a balance of things that people want and will support. And that's the reason I went the 'Great Romances' lecture. She had added two new couples since I saw this presentation before I and did enjoy the whole thing. Again.

      WE have a lot of nice people living here....they far out weight those who are a little shall we say trying. I've got two posts coming up that feature the latter kind. What I am learning fast---or rather being reminded of---living in such close quarters, is that no one is all villain or saint. We can't be defined in one sentence or nickname. I've seen some great acts of kindness and some childish pettiness coming from the same person/s.

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  9. Your last comment about pettiness and kindness coming from the same person reminds me of one reason I found Luther's thought so appealing. He was insistent that the division of people into saints and sinners was wrong. Instead, he considered each of us to be both -- only the proportion differs from time to time! The best example I can think of is my favorite aunt, who spent some time in the slammer for embezzlement. I loved her, and she was one of the kindest and most fun people I've ever known. In fact, I never knew about her past until my aunt spilled the beans a few years ago. I went searching, found the articles in the Des Moines Register, and ended up writing about it all on my blog. We just never know what people are capable of -- in either direction.

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    1. I haven't read much of Luther's teachings but from what you wrote above I think he was right on target about saints and sinners.

      Growing up in my and your generation they sheltered us kids from the sins and sinners of the world for as long as they could. Kids today can access social media and find whatever they want.

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  10. Your CCC sounds extremely well managed. I am truly impressed.

    Also eagerly anticipating your posts re: other residents. What they do and say has got to be (understandably) a compelling form of interest and entertainment for a writer, and you in turn provide that for us!

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    1. This CCC has a sister campus that has been around since 1906 so they've got a lot of experience. Plus it's non-profit which I'm convinced is a huge difference and well-worth me accepting the undertones of religion we get here. Nothing major---after all its the Methodists. I may write about it sometime.

      I wish I could write a character profile on so many people here. There is interesting stuff to observe all the time. For example one of the ladies here has a husband whose been in the hospital almost since they moved here. We got word last night that he's coming back with Hospice care and isn't expected to last a week. He wanted to be here, not the hospital when he died. While we were having dinner a medical supply company moved all the Hospice stuff in through the lobby---hospital bed, commode, etc. and the reactions around the table were really telling.

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  11. Chocolate-covered strawberries are my favourite dessert ever. Which is kinda strange because I don't much like either of them on their own but together they are magical! I love how you detail both management and residents getting into the V-Day spirit...life is too short not to celebrate each and every day somehow! And that puzzle? I'd love an area rug with that design...gorgeous! Thanks for sharing, Jean.

    Deb

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    1. I love both strawberries and dark chocolate so that box did not last long.

      We are having Hawaiian week soon with steel drummers with something new each day. Can't wait for that. I fell in love with steel drums in the '60s on a trip to the Caribbean.

      That puzzle would make a great area rug. I just tried to google it to see if it was available in that format. Didn't find one but did find a bunch that were just like the fabrics my mom made drapes out of when she worked sewing them for travel-trailers back in the '50s. Mid-century is really growing fast on me.

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    2. I don't love mid-century as it was what we grew up with in the 60s and 70s...I know, I know...wrong decade! My parents were broke-ass immigrants who bought their furniture second-hand or at auction. Everyone was dumping their mid-century stuff by then, so that's what we ended up with, to furnish our house. It was so out of style by then...and I just can't get into it being back in style now.

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    3. We lived with a lot of mid-century too because it got downgraded to our cottage. I think my niece remembers it from the 70s and associates it with good memories of her grandparents, so she's really gotten into it which in turn made me take a second look at it.

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  12. I don't get Valentie's Day but it sounds likeyours was good

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    1. Lot's of people don't get recognition on V Day so you are not alone.

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  13. Your CCC is pretty amazing! Lots of choices and always celebrating something! You made the perfect purchase!

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    1. There is almost too much too do and I don't don't even take part in half the stuff going on here.

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  14. Well, it sounds like they do it up well there and that's terrific. I'm sure for some it is a very hard time and hopefully that helps. And for the rest of you all, just fun!

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    1. Valentine's Day is always hard for recent widows ad widowers. I think the CCC social life of places like this has improved in recent years. They all seem to have Life Enrichment Directors or Activity Directors.

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  15. I am glad you support the programs they are putting on for you. Sounds like fun!

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    1. This week for super bowl they had a lecture on the history of football, but I couldn't go because I had a haircut appointment.

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  16. Your approach to how to handle Valentine's Day seems smart to me. Your puzzle is pretty. I'm not familiar with the company that made the puzzle, but will look for it. Life is about making your own fun.

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    1. It sure is and I'm always fascinated with how much fun you seem to have with your blog topics.

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  17. VD — the celebration, not the disease — was always low key for my husband and I as it even was when our focus was mostly on our kids once they came on the scene.

    Wonderful you can pick and choose from a large variety of activities you can enjoy. Most non-profit CCCs are definitely the better choice for living in such settings based on my having provided rehab in a large variety of them and yours is no exception from what you write. Sounds like you made a really good choice.

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    1. I don't know it if was blind luck or careful research that brought me here but one thing for sure is I am lucky. I still have all the freedom I want but have people near by if I have more socialization or help.

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  18. Valentine's Day is so far off my radar that I sometimes forget it's happening. I should pay more attention, since chocolate and flowers are two of my favorite things!

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    1. I buy bought for myself often enough that it's really not special to do it for Valentine's Day anymore except I do like getting the 1/2 price heart boxes after the holiday. I throw out my collection of 5-6 when I moved and resisted starting in again this year.

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  19. V-Day was kind of a disappointment here. A nice dinner the evening before and a breakfast casserole, but no card. That's really all I want. There were many activities at your place! When I taught we would always have "inspirational" speakers at the beginning of each school year; it was obvious to me that they were actors who had their patter down well--but it sounded insincere to my critical ear.

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    1. When I was in the wedding business I had that sales patter down well, too, and I'm sure near the end when the Bridezilla's started getting to me sounded insincere as well. It happens in all fields I'm sure.

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