Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

Garden Gnomes and Grandparents


I am so Freaking cold I want to stand under the heat register (in the ceiling) and stay there until spring. And can you believe it, I lost heat for a half day, on the weekend and inside my apartment the temperature dropped to 65. I put in a maintenance request on our complex’s app thinking I’d have to live the weekend in bed under a pile of blankets, then two hours later it dawned on me to call the security guard to see if he had an emergency number to call. He did. I had heat again within twenty minutes. Then I felt guilty for my First World Privilege of having quick access to the basics of life when others go without them…like those living in the Ukraine or in the earthquake zones in Turkey or Syria. Never take our privilege for granted, that’s my motto. 

Slowly I’m getting back into my routine though it’s a little difficult when I had to add six appointments into my week for OT, PT and the nurse since getting back home from The Fall. Occupational Therapy ended today---yeah for that!---and I want the others to end soon if I have any control over it but starting next week the PT and nurse will only come once a week until March so I can't complain. My rib pain is under control with just five Tylenol 500 instead of the eight I’m allowed to take but my shoulders still hurt so much I’m wondering if they should get x-rayed. The Lidocaine patch met for my ribs I’m using on my shoulder. I have an appointment with my primary doctor in a couple of hours but I’m not sure I’m going to tell him about my shoulders because he’d send me over to the hospital to wait around to get an x-ray. Then wait some more for someone to read it, then someone else to treat it. Yada, yada, yada when if I call my bone doctor, he’d x-ray them in his office and treat it within the same visit or at least explain the source of the pain and suggest a course of treatment…the privilege of being in his Frequent Flyer Club. He has no life, he fits us frequent flyers in come hell or high waters.

I went to my book club today although I didn’t read the book. The House by the Cerulean Sea, a fantasy book I was happy I had a good excuse not to read. I was invited over to The Art Professor’s apartment (along with several others) a few days before the club met to hear an hour of it read on tape. I fell asleep. Then during the book discussion in which almost everyone seemed to love the book’s characters---the garden gnome that talked and kids with magical powers---I fell asleep again. I’m not sleeping well at night but to twice not be able to stay awake in the company of others was embarrassing! I only spoke up once during the meeting to ask who the target audience the book was written for because it was compared to Harry Potter and someone quoted in the front of the book that is was “a fantasy for children and adults alike.” Supposedly, the underlying theme was acceptance of others who are not like you. Some of the children were ambiguous in their sexuality and you know what that means----The state of Florida probably has that book on the banded book list. 

Growing up we had a neighbor who had a yard full of garden gnomes and they crept me out. Too many eyes following my where-abouts when I entered the neighbor's kingdom. But I did often and especially at the end of every day because the old man who lived there had pink peppermint candy for all the kids in the neighborhood and spoonfuls of Rival dog food for all the pets who came with us. But first we had to help him take down his American Flag and carefully fold it to its regulation triangle. If we were up early enough we could also help him raise the flag. He had a boat rental business and if it had rained the night before we’d get a quarter a piece to help him bail his boats. My brother’s first real job was digging up earthworms to sell to our garden gnome loving neighbor. His wife and he weren’t much taller than the preteens on the lake and they had a Mexican chihuahua and they drove a Volkswagen Beetle. Every so often they’d pile five or six of us kids in their tiny car and off we’d go to the country store/gas station where they’d buy us all ice cream cones. The chihuahua freely was allowed to lick his “mom’s” cone. 

She died before him and his funeral was the only one I’ve ever attended where 7-8 people walked out in a silent protest as the preacher went on and on about how the deceased was going to burn up in hell because he didn’t accept Jesus as his Savior. This man who always had a hand ready to help his neighbors, whose wife keep us cottage kids in fresh backed cookies and lemonade hadn’t been allowed to know their own grandchildren because they wouldn’t get baptized in their daughter’s church. That funeral upset the neighbors at the cottage so much they petitioned the county and won the right to name the road after them. It was a fitting tribute to a couple who was nothing but pure kindness and love. They were the only grandparent figures I had in my life. But I'm glad it was their passion for collecting seashells I took into adulthood and not their love of garden gnomes. They still creep me out. ©

45 comments:

  1. I'm glad you are getting better, and bless that sweet neighbor. ❤️

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  2. Sigh, that was Cheerful Monk

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    1. aw...thanks! I hate that Bloggers makes it hard to save your identity and happy when someone like you takes the time to clear up a so-called anonymous commenter.

