We have a new resident who practically lives at the jigsaw puzzle table and she has reaffirmed that I don’t work well with others. She'll a pick up a piece, compare it with the photograph, then declare it belongs in the area where she lays it down. You end up with a table full of unconnected pieces that may or (may not) belong in the general area where she lays them down. That alone drives me crazy but she sends me over the edge by talking about each piece as she does it, wanting you to confirm her hawk-eyed brilliance. (Note the hint of sarcasm here.) The constant talking takes away any meditative value jigsaw puzzles usually gives me so I've had to quit my routine of working on the puzzle 15 minutes here or there while I'm waiting in the lobby for a class, lecture or dinner to start.
She used to be a labor negotiator working for the Big Three automakers and against the UAW union negotiators so she raises my hackles just for being part of that team. During the auto crisis of 2008 was one of the most stressful periods in life. We didn’t know if we’d still have a pension or health insurance---the latter her team wanted to take away from we retirees all together. As it ended up the UAW agreed to pay cuts plus a two-tier structure where new hires came in with a lower pay scale of $17 an hour and no pension rights like those hired in before 2007. GM did give the UAW a promise that when the auto companies got back on their feet again they’d do away with the two-tier system. Well, they got back on their feet, paid off their government bailout a head of time and never made good on that promise to workers. Oh, and the GM retirees union got a three-part lump sum to put in a trust to manage our own health care so the company could wash their hands of that whole ball of wax. It was a big sigh of relief when the third payment was made in 2011 or 12 and the medical trust became viable.
Fast forward today, the auto industry recovered enough to give their CEOs golden parachutes along with their $25 to $30 million dollars yearly paychecks. I haven’t been following the strike too closely but I do know that only Ford has offered to do away with the two-tier system along with offering a cost of living increase in pay. When GM’s CEO, Mary Barra, was asked if her $30 million yearly paycheck plus $14 million in stock grants was fair to workers she gave a non-answer of: “92% of it is based on the performance of the company.” Yet she doesn’t get how the two-tiered system creates a hostile workplace? I know it isn’t fair to look at our new resident and see the self-centered mindset of Mary Barra so I feel obligated to try not to judge Ms Negotiator too early. I will, however, say she’s also the talk of the line dancing group. She comes on like gang busters. And isn’t that exactly what she did for a living, try to break up gangs, so to speak, try to get them to bend her way or the highway?
Okay, back to the party. In the planning stage there was the usual fight over what to wear with the men wanting to dress up and the women split on the issue. One guy in particular really cleaned up well. He had on a well-fitted black suit with a black turtleneck sweater---I’m guess cashmere---and he accessorized it with a $5 gold piece hanging on a long, gold chain. On his head he wore a gold colored beret. This guy usually wears t-shirts and shorts so it was quite a transformation. Most of the women wore what I’d call their grandmother-of-the-bride outfits but 3-4 ladies didn’t get the memo and wore slacks and a sweater. I wore a royal blue silk blouse that is knee-length and full that I’ve owned for 40 years and only wore once before---to an art showing of my work back when I was in college the second time around. I got a lot of complements but I felt like a circus tent.
The hours they set for parties around here amuse the heck out of me. I think I’m the only person here besides the security guard who is up past ten o'clock. This party started at 4:30 and ended around 8:00 and I got there around 4:40 which was a big mistake I won’t make again. By then everyone was there and had claimed their posses and clicks to sit with and I ended up sitting with non other than Ms Negotiator and our resident pastor. I like the pastor. A lot. She’s in my writing group and I figured the universe was playing a trick on me to throw the three of us together. Ms Negotiator looked fabulous in her magenta crepe dress. Thin as a weed and looked even more so next to me and my body twin, Ms Angel.
Ms Negotiator likes to talk and she got on the topic of how scared she is: "terrorists are coming in over the border, communists are trying to take over the country, food and water shortages coming soon." Wow! In any other setting I might have asked her if she's scared of me knowing full well the 'communists' she was talking about are those of us who care about the environment and homeless people. Did I already say, "Wow?" We were at a party listening to a great entertainer who was wearing a pair of shiny red, Dorthy-from-the-Wizard-of-Oz shoes I couldn’t take my eyes off and she was gyrating her cute little body around reminding me of what it was like to be young and have fun moving to music and Ms Negotiator was too scared to enjoy the moment! And in the back of my unfiltered thoughts I was glad about that. Does that makes me a bad person? ©
No. Not a bad person at all. Ticked off and fed up maybe. Just be glad her annoying little self didn't make you lose your cool and say out loud what you were thinking, LOL.
ReplyDeleteI've had a lot of practice holding my tongue since moving here. She's also not a bad person, but she stirs up a very stressful period in my life and I liked having those feeling behind me.
