But what caused me to take a second look at the guy was what was in his cart. He had two giant, red bottles that on closer inspection turned out to be Old Spice Fiji shampoo and conditioner. And flanking those pump bottles were Old Spice Fiji body wash and Old Spice Fiji antiperspirant. The Old Spice website says "it smells like vacation with the scent of coconut and tropical wood.” Of course I didn’t know that standing in line but with all that Old Spice in his cart I had to find out if I could detect the scent of the Old Spice after shave that my dad wore for years. I got in front of my cart to unload my stuff on the conveyor belt and took a deep breath. I can’t honestly say that breathing in Mr. Tall, Dark and Nerdy made me think of my dad or a vacation in Fiji but the 30 year old inside me would have jumped his bones if he showed the slightest interest in me and my Aveeno scented body.
Instead, I couldn’t help asking him if he had important date that night, motioning to all the grooming products in his cart. He must have had 4 or 5 body washes and an equal number of antiperspirants mixed in with razor blades, Q-tips---even some lip gloss. No food. Thankfully he laughed and didn’t look at me like I was an old cougar trying to hunt where I didn’t belong. “I have a date tonight but not an important one,” he replied. “That didn’t come out right,” he quickly added. “I like to stock up when I shop.” Nice guy, respectful of his elders but the sad part is when I was his age I wouldn't have been bold enough to talk to him.
Before going to the store I was struggling to find a topic to write about and the choices ran the gamut from the loss of a good friend I’ve known since 1970 to a day trip to my favorite tourist town to feeling like a college student at the beginning of a new semester with all the new events planned here on my Continuum Care Campus. One event in particular has me excited: a Murder Mystery Dinner at “Lord Heathchiff's Manor.” I’ve never been to a mystery/murder party so I’m excited about this one. We’ll get our character profiles two weeks earlier so I’ll probably tap my readers for some costume ideas and character idiosyncrasies I can incorporate into my persona. Scratch that. I just googled ‘murder at heathcliff manor’ and came up with the list of 20 characters in the game along with a description of what they should wear. I hope I don’t get the part of the Vicar. It could get me in trouble if I act all pious or let my contempt for organized religion show. Our Activities Director said some of us women will have to play a male part since men are not all that plentiful around here. The day this event was posted it filled up and we have a waiting list. That hasn't happen before.
It’s been a busy week in part because I decided I needed to be more intimately connected around here in a social group in addition to Mahjong. So I’m learning to play Quiddler with the Thursday night group. For someone like me, who is spelling challenged, it’s a bit scary but my mahjong mentor is part of the Quiddler group and I showed her my hand from time to time and asked, “Is this a word?” Her daughter is dyslexic and she has a way of laughing at me that makes me feel loved and understood all rolled into one large ball of acceptance. She puts everyone at easy when she laughs at and corrects a faux pas' I made when I talk “left handed” as I call it. The older I get the more I’m making mistakes like words out of order or the opposite of what I meant to say. The first night I played Quiddler I scored next to the bottom of the twelve of us playing. Last night I scored next to the top.
I really don’t know if my attempt to network deeper into the social structure here will make me happier or whatever my goal is exactly. I just know a lot my neighbors have made some really good friends and I haven't. This was brought home to me when two of my mahjong buddies were talking about a Rhodes Scholar road trip they are taking with two others here on campus. Occasionally three of the four of them have asked me to dine with them. We even went to see the new Barbie movie together. But they all got close because they do the line dancing class together and that group of 12 do parties together and impromptu to outings for ice cream or coffee and even do off campus dance performances for our marketing department. I can’t say I’m jealous. Not exactly. But their road trip pointed out the fact that while I have friends here I don’t have any close friends. With my long-time friend dying this week and my other long-time one battling Alzheimer's I suddenly feel lonely.
While I was at the grocery store/big box store I got my second Pneumonia vaccine, my 2023 flu shot and the new RSV vaccine for respiratory virus’ and I signed up to get a text when the new Covid shots are available. You can predict with a high level of accuracy who around here is getting the Covid vaccine and new the RSV shots by what political party they support. The Trumpests aren’t getting them because “Covid is just like a common cold” and they say they don’t trust the new RSV vaccine because it is new. One of the guys in my Writing Group just got out of a two week quarantine with Covid and I don’t intend to go to Covid jail. Not that I couldn’t entertain myself that long and survive by getting food delivered to my door. The pharmacist who gave me the three vaccines said they might make me tired and I slept like the dead that night, only waking up once which is a record for me. Otherwise I didn’t even get sore at the injection sites.
