Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, April 26, 2023

Trying Something New

Saturday morning I woke up expecting I’d be doing my normal routine of drinking two cups of coffee while reading and replying to comments on my latest blog post. But that didn’t happen because what I discovered (by subscribing to my own blog) is that Mailchimp didn’t send email notices out to any of my subscribers that I had something new posted, thus I only had one comment from someone who wandered in from another source. Long story short the company has recently changed or started enforcing a policy for their free accounts and I’ll either have to start forking over $156 a year or comply with the limitation of sending only 1,000 notices out per month. That translates into me writing six blogs per month instead of the eight I usually do, But it was a choice to make on another day because Sunday I had guests coming which meant I had sinks and floors to clean and party stuff to get ready.

The party was for my brother who is getting harder and harder to take out to restaurants because it takes two of us to walk him in---one to make sure his walker isn’t getting hung up on sidewalk cracks or chair legs and the another person to hold doors open and thank people who step out of the way when he’s about to run into them. So I offered to have my brother’s kids, their spouses and his girlfriend come down to my apartment to a birthday celebration. We only live one building apart, a half a block ride in the courtesy wheelchair. It gave Jerry a change of scenery and us more privacy than doing a gathering in the dinning area in the building where he lives. It’s a common practice with couples on campus where one spouse is living in Assisted Living or Memory Care and the other one is Independent Living. The party worked out perfect; I have ten chairs and I entertained nine people. My building does have a private space with a kitchen that residents can rent for bigger family parties and we can even get parties catered by our restaurant crew.

One of the biggest stress points my brother’s dementia causes for himself and the family is he’s always worried and arguing about not having any money to carry around. But the problem with giving him some is he either losses it, hides it or it gets stolen or a combination of all three. When my dad was in Hospice a night shift worker was stealing money from his wallet that he kept under his pillow each night until I got wise and filled the wallet up with Monopoly money. Dad didn't know the difference. He'd just see the edges of the bills and was at peace that he had plenty of  "walking around money" and I wasn't going broke on a daily basis when Dad asked to bum some cash from me.

For my brother’s birthday one of my nieces found some ‘theater money’ online that looks like the real thing---it fooled me. She told me afterward that it says ‘copy’ on them but with the bills under $20 it’s written in a small font and she doesn’t think her dad will notice. At the party she gave him a wallet with enough “cash” to make him happy. The day after the party I talked to my brother on the phone and he said, “One of the bills doesn’t look right,” and I thought, “Well, that didn’t last long.” But he went on to explain that on one side it says $1 and the other side says $5. I let out the breath I was holding and I told him new money like that sticks together and if that’s not what’s happening it’s a rare error bill like my husband used to collect and I told him I’d look at the next day. 

But the next day when I go there the entire wallet was gone and all the theater money along with it. My niece called the building manager and Jerry’s room got a thorough search and I even patted him down in case he had it in a forgotten pocket. I can only hope if someone did steal it that they get caught trying to spend fake money and they’d have to try to explain to the police where they got it. If they did figure out it wasn’t real money the chances of the wallet showing back up again are pretty high. Stay tuned.

And now for the my decision on what I’m doing about this blog. I like to think I’d write posts even if no one is reading them but that would be a lie. Not having a way to let subscribers know when I publish something new cuts down on my pleasure in keeping a blog and paying to get a subscriber’s list sent out is not going to happen. So, I’ve decided to cut back to posting every Wednesday (4 or 5 posts a month)---drop the Saturday posts. I may experiment with making the Wednesday posts longer in content and/or throwing one or two extra posts out during each month if something special is going on. (I can do six without having to pay to have notices sent to subscribers.) Working out a new rhythm to my life is going to take time but Mailchimp’s curve ball just brought to the surface something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while now. Next Wednesday I’ll tell you all about the painting class I started this week.  ©

Edit to add: Yes, I know this email notice went out on Thursday which was Mailchimp's doing not mine. (It actually got published on time.) But I'm delighted none the less because now I know the day of the month when they roll me over to a batch of 1,000 email notices.

46 comments:

  1. Thanks for the MailChimp reference, ever since the old email sender from Google disappeared almost 2 years ago my readership has declined precipitously. Friends have been wondering when I'll get the mail service fixed. I would keep going regardless but my friends like to know what's going on with me. I'm cheap also, won't pay for the service.

