Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, September 27, 2023

High Tea and the Mayor

It’s a rare occasion when I share a photo of myself online but the one below of me all dolled up and experiencing High Tea seems like a good time to do it. People on my continuum care campus are not used to seeing me put any effort into my clothing. (Jeans and a sweat or tee shirt are my uniform.) Heck, I even broke out the jewelry and I traded in my tennis shoes for some black dress shoes I’ve owned for two years and only wore once before. The self appointed mayor of our independent living building even paid me a complement while were waiting for our bus---only the third one I’ve gotten out of him in the nearly two years we’ve lived here. And one of those complements was for a poem I wrote that got me in a little trouble with the management. The third complement the Mayor gave me was when I walked a run-away at a purple fashion show for Alzheimer's Awareness. I wore a long, purple and turquoise  lounging dress of fake silk and he told me I “won the fashion show.”   

Mr. Mayor is an odd duck in many ways but in other ways he’s typical of most males born just before WWII whose ideas of the male/female roles are firmly fixed in his head. I met him the first month after we both moved in. I was in the cafe by myself and he came in and asked if he could join me. I said ‘yes’ and a scant few minutes later he got up and said he changed his mind and he moved to another table by himself. I found out later on that his wife had died not long before that and he was kind of a shy, corporate lawyer. His wife was a stay-at-home mom of five boys who always had a cocktail waiting for him when he got home from work and she laid his clothes out for him in the morning. She'd never even shaved her legs in front of him and they dressed for dinner at night. Fast forward to now, it didn’t take him long to get over his shyness and now he has what we all call his harem that he dines with him weekly at the so-called Mayor’s Table--seven women who are the cream of the crop, the head cheerleaders, the most bedazzled, the Royalty and Chosen Ones---I’ve used all these nicknames in my head and they often have cocktails beforehand in one of their apartments. His guest list changes slightly from time to time but I’ve never been invited to dine with the mayor so it's a good thing it's not on my Bucket List. In all fairness, the Harem mostly lives on the same floor which makes it easier for them to form friendships. I live on a hall with only six apartments and I rarely see anyone on my floor and I doubt I could pick two of them out of a lineup.

I do often sit at the community table with Mr. Mayor at lunch time and know how seriously he takes his job as the self-appointed mayor. He set up a residence council with by-laws and legal papers and a newsletter that he did ask me to be in charge of, which I turned down. I knew I had the experience to put one together but how he could possibility know that based on one poem I wrote and hung in the mail room is still beyond my comprehension. I’ve never told anyone here about the 24 page, by-monthly Readers Voice Newsletter I sold by subscription for ten years. I don’t even think my nieces knew about it. And Don---bless his heart---edited every word I wrote for spelling errors and in the process he learned a lot about romance books, the women who wrote them and read them. 

Anyway, back to the mayor. He’s kind of the center of every event. He makes speeches and advocates for residences on all kinds of things. For example, he got management to install dehumidifiers for those who wanted them attached to their furnaces and he wrangled a seat at the table when our CEO got promoted and the management was interviewing his replacement. He got them to agree to a matching fund to buy a baby grand for our lobby (but the majority of we residents voted the idea down). He might be a self-appointed mayor but he’s more than earned the title. 

Going to High Tea: that’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was in The Red Hat Society and I lost the opportunity to go with them. Back then we didn’t have a High Tea place in town so going was a day trip, and back then I couldn’t leave my husband alone for more than a scant two hours. My red hat sisters came back raving about how much fun it was to dress to the nines and be served exotic teas, fancy sandwiches and pastries on elegant china. 

A High Tea room opened up here in town this summer and the decor and table settings were rich and fancy with its exposed, vintage brick wall and red velvet davenports and gold trimmed china which is a good thing because the service was not great and the food was so over priced it could have ruined the experience if we had let it. (The photo of the menu is below.) By the time they added on the tax and the tip it was $49.00! per person. It looks like a lot of food for the $37 but everything you get for the $37 was two-bites and while it all tasted good, $49 plus $7 for the bus ride really put a nick in my budget. Or as one of my High Tea companions said, “I might as well have rolled up dollar bills and lite them on fire.” 

Still, the experience made me feel young again. Young enough to be having tea parties with my mom and later on with my nieces when they came along. My mom didn’t drink coffee or soda pops. I don’t even remember her drinking lemonade but I find it hard to believe that she’d have made it for us kids without pouring herself a glass or two. I also don’t remember her ever drinking ice tea but, again, I obviously didn’t pay enough attention back in those days to imprint a lasting memory of her liking ice tea or not. Her English ancestries would be proud that her appreciation for a good cup of hot tea never wavered. And that tea better be hot or she’d sent it back to where it came from for a do-over. Funny how some memories stick with you and others seem to float away like dandelions blowing in the wind. 

