Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Baby it’s Cold Outside…and Everywhere Else!


I’m always cold except for maybe between July 1st and the middle of August. This morning I woke up to sub-zero temperatures that have only climbed to minus five in the two hours I’ve been sucking up coffee and zipping around the internet. I have my fingerless gloves on with L.L. Bean hand warmers tucked inside. My house is making noises I don’t usually hear and I don’t blame it. The furnace can’t keep up, but I never touch my thermostat; it stays at 70 but I’ve been known to wear as many as four layers of clothing including silk long-underwear. I did find a place, last week, where I was as warm as I wanted to be. I have a niece-in-law with MS who lives in an assisted living facility who I went to visit on her 51th birthday. I was there an hour and a half and left because I was afraid if I got any more comfortable, I’d want to book a room and stay until spring.

Before her mother passed away, this niece and her mother lived in the same facility for a short time and my sister-in-law had a black roommate. One day her other daughter came rushing into her sister’s room and said, “You’ve got to talk to Mom! She’s calling her roommate her ‘chocolate chip cookie.’” “Don’t worry about it,” came the reply, “her roommate calls Mom her ‘white cupcake’---they’re friends.” I miss my sister-in-law. She was such a dingbat. In the fifty plus years that I knew her she was always saying outrageous things and starting fights among her kids. She could leave me laughing, she could leave me speechless or shaking my head at her wacky way of looking at life but she was never boring. Her pet name for me was “Mother Theresa” because, she said, I always took the high road. I had to around her. She was such a prolific gossip that I knew my every word would get repeated to someone if I didn’t. It’s funny what we remember the most about others who’ve passed on. I remember her for her great cooking and how much it delighted her that I never shined in that department, but for some reason I keep forgetting that she also took in kids and babies that social services had to place in a hurry, sometimes in the middle of the night---26 or 27 cases---while she was raising her own five. It’s important to balance the good in a person when saying anything negative.

Writing that last line reminded of a movie quote from New Year’s Eve, it’s one of my favorite quotes and favorite films. “Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in this world we can't control. Earthquakes, floods, reality shows... But it's important to remember the things that we can. Like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts... Because the one thing that turns the world from the longing place to a beautiful place... is love. Love and any of its forms. Love gives us hope...” As exasperating as my sister-in-law could be at times with her gossiping and stirring the pot, she never let an opportunity go by without delivering warm meals or groceries to the door of anyone in need. It was also rare to see her without a crochet project in her hands. She made baby layettes for friends, family, acquaintances, several charities and her church's craft sales.

Last Monday was supposed to be one of my Gathering Girls bi-monthly, standing brunch dates but we canceled it because the weather was predicted to be way too cold for man or beast to be outside. The ice we got earlier didn’t have a chance to melt and is still under a layer of snow. Between lung issues and fragile bones it was prudent to cancel, but that doesn’t mean I had to like it. I haven’t been any place in what feels like a month of Mondays. The only voices I hear are coming from the TV and---surprise, surprise---I’ve even been waiting until noon to turn it on. A couple of times I’ve tried singing or talking out loud just to make sure I could still do it, but the dog gets upset and/or confused. He rules my life, so I shut back up.

So what have I been doing to keep my brains from setting up like lime Jell-O?  January has turned me into a regular little Susie Homemaker. I’ve been deep cleaning closets, cabinets and chest-of-drawers in my master bedroom suite. After my cleaner comes on her first Friday of the month, I’m calling a couple of painters to get estimates on step one in my redecorating project. I’ve also spent some time working on a portrait, baking scones, making soup and shredding papers. I hate that latter job, but tax time is coming to America…assuming we’ll still have a country by April 15th to pay my fair share towards the costs of running it. And that last thought explains why this news junkie has been taking a respite from consuming any more than two hours of news updates a day. My news respites in the Era of Trump never lasts longer than a few weeks before something sucks me back in. ©

24 comments:

  1. You really keep your house colder than I could stand. I have one thing I won't budge on regardless of cost and the is my creature comfort. 78 degrees daytime and 75 at night. Other wise my fingers would break off. You certainly are getting your spring cleaning done early.