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    1. When Google's email sender disappeared I went to Mailchimp and had no problems until now. My readership is going to decline too if I don't get this issue worked out. I thought my month would roll over automatically with this post but since it didn't I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet do sometime more proactive about it.

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  2. I'm sorry that your service is changing their rules. I remember that Ronni used to accept voluntary donations once a year to cover just this kind of expense. I doubt that you would want to deal with the hassle of that, though, much less just pay them this not insubstantial annual fee! I don't subscribe to any of the blogs I read; I just bookmark them on my computer and check in on them every couple of days.

    Nina

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    1. I'd forgotten about Ronni doing that but that's not something I'd want to do. I did think about letting Google add advertisements to offset the cost of having a paid subscription service but I find those ads so annoying when I visit the few blogs that have them and I doubt I'd have enough click throws to generate much money.

      If I didn't have a blog to have a sidebar of the blogs I follow I'd do like you do to keep up with the ones I like.

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  3. I use Mailchimp as well, but because I don't post nearly as often, it's not an issue.

    It's too bad that there is theft in the residence facility. And getting your brother a small safe isn't a workable solution either. What an unfortunate situation. But I'm glad you had a get-together in your apartment with family. That must have been lovely.

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    1. He had one of those cans safes that looked like a can of peaches that he kept in his mini refrigerator but the whole thing got lost or stolen.

      I'm hoping that Mailchimp will start up again with the new month. If not, I'm going to have to get with their tech support to get it going again. I know how to stay under their limit now with the reduced posting.

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  4. I'll miss your Saturday posts. I don't get an email notice, I just know that you post on Wed and Sat so those are the days I check in on your blog. I have all my favorite blogs bookmarked so I can pop in when I want. I don't get email notices from any of them but it's easy to check in on them so I don't need a notice.

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    1. I wish others would do that same as you. I also just added the follow by Blogger feature too but that requires you to have a Bloggers account and not everyone has one of those or wants one. Thank you reading mine!

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    2. I found your blog via the blog list that the author of the Richly Retired maintains, and luckily just one click there gets me to your all blogs, old and new. You’re one of my favs! Well-written and thought-provoking. I also admire your kindness to you brother.

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    3. I have an ulterior reason to be kind to my brother. His daughters are my power of attorneys should I become unable to manage my affairs and I'm hoping by helping him I'm helping my nieces and that good juju will come back to me. LOL

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  5. Like Ellen D. I look forward to your blogs. I prefer bookmarks to more email notices.Have been known to stay up an extra bit to read Saturday’s post before I go to bed Friday “night”. If I had your email address I would send a donation. Genie

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    1. That's very nice of you to offer but It's not an option I would ever do. Thank you though. I can tell by my stats that most readers here do depend on the subscription emails. My readership is really down with this post in the last one.

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  6. Well, I think the party sounds great and I'm so glad you were able to do that. But not at all happy about the disappearance of the wallet and funny money. I hope it just fell under something or stuck in cushions but it doesn't sound promising. The funny money is brilliant. I was going to suggest Monopoly money till I realized he'd easily tell the diff. That sounds great.

    I got your notification today from Google friend on the sidebar here and on my dashboard. I'll let you know if/when I get your next notification. Mine turned over April 20 and I've already done three posts as of today. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do with the pay thing. I probably will upgrade but we'll see.

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    1. The wallet turned up empty in another resident's room but of course it still still could Have there been planted by a care-giver. Which is really the most likely thing because there wasn't much time From the time he got the wall to the time it came up missing for anyone to wander into his room.
      Thank you so much for all the help you gave me with mailchimp. I still I'm trying to figure out my turnover date which I thought was the 26th. My computer is acting up now and I'm replying on my kindle. When it rains it pours.

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  7. I never get email about your blog publishing, I just know you publish on wednesday & Saturday & I check on both days. I love your wide range of your blog topics from spirituality to caring human being to humanatarian views, I feel it makes me look at the world at different point of view too, thanks to you I discovered Fannie Flagg author & now I am on 4th book of hers & enjoying her so much.

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    1. Isn't she great! thank you for being my longest running blog follower. :)

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  8. I, too, know that you typically post on Wednesdays and Saturdays so I came looking for you today when I didn't get a notification that you'd posted. Whatever you decide to do, I'll still be reading. :)

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    1. I am grateful to you and the others who come read me. I've written two posts a week for what seems like forever. It's going to take some time for me to adjust.

