Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, October 24, 2020

My Hodge-Podge Week


GATHERING GIRLS:  Why do all the bloggable things happen in one week? Monday started out with another long brunch with my Gathering Girls pals. And if I haven’t said it before, let me tell you that with the except using the F-word, I’ve never had friends that I’ve felt so completely free to say or do whatever silly or irreverent thing that crosses my mind. To misquote Sally Fields, "We like each other, we really do!” and that’s all the sweeter because we only met three years ago proving old dogs can learn new tricks. Unfortunately, though, our numbers keep dwindling. We started out with seven but Monday only three of us dined together. One was flying out to Arizona, another won't go to restaurants during the pandemic, a third lady was sick and one of our original gal pals had to drop out of our group for health or eye-sight issues---I don't remember which. Call me 'old'. I can take it.

THE ARGUMENT: Tuesday I had an argument with the dog, both of us speaking at full volume. Here’s the back story: My computer sits around the corner from the laundry room. In addition to what you’ll usually find in a laundry room is the door that leads to the garage and to another door leading outside to the dog’s yard. It’s also where Levi’s water and food dishes sit side-by-side. Yesterday I had my head lost in Facebook and Levi started in on me, acting like he wanted to go outside. Or so I thought. I opened the door to the garage and ordered, “Outside!” He took a leisurely stroll around the car and came straight back inside instead of heading to the outside door. Two minutes later he was begging again with the same results. After the fourth time I yelled at him to go get in his bed and he disobediently ran for the living room couch. And why not. I’ve let him treat the couch like a time-out, no scold zone so many times it’s actually become one. Five minutes later he was back in the laundry room again, this time banging his water dish against the wall and with a demonic look on his face that let me know that he knew my Facebook polluted brain was malfunctioning and not receiving the mental telepathy we usually share. It was so dry my heart sank, knowing he must have been without water all morning long. Levi accepted my apology but he put me on notice that it better not happen again. And don't you dare call the Old People Police! I'll deny the dog neglect ever happened.

HOUSE CLEANERS: Wednesday I lost my cleaning service, or rather I should say they lost me. After my favorite cleaner quit to go back to school the service hasn’t been able to find anyone to replace her who is willing to clean in my neighborhood. If I had a bigger house that took longer than 2 to 2 ½ hours to clean or they had other clients near-by, that might have changed things. But given the fact that they charged me an average of $74 per cleaning and the person who actually does the work only gets $30 of that fee I can see why no one wants to hop on the expressway from their offices to come through the heart of town to get here for a lousy $30 a month. I've all but resigned myself to cleaning my own house again---I did it all but the last 4-5 years of my life, so how hard could it be to get back in the groove?  I'm even warming up to the idea of earmarking the money I'll save for something special for my new home.

PARTY AT THE CCC: Thursday I had to make a $20,000 payment on the unit in the continuum care campus where---with any luck---I’ll be living by this time next year. Their marketing managers usually invent a reason to bring those of us who have already bought into the dream out to the building site around the time when a scheduled payment is due. This time they called their social-distancing party a “Topping Out Celebration.” The construction company brought a large truss up to the sales building and we all got to sign our names on a grid, after which we were supposed to watch a crane haul it up to the third floor roof and ‘top out’ the building. But it was raining so hard they decided to put that part off for later and we ate yummy falls treats instead. If the chef who prepares all the food for these events wasn't so young or me so old, I'd be in lust with the man. The only thing my husband could make was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and even then he go the proportions all wrong. An inch of peanut butter, Don? Really?

THE PORCH CEILING PROJECT: Friday the son-I-wish-I-had came over to paint the ceiling on my porch, to finish off our barter agreement. One of the reasons I can’t wait until after the election is over is because he’s a Trump supporter. I love this guy, have known him since before he got married, had three kids and 12-13 grandkids. We were neighbors for years and he worked for my husband and after my husband’s stroke he helped us more than all my other family and friends put together. I thought I knew him well but Trump has brought a side out of Tim that I’d rather not know about. It makes me sad and we tippy-toe around politics so carefully you’d think current events are freshly laid eggs in a hen house. But his Facebook posts---all I can say is I’m shocked at how much Kool-Aid he’s drank. The election can't come fast enough! No matter which way it turns out the true character of our country will be exposed. God help us all. ©

 Photo at the top was taken on the campus of the CCC.