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    1. I couldn't afford to keep my heat at 78 here in Michigan and I never adjust it down for night. I do use a space heater in the bathroom when I take a shower and on the doors when they freeze shut although that doesn't happen often since I put storm doors on. In the summer it has to get up over 85 before I turn on the air condition or if company is coming. Otherwise I'm fine. I have been to people's houses where they keep it at 65 in the winter and I want to leave my coat on. LOL

      In the old days, I would have washed the wall when I spring clean. I quit that about five years ago. I miss those days and the clean smell that comes with Spic-&-Span clean walls.

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  2. I couldn’t bare to live up north. I’m in Florida and it was a balmy 49° for a low last night, although we are in for a cold patch...37° one night coming up.
    I know people say "but the summers are so hot and humid! " Well yes they are, but that’s what AC and pools are for.😊

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    1. I guess there is no perfect place to live weather wise. It's good thing we all adjust to where we are planted. Both extreme cold and extreme heat kills people but only one comes with a lot of bugs and insects. LOL

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  3. My comfort range is very narrow! I love it COLD at night. The family is a lot more active so they keep the house about 65 ... I head into my room turn on a space heater so it is 69. In the summer, they do not turn on the a/c and when I get to hot, into my room for 70.

    I don't think I could live with such wicked winter weather. Like you, I used to exercise my vocal cords when I lived alone. Read Levi a book!

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    1. Winters were more fun when I was into winter sports and had the proper clothing to be outside. I think I'd like the weather in Kentucky best now.

      When Levi was very young I actually did read to him in different accents. I'd forgotten about that. I need to try that again. He does not like my singing.

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  4. I talk out loud constantly at home alone, and it's not always to the cats, either. After 30 years of talking for a living, it's hard to suddenly shut up. The silence is a wonderful respite after decades of noisy hallways and such, but sometimes it can--as you know--be too much.

    I'm better about the Polar Vortex this year than I have been in years past. Maybe it's my SAD light; maybe it's because I just refuse to knuckle under to Winter and go outside and shovel no matter what; maybe it's because Winter gave us so many nice days at its start. Or maybe, in light of Everything Else, I've decided some stuff just isn't worth fussing about.

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    1. I've known other retired teacher who miss talking, too. At least now no one sasses you back.

      If all winters were like this past December I could be happy. The Polar Vortex so far hasn't come with a ton of snow but it's still early. I can deal with the cold better than the deep snow.

      I have a thing about not having doors blocked in case of fire so I shovel at all three of mine. It's bad enough the fire department would have to dig out the hydrants because the people who live near them don't keep them open, if they had do dig out a door, too, it could be deadly. Everyone is paranoid about something....

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  5. I keep my thermostat at 72 during the day and 69 at night. We've had some very cold weather, but a reprieve for a couple of day with days in the 40s and nights in the low 20s.
    I agree that it's important to balance the good with the bad in people. I think it took me a while to understand that. Very young people sometimes see things in black and white. Those shades of gray start creeping in as we get older and make a few mistakes of our own.

    I bet you feel a sense of accomplishment with your projects and cleaning.

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    1. Very young people and a small percentage of very old people see things in all black or white. Seeing the grays means we grow in our ability to be empathic.

      Cleaning is kind of fun when you're doing it by choice. LOL

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  6. I have a battle with my thermostat. I'm trying to cut down on fossil fuel consumptions, so I have an altruistic reason to turn the heat down. Still, this big house gets too cold for me, but turning the heat up means heating rooms I never enter, so I've turned it down to 67 in the daytime and 63 at night. I use space heaters in the rooms I actually occupy for the time I'm in them. Still, I get cold and I also wear layers and long for summer. I have a favorite restaurant that is always toasty warm. I love going there! Some of my friends keep their houses so cold they might as well be camping. I hate that! We are lucky the temperatures never reach the extremes here that they do in other places, but chilly is chilly!

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    1. When I was purging and cleaning in my closet and drawers I rediscovered the secret to staying warm: leg warmers on my ankles and my wrists and a wool scarf around my neck. Makes all the difference in the world! Used to wear them all in the winter but got out of the habit. I can't stand to visit people who keep their houses as cool as a meat locker.

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  7. Like the movie quote Jean---it's a good one. Hopefully February will treat us better --- but you never know. Hope to see you soon. Keep those layers on---we'll probably need them even more next week. :)

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    1. I know. I can't believe the forecast for the week coming up! I got out today to get some things. Roads weren't bad but I've even been driving to the mailbox because my driveway is still really icy.

