“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch, which I've got held up for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” George Bernard Shaw
I’m addicted to watching Facebook Short Reels every morning and every morning I find something that touches my soul or my funny bone or makes me think. Today I ran across the above quote of George Bernard Shaw and it shined a light on what I’ve been doing wrong my entire adult life and what my niece has been doing right her entire adult life. She is being honored in September as a ‘Hometown Hero’ so it’s not just my opinion as a proud aunt that she's making a difference in the world. Me? I’m may not be a “selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making [me] happy” but except for a brief few years in my life when I was mentor and administrator at a large stroke support website I’ve lived a life one might say was devoted to making myself happy.
A recent post in Donna’s blog, My View From Here, reminded of a quote from Socrates that goes "the unexamined life is not worth living." That’s one thing I’ve done in my life. I’ve examined the stuffings out of my every action, my every thought and that comes from being a life long diary keeper starting at age ten. Cause and effect. I said or did so-and-so and as a result this or that happening. It was that cut and dry when I was a teenager writing about crushes I had and all I can say about that is I’m glad we didn’t have the internet back then. I would have been a cyber stalker instead of just a girl joy riding with my best friend past the places where our crushes lived, hoping they’d be outside washing a car or mowing the grass. Guys back then did the same thing. My best friend and I would hang out on our front stoops hoping a guy we liked would drive by. One time a guy drove around the block seven times before he got the courage to stop and talk to us. Trust me when I say that was a red letter day in the life of a teenage diary keeper. Literately. Back in those days I put a red star next to “special” encounters with the opposite sex.
Now days my encounters with the opposite sex involve disputes I’d like to have but avoid over the community jigsaw puzzle. I’ve decided I’m too OCD to play nice with others at that table. Last month I spent over an hour sorting a new puzzle by colors---we have a puzzle table with drawers for that purpose---and a guy came along and dumped all the drawers with the sorted pieces onto a large, white foam core board. He likes the white background to “see the pieces better." I didn’t say a word to anyone about the ‘dumping’ but I vowed that was the last time I’d work on the puzzles. The guys are the ones who used to take pieces of the puzzles home so they could be the last person to compete a puzzle. And it's a guy who stacks pieces on top of the finished portion of the puzzles and that makes me want to go postal. If you ever see a headline that reads: 'Beloved Grandfather Killed Over a Jigsaw Puzzle' you'll know I finally did! If you say anything to him about how hard it is see pieces laying on top of the others, he'll say "I don't worry stuff like that. That's my wife's job." I'll bet she's been picking his dirty clothes up off the floor, too, for the past 61 years and putting them in the hamper.
For two weeks I stayed away from the puzzle and it was a hardship because I love working on it 10-15 minutes while waiting for a class or lecture to start or for my dinner reservation time. It’s set up in the hub of everything and it’s the best gossip gathering spot on campus, with its location just a few feet away from a grouping of chairs by the fireplace. People tend to forget you’re there with your back to them and your listening ears on. The only time I work longer on the puzzles are when they unbox a new one; I’ve gained a reputation for being The Sorter because no one else seems to want to do it and it's my favorite part.
Changing topics: I admire how so many young people today seem have found their sense of community at such a young age. Every day on Facebook I see them working for causes that sets them apart from the self-absorbed teen I used to be. They are bringing attention to climate change issues, working to change our gun culture or helping the homeless or standing up for their LGBTQ+ friends. They are going to be force to be reckoned with when they come of age. That has me wondering what my parents' generation must have thought about me and my best friend when were we teenagers. Did they think we were self-centered or naive? Looking back I know I was both those things. Even so, until the Trump administration came along I was proud of my generation because we’d done our part to make the world a better place as all the generations before ours had done. In the sixties---the era of social changes---we Baby Boomers led the charge through activism. But all our gains in Women's Rights, Civil Rights, Voting Rights and personal freedom are on the cutting block.