39 comments:

  1. I agree with you about the election. God help us all! My sister is a Trump supporter so we don't talk about politics.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm never the one to bring it up with Tim but he likes to feel me out. He's only got me and another older woman he knows who are Democrats in his life. Otherwise he's surrounded by Republicans.

      Delete
  2. Too bad it was raining so heavily, that would have been fun to watch the truss being placed. Your dog is smart!! He knew what he wanted all along, and his persistence paid off. As for the election, I seem to be paying more attention to the vice president/running mate - I think Biden OR Trumo won't make it a full four years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The VP is really more important this time than the role has ever been. I don't trust Pence at all.

      Ya, it would have been fun but even more fun is they said we'll soon be able to schedule individual walk-thrus in our units. They are close to having the buildings exteriors ready for winter and after that we'll be able to do it.

      Delete
    2. Anni--I think your assumption that both candidates would die in office is odd. My mother, morbidly obese, diagnosed with both chronic kidney disease and Alzheimer's, is 90 years old. She has two hip replacements and osteoarthritis. She is still here. Why would men in their 70s with the best healthcare in the world automatically be at death's door?

      Delete
  3. Reading about Tim is really scary. It'd be like finding that a sibling is a t-supporter (we have t-clones here too).

    For me, electing t once is a mistake; electing him twice is not.

    The US elections is like reading a unputdownable political thriller. If it was a book, I'd have thrown it in the bin long since as unbelievable. And yet it can happen in any country.

    Win or lose, it'll be interesting.

    Blogs like yours keep me grounded, knowing that there are similar-minded people around. I check out blogs/twitter feed of t-supporters and SMDH. I accept its each to their own opinion. ~ Libby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is like a thriller watching our election, this time. I have a sister-in-law who is also a Trump supporter and she's always been the kindest, gentlest person who would never, ever say a mean thing to or about someone else. It boggles my mind that she and Tim can't see what a terrible influence Trump has been on our country---two people who've I've admired for so long.

      The Democrats running for office keep saying, "This isn't who we are" but if Trump is re-elected this IS who we are. And at that point, I'm giving up on America.

      Delete
  4. Oh dear that is disturbing about Tim. You have to wonder why. I know a few, but none are close friends, just acquaintances. I always try to quests why...usually I come up with latent racism, religious obsession with gays and abortion or the economy. Much of what they believe has been produced in their minds by Fox News or like minded friends and family. It’s a real paradox to me...an enigma for sure....best to not bring it up, of course.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With Tim, it's a combination of him living in a Red County in a Red State in town too small to even have a traffic light...just three stop signs. His small town church is very important to him and they don't believe in gay rights, abortion right, immigration or the Green New Deal. He listens to a lot of Right Wing talk radio and TV. That list is pretty much the same as my five in-laws who support Trump only with the addition of racism. With the Pope coming out to support gay rights to marriage, I can't wait until the next time that comes up. Do my in-laws follow the grace extended by the leader of their faith or do they hold on to their blind hatred of gays?

      Delete
  5. So now you have me wondering where the expression about drinking all the kool-aid came from! Levi is quite persistent and creative I’d say and the setting of you new home to be looks lovely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember seeing people use that phrase on a political debate site I used to go to back during the Obama admission only it was aimed at democrats like me.

      The phrase has actual been around since the 1978 Johntown Massacre where over 900 drank a poisoned mixture in a mass suicide lead by cult leader, Jim Jones at his Peoples Temple. We're hearing it a lot now because of the similarities between John's followers and Trumps, the reckless devotion to him despite the obvious lies and misinformation.

      Delete
    2. I was wondering if that was the connection but so many sayings have such weird origins that I didn't know. Thanks!

      Delete
  6. The drinking the kool-aid expression comes directly from Jonestown, unfortunately. I sympathize with your no restaurant gal, I actually don't know anyone who will eat inside although I know a couple who will eat distanced in a patio. I think many of us have bern surprised by friends and or relatives who are fairly rabid Trump supporters, I am constantly amazed by some people and not in a good way...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Gal Pals are not going to meet over the winter because of the virus and the normal flu. I do not feel good in restaurants even now, but some of the others are doing it routinely with family and that' worries the crap out of me.

      Trump brings out the worst in people, doesn't he. Makes it okay for them to express their racism and other not-so-nice attitudes.