Until next Wednesday... ©



 


45 comments:

  1. I'm glad you had a good time! šŸ‘❤️

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    1. I did have a good time and I checked something off my Bucket List at the same time.

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    2. You look lovely.

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  2. That's a delectable sounding menu and you look stunning!

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    1. They know how to 'sell' a menu, that's for sure. And they let us keep the menus so some of the women are going to try to duplicate some of the sandwiches.

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  3. That's a great picture of you, Jean. You were smart to keep some dress-up clothes for such an occasion. I only have a few things left in that category, but it gives me peace of mind to know they're hanging in the closet. Just in case...

    Mr. Mayor sounds like a complex person, but it is so admirable that he continues to work on what is meaningful to him (and many others).

    I've never gone to high tea, but my grand daughters' other grandma is having a tea party for a few little girls and I was invited. I think peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and animal crackers might be served, but I'm looking forward to watching the little ones.We're never too young or old for a tea party!

    Jean, how are you feeling?

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    1. Thanks for asking. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm sleeping much better with the pills to calm bladder urges. I see a dermatologist this week but while the rash isn't gone it's better. No more swelling on my leg or at least it's not a daily occurrence I should say. Last two tests are a long way off.

      I actually bought the top I wore to tea after moving here and the purple lounger. The few clothes I had that were dress clothes in my former life I wear here for dinners now, which really aren't all that dressy by comparison.

      I think the fact that all of us who liked the experience of going to High Tea had memories of doing it as a child. So make sure to enjoy those peanut and jelly sandwiches at your party because you'll be creating lasting memories for those little girls.

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  4. You look great -- you even have a fascinator!! :-) I had no idea we had a place for high tea in town. The food looks yummy, even though the prices do seem high. But I guess you're also paying for the experience. lol.

    The Mayor sounds like an interesting character. I can see how he has gathered a harem, although I don't think he's my type based on your description. But he does get things done, I guess.

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    1. I got the fascinator on Amazon for under $10 and it made the outfit. The High Tea place is in Easttown and it just opened up this spring. If two people split a tray the prices wouldn't be seem so bad, just go there with another person or two for an afternoon snack. It wouldn't be enough food for a lunch. You can do a la carte for sandwiches and sweets for $2,50 each so you don't have to spend as much as we did if you just want to try it. They are closed on Tuesdays for large groups like ours so maybe the service would be different on regular days? I don't know but the only time we saw anyone was to take our orders, bring out our tea and then when they brought out our trays and lastly our checks at the end. And some of us wanted refills on both cold and hot water that went unfilled. Can you imagine washing all that gold covered china by hand? Some of the side tables didn't have it though.

      The mayor is a nice guy and there is nothing sexual about his harem of women. They are mostly women who had husband's in upper class professions. But there are certain topics you can't talk about around him which is really funny. Anything to do with women's grooming products he'll shut us down with "I don't want to know about that!" So of course something we (I) bait him just to wind him up. Every night at 7:30 he does a zoom call with his sons and often he sends them a photo of his dinner companions that night.

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    2. Ha! My dad was like that. You also couldn't mention the baby needing a clean diaper within his range if it was dinner time. LOL. I can see why women whose husbands were similar would be comfortable with him, and also anything they didn't like to live with isn't a problem when they can just go home alone. hahaha.

      We did a tea room visit with my DD in England when I was visiting. It was fun. It's nice to know we could do that here. You have some great adventures. :-)

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    3. At first I was shocked at how naive or straight laced he seemed about topics of conversations then I came to the conclusion his wife spoil him rotten (and in all fairness, I think he did the same with her). Kind of like the TV husbands in the '50s in programs like Father Knows Best.

      Did I mention that the harem is mostly Trump supporters? Don't forget to watch the Republican debate tonight.

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  5. Nice to see the lady behind the words and yes, you do look lovely. Very regal in fact. I enjoyed reading this post. It brought to mine how Twin 2 used to take me out to High Tea for Mother's Day. Places that offer that now seem to have died out.

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    1. Thank you. From the talk aound me, I guess the cruise ships do High Tea and a lot of places in Europe, bigger cities here too so but I'm hoping our town can support this place. They struggled to get it open and were delayed because of Covid so it was a longtime dream of the owner and I hate seeing dreams like that get crushed.

