Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Bored and Getting Angry at You Know Who


Once again I’m sitting here ready to write but I haven’t been doing anything write-worthy. I told myself I could start working on that Great American Novel that once-a-upon-a-time I thought was in me. Ruling that out---again---I thought about adding another chapter to one of the family history books I wrote and self-published since my husband died. As most people who’ve dug into family history know, writing about family is a never ending project as you dig deeper into the past and at the other end of the spectrum new generations come into the picture. For me, though, I was sitting on decades worth of my mom’s, mine and my great-great aunt’s research and I feared if I didn’t pull it all together into an easily read format, it would be lost forever when I’m gone. (I’m talking boxes of handwritten notes and documents.) After I finished the book on my mom’s side of the family and had five copies printed so that all of her grandkids would eventually inherit one of the godawful costly books, I did the same for my dad’s side. 

Researching my mom’s family revealed the fact that writing is in my genes. During the American Revolution War one of my ancestors wrote the first history book of that war. There’s lots of material out there on her life. Her letter exchanges with famous people---the signers of The Declaration of Independence---are in print. I have a book of selected passages from her journals, and she ghost wrote a lot of the rebel rousing pamphlets that whipped the citizens up against the King of England. I’ve tried to read some her essays but, my God, her writing style was so full of flowery phrases and words that I didn’t know how to pronounce that my brain couldn’t wrap itself around the content. I’d need it translated into 21 century speak. 

Mercy Otis Warren wasn’t my only ancestor who had writer’s ink running through her veins. Three of my mom’s aunts ran a hometown newspaper after their father died and they worked there writing and setting type their entire lives. One of the aunts---Edna---also wrote three local history books and when the last sister died she bequeathed to a northern Michigan college a collection of 100 bound books containing a 100 years of newspapers printed by the family. They’d been courting the ladies for years to get those books. Edna used to give lectures on local history well into her late 90s. I never heard her speak but some of the reviews I’ve read say she was spell-bounding. She was a Republican and wasn’t afraid to challenge people’s set-in-stone opinions and I hear tales that she could do it with Mark Twain-like humor. 

Speaking of humor, have you noticed I haven’t written a single funny line in this blog post? I could poke fun of myself for sitting here at 11 AM still in my bathrobe. I had a shower at bedtime last night so at least I’m not smelly even though my hair is spiky and weird from sleeping on it wet. Or I could admit that my house is such a mess that if I had to call an ambulance I’d want to meet the EMTs out of the front sidewalk. My dining room table is piled high with boxes of stuff I have listed on e-Bay and the rest of the house is dusty and dog toys are littered everywhere. My cleaning service hasn’t been here because of the stay-at-home lock down and I’ve forgotten how to turn on the vacuum. I’m worry about the girl who is assigned to clean my house, though. She was living on the edge of poverty as it was, an OCD person with low self-esteem and a basket full of childhood trauma that she’s still working through. I can’t imagine how she’s faring with no money or work coming in. Scratch that, I can imagine. Her boyfriend works at a medical marijuana farm so I imagine the two of them are smoking joints or whatever it is that people do with pot these days.

Our governor ---Grechen Whitmer---is a democrat and is taking a lot of organized flack from Trump fans since he pinned the “that woman” sign on her back. A few days before Easter, however, she got in even more stupid trouble for giving an exemption for the Easter bunny to keep on working through the stay-at-home lock down "even though he might not be able to bring as much as in past years due to shortages." People are funny; while I thought it was sweet to reassure little kids about the Easter bunny, the usual suspects on Facebook aka the Trump fans were criticizing her for making light of the pandemic blab, blab, blab. 

Then in their next breath the same Trump supporters were promoting what turned out to be huge demonstration at our state capital this past Wednesday, saying Whitmer over-stepped her authority by imposing the stay-at-home orders. Sponsors of the protest, the MI Conservative Coalition, started a recall petition at the rally/protest while President Trump tweeted his encouragement with, "LIBERATE MICHIGAN!" When asked by a reporter on Thursday if he'd urge protesters in my state to listen to local authorities, Trump refused to answer, saying instead "I think they're listening, I think they listen to me, They seem to be protesters that like me and respect this opinion and my opinion is the same as just about all of the governors. They all want to open. Nobody wants to stay shut." Protests are popping up in other states with Trump tweeting his support to them as well, like it's a popularity contest rather than a deadly virus on the line. So much for science. So much for common sense and setting ego aside for the greater good. Am I angry? You bet I am! ©
  