DeleteThat's too bad that's she's ruining things for people. š
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say she's "ruining things" for people. Every new person finds their place in the pecking order and she'll be in the top 25%. I'm guessing. We're not used to new people being so aggressive and jumping in with both feet. Probably I'm the only one here whose life was turned upside down by her (professionally) in the past.
DeleteKinda nice to get dressed up a few times each year! We have 14 buildings with 8 units in each. Some buildings are 2bd, 2ba and 960 sq ft. The other buildings are 1,252 sq ft with 3 bd and 2 ba although many owners remove a wall between living room and the small bedroom so they end up with a 2bd, 2ba with an awkward, huge living room. We probably have about 135 residents. After ten years, I know about 1/3 of the neighbors.
ReplyDeleteBefore Covid (and my six months on the HOA Board) the whole place was a lot more social. Now it's several cliques and if a new social event is mentioned, if the in crowd doesn't like it, it doesn't happen. So I'm in a nonsocial phase right now. Maybe I'll suggest a party for Zarathosht Diso (Dec. 26)
Founded by the Prophet Zoroaster more than 3,000 years ago, Zoroastrianism is one of the world’s oldest monotheistic religions. Zoroastrians honor the death of their prophet on this day, typically by visiting a fire temple and offering prayers. Skip Christmas and Hanukkah!
Thank you for nicknames!
Nicknames are the only way I can write about my neighbors. So chosen by personality or past profession.
DeleteI remember when we first "met'. You really were more social but life for you has changed as much as it has for me. I've become more social. I can't imagine how people here would react to the idea of skipping Christmas. The Negotiator is our first Jewish neighbor so that should be interesting.
No, a normal person. I give you big kudos that you continue to put yourself out there. Too much like high school for me so I'd sit in my room and stay as far away from Ms Negotiator as I could! Now that makes me a bad person. Lol
ReplyDeleteMargaret, people are people not matter our ages or circumstances. High school, work place, organizations, clubs, nursing homes. If you sit in your room all by yourself when you get to place where you need some care, you'll be like my brother, who is missing out on some good stuff that would keep him from being so bored---which he complains about----but he won't mix in.
DeleteI kind of envy the ones who put themselves full out there where I hold back just enough not to form close friendships. Right now four of those I'm closest with are on a Rhodes Scholar trip together and have become deep friends. Can't develop them sitting in your room. Don was my best friend for most of my adult life just like Rick is yours. When he died he left a big hole to fill, so this life suits me at this point in time. Wouldn't have liked back when I had him.
Makes me wonder what I will do when in your position. Makes me think. :-)
DeleteYou adapt to change...or you don't and live miserable ever after.
DeleteI've often wondered if those most frightened of the hordes of people (snark) coming for them are not the very ones who are most willing to take what they want from others and resources, and think the whole world is like them.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good theory worth pondering isn't it. I do think certain professions like being a lawyer or a negotiator where you're entire career is based on fighting to keep or get as much as they can for their clients would develop a mindset of someone coming after them if they don't act first.
DeleteAgreed! Having spent years as a high school teacher, I still live with the survival instinct to get every room I enter under control. And I speak loudly. Good for getting attention to myself, bad for “who does she think she is?” vibes.
DeleteThat's funny. We have a lot of retired teachers around here and they definitely can't turn it off. We have kindergarten to college professors. I like them all because they do have a way of getting a group focused and they are good at keeping us in line if a conversation is getting slightly heated
DeleteTwo years. Doesn't really seem possible. We've been in our retirement home about that long, too. Jean, if you had the chance to do anything differently, what would it be? Most of us try our best to make choices that fit our needs and lifestyles, but prepping for our later years is not easy. One of the reasons I'm asking is because I have a friend who was recently widowed and she's trying hard to figure out what to do. She has some health concerns and almost no family support. I've been encouraging her to look into a ccc.
ReplyDeleteI think it's wonderful that you all celebrated your second anniversary together. It sounds like fun. Your resident negotiator/puzzle expert extraordinaire sounds like a challenge. So glad the pastor/angel was there with you at the party.
Good question: After Don died I knew I had to move to where I'd be less isolated, less maintenance and closer to my nieces, if I wanted any support from them when I needed it. I was methodical in looking at smaller stand-alone houses, condos and finally decided the CCC concept made more sense. So I looked at most of the ones in town. I did this over a two year period and when I found my CCC I knew it was right for me from the get-go. I wouldn't have been so certain if I hadn't walked through so many, looked at their activity calendars and menus, etc. their physical location. The only thing I would have done differently was downsized a little more than I did. My advice to anyone in our age bracket is to start downsizing long before you thing you might want to move. We accumulate so much stuff in our live time and downsizing can be an emotional journey. Spreading it out helps.