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  6. You look fabulous and I’m glad you were able to cross this off the list! It doesn’t sound like you had a “wow” experience though - too bad. Here where I live, there are so many places that offer high tea (well, historically and still we are tied to England). I’ve had it many a time at many a place and yes, it is pricey. Usually I cannot finish everything off of the tea tray, but when I was with my late husband extra sandwiches has to be ordered for him…LOL! When a friend came to visit me in the spring, we split a tea tray at Butchart Gardens in Victoria. I saw on the menu that your place added a charge to do so - I hope this doesn’t catch on here in Canada!

    Deb

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    1. Thank you. I had fun with my take on fashion that day. I don't know what they charge to split a tray but here it's no uncommon to charge a dollar to split a sandwich and chips, etc. Extra work for the kitchen, I guess is the justification. I wish I had thought to take my mom for High Tea. She would have loved it. I should have taken a photo of the tea selection. There were many I never heard of.

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  7. There are several places in the area here that do a high tea and they're all in that general price range (which I find pricey for what you get). I'm glad you got to go and that you had fun. Your photo certainly shows that.

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    1. I suppose they have to charge high prices because they are not the kind of places you'd generally go to on a weekly or monthly basis. But it's good to know those prices are not out of line with similar places. Thanks for sharing that.

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  8. You look lovely and I like the fancy clip in your hair!

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  9. It sounds like a lovely time and you look so nice

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  10. You look great! Glad you had a proper High Tea.

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    1. Thank you! It was really fun---not just the tea itself but the planning what to wear.

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  11. You look fabulous -- and the table and treats look delicious, too. But yes, a tad pricey. I don't know how much a high tea would be elsewhere, but that is a chunk of change. Still, it's not like you do it every day and it's a beautiful occasion and venue. It was fun hearing about the Mayor. There's always someone who takes the bull by horns and gets stuff done. Sometimes it's good and so are they; sometimes they're insufferable, even if what they do is good. He doesn't sound too bad!

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    1. He's not bad or insufferable. A gentleman to the core, just a wee bet old fashion for my tastes in men.

      A couple of other commenters said the price of our High Tea was similar to the High Teas where they live. The whole experience from picking out clothes to wear to re-living the event through talking about it afterward made it worth going. Wouldn't do it again but fun and I'm glad I had the opportunity.

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  12. Your tea ensemble is gorgeous! You look like a million bucks :) I have been to high tea a few times. That is the going price around my neck of the woods. I hope tea was included. I used to occasionally go to the the tea shop by my daughter's house. They had a monthly theme and the food was delicious and filling. Service was wonderful and they would include entertainment that went with the theme. (a spa tea included hand massage, a Jane Austin tea had a violinist). Unfortunately they closed. I have gone to one a few towns over in another direction but I was not wowed by the food or service. The table settings were lovely. A friend and I tried a new shop that was very disappointing. She has mismatched furniture and I was seated on a 1960's vanity stool. It was a wonder I could get up. And she serves teeny tiny flavorless sandwiches and store bought cookies. I think we paid $25 for that experience.

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    1. Yes, that did include the tea and there was a long list of teas we could pick from and we got a whole pot by ourselves. The monthly theme idea sounds like a good way to get repeat dinners. Too bad it didn't work to keep them open. Servicing store-bought cookies at a tea shop? No. Just NO!!

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  13. you look so pretty Jean your story with Mayor reminded me of mills & boons romance novels where initially girl don't like the person & eventually falling in love with person lol. let me know if something like that happens with you.

    Asha

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    1. I know that romance plot well but no chance of it happening with me. LOL When I was in the floral bridal business I used to collect the stories of how couples would meet. I don't think the Mayor is romantically interested in anyone here...his wife spoiled him for all others. Someday I should write about three people here who have/had budding romances going.

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  14. I was reading the comments and had to look up 'fascinator.' Low-class me didn't have a clue what it was. Now I know, and I must say it suits you well; you really look smashing! Just how a lady at high tea should look!

    I never remember 'tea parties' when I was a child, but I certainly do remember my mother's bridge club days. We would spend time making fancy finger sandwiches and tiny pastries. And when there was a big people party, she'd do things like tiny cream puffs the size of a quarter, filled with shrimp or whatever. It was the 50s, after all, and there was a whole lot of socializing that went on. I still miss some of those tidbits she'd make, but you can believe I'm not going to put in the effort to make them myself! There is a bakery in Houston that makes the most delicious inch-square petites fours; if I ever have to give a tea, I'll let that bakery do the work.