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  9. The constant change on Blog providers and various enhancements is frustrating. If you are embracing the change it's going to be okay. The play Money is a brilliant idea and can catch a Thief in a creative way if they are trying to use it as legal tender. Glad your Brother had a great Birthday at your place and family could all be together...Dawn the Bohemian

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    1. That theater money looks so good, it really did fool me. I thought it was just the next generation of paper they use to try to keep ahead of the counterfeiters.

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  10. Several years ago, I started paying $50 per year for each of my Wordpress blogs in order to go ads-free after I took a look at some of the ads they were running on my blog.
    I'm appalled by the thought of caretakers stealing from vulnerable residents. But, I guess that given both the worker shortage and the fact that these caretakers are so poorly paid, the CCC can't afford to make a serious effort to find and fire the offender(s).

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    1. Stealing happens in all places that use caregiver aids, especially in home care and hospice workers (for drugs in the latter).

      Bloggers doesn't make us accept ads on free blogs like this. If they did, I'd pay to go ads free also.

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  11. That's sad, both about the thievery and MailChimp. I used MailChimp for a while but it was unreliable in notifying people so I manually send out messages to people who wanted to get emails. Presumably other readers use a feed reader, but I don't have nearly as many commenters as you do. I use Inoreader to get notified about your posts. Good luck!
    ---CheerfulMonk

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    1. I guess there are other companies who do what Mailchimp does but I HATE changes like that. So we shall see what happens. I don't know what Inoreader is.

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  12. I, too, am sorry about the Mailchimp fiasco. I truely know nothing about blogging, but it's a shame that you can't post as often as you'd like. I certainly don't mind looking for you.

    Sure glad the party for your brother went well. It was kind of you to host it and I'll bet your family was grateful. Like many other commenters, I hated to hear your brother's wallet and cash were stolen. Sure glad the money was fake.

    I'm looking forward to hearing about your painting class. Good for you, Jean!

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    1. Ya, I'm not buying the story of the wallet being found in another resident's room. The woman known to pick up stuff and move it around died and it disappeared too soon after he got it for another resident to wander in. More than lucky a caregiver/aid took the money and ditch the wallet soon after picking it up.

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    2. I commented earlier about the bookmarking thing but totally forgot to mention the theft of your brother's new wallet. My mom was in assisted living for about 10 years, then on to skilled nursing for another four years. I don't have a solution because I think the combination of difficult and hard work combined with abominably poor pay and complete privacy while providing care seems to leave the workers with the sense that stealing from the residents is similar to getting a bonus. But it takes a real toll on the residents, especially if they aren't having memory issues (if they continually can't find something, they question their slide into dementia, well before it is actually happening, which is so cruel).
      Nina

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    3. You are so right about missing money and other valuables that come up missing in care places, even with home care. And it creates so much stress with the residents and their families.

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    4. OK, this is my 3rd comment today! And I don't normally comment at all, although I really enjoy your blog. But Apple News just sent me an article online from this month's issue of Vogue magazine, titled "The Unstoppable Rise of the Sheer Wedding Dress." If you can find it online, I think you will be amused. Apparently it is all the rage, more's the pity.
      Nina

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    5. Nina, thanks! I just read the article and thought it was funny for several reasons but mainly because all those brides getting see-through dresses think they are doing something different and they are all the same... I still think those dresses are.disgusting.

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  13. I also found your blog through another that I read and know that you post on Wednesday and Saturdays. I don’t get emailed but always check on those days as I also really enjoy your writing. I will also miss your Saturday posts but it sounds like you have done your research on how people reach your site. But I have you bookmarked!

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    1. I couldn't decide between Saturdays and Wednesday and I suppose it doesn't really matter. I still use a lot of bookmarks but I guess with so many handheld devices they aren't as popular as they used to be.

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  14. We had the opposite care giver situation with my dad. He was in assisted living and would misplace money (he hid it from himself). Then he would accuse the workers of stealing it and they would have to take lie detector tests! He was in a veterans home and we were able to establish (and explain to him) charge accounts at the commissary. I would put money on his books and he could go in and charge on his id badge. It took a bit, but took care of the cash situation. He was also able to withdraw money from his accounts, but I never explained that to him!!!

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    1. The commissary account was brilliant in your dad's situation. We weren't really sure if my brother hides money or it gets stolen or if it's a combination of both. Except this last time with the wallet supposedly turning up empty in someone's else's room so soon after he got it at the party really looks fishy.

