Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Over Active Bladders

Over active bladder, is there anything I won’t write about? I guess not. Today, I’m crossing over that line, exploring a topic that demure little blog writers should probably ignore. Maybe it’s all those commercials they play on TV for over-the-counter drugs to cure a problem I really didn’t think was a problem that had a cure until they planted that seed in my head. Maybe it’s the fact that every time I go out to a movie with friends I insist on getting an aisle seat in case I need a potty break in the middle of the film that has me wondering. Or maybe it’s the fact that I get up three to four times during the night to pee that has me starting a “liquids in, liquids out” chart to take to my bi-annual checkup coming up in a few weeks (assuming the Pandemic doesn't put the appointment on the back burner. Again). I even used my husband’s old blood sugar monitor a few times to rule out diabetes. Why do I even need a doctor? Give me a computer and a symptom and I can diagnosis myself. But the 64-million dollar question is this: Do I have an over active bladder or an under-sized bladder and do they need to do an autopsy to know which one? Either way, I’ve had it all my life and I can give you a review of every bathroom in the city plus the locations of every unlocked church---they have the cleanest restrooms---and other places like office buildings where I don’t feel compelled to buy peanuts, juice or a pop on my way out. I do, by the way, always buy something if I use a restroom at a gas station in exchange for using their water and toilet paper. It's only fair.

So do you think the doctor will believe me when I tell him my parents were still carrying a coffee can aka emergency toilet in the car when I was ten because I couldn’t even make a 50 minute trip to our cottage without having to go? Do you think he’ll believe me when I tell him a doctor had the eight year old little girl inside of me doing “exercises” to expand my bladder? If my current doctor suggests those same kind of hold-your-urine-until-you-cry-from-the-pain “exercises” I’ll call it elder abuse and dial my local 211 system to report him. All I want to know from him is this: Is there a downside/danger in using the patches that keeps the bladder muscles from contracting as the bladder is filling? And if you're wearing a patch do you have to looking in the mirror to see if the whites in your eyes turn yellow to know when you actually do need to pee again? Those are the kinds of questions the buy-my-product websites don’t answer. If the doctor will answer those questions to my satisfaction, I’ll be out the door and down to the pharmacy in a flash. (I really need a good night's sleep!) And doctor, don’t give me the speech about leakage is common with 'women your age' (which I decidedly don't have). That’s just going to make me feel as old as Moses. Don’t pat my head and say I’m exaggerating or ask if I have a daughter who can come with me the next time. Not that he’s ever treated me that way but I’m ever so diligent in looking for that first time when he'll patronize me with his humor-the-old-woman "charm." 

Note to anyone who might be visiting my house in the next few weeks: Don’t use the toothpicks in the bathroom. They are yucky, full of germs! They are my keeping-track tools and are moved from one pile to another after I pee. It’s a cheaters’ counting trick I learned by watching programs on the Food Network like Mystery Diners, Restaurant Impossible and Restaurant Stakeout. We all probably do quirky things like that that others coming into our homes wouldn’t figure out in a hundred years but as I age I’m finding myself wanting to leave notes explaining myself to that anonymous social worker I fear so much. You know who she is, she’s the newly minted professional who might one day be coming to visit us all at a certain age to take our mental competency temperatures and could find us “off” enough to be incarcerated in a place where we'd have no access to toothpicks and other quirky things that she doesn’t understand. Young people, what are we going to do with them except wait until they get old and have one giant 'Aha! Moment' of understanding of what it’s like to be old and know stuff young people don’t.

Oh, in case you don’t watch the Food Network and have never heard about the counting toothpicks trick, this is how it works: Dishonest bartenders use this trick to count how many times they overcharge customers so they’ll know how many dollars they can sneak out of the till at the end of their shift and still balance. So the moral of this blog post is this: Never-ever use tooth picks in my bathroom or grab one from behind a bar while sitting there watching a stud muffin pulling draft beers from the tap. And let's all hope the bars and restaurants are able to fully open back up again by mid-2021. While I haven't sat at a bar in over a half a century, stud muffin surveillance time sounds pretty darn nostalgic and I might take it up again when we all get out from under house arrest.  ©

34 comments:

  1. I promise never to use toothpicks if they don't come out of a new carton at home. Thank you for the warning and the belly laugh. šŸ˜€

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  2. A patronizing doctor? Would I go see one?.....

    It DEPENDS!

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  3. Replies
    1. I suppose they have better ways to figure that out than they had back in past centuries. LOL

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  4. a patronizing doctor? Say it ain't so. Since my whole social life during pandemic has been doctors and hospitals I understand this all too well. I was just the opposite of you as a young girl into my 50's. I could hold it forever and did. Not so much anymore though. My friend Melanie called me a camel. Ah, what I'd do for that now. I hope you get an answer if you want one
    As for toothpicks - thank you for the giggles. I promise not to touch them! or for that matter ever look at them in the same way.

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    1. I still always hold it as long as I can, bad habit I suppose. I drink a ton of water too. I'm not even sure I'm going to ask the doctor in the middle of a pandemic because 1) it's not a new issue and he'd probably just refer to a specialist and 2) I don't really want to hang around medical offices during a pandemic. And 3) when you start taking medications to cure one thing the treatment can cause other side effects.

