Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Facebook and Green Burials



I love Facebook, especial the Short Reels. I watch them an hour and to an hour and a half every day. I suspect I'm addicted to them so I've resorted to setting a timer to limit my time. I don't feel guilty about spending time this way, however, because I learn things and often I get my post inspirations from the site. One of the most useful things I've learned is to never 'like' something on Facebook unless you want to see a gazillion of similar short videos and/or advertisements. I do follow certain people, though, to make sure I don't miss something they put online: Jon Steward, Stephen Colbert, Josh Johnson, The Good News Girl, and the Texas Beeworks girl are all people I follow for predictable content. 

In addition to these celebrities I follow some zoos for content about silverback gorillas, panda bears, sloths and elephants. I also follow or subscribe to Facebook sites about the following topics: Tiny Houses, Unique Trees, Lost Pets, Mid-Century Modern and Atomic Mid-Century Modern decor, cute puppies and kittens, Mahjong and freeing wild animals caught in dangerous situations. Currently I'm fascinated by the turtle pictured above who runs around on a skateboard tormenting the cat that I've actually seen helping the turtle get on his tiny skateboard. As my husband would have phrased it, "That little guy can really haul ass with those wheels under him!" As a kid I spent my summers at a lake so it's probably a sentimental thing, a throwback to when I had baby turtles as pets, that makes the turtles on skateboards so endearing.

I've seen giant tortoises, too, on what I thought had to be custom made skateboards. But I decided to fact check myself before I made that claim and I was shocked to find lots of sources for "Pet Skateboards" and as cheap as seven bucks. There are photos of birds, turtles, bearded dragons, small tortoises, cats, dogs and pigs acting as catalog models for the boards. You can even buy harnesses that go around the boards and your turtles so you can walk them on a leash like a dog. Please do an intervention for me if I start talking about getting a turtle as a pet. Wouldn't I be the talk of my independent living complex if I start walking a turtle? I did do a wee bit of research and learned I'd need at least a 29 gallon aquatic turtle aquarium for a smallish turtle and the water has to be changed weekly. That leaves me out because I can barely lift my gallon watering can to maintain the plants on my deck. 

Still, I miss having a dog. I'd had one in my life from birth to when Levi died a few months before moving here to independent living. Long time readers might remember when I researched getting a cage of canaries and I decided against the idea. There are seven dogs and five cats living here now so I do get to pet a dog almost daily, but I don't think I could find two people who'd agree to care for a dog if something happened to me which is in a document we have to sign to have a dog or cat living with us, plus we pay a $1,000 deposit. That's one of the disadvantages of not having any children or grandchildren or a big estate where I could hire strangers from the pet trust lawyer here in town to be a dog's guardian. The document makes sense in a place like this where every week someone gets hauled off to the hospital. If that person had a pet, the concierge or security guard would call the pet's guardian to come pick it up for temporary or permanent care depending on the outcome of the medical emergency.

Another one of my current fascinations on Facebook are Neil Degrassee Tyson clips. He's an astrophysicist, author, Noble Prize winner and the host of a National Geographics TV show. Not bad for a man with only 132 IQ, which is notably higher than the average person on the street with sixty-eight percent of us falling between 85 and 115. But Neil's is a far cry from smarty-pants public figures like Bill Gates (IQ 150), