Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

The Upside Movie Review, Red Hats to Mad Hats and Other Chit Chat


“Every moment of every day we can be our best, most loving and vibrant selves. Together, let’s step up to show up better than yesterday.” Jimmy Rosenberg, the founder of Evolution Fresh, signed his name to that bit of inspirational philosophy on the side of an orange juice bottle that I got at Starbucks this morning. (The company is a subsidiary of Starbucks.) In the almost two decades I’ve been hooked on Starbucks this was the first time I’ve bought an orange there so I don’t know if the same bit of philosophy appears on all its bottles or it changes from time to time like similar words do that appear on the disposal cups you get at this so-called "yuppie, left-wing liberal" coffee shop chain. But I’ve sung my Ode to Starbucks before so I’ll skip to the reason I was up early enough to require a shot of orange juice along the way. I wanted to go the hazardous waste collection site and it’s only open from 7:30 to 9:30 one day a week. I had a twenty-five year old fire extinguisher in the garage that still showed it was fully charged but I wouldn’t trust it after all those years and a gallon of windshield washer that was nearly that old. I don’t even know how to open the hood of my car, much less where to fill the washer bottle. As they say in the better parts of town, “I have people for that” now. 

There was a day, though, in my distant past when I could check my own oil and transmission fluid and top them off, if needed. My dad didn’t think his kids should be driving if they couldn’t do those things plus change a tire and I had to prove I could do it all before he’d let me take the family car. Fast forward to when I met my husband and he did all those things. But Don did put me in charge of tire safety with a ceremonial gift of a tire tread depth gauge. It was a joke gift because I was tire obsessed with the tires on Don’s menagerie of nine pickup trucks and four pieces of heavy equipment, and I made good use of that tread depth checker. He no longer had to listen to me ask, “Are those tires safe?” Instead I got to say, “Those tires need to be replaced” and off we’d go to Costco. I still have that tread checker but I don’t drive enough to put any wear on my tires so it’s in my toolbox now instead of in my glove box. Ya, I know Marie Kondo, the Tiding Up lady, would say I need to honor that tread checker’s history then throw it in the garbage. Hey, lady, I honor it by keeping it! Maybe she can live with just one sweater---white at that---in her wardrobe but I’m a spiller and I’m digressing….

New topic: My Red Hat Society Chapter officially dissolved with our Christmas party. We’ve been together since 2002 and I was one of the founding members. The National organization raised their yearly dues significantly. So we’re changing our name to the Mad Hatters and everything else will stay the same except we will wear whatever darn color hats we want---as long as we wear one to our teas and outings. Other than the licensing rights to use the Red Hat name and logo the National hasn’t been of any benefit in recent years like it was when we were younger and could travel to conventions. Last March I blogged that I was seriously consider dropping out of the Red Hats altogether but I shifted my attitude and stuck it out. Now I go to the fun stuff and skip the things I didn’t like doing like visiting nursing homes and going on endless church tours. Mostly I stopped feeling guilty about skipping what I skip and more importantly I stopped resenting the dictatorial nature of the person making most of the decisions. My philosophy? If you don’t like something either work to change it, move on or find a way to accept it. I choice door number three. 

I saw a good 'dramedy' movie this past weekend, The Upside with Bryan Cranston, Kevin Hart and Nichole Kidman. IMDb sums up the storyline this way: “Philip is a disabled [quadriplegic] white billionaire, who feels that life is not worth living. To help him in his day to day routine, he hires Del, an African American parolee, trying to reconnect with his estranged wife. What begins as a professional relationship develops into a friendship as Del shows his grouchy charge that life is worth living.” The reviewers have not been kind with their ratings—three out of four that I read gave it two stars and the forth gave it three. Two harped on the fact that it didn’t measure up to the French version (The Intouchables). Big deal! How many Americans watch foreign films with subtitles? And one reviewer didn’t like that comedian Kevin Hart took on a roll that included a good deal of serious acting along with the comedic parts in the film. I couldn’t figure out if it was comedians in general, black guys or just Kevin who shouldn’t be stretching their type-casted wings. All I care about is the film is based on a true story and it took movie goers through a full range of emotions from belly laughs to empathy to sadness and back to happiness. I left the theater feeling uplifted and I felt I got my money’s worth. So a pox on the two star ratings! The Upside has a lot of upsides…. ©

22 comments:

  1. I've read a lot about The Upside. Some people were complaining that the part had been given to Bryan Cranston rather than a disabled actor, which I personally thought a warped view. Actors act. We would have some strange films if actors could only play parts they had direct experience of! Loved your post and wish you luck as a "mad hatter"!

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    1. I totally agree. Actor acts. I worked for a quadriplegic and know a lot about the challenges they face. Movies cost a lot of money to make and to work with an actual quadriplegic would not be practical when that person is in every scene and carries half the movie.

      I'm supposed to go to the first mad hatters tea today but the roads are an icy mess so I'm house bound.

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  2. Our garage! We've never really gotten it into shape since we moved here. We need to embrace the "letting go" philosophy as far as the garage goes. But I'm with you about not tossing everything. We downsized a lot before moving to this house, but you can't just get rid of everything, and I need more than one sweater, thank you very much. My closet could use a little cleaning out, too. The last time I cleaned it, I worked on one side and never touched the other side.

    I like Starbucks. They have good breakfast sandwiches. When we go up to visit the kids, we stop there for breakfast. In fact, the kids gave us a gift certificate at Christmas.

    H feels the same way your dad did. He want's to teach the older two grands how to do basic stuff on a car. They're still a little young, but time flies.

