Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

Cookies and Gingerbread Houses on Disaster Lane


I woke up this morning thinking I had a dozen Christmas tree cookies lined up on my kitchen table ready to decorate. I didn’t. I baked them in my dreams. Once again I'm wishing against all odds and common sense that someday it will be proven that our dream life is one we actually live in an alternate universe because I do some pretty awesome things when I’m thrashing about in my bed. If you could see the mess my sheets are in when I wake up you’d know that “thrashing” is a good word to describe what I do at night. The only time I sleep like the dead is when I’ve taken an Ambien and I try not to do that unless there’s a full moon and I’ve remembered that fact early enough to pop one of those pills.


I probably dreamed I was baking cookies because several of my fellow residents had a cookie baking production line going to make gingerbread cookies for our upcoming cookie decorating party. I signed up for the party right away to get one of the twelve available spots. I did it last year and I had a frustrating-but-fun time trying to keep up with the others who’ve had years of experience as mothers and grandmothers painting cookies, while that was my first experience. I’m super competitive with anything crafty so the pressure is on to see if I learned enough last year to decorate some cookies I’m not ashamed of and won’t have to eat right away to hide the evidence. As a kid my mom did bake cookies around the holidays but nothing that required putting frosting buttons and bows or faces on baked goods. I’m writing this on Sunday and the event takes place on Wednesday so you won’t see any cookie photos in this post. 

What will happen in time to share in this week's post is the results on who won the gingerbread house building contest---results are due on Tuesday. You would not believe the controversy the Art Professor’s bombed-out house in the Gaza Strip caused. Last year they kept the houses on display for several weeks, including while and after the voting took place. This year they pulled them down and tucked them out of sight after only 4-5 days. Then the kitchen manager sent out an email with photos of all the houses and gave us just a few days to vote. 

The night before the houses disappeared I got a phone call from woman who was looking to rally support for going to the management and asking them to take the bombed-out house out of the show. "A gingerbread house contest is no place for a political statement," she said. Can you believe that? Not the part about it being the wrong place for a political statement but the part about being so offended that she and a few others thought it should be removed and they were willing to take action to make that happen. This is what intolerance leads to---fighting over something as insignificant as a gingerbread house in a senior community.

Several people did confront the Art Professor face-to-face while the houses were on display but she said she’d been involved in showing and setting up art displays for years and is used to defending controversial pieces on display. I felt bad because I was one of the people at a lunch table one day who encouraged her to build a gingerbread house knowing full well what theme her house was going to be. 

The person who called me even claimed that one of the professor’s former students probably built the house for her and she should be disqualified on that count alone. She says that because the professor has macular degeneration and that was her only proof. One of the houses was built by a group of people in the Memory Care building. Should they be disqualified? Should the couples who built a house together be disqualified? Such silliness! I doubt it is true that she didn't build the house. There was certainly nothing precise or complicated about the house, but even if she did have help, so what?

Another lady said, “Christmas is a time of joy, this [house] doesn’t belong here.” Two wars are going on in the world and this woman---who goes to church nearly every day---is not willing to be reminded that not everyone’s Christmas is going to be filled with sugar plums and carefully wrapped gifts? She has a right to an opinion but why make a big deal out of it? Tell your friends you hate the house. Don’t vote for it. But what gives anyone the right join an effort to have the house removed thus canceling out the professor's first amendment rights? I wish I had said that to Ms. Offended as we stood looking at the houses on the first day they were on display. Instead I said nothing except “it makes my house look better” and I’m ashamed of that. I should have said something to defend the right to be different in a contest with no rules. I should have said we're never going to achieve world peace if we won't/don't acknowledge the sufferings of others. 

By the way, one of the women rallied against the bombed-out house is the same woman who was responsible for the renaming of the ‘Secret Society of Liberal Ladies’ dinner group to the ‘Tuesday Dinner Discussion Group.’ Another concession to Ms. Offended we made is instead of eating at one large table we broke up into three tables and rotate who sits where so we don't call attention to ourselves. We're more secretive now than before which is ironic when you think about how we used to made our Tuesday reservations out in the open as the Secret Society of Liberal Ladies. It was a playful joke, until it wasn't.

Back to business: Whoever took the photos of the houses, didn’t do a very good job which I can’t help thinking had a bearing on the results---some people didn’t even have time to see them in person. And the controversy sure put a damper on the results. The house at the top was my Cupcake Cottage and it won First Place. The next three houses below were built by my friends.

 

 Built by my writing group friend

My writing group friend and his wife made this one. It's hard to see in this photo that the tree in the window has working lights and the window pane itself is made of sugar as is the 'green water' feature in the front. The Royal icing has the cutest footprints in the 'snow' and the tree in back is made out of spearmint candy and is absolutely perfect and looks like a high end, carved candle.

Built by the Art Professor

This is the bombed-out house. Coffee grounds were rubbed into the gingerbread to make the walls still standing look charred. I never got a chance to photograph the paper that went with the house (or any of the houses for that matter) which told the symbolism of the elements that were used. The house was named after one that Oppenheimer had lived in while working on the Atomic bomb.

The pink yarn house below was made by a former kindergarten teacher---she's The Cheerleader if you're a long-time reader of my blog. It's a godawful house in my opinion but the woman is such an upbeat and playful person to sit next to at the lunch table and whenever I get that chance to do that I know I'm going to have fun. She went around telling people not to vote for her house, that it wasn't a serious entry.

Built by The Cheerleader

Below is other samples of the houses submitted. I don't know who built the first two houses but they were cute. 


Built by the Memory Care Building residents
 

For some reason they didn't name a 2nd and 3rd place. I haven't been out of the apartment to find out what the gossip machine has to say about that. But nothing about this year's contest was 'normal' by comparison to last year. The barn you see in the background in one of the photos above kept falling apart and the window trim on another house kept falling off. They'd get repaired several times a day but the frosting or glue used wouldn't hold. (Maybe this was a contributing factor on why the houses disappeared earlier than expected?) The pink yarn house never got the gingerbread roof put on. It was sitting off to the side, the victim of a strong wind according to the builder's note. Oh, and I thought it was totally unfair that the kits provided weren't all the same i.e. we didn't start out on an even playing field. The lean-to cottages took less candy and time but it would have been harder to be inspired with less 'canvas' to work with. Anyway, the theme of this year's show could easily be called The Houses on Disaster Lane. Winning first place felt like a hollow victory.

Until next Wednesday. ©



46 comments:

  1. I like them all! But I do agree all the kits should be the same. I used to have a Pampered Chef gingerbread mold ... made houses for each season ... then set them outside for the squirrels to eat!

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    1. Next year I would like to make 1 out of all bird seed and nuts.

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  2. Congratulations Jean!! I understand feeling as though winning the competition might feel a bit hollow, due to all the controversy surrounding it, but still, I just love your gingerbread house! It is delightful! Obviously, many others wanted it to win, too. You worked hard and it really showed. I hope that the spirit of Christmas overcomes all dissension at the ccc (one can only hope).

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    1. Oh it did, there's plenty of Christmas spirit around here. Most people probably don't even know about the controversy.

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  3. Congratulations on your First Prize. It's a lovely, sweet house.

    It's a shame that your community is a microcosm of our larger Society, and that the many keep bowing to the few. I do understand that it's to keep things Civil, but at some point, Enough Is Enough. It seems as if too much is being sacrificed to appease the wrong people and principles, both at your place and in our country overall.

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    1. This place really is a microcosm of what it going on world wide, in work places, in government, in churches and in organizations all over the world. There are a few who set themselves up to be the moral compass for everyone else and in doing so they become bullies. Here, the bullies might not see themselves that way because they are soft-spoken and think the logic of not talking about controversial things makes the controversies go away. I often wish I had the language skills I had in my prime because I used to be able to enter a contentious conversation and help to tone down the heat while getting both sides to see their common ground. Not only have I lost that ability, society is losing respect for and the ability to compromise.

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  4. Maybe they won't do the gingerbread houses next year if they cause trouble. It should just be a fun activity - maybe they don't need to have voting for the best so everyone could just enjoy them all. Why make it a competition?
    Hope you enjoy the cookie decorating! Just have fun with it!
    Merry Christmas to you!

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    1. They've been having gingerbread house contests on our sister campus for decades---that campus has been around for over 100 years. I'd be shocked if they didn't do one next year.

      I loved the cookie decorating last year and am looking forward to it again.

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  5. This was so much fun to see! Your house is by far the best in terms of “sweetness” 😉 and unique touches. Congratulations! I think there was enough success by other entries to not make your victory a hollow one. The Memory Care entry is another fave of mine.
    I personally feel that the bombed out house was out of place here. Please, a respite from the ugliness that surrounds us everywhere else! But to go the extra mile to have it eradicated? That contrary committee reminds reminds me of housewives on our school PTA who clearly had no voice at home, so used it at our meetings arguing aggressively over whether the janitor’s Christmas gift should be $10 or $15. (True story! 😞). Let it go, people!
    “Society losing respect for and the ability to compromise” ? I trace that directly back to one nasty politician whose sheep have found approval in the low level of protest they are solely capable of….personal insults, vicious condemnation, racism, and eradication of anything they don’t approve of.

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  6. Congratulations on winning despite all the avoidable drama caused by a very few. Your house is creative and so well done. I do like the idea of one done out of birdseed and nuts - again, how creative.