DeleteThanks, Jean. I'm going to share your advice with my friend.
DeleteYou hold your tongue so much better than I would. I know -- you have to live with these people but at some point, a discussion might be in order! I'm glad you can let it go here on the blog. I'm proud of you for recognizing the setting; I might not have been so generous. I have always felt puzzles are best done solo, unless -- a) you have a puzzle partner who works the way you do or b) you request assistance! Seems like with a community puzzle, puzzle rules should be shared! I don't think I belong in a group living environment....
ReplyDeleteI like to think of myself as an uncover reporter when I leave my room. If I hold my tongue I get more stuff to write about. Plus living with in a community like this where you see the same people often I see no point in making enemies and others seem to feel the same way because most of us back off if topics of conversation keep touchy or hot.
DeleteThe puzzle culture fascinates me. I have learned a lot about myself and others at the community puzzle. There are about 7-8 of us who stop by and work on it. Some set a limit of having to find 2-3 pieces then walk away, some stay for hours at a time. I like the sorting stage and others hate it. The guys who were hiding pieces in the early months don't do it anymore but now we have a few people who aren't careful about fitting pieces together that don't belong. We had a border we couldn't get finished for four days because a couple of pieces where in the wrong place. Everyone spent time trying to work that out. I've discovered I'm more OCD than I originally thought.
I never thought I belong in a group living environment either but here I am and I'm making the best of it. I was more fearful of dying alone and no one finding me until the neighbors smelled my rotting body.
Glad you had your friendly pastor to sit with you too. Otherwise, you might have had to move on to a different group. Your 2 years have been busy and you have had a lot of fun times and met so many interesting people.
ReplyDeleteThere would have been no moving to another group as all the chairs were taken. Ms Angel usually has comforting things to say to others but this time she sat with her mouth open when Ms. Negotiator started in on her fears.
DeleteMs. Negotiator sounds very scared (and insecure) indeed. Hopefully she settles down after a while and stops feeling like she has to come on so strong.
ReplyDeleteDeb
For all newbies including me it's a whirlwind of activities and emotions when you first move it. She's from the other side of the state and her house just sold and she was having an estate state while trying to settle in ad unpack here. Most people do all that before exploring the social life here---not her. I do think she's going to burn out at some point and settle down to find her she can't do it all. No one can.
DeleteI've suddenly been denied the ability to comment on most blogger blogs, so if this doesn't come through, that's the reason. I was struck by your take on the 'negotiator.' My father was an industrial engineer at Maytag, and one of his responsibilities was involvement in negotiations during a major strike in the 1950s. I still remember how that affected him: the anxiety, the sleepless nights, the dinnertime discussions about how hard it is to balance competing interests. During those years, he suffered three heart attacks, with two more coming along after he retired. He survived all those and died of cancer, but I wonder if your negotiator might have been equally -- if differently -- shaped by the demands of her work.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very good point. That auto crisis was so critical for the survival of our national industrial base. It wasn't just the Big Three and the UAW negotiating either. It was Obama's Emergency Rescue team who, in the end, saved the auto industry from collapsing which would have crashed us in to a depression. There was a lot riding on the whole ball of wax and all sides would have been stressed out for months on end. It took me three years to finally breathe easier.
DeleteJean, you’ve gotta check out this blog. https://bootsandbraids.blogspot.com/2020/
ReplyDeleteShe reminds me of you! Lives in a senior complex of interesting characters she writes about. Hilarious! Shares same political bent as we do. California resident.
I already follow her. She's in my blog roll to the right.
DeleteNo you're not a bad person just a normal person people make us feel this way or that the way one feels is right or wrong depends on many things.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I was pretty sure others think the same as me in similar circumstances but it's nice to have confirmation.
DeleteSometimes people just cannot help themselves. It sounds ridiculous to say when speaking about adults, but it's nonetheless true. Add to that the fact that some adults think that Common Human Courtesy no longer applies when they attain a Certain Age, and it makes for a lot of situations that test our own Good Manners.
ReplyDeleteYou're not a bad person for thinking what you thought. You're an authentic person to think what you thought. Honestly, some people just provoke unkind thoughts, like it's their assigned job in this world.
ReplyDeleteYa, but in this case I'm judging her mainly by her past profession and enjoying her being scared and that's not exactly fair or nice of me.
DeleteNo, you’re not a bad person for thinking that. I laughed when you asked the question. Makes sense to me, especially since you’re not DOING anything to her.