As of 4/17/20 3PM 
Michigan has had 2,227 deaths from Covid-19
 and 
30,023 confirmed cases

48 comments:

  1. Well, yeah. All Trump cares about is feeding his ego and getting re-elected. I'm impressed by your governor!

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    1. I really didn't like our governor when she first came into office but she's been doing a good job managing the pandemic, acted early, kept her cool, doesn't let Trump bait her into nasty exchanges. While he's trying to act like the governors with strict stay-at-home polices want to keep us closed down just to make him look bad. She's in a coalition of surrounding states and they are planning a coordinated re-opening in stages because the federal government isn't doing their job or coordinating jack squat.

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  2. Just something to think about.
    Michigan has 1 out of 5 unemployed- second highest in the nation (Hawaii is first .3% higher). New York has almost 10% less then Michigan. My cousin is a city manager in Wayne county. He understands the frustration from the rest of the state since 23,000 of the positives and 1860 deaths are in the three counties that surround Detroit. UP has a hand full of cases and few deaths.
    His concern right now, besides overseeing the Corp of Engineer hospital, is that there will be no tax revenue for the state to recover with. Detroit has long depended on the rest of the state to recover from their steel past. Without people working (hence paying taxes) there will be no recovery after this is over. New York is sucking up every penny that the Federal Government puts on the table.
    I care neither here nor there as to wether the state opens, but his concern is huge.

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    1. I wouldn't want your cousin's job right now. Too much stress to go around to all involved at every level. The unemployment is and will continue to be a big concern, but our governor is talking about opening up the state in stages starting May 1st, and I would imagine the UP would be among the first. But I get why Whitmer's stay-at-home ban covers the whole state for now. She doesn't want people from the hot spots around the state to go north to their summer cottages and possibly spread the virus in locations where they don't have the hospitals and medical personal to handle a crisis like in Wayne county. All the choices suck right now as someone is getting hurt no matter what.

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    2. It will be interesting to see if she only opens part of the state. She said she cannot keep people in the hot spots....so everyone has to suffer. Really, your restrictions are pretty draconian....no visiting family? No seed?
      Maybe the region needs to isolate their cities and move forward until they can figure it out? Michigan needs to plant crops and go for it! We, the entire country, needs them.
      On another thought--has this given you pause on going into continuing care? My mother has not been allowed out of her unit area for six weeks. She is a very spry 89 year old in independent living.

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    3. I fully support the restrictions on not visiting family. Most people are. Families are visiting with plate glass windows between them or doing Zoom. A family member---especially those who work in health care or schools or retail shops---can be carrying the virus unknowingly just like a strange could me. And the no seeds is a rumor spread around that isn't true Just like it isn't true that you can't by an American flag or a baby car seat. The farm supplies and seed places are open and deemed essential.

      No pause in thoughts about me moving into an independent living unit at the continuing care campus. In fact just the opposite. I wish I was there where if I got sick, someone besides the dog would know it. It was because I got scary sick with the flu to the point that I passed out winter before last along with getting near hypothermia during a winter power outage that made me want to move to a CCC in the first place.

      I've been following their Facebook page and newsletter and they are doing many great things for the residents. I see nothing but genuine smiles and gratitude. Our stay-at-home orders have been in effect since March 15th---nearly 6 weeks. Here or in the CCC that wouldn't change. I'd be under lock down either place.

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    4. We cannot visit family here either. At least I would not want to. We treat our home as a barrier. Ee can and do drive over and visit by sitting ten feet apart or by sitting in the car with the windows open while they sit on their front porch. I would be angry if we could not do that. But going into the house for dinne . Nope.

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    5. I grew up in the UP and most of my family still lives there. I can assure you they don't want anyone carrying the virus coming "up north" right now. My SIL is a nurse practitioner in a rural office and they know they can't handle an influx of any size. The tests are not making up there in any volume. As well, anyone with a medical background is concerned about PPE and asymptomatic spread.

      My mother and her husband live in the independent living part of a CCC. They have been really happy with their situation and we're all REALLY happy they got moved in before this hit. They have meals delivered to their door most days, they have medical people on staff if they need them, and they're able to have family members shop and deliver groceries for them. As well, my stepfather needs in-home nursing visits 2/week since a major illness last fall. All in all, I cannot say enough about what a great situation this is for them. And I think you're making a smart choice in your future living arrangement!

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    6. Thank you Hope. A lot of people don't really understand why I want to move there when I'm don't have any major health issues. I think they have an wrong impression and probably with good cause because the older style ones had different mission statements and layout than the newer CCCs.

      Thanks also for backing me up on why it's not good for us to be traveling across counties right now.

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  3. Since you, alone, will be the person who sees this---here is the map of your state. https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/track-michigan-coronavirus-cases-by-county-with-this-interactive-map

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    1. This map and its updates appear on our daily covid-19 briefings.

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  4. I was completely stunned at his "that woman" label he put on your governor. It was like she wasn't important enough to remember her name and that she was a woman explained it all. My God, what a creepy doofus that man is.

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    1. He deliberately does the nickname thing people who set him off. "That woman" is hers.

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  5. What a mess. Having said that as a woman secure in her income who is surrounded by those who are not, and those whose businesses are going under I have come to the realization that we need to get people back to work while things are going on. Each state will decide how to do that my personal opinion is that what will happen is that there will be different rules especially between areas as needs happen. I mean, why should the rules for self distancing and business be the same as if you live on lake Erie or are in NYC.

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    1. I think most people agree that we need to start getting back to work before too many people can't restart their businesses altogether. Our governor has already been working on a plan with surrounding governors to start doing that at the end of the month. What I'm angry about is the president egging on people in a very decisive way to break state laws. Other states have just as strict lock down rules as we do but it's only in the blue states where Trump needs to hold on to his base that he's encouraging the protestors.

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    2. He's just the worst. There is no bottom.

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  6. I'm angry too but trying to limit the time I spend there. It's hard.

    What interesting female ancestors you had!

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    1. I do have some interesting ancestors don't I.

      I am limiting my TV time and social media time too. Drastically from what it was. Like you said, its just too hard otherwise.

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  7. You do have an interesting family tree! Interesting that putting words on paper runs in the family.

    People here are not staying at home in quarantine either. Since the sunshine, they are now thinking of CLOSING all the City parks. They closed the parking lots a couple of weeks ago, thinking that just neighbors would use the park closest to them. NOT! Our park is two blocks from condo ... our parking lot is being invaded, people parking illegally in business parking lots and all along the streets that say NO PARKING.

    I wish all the Covid 19 info would also include percentages. What percentage of Oregonians have/had it. What percentage have died? What percentage have survived? Seems like percentages are a more equal way of comparing.

    I am so lucky to be with family! In so many ways.

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    1. Wow, we have not seen that kind of blatant disrearguard for the lock down until the demonstration at the capital. But they did close all the park county and state but our weather has not been warm enough yet to really have the parks calling for people to invade.

      The kind of statistics we need aren't going to come because the president does not want mass testing at all. There was a story on TV just his past week showing the very first survivor in our state of covid-19 leave the hospital. Mind boggling.

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  8. While I totally agree people need to get back to work, I also think it's hard to police people from city to city and state to state. And the demonstrations in Lansing this week make me wonder if people are smart enough to police themselves without endangering a lot of innocent lives. The fact that this is being turned into a political football is beyond discouraging.

    I find the less I read the news and the more I do other things, the less anxious I am. Today I decided not to waste my brown bananas, so I now have fresh banana bread and a banana spice cake. Luckily, my DH will eat a lot of it. I'm a little nervous about my anxiety eating and want to come out of this in the same clothing I was wearing when it started. LOL.

    Just for added fun, we had two offers on our house this week, we took one, they brought in two inspectors (inside and outside...who knew?) who gave our place glowing reviews, and then with no warning the buyers backed out. You gotta laugh to keep from crying.

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    1. Why look and make offers if you're seriously interested? Scary times to be selling or buying. Hope that changes for you in a month or so. It was a hot market before the pandemic came to mess it all up.

      I'm already at the point with my anxiety eating that I don't reign it in, I'll be in a larger size and I don't want that to happen. Too tight now for real comfort.

      I tried to buy some banana bread mixes last time I was at the store and they were out, couldn't even buy a bag of flour.

      The political football aspect of the virus is the worse. If we can't get our president to put the country over his ego now, he never will.

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  9. Mercy Otis Warren is my 9th cousin 6 times removed---according to Geni.com where I have a family tree. Small world. :)

    Here in Texas (the Lone Brain Cell state) Gov. Abbott is hell bent on being the first to reopen and even with him saying that, there STILL were protests at the capital this morning by Trumpists yelling about their rights being trampled upon by all those pesky doctors and egghead scientists. Our local hospital has 10 ICU beds. Our county has over 7,000 people over the age of 65 who, if infected with the virus, would overwhelm the health system in a New York minute. I wish people would get their news somewhere else besides Fox and their Facebook friends.

