Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Broken Resolutions and Unfinished Crafts


The first week of the 2024 is over and all I have to show for it is a pedicure and a ten dollar bill from winning at Bingo. Considering it costs five bucks to play it’s not a win big enough to celebrate. But the popcorn was free and the company was good so there’s that. I never played the game before moving here to the continuum care campus but as the saying goes, “When in Rome do as the Romans do.” Side note here: Does anyone else find it interesting that that idiom was first found in writing in 1777 and we still use the phrase today? Supposedly it was a quote spoken by St Ambrose and written in a letter by St Augustine about napping in the middle of the afternoon. I’m almost sure the phrase back in that era in Rome also referred to pigging out at decadent parties and a few other things that one would not put in a letter to the Pope. But at my age I might have a foggy memory of the allegorical paintings I studied in art history class back in my youth and I could be a half century off on when the Decadent Movement was at its height in Rome. I hate that I can remember obscure paintings like the one above but I forgot to buy baby aspirin when I was at the grocery store yesterday.

If you are a long time reader of this blog you know I’m not fond of getting pedicures and have only been getting them for a few years of life. I resent the time and money spent and trying to make myself understood when I say things to indicate that I want the cheapest pedicure they give but still end up paying $50 plus a tip. Once it was $60 and I have no idea how that happened!

Finally, after getting my first ingrown toenail---that, by the way, cost over $300 to treat!----I have a pedicurist I like. The foot doctor’s office has one under their umbrella of services and you have to have their recommendation to get on the client list. They don’t push polish, did a great job, it only it took a 1/2 hour and the charge was $40 plus I tipped her $10. They call them medical pedicurists and they are trained to look for issues like ingrown toenails, fungi and other potential issues we don’t want on our feet.

The new year came with a couple of new resolutions but already I fell off the wagon of carrying them to the goal line. But before I share that part I want to ask if anyone has done the Swedish Death Cleaning? A few years ago there used to be a blogger in our circle of bloggers who did it---Judy gave away everything she didn’t use anymore, finished up all her unfinished projects and drastically de-cluttered her mobile home then deep cleaned it thoroughly. The idea is to make it easier on your family when you die. The name gives me the willies but I saw clips of the Swedish Death Cleaning TV series and from what I saw it was a kinder, gentler version of Mari Kondo's show.

I live with a lot of guilt over not downsizing as much as I could have/should have when I moved. And with the turning of the new year I made up my mind that I need to do something about that. I’m 80-fu*king-two, after all. But that notion lasted about a half a week when I couldn’t decide where to start. So instead I planned to finish up a few craft projects. One was a cashmere scarf that I started seven years ago but life got in the way and I stopped working on it. Picking it up now it took me three days just to figure out where on the complicated pattern I left off. I finished it but if you look close enough you'll see my skill level has gone down hill.

Next I tried picking up a project I started on circular needles and after a night of working on it I gave myself permission to rip it all out, put the yarn in my stock box and declare that I don’t need to know how to do everything. That felt good too. My mom did beautiful sweaters on circular needles and even though I've done a lot of knitting over the years I never liked holding the circular needles. 

Next up was either a half done knitted teddy bear or a cut-out 3” velveteen teddy bear to construct or a cross-stitch that only has a one inch square left to do. The cross stitch I started back in the1960s when my brother was hospitalized after his appendix burst and I’ve only worked on that cross-stitch when someone in the family was hospitalized. I no more than put the kit case by my La-Z-Boy when it spooked me out, thinking if I start working on it someone will end up with a medical emergency. I listened to my inner voice and put that project back where I found it. 

The next day I completely failed at my resolve to finish up all my unfinished craft projects when I bought some yarn on impulse to start something new, a sampler of knitting stitches. I might be 82 but I’m not dead! I thought standing in front of the yarn bins. And maybe if I make a sampler project like I did when I first learned to knit as a teenager it will turn out to be a good thing, like putting a period at the end of the last sentence in a book. Ya, I'm not taking any bets on whether or not this will turn out to be my last knitting projects.

Until Next Wednesday…  ©

                                                                 My Seven Year Scarf  


*The painting above by Thomas Couture is titled: The Romans in their Decadence. (French: Les Romains de la décadence) First shown in Paris in 1847.

 

46 comments:

  1. Well it might have taken you seven years to knit but its finished beautifully, I like it.. so interesting again to read your blog, 82? You're 1year older than me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It's warm too and unlike the silk scarfs it doesn't move and need constant readjusting.

