Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Is There Any Subject I Won't Write About?

I woke up this morning thinking that I had to pee like a Russian race horse. I haven’t been around horses enough since my teens to remember how they pee but it’s phrase my husband used all the time. I hadn’t thought about that idiom in years and I’ve never tried to track down its origin before today. 

My husband was brought up on a farm that used work horses to plow the fields before 1955 when his father bought their first tractor. A brand new blue Ford that I had to sell after Don died in this century. I tried to get him to agree to sell it after his stroke when we had an auction at the pole barn where we stored his heavy equipment but I was afraid it would give him another stroke if I sold it without his agreement. So I had it moved to a small storage unit where it sat eating up money until he died. Well, not really. The antique value of the tractor off-set the twelve years of storage fees. Tip for the day: Never try to have an argument with a stubborn stroke survivor with only a 25 word vocabulary. Sympathy will make you lose most of the time, especially when his face gets beet red and he’s holding on to your hand for dear life and repeating the word, “Please” over and over again.

I could not find a source that I totally trusted for an explanation for the ‘pee like a Russian race horse’ idiom but someone on a Reddit forum said it came about when Americans started betting on race horses only the phrase was “pissing like a rushin’ horse.” Another forum user wrote: “Some claim that the expression is negative because Russian trainers (or the Russian mafia) cheated by feeding their horses a lot of water…and somehow prevented them from urinating thus making them nervous and faster. People saw the horses nervously peeing before a race. If a horse did this before the race it was an advantage since it could lose up to 10 pounds. In the ‘70s trainers started giving a drug called "lasix" to their horses.”

Another Reddit user from Southern Indiana wrote this: I've always said, "I have to pee like a rushin' racehorse". Meaning that the horse was in such a hurry (or rushing) to get to the finish line, because he had to Pee so bad. That's how all the people around me interpret it. I can see how Rushin' can get mixed up with Russian.”

None of this gives me a clue how and where my husband picked up the idiom. My best guess is he heard it at basic training. Anyway, today was the first time in my life I remember comparing myself to a Russian race horse and I hope it’s the last. But it does occur to me that I’m being drugged like a race horse to pee on queue. I take a pill at night that cuts down on me waking up to mild bladder urges so that I can get a better quality of sleep---and no, I don’t wet the bed taking them. I get 'false' urges when my bladder isn’t full. Isn’t that amazing. They have pills to make you quit peeing and pills to make you pee.

Getting enough sleep has been an ongoing problem since I moved to the continuum care campus. First it was the bright parking lot lights that lit up my bedroom like its daytime, messing with the circadian rhythms that ques us to when to sleep. After six months of complaining about that the management agreed to buy us all black out shades to address the problem. Then I got into the habit of watching two hours of TV in bed before I turn it off. Actually, I’ve been watching TV in bed for the better part of my life but the TV in my bedroom, now, is smarter than my old bedroom TV that is now in my living room. The smart ones emits UV rays which also mess with your circadian rhythm. Don’t suggest I swap my TVs around. It wouldn’t work. We have no cable connection in our bedrooms here and to watch Netflix's in the living room I’d have to buy a new TV that can stream. If you’d ever dropped off a TV at the county electronics recycling center you’d understand the sick feeling I get when I think of getting rid of a TV that still works great with cable. I just can’t do it. My parents were Depression Era people who imprinted on me the habit of never throwing out things that still work and around here, The Salvation Army and Goodwill will not take TVs.

But for ten dollars I may have solved my screen-time-in-bed problem. I bought a pair of clear glasses that block the UV light. I put them on when I go to bed to watch TV. I thought it would take time to experience a difference in my ability to fall asleep---if it did at all. I’ve only had them five days and all five nights I got sleepy at 12:30 to 1:00  instead of 2:00! If this keeps up I’m going to have my next pair of prescription glasses made to block out the UV rays for all the hours I spend in front of my computer. In the meantime I've learned to use my Kindle safer by using the Blue Shade timer setting and that’s got to help too---assuming I remember to grab my Kindle instead of looking up random idioms on the computer in the evening hours.

Until Next Wednesday. ©

Photo Note: You haven't lived until you've let someone drag you to an antique tractor show, not once but every year for a decade. It was Don's dream to show his farm tractor one day. This show was in Sussex, UK. We didn't go there but they all look (and smell) the same. If my memory serves me right the idea with the steam powered tractors was to see how slow you could go before killing the engines or maybe it was the goal with the gasoline engines? Or both? Not sure and I'm too lazy to look it up.