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  15. Ah, ha. I'd forgotten that Blogger changed their notification service in the past. Have you talked to Jeanie about it? I know she found some way to send out emails, and she certainly publishes a lot of posts. I can't tell from her blog which service she's using, but it's been absolutely dependable.

    I really, really hope whoever nipped your brother's wallet is dumb or non-observant enough to try spending that money. It would serve them right. On the other hand, the story surfaced a memory of something I haven't thought of for years. When I was a kid, I remember being taught at a very young age to make change, using paper bills and coins. If you have the time and want a chuckle, pay for an item that costs $4.05 with a five dollar bill and a nickel, and then watch the youngster who depends on digital cash registers try to figure out how to deal with it!

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    1. Yes, Jeanie has been a godsend with helping me with Mailchimp because she went through the same thing recently. Last time I had contact with her she didn't know if she's going to pay for an upgraded system or do like I'm doing can cutting back on posting.

      I do that all the time with cash and it did used to confuse young people but not they just punch in the amount and the cashier does the math for them. What really confuses them now is using checks. Half the time they have to call some one to show them how to process it. They want the world using credit and debit cards.

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    2. The first time I saw someone using a card to pay for a drink at Chick-Fil-A, I nearly died. Down on the seawall at Galveston, you have to use your phone to pay for a parking spot. I'll just stay in the woods and on the prairies and be happy.

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    3. Yup, it's easy to feel like dinosaur these days.

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  16. First off, what a frustration to have someone stealing from your brother. I hope they tried to spend the "money" and got caught. Bad karma.

    I got an email notice this morning re: your blog post. But as others have said, I normally check on Wed & Sat to see your posts, so if it would save you anything, I don't need to be on your notification list. :-) Good luck with however you manage it. I would hate to have you quit writing because of this...your blog is so interesting!

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    1. I do too. I think it would be great karma if someone got arrested for trying to pass fake money and it was on the news. I swear it looks pretty good. The color was slightly different but I chalked it up to the mint changing it to keep up with the counterfeiters. I even held it up the the light. What I didn't do is read it close enough to see the words "copy" on it.

      As of the morning when you got the email notification I'm back on track with Mailchimp. Don't take yourself off the subscription list unless you don't want to read me anymore. The list get purged automatically, anyway, if a person doesn't click on the link in the email x number of times in a row. Dropping back on the number of posts I do per month gives me plenty of wiggle room to even add in a couple of extra posts if I want. I'm kind of excited about figuring out how I'm going to use my new found time.

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  17. Sounds like a wonderful party solution for your brother. Sorry to read about thefts at the facility - Pollyanna me would like to think that older people and those with diminished faculties would not be taken advantage of in this way but every once in a while my rose-coloured glasses need to be ripped off of my face. Like when I read about young women in a non-responsive state in care facilities ending up pregnant! People can really suck. And so can blogging platforms! I got sick of things like this and just ended up buying my own domain and paying for web hosting. I figure it's my hobby and still a pretty cheap one at that (compared to say, golf). Things still get changed up for me from time to time, but I'm already paying for everything so no surprises there. Glad you are still going to be writing Jean, although not as frequently.

    Deb

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    1. If I was younger or do have a do-over I'd do what you're doing but I don't really want to invest the time I'd need to 'reprogram' myself at this point in my life.

      Raping women in nursing homes is fear of mine and isn't as rare as one might like to believe.

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  18. I subscribe through blogger so no need to use email notification for me. I hope your brother lost it because thinking someone is out there taking things from those who are unable to care for themselves is all kinds of wrong.

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    1. He didn't lose it. It turned up empty in another resident's room which really looks fishy to me given the time frame when he got it and when it went missing. Got it on Sunday and he had it at bedtime and it was missing the next morning when he got up. To me it looks like it was planted in the other room. If you think low paid aids in nursing homes and those who work in private homes and hospice care don't steal you've living in an illusion. Jewelry, cash, credit cards, cigarettes, liquor, antiques and drugs...I know first hand stories of all these kinds of things being stolen. Oh, and my sister-in-law had a car taken by a caregiver and not returned until they got the police involved.

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  19. i still get an email letting me know you have done a new post
    It isn't easy for me to go out to a restaurant so doesn't happen very often
    Dementia is a bitch just saying

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    1. I'm pretty sure my email subscription service is back on track again. So everyone should get them on Wednesdays.

      Restaurants aren't always worth the time and effort they take, especially when they are busy and you have to wait a long time.

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