      Delete
  2. That scarf is beautiful. Thank you for taking a picture of it and of you! I thought of doing Death Cleaning once but decided my poor daughter will have to deal with it. My job is to keep as healthy and happy as I can so she doesn't have to worry about me. I worried about my mom and wanted her to be happy, so that, plus still building good family memories, is as good as it's going to get for my daughter. (I'm 84.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Swedish people must be tough. Just the idea of doing the Swedish Death Cleaning puts me in a panic. Someday I should exam why I'm so fearful when the word 'death' is involved, but not today.

      We have a couple of people here who also say it's their job to stay health for their kid's. They take all the exercise classes. I admire their (and your) dedication but I missed that boat too many years ago to catch up.

      Delete
  3. You are SO talented. Good for you for getting your "pedicures"!! Since I am Type2 Diabetic, I pay $30 every six weeks for nails and cuticles trimmed, calluses removed and everything inspected by the Podiatrist. My daughter then pampers me on occasion with a lotion massage and oil on my cuticles.

    So far, my only talent is being ON the computer for hours every day. It is POURING down rain this week but that is better than what YOU have, right? Those heated sidewalks were a stroke of genius. We are doing the snow dance for at least one day of white. I think our elevation is about 200'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The show outside my window is beautiful today. The tree tops especially. I have to drive in it tomorrow, though, and I'm not looking forward to that.

      I'm shocked that your Podiatrist only charges $30!

      Delete
  4. Jean, I would suggest that choosing not to finish those projects is an indication that they no longer serve you so remove them from storage. That is death cleaning. It seems that sometimes those unfinished projects not only clutter our physical space but also clutter our minds. The scarf is beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to have a ton of unfinished projects and I felt guilty about them because they made me feel like a failure. I tried everything that came alone...bead work, basket weaving, etc. etc. But back in the '80s when I went back to college a professor told me that it indicated that it was the process, not the end result, that led me to start so many things and that I need to find a career that was constantly changing which in turn would challenge me. She was so right. I love learning new things. Which is one of the reasons I love Mahjong. The more I learn the more there is to learn. Not only the rules and also about strategies plus every year the cards thus the hands you can win on change.

      Delete
    2. Your story reminds me of my sister. She tried on so many hobbies - rug making, quilting, basket weaving, etc. She made masks during early Covid days, exploring fabric online for density of the cloth, experimenting with different kinds of earloops. Knitting seems to be her favorite in the end. But I agree with Mona that there is no need for you to carry the load of unfinished projects. You tried it, didn't love it - no problemo. Sometimes ridding yourself of the ones that didn't work out make room for new ones (in your case, Mahjong!) I am in the process of applying that to my bookshelves.
      Nina


      Delete
    3. Oh my gosh, I did major downsizing of my books when I moved and I cried practically though the whole project. I have two cases full still but I it's not the same as the pride I had in having a whole room full of books. Still, I don't miss them. Good luck with your "thinning the herd".

      Delete
  5. That scarf is lovely! My latest project will be darning socks. I think I can do that while watching TV so it might get done! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've darned a few socks back when I was very young, one of those things our moms taught back as a teenager. I need to sort my sock drawers out, but there will be no darning because I usually just wear black socks and I can't see black threat well enough to take up darning again. Any project we can do in front of the TV is a good on.

      Delete
  6. I don't make NY Resolutions. I like to say that I'm on a Continuous Journey Of Self-Improvement, and I try to do better on a daily basis. My downsizing is ongoing, often hampered by my husband, who has a bit of the Sentimental Hoarder in him. He's getting a lot better now, however, and we're really getting rid of a great deal of stuff.

    My mother (93, Alzheimer's) is currently dealing with an infection in her lower leg that is suspiciously timed with a recent foot doctor visit. She sees the foot doctor regularly for maintenance, and about a week after her last visit she developed bruising and redness in her foot and lower leg. She's on Keflex to knock it out. First time this has ever happened, so we're not getting all upset over it, but yet another concern. Sigh.

    Your scarf is lovely; I'm glad you finished it up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our skin gets fragile and thin as we age so I'm assuming it would be easier to get infections like your mom did or might have. I have a fungus now for the first time ever that I got from a pedicure last summer and it will take another four months for it to grow out. If I have do color again I'll bring my own bottle.