Until next Wednesday…
Rest in Peace, Vicki.
I'm so sorry you lost your friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful tribute to your friend Vicki.
ReplyDeleteJean, you have my sympathy for the passing of your dear friend, Vicki. I like that you wrote a poem in her memory.
ReplyDeleteI had to smile when I read about Mr. Old Spice. Last weekend, I ended up in the ER (I'm home and doing well now--it was just a flare from adhesions). Well let me tell you, I wasn't in so much pain that I didn't notice how handsome my young doctor was. And he was so kind. (Although he looked about 12 years old to me). If that wasn't enough, the consulting surgeon looked about 15 years old and he was professional and considerate, too. I know I can be critical of the younger generation, but this last hospital stay sure did encourage me. I was treated well. Maybe those handsome guys lift our hearts a bit, and remind us of our pasts.
It sounds as though there are opportunities for various levels of friendship at the ccc. That's a real asset. After our last move (nearly 2 yrs ago--like you, Jean), I sort of allowed some of my old friendships to fade. We've been so busy helping our daughter's family, that I hadn't noticed. But when I went to a study group at my church, I saw that there were some deep bonds between many who attend. They have welcomed me so warmly, and I'm edging closer all the time. It's hard to find balance and energy (sometimes) for new relationships. The one thing that always resonates when you talk about life at your ccc, is the fact that you are surrounded by different types of people and there are always many opportunities for you to try. It's good to have options!
So true about the younger guys reminding us of our pasts. At least I know that's true for me and that warms my heart every time it happens.
DeleteOne thing I've learned about living in a CCC. You have to be opened minded about the culture within and not hold yourself back from getting involved. It's akin to marrying into a new family. You've got all kinds of personalities and we're all connect to a common cause (of living our best lives until the end). You expressed it perfectly when you described your church study group. On the other hand it is possible to live in a place like this and be involved in outside interested and never see anyone here. We have two in our building who I barely recognize when I see them and others here who are on every volunteer committee and in all the classes. And finding a balance where our personal happy place is takes time and constant re-ajustments.
So sorry for the loss of your friend, Jean.
ReplyDeleteMaking closer contacts with the people on your campus sounds like a good idea. I watched a Netflix documentary called How to Live to be 100. Apparently having a strong social network helps.
Sign me up for every vaccine there is! Are people really going to avoid every new medical technology from here on out? What a world we now live in.
Deb
I've seen the Blue Zone documentary advertised and people here talk about it too. I need sit down and watch it soon! I did see a Ted Talk about it so thanks for reminding me.
DeleteAs for vaccines, it's crazy that all of a sudden there is such mistrust for idea of getting them. As for Covid shots in particular I've hear people say they haven't been tested enough but world wide more people have gotten them than any other vaccines in our history. My niece tells people who don't want to get tested when they are sick that they are the spreaders.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend Vicki, Jean. It's clear that she meant a great deal to you. Good friends are a treasure.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely something about the younger men of their generation that ours didn't seem to have. They are far more comfortable in themselves, I think, and I like that so much. The confidence-but-not-arrogance is very appealing. And I was never, ever drawn to the rough, hyper-masculine sort, either. Huge turnoff from the get-go.
I totally agree with your assessment of the men in today. I love how many of them are so comfortable being a father or do cooking and housework with easy. That's so sexy to have a true partner in a marriage.
DeleteStereotyping can be iffy at best. I'm far from a 'Trumpist,' but I'll not be getting another Covid vaccination, or the RSV vaccine for that matter. Yes, I get the flu vaccine every year, and I've had both pneumonia and shingles shots. I'm not an 'anti-vaxxer.' But I know my own body, and I also have well-informed reasons for avoiding those shots I mentioned. Since I could get into a grocery store without a mask, in March of 2020, I've not isolated or masked (apart from the occasional visit to the eye doc or dentist), and I haven't been ill a single day. In fact, I haven't been truly ill since a lingering case of bronchitis. I'm not sure when that was, but my mother still was alive. She died in 2011, so it's been over a decade.