Yesterday at a birthday party/sing-along on campus we sang God Bless America at the beginning and the end and it felt hollow and wrong. The night before six of the eight candidates in the Republican primary stood on a stage and pledged with a show of hands to support Trump if he wins the primary "even if he's convicted of high crimes in a federal court." (One retracted his hand raising afterward, said he misunderstood the question.) How can anyone be proud of our country and ask God to bless Her when so many Americans are willing to trade our Democracy for Fascism and the Cult of Personality? ©
Until next Wednesday…
I wonder what it would be like to live my life as a man. To have some woman picking up after me, to be promoted past more competent women no matter how stupid I was just so long as I was loud and in peoples' faces all the time, to be able to walk anywhere anytime without fear of being harassed or worse, to not give a crap about anybody else's feelings but my own, and to have complete self-confidence in my decisions because if they're wrong it's always someone else's fault. Have you watched How to Be a Cult Leader on Netflix, Jean? The series highlights several cult leaders of the past and shows "their playbook", which I think might be the only book Donald Trump ever read. Or probably had read to him, more likely.
ReplyDeleteNo, I haven't hurt of that series. I think of Jim Jones often lately when I see an interview of a Trump fan. I never understood how Jim got 909 people to drink the poison until Trump came along. The big difference is that Jones turned the people against themselves and Trump is turning his followers against the linchpins that hold our democracy together.
DeleteWe gained so much in terms of Women's Rights over my life time and I don't like seeing it get eroded for the next generation.
I so agree with you about 45. I am disheartened and frightened by the allegiance to his cult.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking those who back him will reach a point that is too far to stretch their morals and values but it doesn't seem to have a bottom. I personally know people who think of themselves as good Christians and seem to be in every other part of their lives. But with Trump there is a huge blind spot.
DeleteI had a prof in college who turned the "the unexamined life is not worth living" quote into his mantra which was: the unlived life is not worth examining. There's a truth to that.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good mantra!
DeleteI, too, admire the good deeds and positive impacts of so many--especially the younger generation. Sometimes their generous acts are not featured on the nightly news, but if we dig, we can find them on other media.
ReplyDeleteJean, you have every right to be proud of your niece. I know that you have spoken well of her in the past, but how wonderful that her community is also acknowledging her.
Regardless of all the negativity in today's world, there are still many amazing, generous people.
I've never liked the phrase, I'm proud of you" knowing that I didn't have a hand in making that person what they've become or just did. I often try to turn it around and say, "You can be proud of yourself" or "your parents would be proud." In my niece's case I should be saying "I'm proud to be your aunt." I wish I could go to the banquet and hear all the speeches but it's too far away and at night. She tells me recaps will be in the newspaper so I look forward to seeing that.
DeleteI can’t even comment anymore, as the stupidity, arrogance, the judgementalism of so called Christians and these nut case trump wannabes and trump cultists have become just too much. I am out of words and glad I’m old. Mary
ReplyDeleteI've thought the same thing, that I'm glad I'm at the end of my life instead of the beginning. Our generation had our battles and marches, too, and political activism but I don't remember it feeling like failure would bring about the destruction of the world itself.
DeleteFunny how everyone has their own way of doing jigsaw puzzles so I can see why it would be difficult to try to work together on one with such a large group. Maybe you could borrow the puzzle when they are finished so you can work on it in your own apartment to pass the time.
ReplyDeleteGood news about your niece!
I live more difficult puzzles than they work on here---two sided or picture of pencils or other like things. I work them once a year and never loan them out. I'm kind of militant when it comes to sorting so I try to relax my standards. LOL But I really to hate it when people just dump the pieces and don't even bother to do any sorting.
DeleteIt's never too late to get involved in recruiting voters, Jean, to help transform the electorate. Vote Forward is a great organization that asks you to write postcards to voters in key districts, encouraging them to vote in critical races. I've done this many, many times. MoveOn is another one that often asks you to merely call senators and representatives and read from their script or (better yet) one you've written yourself about a hot-button issue. These are ways you can stay engaged and make a difference and feel like you're fighting the Good Fight.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the information! I will use it. We do need to fight the good fight.