      Delete
  7. Beautiful scarf! I picked up knitting again recently (keeps me from snacking as I watch TV during the dark months). Nothing as ambitious and patterned as your scarf, just some simple winter hats. I've thought about the Swedish death clean thing but instead I moved two times in 4 years and each place was significantly smaller so that's essentially the same thing, in my books...HAH! I am sure there is more I can dispose of, but at this point it looks like my kids might inherit a small independent store's inventory of art and craft supplies when I go and they won't be mad about that. At least it's mostly organized and I still have time to use them up (she tells herself).
    I love getting pedicures even though they are almost twice the price here on the island compared to what I paid in my former home province. I did wonder how the salons there could do them so cheaply and still make money. Anyways, now I get them half as often. I guess there's not as much competition here.

    Deb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moving does cause a lot of downsizing doesn't it. At one time I had the name of a small business that finished unfinished project left behind by loved ones. I gave a bunch of them to the Salvation Army when I moved and just this week I talked to a woman here who likes to buy unfinished projects for Goodwill and the Salvation Army. All your unused crafting supplies will find a home when the time comes.

      The pedicure salons here only employ immigrants who can barely speak English. I suspect they don't get paid much of what we pay the salons.

      Delete
    2. It's mostly the same here. There is the odd white person doing nails, but most are Vietnamese immigrants. I tip heavily, and directly to the person when I can.

      Delete
  8. The scarf looks great and so do you. I'm sure you see all the flaws but we can't! I have some of those projects too... And I wonder, should I just pass them on to someone who would actually finish them? (And remember, it's not like you are idle; just prioritizing different things!) I've never done a pedicure and I hate polish on me. (Don't mind it on others but it feels creepy on me.) When Kevin got married and I was wearing sandals, I did my toes in watercolor. My nails are so thick I can hardly cut them. I should probably see what someone else could do -- preferably with a dremel drill.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They do actually use a dremel tool on thick toenails! First time I had polish on my nails it scared the crap out of me thinking there was a big bug on the floor. LoL

      I can see the flaws in my scarf. The tension was different at first and I ripped out as much as I knitted before I got the pattern right. But Once its on no one sees any of that. I'm just glad I finished it and had the guts to wear it.

      Delete
  9. I'll have to look into that Swedish Death Cleaning, because I've got too much stuff and really need help on letting go to make it easier on family after I'm gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can see the episodes online but I think there is also a book. I know there is a workbook as well.

      Delete
  10. Judy was such an important touchstone for me as I poured my heart out in my old blog. After I closed it down I stayed in touch with her. I sent a gift and received such a dear response. I miss her.

    What a gorgeous scarf! You may get some orders for one.

    Interesting that Swedish death cleaning series is a gentle version of Mar Kondo's show. I am hopelessly sentimental and it doesn't serve me well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did Judy die and in a nursing home? I couldn't remember.

      I would never do that scarf again. LOL

      Mari hasn't got a sentimental bone in her body. She even tells people to tear out the pages in a book they like and throw the rest out. Who does that?

      Delete
    2. Yes she was in a nursing home, and not by choice.

      Delete
  11. I mentioned Swedish Death cleaning to my husband ( he sits behind me on his computer while I do mine)... his reply was no and that getting rid of stuff after we die was our girls' problem! So guess I don't have to do it! PS.. I like round needles.. no seams .. unless there are so many stitches the needles can't manage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I studied the way I hold both kinds of needles and actually use the whole length of the regular needles. I'm left handed and have an unconventional 'style'. My mom was like you about seams.

      Delete
  12. I have had to clear my grandmother's house, my great aunt's house and my parent's house. I vowed to never leave messes like that for my own children. I lied.
    Currently I have several clear boxes of cut out quilt blocks and several clear boxes of some put together quilt blocks. I have ten grandchildren and started a baby quilt for each one. I finished the first one. I am saving them to sew for their children. I acknowledge I will not probably be here when they have children. I do not understand why I can' at least donate these boxes. But I can't.
    Please don't think these are the only craft projects I have stashed in closets. We have lived in our house since 1978. Need I say more?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have boxes of quilting quarters too, no blocks not put together though. I sold those on eBay a few years ago. I have seen some lovely quilt blocks that were framed one block per frame. They would make great gifts to hang in a nursery if finishing a quilt is too much. I look at my boxes of quarters and can't let go either.