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  3. Every step forward is a true accomplishment. I need to find a class on defensive falling! Actually, I do well at home and anywhere with a shopping cart. But I need to start walking MORE so my son-in-law brought my rollator out of storage so I can get around on my own. It needs to be jazzed up with a water bottle holder and a small basket so I can get to Whole Foods (3-4 blocks). Once I regain some muscle, there are 7 coffee shops, 12 restaurants (with happy hour), library and Safeway all within 10 blocks of home. Found a video on chair yoga so can do that at home. Watch out Ms Senior Universe!

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    1. What wonderful destinations to set for your exercise goals. I wish I had a coffee shop close enough to even drive too. I miss Starbucks from my past!

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  4. When my son-in-law's father died, I attended his funeral. As in your instance, the pastor said the man was not saved and was already in hell. He exhorted the attendees to get right with God. I most certainly would have walked out if alone, but I was watching my angry daughter and her stoic husband for cues. My actions would have impacted them, I felt. The sermon had been preached at the urging of the man's wife, who didn't believe two of her three stepchildren were saved. It was meant to scare them.

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    1. That's the kind of funeral that sticks with you for all the wrong reasons. I guess the wife who urged the preacher to do that kind of sermon never heard or read the part about not judging others lest ye be judged.

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  5. I'm so with you about gnomes being creepy.

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    1. Just looking for a photo of gnomes for this post proved there really are a lot of really weird and meant-to-be creepy gnomes out there.

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    2. I much prefer gargoyles. They don't mix their threatening natures with cuteness. You know what's intended.

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  6. I would have walked out of that funeral too. I hope the neighbours had their own private celebration of that good man’s life.
    I enjoyed the House by the Cerulean Sea. I would be surprised if it isn’t on the banned books list in Florida for its positive, healthy depictions of love, acceptance, and kindness in all its forms.

    Deb

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    1. We had a road dedication ceremony when the sign was installed. The couple had been the first people to build a cottage on the lake and the road previously had no name at all, so it wad fitting that the lane included their last name. That funeral made so many people angry that they came up with this idea and saw it through to the end result.

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  7. I think garden gnomes are creepy, too. I once watched an episode of a tv series where a garden gnome was the murder weapon, and it seemed perfectly reasonable to me. I'm not much more fond of pink yard flamingoes, although they're mostly gauche rather than creepy.

    I'm just not a fan of fantasy or science fiction. The real world's so interesting to me that I just don't have the impulse to escape into another world. To be honest, I'd rather dig earthworms. I remember some classmates who did that, although the most interesting kid was the one who'd eat dirt for a nickel a spoonful. As distasteful as that sounds, he did always have money for the penny candy down at the neighborhood gas station.

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    1. I don't think I'll ever read a fantasy book again unless my niece recommends it like she did with Charlotte's Web. I wanted to read that one because it was a favorite of hers and wildly popular at the time. But I tasted the genre and that's enough for me. I do like some science fiction involving outer space and space aliens which isn't the same as fantasy.

      Love your story of the childhood friend who'd eat dirt for pay.

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  8. Ask the doc about the shoulder. ASAP. Either one -- just know. Then if it's fine you can wipe it off your worry list and just suck up the pain till you heal. But it's been awhile and if it's still intense, that's your body telling you something. Take it from one with a penchant for delaying too long because she doesn't want to bother anyone. Just sayin'....

    Your neighbor sounds wonderful. To me, people are measured by what they do -- their kindness. These people sound far more of living a faith than not. How sad you had to experience that as a child but your neighborhood sounds wonderful.

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    1. Physical therapist thinks I'm tensing up my shoulders to walk with the new walker, a temporary addition to my life until I completely heal my ribs. Plus I had a lot of muscle spasms after the fall and they take time to settle down. I'm waiting a few weeks to pursue the shoulder pain.

      You know West Michigan. Judging a person by how he/she lives their life isn't always how some religions do it around here. So hard to understand that mindset.

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    2. What absolutely works a treat for muscle spasms is cannabis balm. I live in Florida (I know, I know) and I have my medical marijuana card, and the dispensaries sell both the balm, and just the extract which you can mix with an oil (even olive oil works, but I use CBD oil). It is miraculous for spasticity, which I've developed since my stroke. Totally controls it.

      Healing takes longer now that we're older, and we really need to be persistent with our rehab exercises, don't we? I fell in June, and I'm just now getting back to where I was before the fall. Luckily nothing was broken, but I fell getting into my wheelchair from a hotel bed, and sprained/strained my ankle on my affected side. I've had physical therapy ever since then, just finished that last week, and I've been amazed at just how difficult healing has been. Hang in there, and celebrate small accomplishments! You got this!