29 comments:

  1. My husband loves steam engines and old and rusty tractors so we travel all over the country going to steam rallies. They are very popular here, and he loves them. It's not my passion but I do love to travel and I take my watercolour paints and often stay in our caravan to paint while he goes to the rally. Win, Win.

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    1. Same for me. It was fun to travel to have from the Steam Engine shows so it wasn't a hardship by any means. For me it was books I'd take with me when I wanted to skip one of the events. Don would go to teddy bear shows, etc., with me so our interests were balanced.

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  2. Jean, I completely understand that desire Don had to keep his old tractor. A few years ago, when we downsized, we were relentless. My husband kept dropping hints about two tractors he wanted to keep. One was a tractor that his father had purchased, and it had been their first new tractor. The other tractor was his retirement gift. As I made multiple back-breaking trips to donation centers, giving away over half of our belongings, hubby was figuring out a way to keep his tractors. Our son-in-law farms and was willing to store the tractors. He uses them, as needed, so it's a win-win. I do not understand the deep connection between a person and a tractor, but I don't have to. On nice days, he goes to the farm and starts them up, takes them for a ride, then comes home happy.



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    1. I love that your husband gets to ride his trackors and he was able to keep them in the family. When I did sell Don's he would have liked that it went to a guy with a small hobby farm who was both going to use it and show it. I suppose the attraction for both our guys is that the old tractors are a center piece for a lot of memories of their youth.

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  3. That's interesting about the UV light -- I never thought about that. I can't sleep well with light unless I'm so sick or so exhausted the body takes over. But I can zonk out with noise. Go figure. I have things I can't throw out till they are beyond repair either. I wonder if that came from our depression-era parents. Never thought of it that way.

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    1. Having depression-era parents definitely effected Don and me in many ways...keeping things that still have life in them, saving money for a rainy day. Both our parents had hard lives when younger.

      It hasn't been very long that I've been wearing the UV glasses and I'm sure, now, it's making a difference.

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  4. I usually turn off my TV at 9:00 pm. I'd never make it to 12:30-1:00 like you. Hope you have solved your sleep trouble!

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    1. The glasses are helping a lot. I also use a sleep mediation tape under my pillow but I can now set the timer to 15 minutes and often don't hear the end of it before I fall sleep. Before the glasses I'd set it for 1/2 and hear it end. My sleep issues have been going on since the '80s so I don't think I'll ever myself on track to well that I won't stray off it from time to time. But I do need to keep working on it.

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  5. The whole topic of TVs is ridiculous now. I've had to pay for some of our old TVs to be taken away when we replaced them with modern flatscreen ones. Then you get the new ones and they're all different in how you get stuff to stream through them and how you use a remote to turn on the TV. It's nutty. And explains why I watch so little TV even with the better newer ones. I don't know how to find anything on them.

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  6. I have the same issues with smart TVs. I've had mine for 1 1/2 years and just this week figured out how to stream Amazon Prime. The whole industry is trying to reprogram us to watch stuff when we want to see it but were trained since childhood to watch was comes on when it's scheduled to come on.

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  7. I've heard, peeing like a race horse, but never a Russian race horse. having worked at a race track after each race their pee is collected (drugs) and I'd see how fast they peed. I just assumed that was where the phrase came. How silly of me.

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    1. Probably is. What I was looking for was the first time it appeared in print, thus was widely spread out from there. This is one of the few times I couldn't find anything.

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  8. My neurologist suggested that I start wearing sunglasses at 7PM each night and that helped my sleep problems immensely. I have a pair of prescription ones that are tinted quite darkly, and I wear them to watch tv. I also stay off my phone and computer by 9PM (also his advice).

    I don't watch tv to fall asleep--I *listen* to tv. I set the timer and put on Dateline. It's not necessary to see it; they narrate everything. And Keith Morrison's voice instantly puts me to sleep now.

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    1. I never need or wear sun glasses even in the brightest sun. I'll have to try your tip.

      An app I'd like to try but costs a monthly fee---I prefer a one time fee---is Calm. It says they have "100+ exclusive Sleep Stories for adults and children alike, featuring well-known talent such as Stephen Fry, Matthew McConaughey, Leona Lewis, and Jerome Flynn." I sometimes listen to book to put me asleep but only if I know it doesn't contain violence to weave into my dreams. A person I know says she's never heard the end of Matthew's story because his voice puts her to asleep so fast.