DeleteOMG Jean love the blog & I did not know we all did the same thing like walking by guys home we had crushes on in our teenage years or doing blank calls in the rotary phone era lol. you go east or west, teenagers behaved same way everywhere lol. I am forever grateful to meeting you thanks to my stupid stroke, but to tell you the truth it did bring in deeper meaning to my life & I love the wisdom it brought in my life, thanks to you I started blogging, thanks to you I got introduced to great books & also did my first paint by numbers. thanks to you I did not jump off the building I was ready to jump off after my stroke & was able to enjoy seeing our son becoming MD doctor, whose undergraduate college essay you had reviewed WHICH i had written on his behalf since he was not following my schedule for college application letters, & then ofcourse he got so mad at me for doing that & never forgave me for it, that's the reason for his medical college application I was not allowed to look at, where he is applying or anything. & he did great without any of my help, so taught me good lesson. My job as a parent is to just be there for him in case he asks for help, otherwise let it go & trust God.
ReplyDeleteAnyways I love your blogs, I will share my first painting once I am done with you.
Thanks,
Asha Chandra
Wow, that was a newsy comment. I guess all those long hours we spent on the stroke support site paid off in your case. If I'm honest myself it did for me too because I learned so much from the founder about computers and getting around the internet and the dashboards behind the scenes at places like that. And it was the birthplace of my first blog.
DeleteI'm glad you are doing a paint-by-number! It's really meditative isn't it.
I think you're right about "Beloved Grandfather" and his wife. Here's a quote I've always enjoyed: "No man was ever shot while doing the dishes."
ReplyDeleteHe's the sweetest man but he truly does let his wife carry the load for everything.
DeleteEven I am proud of your Hometown Here niece!! I would have MURDERED the guy who unsorted the puzzle. Truth.
ReplyDeleteI am outraged that that man can even run for any office, including Dog Catcher. He's a criminal lying excuse of a human being.
I'm really surprised Mr. Trump hasn't have heart attack or a stroke from the stress and that just proves to me that he truly is a sociopath. I think the Republicans who won't speak up are hoping the Democrats take him out via the legal system because they don't want to offend his followers and do it themselves.
DeleteWe do live in scary times! I’m afraid Andy and I are grateful we were born when we were and that we don’t have grandkids.
ReplyDeleteI have nieces and nephews to worry about though.
DeleteThank gosh they did not have social media when I was a teen. I was right there with you, doing drive bys past the boy's houses, actually calling just to see if they would answer (thank goodness there was no "caller id".) Nowadays I would be arrested for stalking. I would like to admire your self restraint in not socking the puzzle people. Ech. I would not have been able to control myself, LOL.
ReplyDeleteI really thought that when presented with evidence of the horrendous crimes against our country, the cult members would see the light. Oh, silly me. And those puppets on stage that night? Thank goodness we had numerous weather warnings that kept cutting in. It saved my blood pressure. Actually I am going to call them ninnies. At this point I hope and pray he just drops dead. I am hoping he has a massive stroke on stage at one of his rallies and then cannot be revived. If he doesn't die publicly, he might be elected posthumously.
I did the calling too, and hung up if the boys answered. LOL
DeleteYou said what I'd like to say out loud and you made me laugh doing it with the elected posthumously. Maybe his son would claim the rights to the 'thorn' if that happened. The people here who support him won't look at anything that isn't on Fox so they will never see the evidence amassed against Trump. They didn't even watch the debate because they're minds are already made up.
When I read the title of this post I had a giggle because in my head I read it wrong as in true joy doing jigsaw puzzles with teenagers
ReplyDeleteI also really like Facebook short reels and spend some time each day watching them
ReplyDeleteThey can really hook you, can't they. I set a timer when I watch them so I don't go longer than I want.
DeleteI won't sing any of those songs anymore, including the national anthem, or do the pledge of allegiance. (I stopped that one about 10 years ago). They have been co-opted and corrupted. I feel the same about our flag. And I hate them for that.