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  9. Glad you are recovering and getting stronger each day. Hope you get better sleep soon!

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  10. I'm always intrigued by what people choose to put in their yard. Sometimes it looks like they're having a perpetual junk sale. I often wonder how they get their grass mowed around all that stuff.

    Maybe the pain in your shoulder(s) is due to being tensed up or sitting/walking differently, thanks to your broken ribs. Tell your physical therapist, and he/she should be able to feel the muscle for tightness or knots and perhaps massage it or add a couple of stretches to help you feel better.

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    1. I think people who love gnomes and other lawn junk also love moving them around when they cut the grass. I had a few chickens (not real ones) in my yard when I had a house but they were in the barked area with no need to move them.

      The physical therapist did evaluate the way I've been using the new addition of a walker in my life and felt that was contributing to the pain. I would love to get a massage in a few weeks, when I can lay on my stomach again, now I can't breathe well enough in that position.

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  11. Love that you are home and feeling better with interventions becoming less frequent. Your shoulder issues might be muscle tension. Mention it to the PT. And I hate gnomes! LOL

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    1. I have mentioned it to PT and she lowered the handles on my new walker and thinks I've been tensing up my shoulders. She'll come back on Friday to check them out again.

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  12. One more thing...as for falling asleep: I bet your body is just telling you to rest, rest, rest. You've been through a trauma. We often underestimate what it takes to fully recover. Also sounds like a very dull book for you!

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    1. Like I told everyone at book club, I was very glad to have a good excuse not to read it. LOL Today I went to the grocery store and that totally wore me out. I need to pace myself better, I think.

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  13. I'm not one bit impressed by gnomes either. But I was deeply impressed by the story of the sweet neighbor couple. My question is, how in the heck does a minister know if someone has or has not believed?? I think if you looked up the word "kind" in a dictionary, your neighbors' pictures would be there. People like that truly do change us for the better. So glad you had them in your life! We had a very old man named Fred who lived down the gravel road. My brother always rode is old bike down to see the old fellow. He was always out on the stoop whittling. I truly believe he spent many hours out there, simply waiting and hoping my brother would show up to visit with him. We can learn something from these good people from our past.

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    1. Our cottage neighbor was wonderful. Whenever he'd hear a hammer or saw going he'd put on his tool belt and go to help. Like I said up above they were the firs cottage on the lake and over the years people would be building on the weekends or cutting down trees on their lots and Mr. Evans would always help, set a tone for many years to come of helping neighbors. Their daughter had so little contact with her parent she obviously didn't know them. They had another daughter who lived out of state who'd come stay with them a week and she was just as sweet as they were.

      Love you story about your brother.

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  14. I too am creeped out by garden gnomes! That poor couple with a toxic family like that. I'm glad that they had other people who loved and respected them.

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    1. They truly did have plenty of kids and adults who loved and respected them.

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  15. That story about the funeral is chilling; it should motivate those of us who haven't done so yet to get our "final arrangements" in order while we can! I'm sure the daughter who used this funeral service to get her final revenge on the father she disapproved of considers herself a "good Christian." Yikes!

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    1. I have many examples of so-called good Christians like her in the first 25 years of my life.

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  16. I have never attended such a funeral and hope I never do they are just wrong
    I like gnomes but others in my family do not
    Lastly I am in for another hot day

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  17. That Couple sounded more Godly than the Self righteous pious Churchy folk. What great Memories. Glad you got the heat fixed and Maintenance is great to respond quickly to work orders... Dawn the Bohemian

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    1. They were more godly than most people I've met in my very long life.

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  18. I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -Mahatma Gandhi

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    1. Boy, that quote is sure true of some Christian denominations, isn't is.

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  19. That funeral story makes my blood boil! I've been to a few of those myself and was not in a position to walk out (I wish I could've!)

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    1. It only took one person to have the courage to leave to start a chain reaction. But I agree that most of us in the position couldn't or wouldn't do it.

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  20. Wow...I have been to a lot of funerals in my day and never heard anyone suggest the deceased was in hell. What arrogance. Not a fan of gnomes either. But I did enjoy the Travelocity gnome traveling the world. haha.

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    1. Okay, I had to google the travelocity gnome. Found the commercial. Always amazes me what people come up with.

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  21. Oh that funeral!! And garden gnomes creep a lot of us out!

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    1. Makes you wonder what the appeal is doesn't it. No other lawn decor creeps me out.

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  22. I've been to a few funerals where the preacher attempted to make we the bereaved come to Jesus, but never one with a preacher ranting about "how the deceased was going to burn up in hell." I can see why some people left. That's just plain mean.

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