I’ve never been so glad to see the end of a month and the
beginning of another. This year I had twenty-five appointments spread out over
the thirty days of April and it was like having a job, getting up every day with a
mission on my day planner. It’s easy to understand why people like me who are living in hard winter climates do this to ourselves. In addition to the biannual medical stuff that we older people save up for good driving weather, we’re sick of being snowed in thus we over schedule fun stuff as soon as the snow disappears. And then
there are the appointments related to getting the house and yard ready for
summer---the irrigation system start-up, the spring cleanup arranged, the eaves
cleaned out and the weed control guy lined up. First world stuff---all of it
and I still have more first world things to do before summer gets into full swing. But that window
washing and carpet cleaning are going to have to wait. I have a dead tree
that needs to come down before it falls into my bedroom and my maintenance budget
is getting stretched. Woo is me. At least I have a maintenance budget. Some
people don’t even have a place to maintain.
The last appointment I had in April was for the eye doctor.
My eyes have been bothering me for a couple of years now but there’s nothing
wrong with them that glasses can correct. In one eye I have a giant floater
that looks like a spider crawling over anything light colored like walls,
floors or book pages. When it first appeared it scared the heck out of me and
when I called the eye doctor he had me come in that same day. Nothing to worry
about, he said, unless I start getting white flashes of light in that eye then it crosses over to the land of eye emergencies. The spider will go away in
time but it’s been with me for over a year now and it still startles me from
time to time. I hate spiders! With the other eye I just found out I have a
condition that only happens to 6% of the population. The doctor explained it this
way: If you place your hand palm down on a piece of fabric with your fingers
spread and then you draw that fabric into a ball…that’s what is happening to
the lens in my eye. It causes some mild distortions in my sight and in
rare cases it could get bad enough to require surgery. The first thing I
thought of is there is an artist I studied in the ‘60s who painted like what I
imagine I’ll see if the condition gets worse. Maybe if that happens I could revive
his style and become famous like a modern-day Grandma Moses. That’s
not out of the realm of possibilities. I once read an article written by an ophthalmology
who credited eye diseases for the way various famous artists in past centuries saw
and painted their worlds. Heck, I could make lemonade out of anything.
The senior hall started a new monthly event called The
Gathering. It’s a mixer for people looking for friends and I went to the first
one…not opposite sex friends, just friends in general. It was great! Around
twenty-five of us showed up. The facilitator did what I imagine are common
"mixer games” designed to get us talking. With one she had us each pick up a
picture when we entered the room and later on we had to talk about. I picked a polar
bear which led to a discussion of environmental issues. Another woman picked a
butterfly and told how, to her, it represents her faith in God and how she has
a butterfly in every room of her house. Another person picked a photo of a dog
and she talked about her pets. Sitting there listening I discovered things in
common with others in the room and with one woman/recent widow in particular we have three
overlapping interests. I signed up for the next two Gatherings and with the
next one they’ll have a contact list of those in the group so we can arrange coffee dates or whatever.
In the first years following my husband’s death I was in an
almost desperate search for friends. (Why did I use a modifier with 'desperate'? I did feel desperate, just admit it Jean, you're a big girl now!) Anyway, It took a while for me to figure out that
the hole in my life Don 's passing left behind can’t be filled easily. I was
meeting and making friendly acquaintances and although I naively missed a few overtures, finding friends to do
things with, to talk to occasionally on the phone, didn’t happening. I made peace with the fact that
my friendless status quo would be with me for the rest of my life. Now, with The Gatherings
I’m guardedly optimistic about resuming the search. Everyone at The Gatherings
is looking for friends which is different than going “cold canvasing” out into
the big, scary world looking for a connection. I’ll give it the summer…. ©
P.S. There is a new widow in my 'Blogs I Follow" feed---her husband died in February. If you have the time to pop over to say, "Hi" or to give her some encouragement, you'll find her at: Surviving Widowhood
P.S. There is a new widow in my 'Blogs I Follow" feed---her husband died in February. If you have the time to pop over to say, "Hi" or to give her some encouragement, you'll find her at: Surviving Widowhood