ReplyDeleteI think Linda P’s comment is right on: “I've often wondered if those most frightened of the hordes of people (snark) coming for them are not the very ones who are most willing to take what they want from others and resources, and think the whole world is like them.“. That mindset applies to a lot of situations. Olivia
I think you and Linda are right. The more I'm around Ms. Negotiator the more I feel sorry for her.
DeleteI already don't Like Ms. Negotiator, she is not of a Tribe I'd ever Trust and people like her always go to the highest Bidder to do the dirty work of Corporations that exploit the Employees who make them obscenely Rich. The Party sounded Fun and sounds like the Residents had more control of it this time around and Management are less likely to want to impress as time goes on, which, is typical once they accomplished Selling the Units and might have a Waiting List for Future Residents now? It still sounds like most people are very content with the CCC and it still sounds like a wonderful choice. But, has it already been Two Years? Wow!!! I still remember the whole Process you were going thru before it was built, the Move, Downsizing, settling in... it seems like Yesterday, huh? As for the Puzzle Table, perhaps you can set one up in your Apartment for the appropriate Zen Moments to Meditate, I don't do well with Others, depending on who the Others are of coarse. *Winks*
ReplyDeleteWe actually have two puzzle tables but one is on the upper floor of a building I don't live and only go there when I have Writer's group, the one I write about is in the lobby. I have worked puzzles in my apartment and will again someday.
DeleteWe've got a waiting list over 12 now and they keep inviting people for a free lunch to look over our buildings. They have to pay $500 to be on that list and now one here wants to see it grow because if they get to a certain number they are building another building that will block half of our views. We've lost at around a dozen to death or the assisted living building in the two years so it's weird to walk by the restaurant when they have a free lunch going on.
The reason why the management paid for a first class party the first time is because we we're suppose to have a big moving in party but Covid got in the way so it got postponed to the anniversary. They never intended to carry on the tradition, it was our Resident's Council who pushed it and did the planing.
It would be a Shame to block the view to expand where you didn't anticipate more construction to enlarge the Complex. I'm sure each of you chose your Unit based on such things and some paid a lot more for The View from what I recall. Of coarse, as we all know it happens all the time no matter where one lives, we can't control development, redevelopment, Zoning changes, influx and demand put upon Communities. Too many are moving to Phoenix and it's not sustainable in a fragile ecosystem like a Desert with Water being in short supply. Is the Resident's Council like an HOA? If so, that can be both a Blessing... or a Curse... depending on whose elected.
DeleteWe were told it was a ten year plan to build but then they hooked up with a large chain of CCCs and got an infusion of money and want to speed up that time table. With ten years we all thought we'd be died or moved to the other buildings by then.
DeleteLMAO š¤£ at your last Sentence Jean. We're considering buying a large Travel Style Trailer to park on the Land and House her and the Three Girls. The Son and Allen said they would help fund it so it would be least disruptive and a safe placement on short notice... we'd considered it before so had already done due diligence on cost etcetera...Dawn the Bohemian
DeleteDawn, I'm glad to hear you're exploring the travel trailer idea. I'm worried about you, your husband and Princess T. If something happens to you everyone goes down with you. Another idea would be to build a bedroom in your RV building and insulate it against the summer heat. Not ideal without a bathroom but you could put a chemical toilet out there for the nights.
DeleteMy husband and I continue to look at CCCs and I love reading your "on the scene" take about things. I enjoy your blog for other reasons of course, but when you discuss the personalities and situations you have to deal with on a daily basis, it offers a terrific perspective and much food for thought.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that I'm fairly social here thus I interact with a lot of people. I'd say about a third who live here never do and some I don't even know by sight, it's they act like they are living in any other apartment building where they don't have tons of stuff to do. It's also possible to live so close to others and not see each other because we're 'riding other trains' so to speak. For example I don't do any of the religious related classes, lectures and field trips nor do I do the exercise classes. there are card groups, too. And our meals aren't all at the same time. They serve lunch from 11:30 to 2:00 and 4:30 to 7:00 for dinner, dinner requires a reservation AND we can order takeouts for both meals if when you don't want to socialize. When you look at CCC ask about their menu---how often they change, hours they serve etc. I followed the online newsletters to several CCC before I moved here, just to get a feel for the places. A favorite marketing tool of places like this are tours with free lunch. Go to them and note how friendly (or not) the residents are that you'll see walking about.
DeleteOne of the nicest parts about a CCC is when someone has a temporary stay in assisted live after an illness or surgery their friends are within walking distance and will visit and do card showers. One of the worse parts of a CCC is the number of people who die, who you may or not be friends with. So far I haven't been friends with anyone close enough that I went to their funeral, but there is always a half dozen or so who do go to them.