Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Rumor Mills and Plants that Talk

Image © Friends of Acadia National Park / Yehyun Kim
If you’re a long-time reader you might remember that I’ve hated being pared for dinner with only one person living in my Independent Living facility. I’ve nicknamed her both Ms Manners and Vinegar Lady, the latter because she’s like vinegar to my oil. The former nickname is because of her oh-so prefect table manners and vast knowledge of proper British and Downton Abbey decorum which she talks about in her canary soft voice that barely makes it across the table. She never fails to find something to pick apart about the food---how it’s prepared, how its platted or how its served. She makes me want to lick my knife and watch her faint.

When she’s not talking about the above topics she talks about her world travels and gourmet cooking techniques. Rumor has it that she’s a trust fund baby because she’s never married and never worked. To balance all this out she’s by far the most creative and gifted knitter I’ve ever seen. Every single day, year-around for the two years I've known her she's worn one of her own creations of intricate stitches and the finest yarn money can buy. If I could steal her talent I would do it with no remorse.

Recently we got a notice in out daily email that the elevator in my building would be experiencing long waits that day which means someone was moving in or out. Since we didn’t have any empty apartments everyone was trying to figure out who moved out before the birds woke up. You guessed it. Ms Manners moved which she kept close to her vest (or sweater in her case). One person reported she hadn’t been happy here for a long time, doesn't think the place is managed well. But her next door neighbor had a long conversation with her just the day before the move and she never even mentioned the move nor said goodbye to her circle of line-dancing friends save for one person. We’re all trying to figure out how much money she lost moving out of this continuum care facility then buying into another. Gossip mills have to turn and this was a high-powered surge of gossip turning that metaphorical wheel.

I wondered if my oil vs vinegar reaction to the woman made it past my careful applied, fake smiley face and she sensed my true feelings and that contributed to her discontent with living here. As quickly as the thought ran through my head I dismissed it. In all our interactions she never once asked a question about me, my history or hobbies. We had the no children and knitting things in common so I did try in the beginning to befriend her before I decided I couldn't fake interest in her topics of conversation longer than over dinner. (Don't you hate it when you have to work at being nice? It's exhausting.) I’m sad, though, that she’s gone and I’m not sure if it’s the shock of her leaving or because for a blogger always on the lookout for blog fodder my world lost one of the quirky characters in my sphere of existence. Yup, you guessed it. I do enjoy/tolerate some people for all the wrong reasons.

Change of Topic: In our book club we’re reading Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer and Blinklist.com says it’s “a powerful exploration of the relationship between humans and nature, weaving together indigenous wisdom, scientific knowledge, and personal anecdotes.” The author is an enrolled member of Citizen Potawatomi Nation and a college professor in the Environmental Sciences and Forestry Department at a university in New York. I was surprised Blinklist categorizes the book under the heading ‘Religion & Spirituality’ but I can’ think of a better one because they don’t have a category titled ‘Lyrical Prose that Rolls off your Tongue Like Poetry.’

The retired Art Professor here is the one who suggested the book and she’s been freaking out (my words, not hers) but when I asked her if she was nervous about the coming discussion. She shook her head ‘yes.’ My question was precipitated because The Professor put on her teacher's hat and sent us several emails on how to approach the book and a couple links to videos of the author interviews, etc. She really wants us to love the book as much as she does and most of us were complaining that we were having trouble getting into the book.

I’m still Fangirling the professor so I downloaded the audio version---which I often do if a book is too hard for me too read---and finally by the end of chapter three the book grabbed me and I fell in love with the smoothness of the author’s writing style, the language she uses and the stories of indigenous people that she wove together with modern environmental issues. Jane Goodall says it better in her back cover review: “….Kimmerer shows how the factual, objective approach to science can be enriched by the ancient knowledge of indigenous people. It is the way she captures beauty that I love the most---the images of giant cedars and wild strawberries, a forest in the rain and a meadow of fragrant sweetgrass will stay with you long after you read the last page.”

 Until next Wednesday. ©

 One of my Favorite Quotes from Braiding Sweetgrass 

 "Tom unlocked the door and we stepped inside. What words can capture that smell? The fragrance of your mother's newly washed hair as she holds you close, the melancholy smell of summer slipping into fall, the smell of memory that makes you close your eyes for a moment, and then a moment longer."

28 comments:

  1. That's interesting the woman would leave without saying goodbye.

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    1. I heard after writing this that she didn't want to deal with everyone's questions and that's why she didn't tell anyone. And she bought the place she moved to 3 months before she actually moved into it. She was waiting for some updating to be done.

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  2. I agree, it is often the people we don't like, or even like least of all, who provide the best blog fodder. We don't even have to feel guilty about lampooning them.

    I think the book you describe sounds like a nature book I'd really enjoy. I find the natural world and the people that inhabit it endlessly fascinating. I hope it will become available here and will look out for it.

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    1. It's not a new book and is widely used in book clubs here in
      The States. The author is on a lecture tour now and coming to our city in the fall so our club is going.

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  3. Vinegar Lady was an odd bird. Wonder why she felt it had to be secret that she was leaving? That woman would have been a project to me. I would like to observe her like an accident- I shouldnt look but i have to!

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    1. Yup, I did love to observe her. She didn't want to deal with the questions people would ask is her explanation for not telling anyone.

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  4. I wonder how long your former neighbor will last at her next residence. Sometimes, people like that are never happy. She'd do better at home with a private staff.

    Braiding Sweetgrass came across my radar last week, but I didn't think it was for me. This is my summer for rereading, anyway. I'm finding comfort in old friends, the books I've enjoyed once or twice already.