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    1. I do believe it will be cheaper and not as hard to throw out afterward because it can be put to good use. Others here broke up their houses last year and put pieces out in the woods. But I don't walk the trails in the winter. A seed house I could just put across the road or give to one of my niece's for her deck.

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  7. Your house is a prize-winner for sure! Congrats! Too bad about the controversy and hard feelings. I just don't think someone's creative interpretation of the theme should be censored by the few. If there are no rules, then anything goes, right?

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    1. No rules, no right to kick any house out---that's my mantra.

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  8. Back in the late 1960s my then-husband and I were in charge of an art show at a local park. (The woman who was the art director of the museum at the park made all the big decisions. We were the flunkies who coordinated it all.) The show was called "Art Unlimited" but that was an oxymoron because the art pieces that she deemed controversial (I believe a urinal was in one) were removed to a separate room away from the rest of the show. We took a lot of flack from the artists involved, and rightly so I think.

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  9. Congratulations on winning, Jean! Sorry to read about the controversy. I think I've said this before, but it never ceases to amaze me that the "freedom crowd" are also the ones that are hell bent on infringing on others' freedoms while bleating about the perceived (imaginary) threats to their own. Personally, I like the idea of art that challenges, inspires discussion, and makes people think. Wishing you a very happy holiday!

    Deb

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    1. Oh yes! I can see the flake in doing that. One of the purposes of art is to make us think and see things in a new light. Even the art we don't like serves a purpose.

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  10. Going on the attack over a Gingerbread House contest does seem like the height of pettiness, but there are no shortage of people who think kicking up a fuss over whatever you don't like is now everyone's privilege. I'm with everyone else who thinks you should pat yourself on the back for having won first place and charge into the cookie contest with full confidence!

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    1. The cookie decorating is not a contest. It's just an opportunity to decorate at half dozen cookie. One of our residents sponsors it and provides all the cookies, sprinkles and frostings and brushes for $5---a great deal. She always had parties like this for her grandchildren before moving her. Our Life Enrichment Director is good about jumping on and supporting things that we residents suggest doing.

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  11. Congratulations! But boy the pettiness. I agree with you they should just not vote for the house that was demolished. I too, find it an odd time to display this sentiment. However, they have every right to do so. If offended don't vote would be my mantra.

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    1. I have mixed feelings about the timing of displaying the bombed-out house. She had every right to make it and every right to enter it in a contest with no rules. It had an impact being a thorn among the roses and I didn't have a problem with that. What I had a problem with is the idea that a few people thought it was their right to ask to have it removed.

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  12. I have never been a fan of gingerbread I have tried it but didn't like it much although I do like the look of a nice gingerbread house and some such as yourself make pretty damn pretty gingerbread houses

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    1. Thank you. I happened to like the taste of cookies made with ginger.

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  13. Congrats on winning the contest! I think you well deserved it. It really is the BEST one!

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  14. I love your house! But that's way too bad about the controversy. 😟

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    1. The sad part if that the ones who complained consider themselves to be a higher moral ground.

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  15. Yours was certainly the best of the traditional houses, and the bombed out house was absolutely the best art house!

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    1. Someone suggested that there should have been categories. The best traditional, the best technical and the best thoughtful house. The bombed out house did its job of making people talk ad hopefully think. The woman who made it was not phased in the least about the controversy. She just laughs.

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  16. Art often sparks Controversy and makes a Statement, I have no problem with it or defending someone's Artistic expression not being censored. During the Holidays to be reminded that many are suffering and won't have even the most basic needs met, is a stark reminder that while so many of us will have Joy and be able to Celebrate what has meaning for us, many will not. It is not comfortable to have to confront the ugly parts of Life and the Passion of someone willing to risk Controversy I have to respect and not inhibit their Right to express it. Perhaps her House was the only one to stimulate discussion and evoke Emotion... in which case, it was Successful Art IMO. Congrats on a Win, it was deserved, I liked your results in the last Post and knew it would be a contender in a Contest.

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    1. The Art Professor is an interesting person. You would like her and she would like you. Years ago she didn't like the churches in town so she started her own which is still going today and is huge. It has services in several languages and has outreach programs to help immigrants. She walks the talk.

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    2. I liked her before I even read that, so I'm not at all surprised at how you've now described her, those that walk the talk have my respect, they are authentic to Self and aren't fake just so that they will have acceptance by the masses.

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  17. I still want to congratulate you on the win. But it does seem like the entire contest went off the rails. There should have been a level playing field with the kits and if there are going to be rules, they need to be shared before the contest, not a group project during the contest. And sad they took the houses away and had people vote by picture. Not the same at all!
    I am also sad at the loss of Secret Society of Liberal Ladies. It sounds like it is becoming as goofy as the house contest. I want to join the Secret Society of Liberal Ladies!!! Not a lunch bunch.

