Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Trial…or Trail if I’m Having a Dyslexia Day

I must be a glutton for punishment or one very bored widow with nothing to do---nothing to do that I really want to do, I should clarify. There’s always a closet to clean, a plant to move and when is the last time I washed my windows? The punishment I’ve been putting myself through this week? Okay, confusion time. I’ve been watching the live feed from the George Zimmerman trial while at the same time reading and posting on a discussion forum about the trial. As of today there are nearly 40,000 posts in that discussion thread and I’ve probably read half of them plus contributed about fifty of my own “well thought-out and brilliant" comments. Don’t we all think our opinions are brilliant while nearly everyone else has one that borderlines on what-the-heck-are-you-talking-about?

Seriously, after taking part in this activity for most of the week I can honesty say I’m glad I’ve never had to serve on a jury. It’s amazing how so many people can see and read the exact same testimony and come up with entirely different impressions. Every 10-20 pages on the discussion thread someone posts the question, “Are we watching the same trial?” It's like people only hear what fits with their preconceived theories and prejudices on what happened. Do they listen with half their brains tied behind their backs? Do they lack the objectivity or sense of fairness to sift through the bull and apply logic? I don’t know the answers but what I do know is there will be no winners in this trial no matter how it turns out. Too many lives have been changed because of what happened that fateful night of the shooting.

I usually resist the temptation to blog about political or controversial current events which is characteristic of how I am in my daily, off line life. I generally keep my opinions to myself having been raised to believe you don’t talk about religion, politics or money in public. Heck, I’ve been so faithful to that rule for living in a polite (and somewhat old fashioned) society that not so long ago I shocked someone I’d known for over 40 years by saying that I am not a Christian. You’d have thought I’d grown a pair of knockers on the top of my head, the way she looked at me. She kept saying, “You’re kidding, right?” “No, I’m not kidding,” I replied, a little braver with each repetition. But she loves me, so eventually she got around to believing that I’ve entered a state of early Alzheimer’s and I just couldn’t remember that I’ve been a good and moral little soldier all these years. That is easier for her to accept than the idea I've found a different path to living a virtuous life than going through Jesus.

Oh, my God, it just dawned on me that I can use impending senility as an excuse for me coming out of the ‘religious views’ and ‘political activist’ closets! Yup, I could stand up at a senior hall event, at the next baby shower---even in my back yard while running around stark naked---and scream, “I’m a liberal democrat who flirts back and forth between with the New Age Spiritualism and Humanism!” and people would say, “Don’t mind her. That’s crazy old Jean. Her mind is going, don’t you know.” Why doesn’t it ever occur to anyone that older people just get sick of carrying around our membership cards to the Don’t Make Waves Club? No, we get accused of changing, of getting saltier or more judgmental in our golden years when half the time we're just getting ripe enough to show our true selves to more than just our spouses. But not to worry, I don’t plan on ripping up my DMWC membership card until I’m 92 and that’s a long way off. In the meantime, you can find me posting anonymously “over there” in the Wild West of internet “hot shots” who all think our poop doesn’t stink. Oh, and just so you’ll breathe easier tonight, I don’t plan on running around in my back yard without my skivvies any time soon either. Well, not until I can finagle a total body makeover at Tuscany’s Terme di Saturnia Spa Resort. ©


  1. Are you kidding? Jean, you are in your RIGHT mind. I get the thing, though, about we commenters thinking our contributions are brilliant. Likely as not somebody's thinking "That's ____ on his/her little soapbox again" ...if they even pay THIS much attention to our contributions.

    Frankly, isn't it rather neat to be someone people can't categorize and dismiss?

  2. Trust me, in my off line life I get categorized and dismissed often so I don't know how it feels not to be pigeonholed. LOL

  3. Oh well--I love both you gals and as you can see by my blog posts--I have entered that magical age of "tell it like I really feel and to hell with whatever THEY think." That freedom comes with age I think. and as you say Jean--with age, if they don't agree, they will just say, "Oh you know--she's getting old and she's losing it." I LOVE the freedom. You didn't say if you think Mr. Z is going to get off or not! I have been watching a bit, but find a lot of it so boooooring!! Oh well--ever forward we go!!!

  4. I agree that so much of the trial is slow moving and boring and if I wasn't comparing opinions with others as I watch I would have stopped the live feed rather quickly. But I do think it's an important case in the grand scheme of Stand-Your-Ground and gun control laws, so I wanted to watch. I'm not normally a trial junkie---haven't watched one start to finish since O.J.s trial. I'm not going to say here how I think the Zimmerman trial will or should turn out. I get enough controversy at my favorite political message board forum. LOL

    Judy, reading your blog lately actually gave me the courage to write this particular entry. I love that you're not holding back telling it how you feel. But I have to work up to where you're at. LOL

    1. Well--I am now at the advanced age of (recently) 74--ARGGHH!! and I just let it all out--at least on my blog--not so much in the company of others. BUT--none of my neighbors/family/kids/grandkids/cousins/ know I have a blog because the last one I had got me in trouble with a daughter. So, I lied and told everyone I had deleted the blog. Then a week later I started a new one where I can be perfectly honest because I will never meet anyone who reads it and I can let it all hang out, so to speak...and everyone seems to be able to handle it--even if they differ with me, which is like I like it!!! I know you are a hippie/tree hugging/pro-choice/Liberal and yet....OHMYGOSH--I love your writings because, and isn't this weird, most of the time I agree with you, LOL. I still haven't made up my mind about Mr. Zimmerman and haven't posted anything about it because--who knows. I have read about too many innocents going to jail and then of course, there is OJ. Oh here I am--wordy again. Sorry--it is late Sunday night and I am trying to think of something to do other then go to bed. Keep posting your honest opinions--we are at or near an age when we can and if "they" don't agree, they will just chalk it up to lonely widows going senile with nothing more to do in their day then write weird stuff!!

  5. This brought back memories of sitting glued to the television day after day in the mid-seventies watching the Watergate hearings. There were no online discussions then, but I was a serial caller to a local radio talk show (and I'm sure there were listeners who rolled their eyes whenever they heard my voice).

    I feel as though this post resonates with my own recent thinking about our older years as a time of personal growth. -Jean

  6. I had forgotten about the Watergate hearings! My husband and I were glued to our TV set as much as possible when they were on, too.

    I love your recent blog entry about our older years being a time of personal growth!

  7. Judy, It would be interesting to do a survey on how many bloggers tell their family and friends that they have a blog. Mine all know I do because I sent a link out in a Christmas letter but as far as I can tell only one of my friends actually reads it---at least on a regular basis---and she never says anything about the content. I've been blogging for (I'm guessing) almost a decade now and I have four inactive blogs that are still on the net and two others that got deleted by the host servers. Next time you get REALLY bored with nothing to do, check out my dog's blog (link at the very bottom of this page). He used to have some crazy things to say about his Pawrents, me and Don.