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    1. They play Bridge twice a week here with three tables full of players. A bunch of us were talking the other day about the Bridge parties our parents had and all of us have common memories like yours of finger pasties, tea cups and sandwiches without crusts. I still have the pressed glass dishes my mom always used for her Bridge parties to hold candy and nuts. I never learned to play and I don't plan to doing so.

      My fasinator is quite small in the world of Fasinators. If you watch any of the Royal events from England you'll see a lot of them. Big hats are what most people to High Tea.

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  15. That's a pricey high tea, but it did look like it was lovely. I guess you were paying for ambiance, not nourishment.

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    1. Exactly right. The ambiance was lovely and I'm glad I signed up.

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  16. You look lovely. Yes, high teas are all the rage over here but I do find them very expensive for what you get. Still, as you say, that's one off your bucket list.

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    1. Sometimes we just have to close your eyes to the flaws in our choices and enjoy the moment for its uniqueness.

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  17. Oh how fun! And you look wonderful. It’s fun to play dress up. Heck, it’s fun to dress up when you want to - lifts my spirits. But I don’t like the daily grind of having to dress a certain way. Variety is good! And every high tea I’ve been to was expensive. I think we’re paying for all the labor involved. Olivia

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    1. Ya, that's what I think. It's labor intense to make all those crustless sandwiches and to hand wash the gold plated china and crystal glasses. A little play time breaks up the boredom from too much routine.

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  18. Oh you look fabulous! So glad you had fun even if you had to take out a mortgage to pay for those little bites. Thanks for adding photos!! Love a little peek into Misadventureland!!

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    1. The place was too cool not to share photos of, and thank you. Your check for saying those flattering things is in the mail.

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  19. You do look quite elegant in your outfit and fascinator – well done, lady. Your mayor sounds quaint, I guess, that’s what one could call him. But it keeps him happy, bless his heart.

    As for high teas, we never had them in Paris when I was a child. My mum would take me to a tea salon to have a cup and a piece of cake, but that’s it. However, when I went to school in London and was invited to some high teas, I loved them. Since then I’ve been to some, but not here in the US. I went to a couple on Cunard cruises but my favorite was at the Empress Hotel in Victoria, on Vancouver Island, Canada –a long time ago though. I should look to see if they offer any in Atlanta or Nashville, who knows?

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    1. Love your history with high teas and tea rooms. Mr. Google says they have lots of high tea rooms down in Altanta. It doesn't surprise me, given they go along with southern charm and decorum.

      Our Mayor really is kind of quaint and old fashioned. He lived in a small town which was basically a farm town and he's somewhat naive.

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  20. Glad you enjoyed your High Tea even tho' they have a tendency to be overpriced. They have a High Tea Room in Cave Creek and I took Princess T when she was younger, it was Fun and they provide you with silly Vintage Hats if you want to wear one. As for The Mayor, a Man like that I would find annoying and misogynistic, so I doubt I'd want to be in his company ever. His Harem, LOL, well, they seem desperate for Male attention me thinks. You look really good, glad to see a pix of you having a good time and dressed up.

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  21. There are some women living her who don't like eating alone but I wouldn't call them 'desperate for male attention'. They are like fish out of water without their husband's or at least they used to be when they first moved in or first lose their husband's. The Mayor is good about inviting new widows to his harem table a time or two I presume just to get them coming down to the dining room. The Mayor is harmless but I don't like being in his company for long because I have to monitor my tongue not to offend his sensibilities. LOL

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  22. Somehow my notification of your latest post stopped appearing in my mailbox when I moved, and I've been so pre-occupied with trying to find a new house, I lost track of you. How. Could. That. Happen!!!
    I'm so glad to be catching up on your activities. I can't believe you haven't found one good chum. I'm sure many of your readers all think we would love to be that chum if we lived there, but it's not hard to understand how hard it is to find that one person who you can talk to about anything. I truly would have expected someone there would have been sparked by your sense of humor and pursued your friendship. That's really what it takes once we're not kids anymore.

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    1. I do have friends here and we do a lot of laughing. Since we living on top of each other, I like to protect my privacy more than I would in a normal neighborhood. And making friends with others in their eighties is opening yourself up for losses. Already in the two years I've been here we've watched a dozen or more died.

      Bloggers was asking people if you want to be notified when someone adds a comment to a post your read so they can send you an email. I ran into that on other blogs and accidentally clicked that I did.

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