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  18. Woo hoo! Congrats on winning 1st place! It's sad that everything has become so controversial, isn't it? At any rate, yours is clearly the best, so I'm glad you won! Merry Christmas!

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    1. Thank you. I wouldn't have had a chance of winning if I'd been living on our sister campus. They has some really special entries over there.

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  19. Well, you still deserved first place, so congratulations there. But what a mess. If there is any place that a controversial home representing war belongs it IS this contest. Especially if no rules. As you said, a reminder that this holiday is not all gumdrops and lollipops. I like the creativity of it. I am absolutely appalled that people in your complex are this petty and misguided, so hypocritical and so malicious that they would actually plot a campaign to have it disqualified or not shown. (And you're right -- the photos are horrible of all of them). That's simply mean and I would have no time for them.

    I'm eager to see your cookie decorating! Merry Christmas!

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    1. You won't be seeing the cookies because I ate all but on and that one will be long gone before I start writing my next post. Mine were still the worse ones and I kept scraping stuff off the a ginger-man and doing it over. LoL

      The thing about the three who wanted the house removed is that they seem to think if you remove controversial topics from the public square than it doesn't exist or doesn't grow. If anything political or controversial comes up at lunch they shut it right down which i why we started the Liberal Ladies thing in the first place. We wanted a place where we could discuss things. "Why can't you do it in one of your apartments?" was one thing she told us. Ms Offended dropped out of book club because she didn't like the discussions, which is my favorite part. We're all respectful and tackle tough topics in many of the books we read.

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  20. I've enjoyed reading your blog but never commented before. After reading about The Houses on Disaster Lane, I wish I could award the Art Professor a special prize for creativity, realism, and awareness. Sadly, there are too many real bombed-out houses in Gaza and Ukraine, and I welcome something that calls attention to that fact, even if it's portrayed in gingerbread. There are plenty of people all over the world who are barely able to meet their basic needs for food and warmth, and removing the controversial entry won't help that fact at all. Congratulations to you, and to all the people who built their visions in gingerbread, whether they are merry and bright, bombed-out, or group efforts. They should all be celebrated.

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    1. When you think about it a gingerbread house like mine paired next to a bombed-out house is a good example of the haves and the have not's, one representing those in the world who can't meet their basic needs and one representing those in the world who have so much we can waste food used in an craft project that will get thrown out.

      Thanks for reading here and the comment.

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  21. Congrats on your win! I truly thought yours was one of the best, if not the best -- but anyone who'd ever competed in anything, from a 4-H pie baking contest to a photo contest knows how unpredictable winners can be. I really enjoyed seeing the one from the memory care residents, too. It seems as though a real effort's made there to involve everyone, and that's the most important thing of all when it comes to things like holiday projects.

    I did laugh out loud at your throwaway line about eating the rejects in the cookie project. I well remember how delighted I always was when we did our cookie baking if there were some "burnies." Those couldn't be given away, of course, so they were fair game for us kids. I've got cookie baking on my agenda for tomorrow. I've made a couple of kinds, but now it's time to pull out the cookie press and my grandmother's recipe for Swedish Sprits. It's just not Christmas if I don't have those cookies. I wish I could manage some of her other dishes, like the cardamom seed buns and potato sausage, but I'll make the cookies and be satisfied.

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    1. There were probably six or seven people plus the Rec Therapist who worked on Memory Care house with most of them picking out a trim and telling the RT where to glue what they picked out. I've walked by the area where they do group projects and its always a bittersweet scene. They do a lot of crafty things as therapy but is holiday related in that building, designed to help residents connect with old memories.

      Enjoy your Pressed Swedish Spirit cookies! I had no clue what they are but I did find a recipe online.



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  22. Honestly, I am no good at pastry building and decorating. I just don't know about that complaining lady. I was rather surprised at the bombed out entry but I guess that is where is heart was this Christmas. We are just all to self-absorbed with our desires for this world and need to get a grip. We are setting an example for the self-indulgent youth of today so we need to straighten up and quit thinking our way is the only way.

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    1. Amen to that thought about setting an example for the self-indulgent but in many ways I think the younger generation aren't the ones who are the most self-absorbed...I think it's my generation who are set in our ways. In issues like climate control, gun safety issues and acceptance of others its the youth who are leading the way.

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  23. I think the people who were offended by the art professor's entry don't understand that being an artist is different from being crafty.

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    1. Very true! Art often is about making you think. Crafting is about making you smile. The Professor wasn't phased a bit over the controversy and I'm happy about that.

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