ReplyDeletePuzzles are frustrating -- especially after you've done the sort work. I like that too, although when someone messes it up, I get really mad!
I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel disheartened by the patriotic songs.
DeleteAnother hand up for teenage crushes/boys! Thank God those years are behind me.
ReplyDeleteYou've lived a most interesting and fulfilling life, and I'm glad you started and continue this blog. Such a wealth of information on a diverse range of topics - I've learnt plenty from your blogs so don't sell yourself short!
Libby (apologies if this comment comes through twice)
Actually, it didn't come through twice but even if it had, it's not a big deal on this end just to delete duplicates.
DeleteSince writing this post I've tried to decide at what age we leave our teenage crushes behind. Is it age related, experience with the opposite sex, finding 'the one' or do we just shift those crushes to book boyfriends as romance genre writers call them? There are a few old cougars around that want male attention long after the rest of us have put that part of our lives on a shelf. One of the women I played mahjong with yesterday visited her aunt in Memory Care and the aunt was telling her all about divorcing her husband for another man. The only problem was the aunt had never been married and the other man was the local weather man. LOL
Such nice news about your niece! Kudos to her. :-)
ReplyDeleteSomeone reshuffling the puzzle pieces I had sorted would make CRAAAZY. I volunteered in a place where they asked me to organize the linen closet one day, so I did. Hours of work. The next week I came back and it was like I never touched it. GAH.
I too hate how the right wing crazies have co-opted the patriotic songs I love(d). Now even a big flag flying over someone's house makes me suspicious.
Flags in the back of pickup trucks creep me out. And i see them every time I visit my niece south of town.
DeleteThe linen closet is a fair comparison. That would make me crazy too. We used to have my dad's kitchen cupboards labeled by what was inside to make it easier for him and his caregivers. But it didn't help. Some people just don't believe in order.
I'm' just glad I grew up when I did.
ReplyDeleteMe too! Most of us had the best childhoods of all the generations.
DeleteThe Far Right has perverted Patriotism... I am not a Puzzle Person so would probably do annoying stuff without realizing it lol... Crushes are interesting to look back on...Dawn the Bohemian
ReplyDeleteI can't image you sitting down to a jigsaw puzzle. And, yes, you would do annoying things. LOL
DeleteI believe you're selling yourself short when you say "I’ve lived a life one might say was devoted to making myself happy." You may have enjoyed what you were doing, but between your stroke blog and this blog, I think you've probably touched more lives than you realize. I've done the 'poor me, I've never done anything important, why am I here?' thing in my head plenty of times and I decided that even though I worked a low-level, poorly paid public service job, I helped and touched many people and even though my name or my work will never be celebrated, I have been a successful person. I think there's a lot to be said for just doing your best in life and being a decent person. Of course, it's always nice to celebrate folks like your niece too!
ReplyDeleteThe patriotic song thing is something that bothers me as well. The right-wing ers scream about weaponization of the justice system while they blithely weaponize our very patriotism.
Thank you. I needed that pep talk. In my head I know you're right but in my heart I know I could have done more and they have to learn to meet in the middle and do as you have done...own up to the fact that I did the best I could and am a decent person.
DeleteI'm gad I wrote about the patriotic songs because now I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. I hope I live long enough to see that turn around.
I had a conversation with my son about how I think EVERYONE feels inadequate, but if you smile at others, offer to help a short person get something off a high shelf, or make any effort to be kind, that's all that's required to be considered a decent kind person. Success is sadly almost always associated with making lots of money but who do you remember from your life? The funny, and or kind people or the rich people?
ReplyDeleteI think you are right about everyone feeling inadequate, no matter what our achievement are probably because we think if we had applied ourselves more we could have been more. That was good insight you give your son.
DeleteI'm so far behind! Great post and thanks for the shout out to my blog. :) I agree, as always, with your political analysis. And also with the puzzle frustration. What's wrong with people (men)?!?
ReplyDeleteA lot of men are so used to having women pick up for them they don't care if their actions makes more work for others.
Delete