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    1. Me too. They trust conspiracy websites, too, before PHD scientists which is just crazy!

      Do you come down from the Otis or Warren side of the family? Maybe we're related. I'm on the Otis side. Small world. She's my only claim to fame. Unless you want to claim the Otis elevator inventor or all of the famous men in Mercy's family. Being into women's history I tend to leave them out of my boosting. LOL

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    2. It seems I'm on the Otis side when looking at blood relations, and also the Warren side in non-blood related family (a 9th great-grandfather's wife's first cousin twice removed's wife!).

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    3. Same here! We are cousins but so far removed we won't be looking to each other for a kidney, if needed. LOL

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  10. Bored????????Nah not me
    Angry???????Well yeah at the decisions some people make or can't seem to make

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    1. I'm bored and angry and sad and worried and I could go on and on.

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  11. I'm impressed with your star studded Relatives who were great Writers, no wonder you have it in your DNA to be such a good Writer yourself! The Man's Family, especially his Mom, was into Genealogy and she published the Books too for everyone, must have cost her a Fortune but they were so well done! I think we're all Angry and fed up with the Poor Leadership and polarization in the Country even during a time when we should be pulling together in Unity of Purpose! I don't even think they can with that Vile Media Whore at the helm who is treating this like an extension of a Bad Reality Show we all must be forced to be a part of!

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    1. The company I used for my genealogy books has wonderful software with tons of bells and whistles for genealogy charts, etc. to make a finished product that is really professional looking. I'm so glad I did the books. They'd make anyone look like a great writer. LOL

      Are you serious about the man at the helm? The man who brags that his pandemic news briefings get better ratings than the Bachelor? He would never, ever treat the health and safety of us common folk like a Realty TV Show. (Sarcasm off)

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    2. You crack me up! I just came over to say that when the charts went up about Spread, I noticed that the highest infection rates just happened to be near Coastlines of bodies of Water, whether Oceans or Great Lakes, which could be coincidental, but it was very interesting!

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    3. Interesting! I'll bet that's because more people like living near bodies of water than inland.

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  12. Me, too. Angry, that is. And fasten your seatbelts. The Michigan Militia is organizing a "bring your guns" rally on at the capitol on Monday. I am definitely not a fan. I understand people who want to go back to work and their frustrations not being able to get on the unemployment rolls but that's not what last week's "show" was about. As you probably know, they were blocking off the entrances to Sparrow Hospital and ambulances couldn't get through; running red lights as people were trying to cross... too many neo-Nazi/white supremacist signs and Nazi flags for my liking, not to mention the Trump float. We even made the BBC in England. Probably elsewhere.

    The fact that there is a lot of mis-info being spread (yes, you can buy seeds; you just can't buy plants at Home Depot -- but you can at a smaller garden center or hardware store; you can also buy car seats and American flags). That stirs up people whom I think want to be stirred up. But I fully support the fact that I can't leave one home for another. The last thing we want to do is take covid to the north where the hospitals are completely ill equipped to handle any kind of major outbreak. Nor do I want to see my baby grands and their parents. Not for awhile. I'm willing to be "in" for as long as it takes -- a year? OK. If I must. I know things will loosen up but I, for one, will not be going to restaurants, the theatre or movies, or shopping. Too much at stake.

    Now your family -- that's fascinating. What a legacy you bring to the table. I have to get back to my family book. I'd like to self-publish it but my first "plan" is to do an illustrated pdf so that if something happens to me, at least the family has it in some form. I bow down in awe to you on yours.

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    1. You could easily do a family history of sorts of all illustrations...places various family members have lived or hold dear to their hearts. I'll bet one of your hometown would even have commercial value to the general public. You has such a 'feel good' quality to your art. Check out MyCanvas when you get ready to publish. They will do hardcopies and pdf as small as one book or as large as 1,000 and I their quality is top notch.

      I didn't know about Monday but I did know have have a strong Neo-Nazi/Militia in our state. Those people scare the crap out of me. I feel badly for our governor who has to deal with that on top of everything else!