      Delete
    2. Okay, am I the only one who found your description of trying to finish your projects laugh-out-loud funny? After reading this, I'm now going to take the half-finished cross stitch project out of the drawer it's been in for three years and take it to the reuse craft place for someone else to work on. I know I'm never going to finish it. Your scarf is lovely--beautiful color.

      Delete
    3. I'm glad you saw the humor in it. I love to make people laugh. I'm jealous that you have a reuse crafts place in your town. It sure would take the guilt out of things if you could donate to a place like that and on the same trip bring something new home to try without spending a ton of money. I'd love to know the story behind your half-finished cross stitch.

      Delete
  13. Heard and used the saying "When in Rome" but had no idea it was as old as it is 1777, Wow.........

    I have only had 2 pedicures in my lifetime not something I am interested in doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always amazed when sayings last so long. Shakespeare is the source of a lot of our old sayings.

      Delete
  14. That scarf is really nice! And you look good wearing it! :-) I could never get the hang of circular needles, so I gave up. I haven't knit in years, but I did make 8 sweaters one year for Christmas gifts. (I tended to get a little obsessive over each craft I tried when I was younger...) It would be a good hobby for me to take up again if only to keep myself from noshing in front of evening TV.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. That's why I'm knitting again. That and I tend to knit in the winter when my hands are color.

      Delete
  15. Congratulations on finishing your scarf. It's lovely.

    I didn't make any resolutions this year, although I've been thinking for a long time about doing a serious job of de-cluttering. I haven't thought of it as death cleaning, but I have thought about getting rid of things before moving into some kind of continuing care place. It's so much easier to buy things than to get rid of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And buying is much more fun. But seriously it is easier to get rid of things in a single family home.

      Delete
  16. Your seven year scarf is beautiful. And what is time anyhow when the result of your effort is lovely? Hmmm... being philosophical here.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You look so elegant! Olivia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That' s a word that don't normally apply to me. It's all in the scarf. LoL

      Delete
  18. The phrase (and concept of) Swedish death cleaning always makes me laugh. I grew up among Swedes, and my paternal grandparents were Swedish-from-the-old-country, and my grandmother and her friends were more into what I would call Swedish life cleaning. Every single year, they would go though their homes: giving away, repairing, trashing, or repurposing everything there. Then, they would do the deep cleaning necessary to bring them happily into the new year.

    When it's done on a regular basis, there's little to be done at the end. I still maintain the practice, and it's a satisfying way to welcome the new year. Now that all of my plants are inside, waiting for our spate of below freezing weather to be over, I'll even have a chance to really clean my patio before putting them back outside. Perfection!

    As for perfection, you might think your scarf isn't perfect, but I think it's beautiful. And warm is good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That really is a good way to run a house. We used to do a similar deep clean, trash and donate ritual every spring. A ritual handed down from the days when they used to burn coal and your walls and curtains got so dirty over the winter. I lived with coal heat in my early years but my mom kept on with the spring cleaning even after it wasn't so important to do so.

      Now that my scarf has been blocked I hardly see the imperfections. I'll probably rarely wear it but I enjoy looking at it...still.

      Delete
  19. When I couldn't finish up a Project/Crafting piece, I ended up giving it away for someone else to finish. I had one Christmas Stocking Cross Stitch that I sat on for over a Decade before letting it go. *LOL* Your Scarf turned out Fine and looks Warm, it looks good on you too. I can remember very detailed things and can't remember simple things, it is odd, isn't it, how Memory works?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My memory has never, ever been good. Don used to tease me that he could take me to the same places every year on vacation and I literally wouldn't remember being there.

      Delete
  20. The idea of "finishing up all unfinished projects" boggles my mind; this strikes me as a good resolution to break. I assume I'll be adding new projects to my list until well after I'm able to actually finish them all. When I was teaching, I used to use a film on death and dying in one of my courses that followed a woman with metastasized breast cancer for the last year of her life. At one point, someone asked her what she would like to be doing when she died, and she said, "Living." Amen to that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I was the kind of person who only has one or two projects going at a time I could agree with you but between arts, crafts, reading and writing I've probably got closer to 15 or 20. I doubt I'd ever turn out of things I'd like to do though.

      Delete

Thanks for taking the time to comment. If you are using ANONYMOUS please identify yourself by your first name as you might not be the only one. Comments containing links from spammers will not be published. All comments are moderated which means I might not see yours right away to publish through for public viewing as I don't sit at my computer 24/7.