      Delete
  7. I do question the judgement of someone who supports the current president. I have no idea why they cannot see what I see. He just makes me shudder with disgust!
    I love the picture of the grounds of your future home. How nice that will be to walk Levi along those lovely paths.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I worry that Levi will make it difficult for me to walk him, with those ducks and swans on the lake. He barks SO much, I may have to get a shock collar.

      Delete
    2. There's an inexpensive ultrasonic gadget that will put an end to unnecessary barking, and doesn't cause the pain of a shock collar. You just give the button a quick press when he starts, followed by the command 'Quiet' or 'no bark' and it will slow his barking dramatically in a week or two: https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=ultrasonic+bark+deterrent&s=review-rank&crid=1NUUV61ZX915M&qid=1603578168&sprefix=ultrasonic+bark%2Caps%2C298&ref=sr_st_review-rank

      Delete
  8. Good for Levi, standing up for himself! He won't let you get away with that again.

    Fox News is a domestic terrorist organization. They have created so much discord, disunity, and distrust in our government, not to mention other dangerous conspiracy theories. They need to go.

    The setting in your post header photo is truly lovely and serene. I know you're going to love your new home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FOX really are the source of much of the unrest here in the U.S.A and so is Far Right Talk Radio which a lot of people in this area listen too in the work place. I no longer go to certain places because I heard talk radio in the back ground.

      When I drove into the CCC this week, it was the first time I saw it with the trees turning and it just made me feel at peace. I won't be able to see the lake from my unit but within 25 feet of my place is a large outdoor patio that they say will be heated even in the winter where we can sit and overlook the lake. There will be lots of places to explore to find my niche.

      Delete
  9. Love the picture of the grounds in your new place. That's such a beautiful area. You will love it!

    Our dog would randomly "demand" something that we became annoyed by, but almost always it was something he was communicating that we just didn't get. An empty water dish rings a bell. :-)

    We're in the same situation with a few of our loved ones. It's easier to just avoid the topic than to bring it up and find out if they are supporting Trump yet again. If I don't know, I can pretend they woke up in the past four years. The last election caused such a ruckus our family, no one wants to talk about it. It's definitely the very large elephant in the room.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dog toys under a couch is a conversation too. One time a kibble got under a chair and that took five minutes for him to get me to move that chair.

      It's a beautiful campus but I'm starting to worry about driving in the area. I might have to get a GPS app. I'm not used to so much traffic and don't know that at all. And I'll need to find a vet, dog groomer, hair salon and computer repair place right off the bat.

      Delete
  10. Know the feeling about having to apologize to your dog. You are never really sure they understand.
    Sad about Tim and Trump. I have several family members and friends who are Trumpers and we just steer clear of any dangerous conversations. So far it is working, don't know how it will work if things go the way we wish. I came by a festival in town this morning and noticed they were advertising gun carrying purses. Yikes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's scary out there with all the gun talk. One of my Gathering Girls pals was talking about buy her first ever gun to have for protection because she's afraid of groups like the Proud Boys.

      Delete
  11. Levi cracks me up. He's the sharpest guy around.
    It doesn't happen often that we make good friends at this age. I remember how you tried several ways to come into contact with people. You put yourself out there. Persistence paid off.
    I know what you mean about the-son-you-wish-you-had. I think I've mentioned before that I have someone like that in my life. We don't talk politics. Can't do it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's funny but Tim is always the one to bring it up and I resist posting on his Facebook political memes.

      Levi is smart and very stubborn.

      I'm hoping that by meeting in the middle of my current neighborhood and my future neighborhood my Gathering Girls pals will want to keep in contact with me as we do now. But the older we get the more of an issue driving becomes. So we'll have to play that by ear when the time comes.

      Delete
  12. Your new digs look just perfect! I use my GPS even when I know where I'm going. Construction changes routes but I know I can just press "GO HOME" and that is very reassuring.

    I'm a shy Republican who does NOT watch Fox or listen to the loonies on talk radio. My opinions are formed by reading reliable sources (NYT, WSJ, Newsweek, etc). And from the successes of this Presidency (I know he doesn't get all the credit). My ballot is still on my desk while I ponder.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are an old school Republican and this election is going to determine if the old party is gone and the radial right has taken it over. What they need are more Mitt Romney's and Cindy McCain's. Even Micheal Steele, the past RNC chairman of the party just came out to endorse Biden. It's hard for me to believe that there are still people sitting on the fence, not knowing who they will vote for but I take you at your word.