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  8. Jean, I'm the opposite of you in the body temperature department. I'm one of those human furnace types who gets too warm very easily -- a good reason to live in Maine. I live in layers of silk and wool during the winter, but I know my house is often cooler than is comfortable for others. We've been having a very icy winter here, my least favorite winter weather.

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    1. Ice is scary! I actually turned my furnace down to 69 today because I wanted to take some of the stress off it. A furnace man put a lot of new parts in last fall and said it should be fine, but still... We have a whole week coming of sub-zero weather coming so I will be especially cold. ! Can't turn the heat too low or pipes start freezing in the basement. I had water jugs freeze in the garage today for the first time since moving in in 2002.

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  9. I try and keep my place at 70, too. I do crank it up to 72 when I first come home from work, and to 74 when I'm showering. Then, back to 70, while I look for my fleece throw, and my socks, and....

    I did improve my life considerably this year when I bought a set of really great flannel sheets from Orvis. They were half price, and a world nicer than the flannel I remember from years ago. Now, I can get by in the night with only the flannel sheets, a fleece blanket, and maybe another fleece throw. I can't believe the difference it's made--I never wake up because I'm cold now. Of course, our conditions aren't as severe as yours, but I've been cozy down into the thirties.

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    1. I love flannel sheets in the winter. L.L. Bean has good sets of flannel too. Orvis has a great tartan plaid that would sure would be wonderful in a log cabin which neither one of us has so I don't know why I brought it up. LOL

      I would love 72 but for the first time probably ever I turned my furnace down to 69 because it's running around the clock. The cold weather brings a lot of trouble with frozen pipes inside and in the streets, and furnaces that quit working in the dead of night. We've got a tough week coming.

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    2. We had days of below freezing weather in Houston in 1983, and it was ghastly. Houses and piping here aren't meant for the kind of cold that kills millions of fish, freezes Galveston Bay, takes out palms by the hundreds, and so on. Even with only 2-3 days of freezing weather, pipes have to be drained, insulated, etc. etc. I just looked at your weather, and I hope to heck there aren't any real tragedies. This looks like a bad stretch. We're getting the tail end tonight. It was 70 today, and we're going down to the upper 30s tonight. Still, we can stay warm without fear of freezing to death, even if the heat goes out. You stay warm, too!

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    3. People down your way probably don't know to keep their tap water running very slowly in below freezing conditions if they don't have insulated pipes. Heck a lot of people up here don't remember. I've been following the township posting board and people are reporting damaged pipes. Mine are all on inside walls so that doesn't bother me too much. At least our lake fish and vegetation can take colder temperatures than Houston. That's awful, the damage you described. This is heart attack weather up here, with peole staying outside too long shoveling. I've been doing 15 minutes outside, then in for 30 all afternoon. Wednesday we're supposed to get our coldest low ever! I wouldn't be going out then.

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  10. It's cold for our neck of the woods, not as cold as you but cold. I hate the cold but I hate a hot house even more. I could never do 70 degrees and sleep. During the day I could, but I need to sleep where you could hang meat and thankfully the guy I live with is the same. My dog really hates the heat so she needs to move to Michigan I think. Need another dog Jean?

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    1. Izzy is too big for me to pick up or I'd take her in a minute. I can barely get 30 pound Levi in the car and vets don't make house calls.

      I could not sleep in a meat locker but I hate electric blankets. If I kept my bedroom cold I'd have so many blankets on the bed the weight would keep me from moving.

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  11. I get sucked in, too, Jean, try as I might. Probably the best thing I ever did was go to Europe -- I was more or less off news for three and a half weeks.

    Your sister in law sounds great and I loved the story of her roommate. She sounds like she'd be a hard person TO dislike!

    I just went out to get provisions. I've been sick as a dog so loaded up on sudafed, kleenex, fruit, peanut butter pretzels, lemons (because I have to have lemons) eggs and bread. I must have bought something else because the bill came to $75 -- with my eight dollar granny discount!

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    1. My S-I-L had a good heart but a mischievous tongue and like a little kid it was impossible to stay mad at her. She was a character.

      My emergency shopping trip cost $80. I wish I'd have bought pretzels. Never do a pre-storm trip to the store after having a big lunch! LOL

      Feel better soon!

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