ReplyDeleteI'm not opposed to anyone getting vaccinated, or masking for that matter. For some people, it's exactly the right thing to do.But it's a personal choice: one that I prefer to base on solid research and my knowledge of my own immune system. It certainly has nothing to do with my political convictions.
Makes sense for you. People do have different immune systems and you're not taunting others who mask up and get vaccines the way I've seen Trumpers do.
DeleteI'm so sorry that your friend died. I'm glad you have happy memories of her.
ReplyDeleteGood idea to mingle with more groups. Socializing helps fill your time and gives you a chance to share your good humor and fun memories.
We do have fun here! And I rarely feel like I'm on the outside looking in because I know any distance I feel is self-created. It's finding the balance that has been a life-long issue for me. Believe it or not, I'm kind of a private person in person despite the impression readers here might get from how openly I share my feelings and observations.
DeleteIndulging oneself with a little eye candy, now and then, never hurt anybody, and its calorie free.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more!
DeleteI got my flu vaccination yesterday at Walmart. I'd hoped they would have the new Covid one but the pharmacist said they keep telling them it's coming. She said there had been a lot of requests for it, which I said was a good thing that people were still interested. She said there was "a lot of noise" out there about it and kind of shook her head ruefully and said something like "what a world." I didn't say anything more because, like my own physician told me, everyone thinks you're a Republican in this town, but when I was leaving after my shot she said to have a good day and I stuck my head back around the partition and said "And don't listen to the noise!" She laughed.
ReplyDeleteLoL - If only we could all just make the noise go away.
DeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your friend, Vicki. Hugs to you♥
ReplyDeleteI live in your city and am 75 years young. I’m wishing now I could move to your facility and be your best friend. I’m not comfortable being close with a huge group. I’d just like a bestie like you with whom to sit and yuck up a storm about our neighbors and trumpers.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think I was the apartment building type either. But staying alone in a big house was not for me either. I think I made a good decision. But I did a lot of looking and pros and cons lists getting here.
DeleteI love Quiddler and am not averse to looking over people, both in admiration and in shock. :)
ReplyDeletePeople watching is almost a requirement for us bloggers, isn't it.
DeleteSad for you losing a long time friend. I love looking in others' carts to see what they have chosen. Especially Costco ... I discovered pumpkin seeds and left the line to go find them. Tasty healthy snack! It is so curious to me about people not getting flu shots or RSV or Covid boosters ... I wonder how they think we've almost abolished so many deadly diseases??? Hope the murder mystery dinner is a blast! And I have to get Quiddler.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately anyone can say anything online and people will believe stuff like vaccines kills more than it saves.
DeleteOh Jean, I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your friend. She sounds like she was a very good pal indeed. I suppose more groups makes sense if they are groups you would enjoy event if nothing more came out of them. I feel the loss/absence of friends these days, with fewer of those "I can tell you anything and you can tell me, too" people. At least you are in a good spot to be able to have some ready possibilities around. I'm glad you got your vaccines. I've had RSV jab and my doc told me to get the flu shot the first or second week of October. For Covid, he said to just wait till I'd completed my IV treatment -- which would be nice if it would ever get started. So I'm laying pretty low till then. My immunities are way down with this disease. Masking in crowded spots, which means if I don't get in the hospital by this weekend I'll go to Rick's reunion and boy, I'll be the only one masked!
ReplyDeleteVicki was like you said: "I can tell you anything and you can tell me, too" kind of friend. I only have that kind of relationship with a niece now. It's part of the age we're in. Hope you start feeling better soon. Keep masked up where ever you go!
DeleteSorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
ReplyDeleteThe murder mystery dinner sounds like it will be a blast!
I think it will be fun! I can't wait.
DeleteSorry about the loss of your friend
ReplyDeleteChecking out a cute fellow is fine we all do it despite how old we get, I can remember my mum commenting on a nice looking bloke from time to time well into her late 70's. Old Spice makes me think of Dad
I'm sorry to read about your friend. My condolences. Life isn't easy some days.
ReplyDeleteThanks to each of you who offered condolences. I never know what to say in situations like this.
ReplyDeleteI am madly in love with a young British actor who's happily married, has three children and is young enough to be my grandson. Fortunately there's an ocean between us. Otherwise I don't know what I would do if I saw him in a grocery store.
ReplyDeleteThis tickles me to know end. I kind of feel the same way about Brad Pitt.