    I usually map out my route with google maps before I leave the house and often print out a map because I'd rather go back roads the highways and busy streets. I just don't think that's going to work for the heavily congested shopping areas I'll be living near.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. P.S. You said something that I think is the key to why good people like me and good people like you see Trump so differently. If you held a gun to my head I couldn't name a single "success of this Presidency." Where as people who like him hold up his stand on immigration, his withdrawing from the world organizations---going it alone---as accomplishments. I see those same issues as royal mistakes that are willful shortsighted and dangerous. Supporters think he's done so much for the economy but I see the HUGE national debt he's created. I know Tim likes him because he thinks he'll lead to a ban on all abortions and I would hate living in a world where there is no compassion for the heartbreaking decision some women/couples have to make. And making it illegal won't stop it. Like I told Tim, nothing good he may have done is worth the daily drama and chaos he creates, and the disrespect he shows for the Rule of Law and for the 4th Estate is leading towards the destruction of democracy. Without a free press who has access to what is going on in our government we are no better than a third world autocracy. We are so at odds in this country, I don't think we'll ever be the same.

      Anyway, this end my Friends-don't-let-friends-vote-for-Trump campaign. LOL

      Delete
  14. PERPETUITY: I think I actually deleted your comment about the anti-dog barking device. I can't find it anywhere, but I did read it and I do have one of them. It works when I'm in the house and 25 feet away from Levi, but if we're outside and he's on the end of his leash it doesn't even slow him down. It's like he can't hear it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow you have had a busy all at once Blog Fodder slew of Events! I'm sorry about losing the Cleaner and about Tim. I have people I know who are in The Death Cult too and their FB Feeds were disturbing to the point I had to drop them, I have a Closed FB Page and Honestly didn't want or need the Toxicity bleeding over into my Feed. I also don't associate with any of those people anymore, would be Civil and Kind, but keep my distance now that they've shown a side to themselves I find intolerable and not anything I want an association with. I've had other Friends lament the same thing, some with their very Best Friends who they thought they 'knew'... and it's all so sad. But, mebbe the upside is, now we have been able to sort people out by what they are and what they are willing to support that is not acceptable? I'm glad you got the nice Meals with both your Ladies Group and also at the CCC with the Hot Chef. *winks* Lucky Girl... except with immediate Family I don't meet up with anyone and it has made Pandemic rather lonesome at times. I see Friends when I do venture out, but not to meet up and do things with, which I do miss... it's just by chance we run into one another and briefly talk and have that social connection that I cherish. As for Levi, so smart to keep at you until conveying what was amiss, Animals amaze me sometimes in how they manage to communicate and overcome the language barriers with us Humans.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do not feel comfortable eating out, especially with friends because I know they interact with far more people than I do. It's hard, isn't it, because humans are social beings. Thank goodness you've got your husband and granddaughter living with you and good neighbors.



      Delete
  16. Levi is a smart dog. He sure knows how to get the message across and is tenacious. Good boy!

    I would be the one who didn't go to the restaurant...

    I haven't had my cleaners for close to two years. Standards have gone down and I'm trying to up them. But it's not my strong suit! And as for the election -- I just keep holding my breath. I'm just as worried about the aftermath.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Levi is very stubborn!

      Our group is going to quit meeting soon. The woman who won't go to restaurants has COPD. She doesn't go any place because she's so scared of the virus.

      Delete
  17. We continue to clean our house. And mow our yard. I never thought about starting a fund wherein I'd put the money I would have spent. Great idea.

    The photo of your soon-to-be home property is pretty. It looks peaceful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I earmark money all the time. Like having separate savings accounts in my head. I used to actually have envelops that I saved cash in for whatever goal or bill was written on the front.

      Delete
  18. Love these short vingettes. But your guy is a Trump supporter??? I'm so disappointed! But grateful for his kindness to you all these years.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for taking the time to comment. If you are using ANONYMOUS please identify yourself by your first name as you might not be the only one. Comments containing links from spammers will not be published. All comments are moderated which means I might not see yours right away to publish through for public viewing as I don't sit at my computer 24/7.