      The disinformation is deliberate and when you try to show authentic proof that it's wrong, the guilty parties who spread it keep right on spreading it. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "It stirs up people who want to be stirred up." Trump would not be backing these demonstrations if they had a Joe Biden float and were wearing Biden hats. I just hope someone in law enforcement doesn't get hurt on Monday or some small business that already suffered.

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  13. Yeah, let's count on coming out the other side of this in 2 years. Reminds me of early childhood, when everything happened within our home's 4 walls. And our backyard was the wide wide world. Personally, I'm loving the pause, but then again, it's not interfering with my plans. Your move still on schedule?

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    1. Hi Flo! It's been a long time. You're probably right about it taking us two years to recover from this. And that's assuming they come up with a vaccinate.

      The building project at the CCC is on hold right along with everything else because all construction has stopped all over the state. They are at least 2 months behind at this point. I'm hoping May first they can get going again. It sure put a damper on my outlook for the future.

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  14. He thrives on chaos and so do his supporters. They are all a selfish lot to begin with.

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  15. Not all at the protest were Trump supporters.
    I have Democrat friends who are beyond angry that they can't travel up north to their summer cottages and can't go fishing in a motor boat. They were at the protest too. Idiots!
    It does seem weird that we can't buy seeds or flowers to plant. The best thing for us would be outside working in our gardens and breathing fresh air.

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    1. It was explained up this thread why the governor doesn't why the governor doesn't want people bringing the virus up north to all the small towns where they don't have the medical persona to handle an outbreak. I don't know why people have such a hard time understanding that. They are idiots.

      We can buy seeds. The governor corrected a lot of those urban legends in her last news conference. And buying flags and carseats were never banned either.

      80% of all garden plants are sold in May in MI. I won't get upset over us not being able to buy them now, unless we can't buy them in May. Who's going to plant them outside, anyway with the kind of temperatures we've been having?

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  16. go your governor..obviously had seen that even though we in New Zealand have complete lockdown and just some essentials. Our PM, Jacinda Ardern declared just before Easter that both the EASTER BUNNY AND THE TOOTH FAIRY were essential workers and then came up with a way have the bunny be at your house with colouring in printables, eggs to stand beside your teddy bears that adorn many windows facing the streets in NZ...

    Jacinda is the mother of nearly 2 yrs old Neve, and she understands that adults understand "lockdown" but children need some lightness ... plus parents need it as well.

    I'm not going to truly comment on your "top dog chap" watching the reports filtering down to our newscast show ...well you know it's showing...sadly etc.

    This arvo (20/4) at 4pm important live update on whether we move down a level (3) or remain in Level (4) for another week. Not much will change at Level 3, but there are tiny parts of life returning..if the word is YES!

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    1. It's amazing how good ideas have circled the world. We, too, do the teddy bears and printable colored eggs in the windows for little kids to go on hunts around the neighborhoods. Our governor also named the Tooth Fairy in the essential workers but I cut that part to keep in my word count.

      I'm so ashamed of our "top dog chap" and those who still support him. He's dangerous in my opinion.

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  17. You come from a long line of interesting and talented writers. No wonder you write so well and are so observant.
    I have spent many years researching family history and two of my cousins did extensive research. I find it interesting.
    I was reading many accounts today telling about folks who claim tRump is mailing stimulus checks from his personal account. I thought it was a joke, but I guess not. Everyday I think we have hit bottom and everyday I am wrong.
    Sun is out here and it is 60*.

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    1. That's a rumor that Trump doesn't mind at all since he's the one who insisted the government stimulus checks have his signature on them. Although now the sec. of the treasure says he suggested it to Trump. I don't know how people can be so dumb. I saw a Facebook post today that said if the media would just quite doing stories on the covid-19 virus it would go away. LOL

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  18. Sorry for being so late Jean. I agree with you Trump tp me is destroying the United States and he has a group of idiots during his bidding. Lord give us strength. Keep safe my friend.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. We're going to need a lot of strength. Stay Safe up there too, Paul.

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  19. I have stopped paying much attention to what Trump says and does. Instead, like many Mainers, I tune in to the daily press briefings of Dr. Nirav Shah, Maine's CDC director. He is smart, calm, a very effective communicator, empathic and sometimes funny. There are now two Nirav Shah fan groups on Facebook, and some enterprising Mainer is selling T-shirts that say "In Shah we trust." I am thankful every day that, at least at the state level, there are thoughtful grown-ups in charge.

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    1. We do have a lot of rock star governors in the country. Think what they could do if we didn't have a clown at the helm.

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