      What's worse than counting toothpicks in bars is that some count lemon slices instead. Can you imagine how many germs those slices would have at the end of s shift handling money in between?

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  5. I learned that the pituitary gland controls your fluids when I had my pituitary tumor removed in June. I was peeing too much but it was a new thing - not something I had all my life. Now I take a pill for that and I don't wake up so much in the night (not for that reason anyway). Hope you have a good appointment with no surprises!

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    1. Wow, I learn something new ever day! Glad you found an answer to your issues.

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  6. I didn't know about the toothpick trick. Most sneaky.

    I imagine that a doc would take your complaint seriously if they thought they could definitely solve it. Otherwise I find that docs tend to downplay anything you tell them because [I surmise] they don't like to not have the answers.

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    1. I'll bet you're right. I have mentioned this before to the doctor but I was the one who didn't want to pursue it at the time.

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  7. This is something you have had all your life, sounds like you were born with it. A trip to a urologist might be due. He can run a camera into your bladder and check its size without autopsy. Painless.
    Now you are going to have me looking for toothpicks. I just hope it is no where I eat.

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    1. Yikes to the camera but I should have known that can do that.

      We actually had a scam sort of like the toothpick trick pulled on us with gasoline bought on my husband's credit card. When we were plowing snow we'd go to a near-by station with 5 t0 7 trucks at a time. The guy who owned the station knew we owned 7 trucks so when we'd go in with 5 or 6 he'd run an extra charge or two. It took half the winter before my husband got suspicious. Long story short he was scamming others with felt trucks as well and he ended up losing the station. The gas company brought charges against him.

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  8. maybe monitor also the time and amount of the actual liquids you consume...there might be a link right there, that is easy to sort out than having someone check your internals!

    giggling on toothpicks!

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    1. I've tried not drinking water or liquids after 7PM but it doesn't make any difference with having to get up so often at night.

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  9. I had to get up ad go pee from laughing and because I have a Japanese bladder

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  10. It never occurred to me to be grateful I only have to get up twice each night, but now I will be! Can you go right back to sleep? I can't so I get a lot of reading done in the middle of the night.

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    1. Most of the time I can go back to sleep, but this past month I've been getting up around 5:30 and can't go back to sleep so I ended up reading, too.

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  11. I never knew about the toothpick thing. I have a small bladder -- I had it checked once when they were looking for something else. You probably do, too -- and the more you drink or the later... besides, we're not as young as we used to be.

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    1. The weirdest thing is that when I take a sleeping pill I don't have to pee all night long (and I don't pee the bed, in case anyone is wondering). I asked the doctor last time I saw him, a year ago, about that and he said the messages from my bladder aren't waking me up. Duh!

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  12. Now Im gratefl that I only get up once a night...and can go back to bed. Personally I hve earned that many of my daytime issues are simpy distraction. I have learned that when I have to pee! I had one of those cameras years ago because I had way to many utis. No big thing.

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    1. I don't remember a time when I only had to get up once a night. That must be nice. Good to know about the camera. Thanks for sharing that.

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  13. Glad you brought up the topic! Yours does appear to be a long term physical condition. I've had a prescription to help dry up things.
    I've been to two physical therapists (to strengthen those muscles for more control). I tried setting a timer and going every two hours for a day or two, then 2.5 hours and so on. My Doc says two UTIs a year, no problem. I've tried tracking liquid and food and really ... it just is what it is! I buy Depends and use them if I leave the house ... and at night.

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    1. "It is what is it" truly describes a lot of stuff we go through or put up with, does it. Especially as we age.

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  14. I read this earlier and I thought I left a comment. I'm losing it or Blogger dumped it somewhere.I feel your pain. I get up two or three times during the night. During the day, I sometimes have issues because of medication or just because my bladder is not as young as it once was.
    I never heard about the toothpick cheating thing.

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    1. I must be the only one who watches those bar rescue type shows on the Food Network. Although I had heard of it before I was reminded of it on one of their episodes. We used to have a friend who owned a bar who had to fire a guy for overcharging customers.

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  15. Stud Muffin Surveillance I'm IN GF, just never knew I'd come here and learn so much about corrupt Bartending, I must be watching the wrong shows. *LOL* I have insulin dependent Diabetes so all you speak of, I know about, but I'm Legendary at holding my Water so I must have a pretty impressive sized Bladder I think? Plus, I drink gargantuan amounts of fluids and so quickly that The Man said if ever there is a contest, I'll win hands down.

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    1. I love water and coffee and could take the challenge of who could drink the most, if we lived in the same state.

      Stud muffin surveillance is actually a guilty pleasure of mine.

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  16. Yes, under-sized bladder is a real thing. I know this how? I have one. You and I would travel well together. I would never have to ask, "Could you stop at the next rest area?"

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    1. That's the worst, going on a road trip with someone who won't stop when you need to.

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    2. Yeah, when we were first married my husband didn't like to stop until HE had to pee, even though I would beg him. I complained to my dad about it and he said, "Flood the seat." I told my husband that, and ever since, he's been really good about stopping when I ask.

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