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    1. I said the same thing, that Vinegar Lady takes her problems with her with her impossibility high standards. She went to another CCC, though. And I was told she moved every couple of years her entire life.

      I think the book is getting a new look by a lot of people because she explains environmental clean-up issues in an easy to understand way and is a book with hope regarding turning things around.

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  5. I wonder where Miss Manners went? I think you have the beginning of a fun short story, Jean. It probably is for the best--she didn't seem to fit in very well. If she has a pile of money, I'm sure she'll have lots of choices.

    Your new book actually sounds interesting. My son purchased a small acreage and has begun to research different ways to grow and nurture plants. From what I have read in the Blue Zone studies, the whole process of planting, tending, and harvesting can actually contribute to one's physical, mental and spiritual health. That's amazing! The quote you included above, has me thinking I'd enjoy it. It's going on my list.

    I thought it was interesting to hear that the Professor was a little nervous about how the book might be received by your group. I like her--she has confidence, but she also has humility. I'd probably be a fangirl of her, too.

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    1. Ms Manners went to another CCC not too far away. Rumor has it she has a history of moving often.

      We had the book discussion after I wrote this post and every last one of us loved the book which doesn't happen often. Our discussion went a half hour over our normal one hour. Several ladies brought baskets in made of sweetgrass and one of our ladies actually belongs to a basket making guild! If you read it, remember that each chapter is like separate essay and are not related to one before it. Once I got past trying to connect them I loved the book. The first chapter, however, I didn't like because it was about the creation story passed down from her tribe. Others in the group who are religious loved that chapter.

      The Professor is an interesting and a wonderfully giving person. She and her husband couldn't have children either so they took in refugees and mentored them all their married life. She's taken students on study trips to South America and has an interesting collection of handmade jewelry. She seems to get my sense of humor and teases me often.

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  6. Ah, blog fodder! No, I think this woman moved because she wasn't happy period. And it sounds like she might never be happy, which is a pity. It takes such energy to dislike or be fussy about so many things. The book sounds lovely -- some just take a long while to get into but are more than worth the wait. Lyrical writing is such a gift!

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    1. That's what I said----she takes her unhappiness with her because her standards are too high and impossible to reach. She was one of a handful that complain/complained constantly.

      I think anyone who spends time outside walking along ditches and country roads and around lakes would love the book.

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  7. I love that book too, Jean! Miss Manners sounded very self-absorbed and not interested in the rest of the community except as an audience. I suspect her experience at the next place will be identical to what happened on your campus and so on, ad infinitum. In my experience, people with money get treated like they are the centre of the universe and they do come to believe it about themselves too. Sad, really...for that person.

    Deb

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    1. I'm not surprised that you've read and love that book, too. The author is so interesting as are the indigenous people she writes about. You spend so much time hiking, out in nature, it's a great book to help you see even more than you already do on those hikes.

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  8. Will definitely check out that book! I've heard of it, but never seen it.

    As others have said, Miss Manners sounds unhappy and is unlikely to find something that makes her happy. As my dad used to say, some people would complain on their mother's milk. lol

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    1. If you're a member of Meijer Gardens the book author is giving a lecture there November 7th. Register begins Sept. 1st.

      Your dad was right. LOL

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  9. If someone moves without telling others they are moving they either don't like anyone, or so self-absorbed they don't give a rats ass. I have never heard of that book but there are many books I haven't heard of considering how many books are out there.

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    1. I wasn't someone who consisted her a friend but a couple of ladies who did think of her as a friend had their feelings hurt by the way she left. She was in the line dancing group twice a week for over a year and didn't tell them and they socialized together apart from line dancing.

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  10. One sentence made me laugh out loud: "She makes me want to lick my knife and watch her faint." I've known people like that: her, not you.

    I have a sweetgrass basket a friend in Charleston sent to me. It was woven by one of the Gullah women that started a co-op in Charleston. There's a nice, short intro to the tradition here. There's a lot more online if you're interested. Another friend gave me the book for Christmas, and it's just wonderful. One thing I didn't know is that the Native American tribe in east Texas -- in the area that I visit -- has their own tradition of basket weaving, using the needles from the longleaf pines. Their tribal headquarters and cultural center's only two or three hours away. One of these days I'll get up there.

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    1. I was really hoping you'd comment on the book and I'm not surprised you've already found and like it.

      I don't have any native American baskets but they sure would have fit in with the Cowboys and Indians theme living room in our old house. They are fascinating, especially after the basket weaver in our book club brought in some raw sweetgrass for us to see. I can't imagine weaving longleaf pine needles.

      Trust me, I've never licked a knife. At least in public ---can't promise the same about in my kitchen. lol

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    2. My favorite 'licking knives,' in order of preference: chocolate frosting, fudge, peanut butter, cream cheese and jelly, hummus, pimento cheese

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    3. Except for the hummus I'd lick any of those knives.

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  11. Fabulous and very diverse post. I hope someone worthy of your insightful blogger's eye moves in to replace "knitting woman"!

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    1. Now I feel bad that I didn't give my x-neighbor a kinder nickname involving knitting. Why didn't I think of that?

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  12. Vinegar is gone! And she did so stealthily. That's interesting in and of itself. Just another character add to your life story, I suppose.

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    1. Now I'm looking forward to replacement, since the empty apartment is close to mine.

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  13. People can make the most interesting Blog Fodder... Ms Manners may not care how much Money is lost if she's never had to work for any of it... Dawn the Bohemian

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  14. I loved Braiding Sweetgrass, and two of us have recommended it for our library reading group. My favorite thing was the Thanksgiving Address.

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