    I've found that when it comes to movies, you can't always go by what the critics say.

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    1. I usually read the reviews after I see a movie and let the trailer and interviews 'sell' me on seeing it. But with this one I was really shocked. I think they were punishing Hart for his homophobic words years ago that just came out.

      I've been reading about and viewing a lot of the "Tidy" girl and her philosophy...will probably blog about her. She doesn't just believe in downsizing, she's a minimalist to the core and places no value on the kind of things I do. I couldn't live like that!

      Good for H and teaching the grands. My dad was like a Piep Piper and always had a lot of kids your grandkid's ages learning as he did stuff. Just this Christmas someone mentioned how he sowed the seeds in them for doing stuff around the house.

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  3. Talk about a story about tires, Just before Mary Lou ^ I got engaged, he told me that she had a flat so went to change it. To me amazement, the flat tire was bald. No wonder it went flat. Si went to take out spare and my amazement, it was totally bald. I decided to check all the tires and what shocked me was that they were all totally bald. Mary Lou could have had an accident at anytime. When I told her about the tires, she said that she didn't know that tires go bad. Nobody ever told her about that. Later that week I went and got her a complete set of tires plus a spare. She was driving over on Michigan roads to go home to Sarnia to visit her parents at night. Just thinking about it anything could had happened to her. Now her tires are checked constantly. I still think about that.
    This movie sounds really interesting and I really like Keving Hart. Well, I have to go and wrap up my packing for the cruise. See you in 10 days Jean. See ya for now my friend.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. No wonder she said 'yes' when you asked. You were a great boyfriend to take care of her bald tire problem. It's amazing how long some people let tires go. Not smart. Thanks for sharing that story.

      Have a good cruise!

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  4. Good for you with the Red Hat/Mad Hatters decision.
    As for the movie,this is one I really wish to see. Not many movies make we want to go to the theater. I love Cranston and I would think Kevin Hart could pull off the serious parts. Did he not?

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    1. Thanks. It was a hard decision but I'm at peace with it now.

      I thought Hart did a fantastic job with the serious part. The movie is deeper than just a comedy and he pulled it off.

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  5. I was just thinking--and journaling--about how I could be happy living in a very minimalist environment. Clutter and tchochkes irritate me; I hate dusting; I'm getting weary of deciding what to wear on a daily basis.

    I like how you Marie Kondo'd your Guilt! ;-)

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    1. She's very popular and since she got her TV show, she's been interviewed by just about everyone I watch. I do and I don't understand the minimalist mindset. Marie doesn't make me feel guilty about what I keep. She makes me feel mad that she's so judgemental about what people keep. If you decide to go minimalist, I hope you blog about it.

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  6. Mad Hatters! Good for you! If the franchisor is not bringing anything to YOUR table, why pay? Almost twenty years! Good for you guys.

    I'm in love with having less. Everything has a place in my room. I actively wear everything in my closet. All my clothes have their buttons on and fit great. IF I lose weight, I won't mind buying smaller sizes. The part I like the best is since I WEAR all my clothes, they wear out and I get to add something!

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    1. I'm writing a blog about my closet saga for next week. Where we differ is you enjoy shopping for new clothes. I HATE it and I hate the thin fabrics so popular now. I've purged in my tops and sweater section of the close but I can't wait to do the pants. It will be nice to know that everything still hanging fits.

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  7. Sure didn't know the you had to pay to join the Red Hat Society. Congrats on the name change but keeping the group in tact. Seems now you have the best of both worlds.
    I like it when people ignore reviews and make up their own minds on a production. Well done.

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    1. They not only charge a yearly fee if you stop paying it they send the chapter a letter telling saying if we continued wearing red and purple and calling ourselves Red Hatters they will sue our queen for copyright infringement. We know several chapters who are going to ignore that letter and do it anyway. But when we go our and about people often want to take our pictures and those pictures get posted. We're not willing to take the chance, as slim as it may sound. I'm happy about the change. I've gotten tired of the red and purple look.

      I think the low review were nit-picky or pay-back for Kevin's long-ago homophobic comments that just came out and lost him the Oscar hosting job...like the pay-back low reviews one of Tom Cruise's movie got for the Scientology thing.

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  8. They charge you for the Red Hat group? Oh, I would have formed the Mad Hatters ages ago. That's ridiculous.

    Marie Kondo is crazy. Her folding method is great. The rest of her, I'm not so sure about. She doesn't seem to like books...

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    1. Yup and they raised the rates this year considerably.

      Marie's attitude about books actually makes me sick but I just finished writing a whole paragraph about it for a future blog so I won't spill it now. LOL

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  9. I think Konmari is helping people who WANT a more serene, pared down home. YOU get to choose what sparks you ... if you love books, make room to showcase them. If you love clothes, use as much space as you want. She is simply helping people decide their joy.

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    1. You make a good case for her but I find it irritating that she keeps calling what you discard "garbage."

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  10. I've wanted to see that movie so thanks for the review. I know I will like it.

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    1. It has a surprise depth to it as they start to understand each other's backgrounds. I'd like to read the book.

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  11. I think The Mad Hatters sound more like the woman’s philosophy The Red Hat group says their group is based on. At least the multi-colored hats show non-conforming, though even all wearing hats is conformist. Getting together with others for whatever draws everybody is all that matters!

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    1. Wearing hats serves a usual function in that when we go to a large events we can find one another easier. Of course with us all wearing different colors now it wouldn't be quite as easy. But I'm sick of the red and purple and was glad to take a whole trash bag of red hat stuff to Goodwill.

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