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    2. I listen to old episodes of This American Life. You can get them from their website. I stress old episodes because some of the newer ones focus on war, etc., which doesn't work for me. Specific episodes that drop me to sleep are ones that I've heard before but loved, such as "Render unto Caesar's Palace what is due to Caesar's Palace" which is a very funny story about a group of Christians who learned to count cards to beat casinos.
      Nina

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    3. Thanks for the tip. I really struggled last night and my Kindle was acting up. Repeating something I've already heard works for me too.

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  9. Love the saying pee like a Russian horse never heard it before but I do like it, I liked the photo of the old tractors as well.

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  10. I put on wrap-around blue blocker glasses a couple of hours before bedtime because apparently our other lights can cause problems too. It's an easy solution for me.

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    1. I think that's what I bought only they call them UV blockers only they aren't wrap around. Thanks for the tip. I just checked Amazon and they have wrap arounds the will fit over prescription glasses.

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  11. I've always enjoyed farm equipment shows, probably because they were part of my life from childhood. We didn't live on a farm, but I've been on a tractor a few times, not to mention driving things like an auger wagon. I've always meant to spend time at a sort-of-local Danish museum out in the country; they have a fabulous collection of every sort of old 'stuff,' including equipment.

    I sometimes wonder if my lack of sleep problems is due in part to my routines. I never read in bed, and I don't watch tv (since I don't have one). I do take my phone into the bedroom, since I use it as my alarm clock and like to have it around if the weather is iffy, but I never check email and such until it's morning coffee time.

    I do have one tip (which I may have mentioned). When I'm at the computer, I use this video as white noise. Set low, it's perfect for writing. I'd think it might do for sleep, too. YouTube is full of three-hour long videos like this that don't require any investment but a click!

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    1. Now that I know how to use Amazon Prime TV I'll have to see what I can stream for sleep app. I don't know how to stream YouTube on my smart TV but I'm sure it's possible...on my Kindle as well.

      You do meet some nice people at the tractor shows.

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  12. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26375236/

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  13. Peeing like a Russian Racehorse was one of my dad's expressions. I always assumed it meant a very full bladder and urgency. I have seen horses peeing and it is like buckets and buckets. I never considered why the horses were racehorses or Russian!
    For high school graduation I bought my husband a 1957 Chevy for $50. He kept it in his parent's barn until they sold the house and then moved it to another barn where we paid a yearly rent. Then that family sold their farm. It still drove (kind of) in those days so he drove it to our house and put it under a tarp. Next our city passed a law against inoperable cars in driveways. So we had a garage built to house it. I may mention have brought this up several times over the years because within months after building the garage, I was pregnant again. Then again and again. Perhaps with five children we would have been better off with a few more bedrooms instead. It then took me a decade or two to realize that instead of restoring the car, he prefers to watch it and hover over it. This year he has owned it for 49 years and hasn't driven it in 43 years. I call it the world's largest paperweight.

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    1. That's a great story! I love it because I know you truly understand why I did what I did after my husband's stroke. The idea of restoring a 1957 Chevy is probably on the bucket list of a lot of guys. And just having the dream and the actual vehicle---like with my husband's tractor---was enough to make the storage worth it.

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  14. I've used that Phrase before myself and got it from my Parents, never thought about the back story of it... or really of many we just pick up and say, then pass along to the next Generation to use. The Daughter said half of Mexico now uses some of my sayings that she used and they thought were Brilliant. *LMAO* I'm glad you respected your DH's desire to keep that Tractor until he was no longer here... some things we just never want to part with in our own Lifetime, I can relate. What the Heirs do with it won't matter after I'm gone. I often fall asleep while watching TV so somehow it doesn't interrupt my ability to doze off. Seems the harder I try to stay Awake, the quicker I zonk out actually. *Smiles*

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    1. It fascinates me how a phrase can become part of the culture and last for centuries. Shakespeare in particular is responsible for dozens.

      At the time I moved the tractor we were having a cash flow problem so it wasn't easy to keep it but it worked out and we'd actually go visit it every few months. I figured he needed his dream, he'd lost so much!

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  15. I think old tractors are neat. I didn't know they had meet-ups like they do for old cars. I don't know that I would have paid rent on a tractor for 12 years but we each have those things we don't need but really don't want to get rid of. Glad Don got to have his way.

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    1. We, at least had the option because we could afford to do it, but I know it would have killed Don's spirit if had been forced to sell his past memories and future dreams. Over the 12 years we revisit the topic selling it and he never wavered on wanting to keep it. He'd lost so much with stroke, I couldn't see him suffer another loss.

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