DeleteAnother fabulous post. So much I want to say in reply, that my comment is in danger of becoming longer than your post! I will just mention Old Spice which brought back memories of my teenage years. Boys at school discos wore so much, it was enough to knock you out! As for vaccinations, I really don't understand the opposition. Vaccines have saved me from measles, mumps, polio, TB, rubella - to mention a few. So I find it hard to understand why there is so much antipathy towards the covid one. Then there's Quiddler. Never heard of it but as an ex-editor it sounds like my kind of game!
ReplyDeleteI don't remember any other men's grooming products on the market besides Old Spice when I was growing up. Then it fell out of favor for a while but they renewed their imagine when they hire the romance novel model, Fabio, to make some campy commercials and the are back on the map big time. Never fails to bring back memories when I smell the original scent.
DeleteQuiddler is all the rage around here---they play twice a week and you can even buy a pocket version to carry around in your pocket so you can play anywhere. I'm surprised you hadn't heard of it in your part of the world.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. My best friend since grade school is fighting breast cancer for the second time. I am just so angry about it. I lost my second best friend earlier this year and it is hard to cope with the loss. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about groups. I am forcing myself to go to a dinner tonight because I think I am closing myself off too much. It is the local Democrats so I won't have to put up with any BS.
Two of my friend's husbands have been hospitalized with covid recently and another friend who battled lung cancer last year was in the hospital last week with covid. You bet your bippy I am getting the vaccine. And the flu shot. And the RSV shot. We did get covid last January and we were tired. No fever, or cough or nothin'. And I say that was because of the vaccines and boosters.
You've got a full plate of pain and heart ache right now! I understand the anger you feel. As we age I think we all need to fight going to that place as the losses come at us. It's not one of the stages of grief for nothing. Loss is hard.
DeleteI agree about the vaccines saving a lot of us from serious cases of Covid like people died from in the beginning of the pandemic.
Hope you dinner goes better than you are hoping for.
So sorry about the loss of your friend. I think that's one of the hardest parts of living a long time. We see more and more illness and death among our peers and family.
ReplyDeleteI love your appreciation for eye candy. If you saw this guy in line at our Big Box Store, you are lucky. I always seem to get behind the people dressed like they just crawled out of bed. LOL.
I can't believe how many people shop in their P.J.s! Every time I see someone dressed for bed at the store and is over 6 years old I can't help thinking about how shocked my long-time friend who lives D.C. would be. Last time she was in town---a few decades ago---she was shocked to learn that people here wore slacks to the grocery store.
DeleteMy condolences on the loss of your Dear Friend. As I'm aging I've lost just about all of MY Friends that were close ones, now I'm nice to everyone and close to so few, I know a lot of situational Friends, but the scarcity of close ones my own age is lacking. I'm mostly Friends now with Young people who consider me like a 2nd Mom or their own Gramma, which is special and different, but, not the same. with The Man's TBI even our own relationship altered, he has trouble being who he used to be and the different person he's become is very distant with everyone and doesn't have the same capacity he once had for closer relationships. When Princess T was Six she described it best, like only kids can, she was Sad that we Lost "Old" Grandpa, and it took time and effort to get used to "New" Grandpa and to Love him after grieving who he was and used to be. As for the Nerdy Hunk, he sounds nice and gorgeous, I like to banter with Young Stud Muffins, it's effortless to have them talk to you when you're not some Woman or Man they need or want to impress, you get a glimpse inside their very Essence they might hide from Younger interests. Old Spice has made a comeback in the Body Wash, Deodorant and Shampoo/Conditioner Dept.. The Son and Grandsons use some Charcoal Scent of it and Princess T wears some Bearglove Scent of it in a Body Spray...yes, the Young Girls prefer the Old Spice and it smells good on them. As for Social Groups, I'd like to join some but with Caregiving it's not possible to have regular connections and the freedom to. But I'm glad you're excited about some of the new groups and activities, I'd be too, it sounds fun and a great way to cultivate new Friendships that could grow close.
ReplyDeleteNext time I'm at the store I'm going to look and see if Old Spice has some samplers. I can't imagine what 'Charcoal' smells like.
DeletePersonalities do change after brain injuries like your husband's and mine had. Friendship turns into dependency and caregiver. Not everyone can make that transition. Your husband is lucky you are strong enough and loving enough to be one of those who could.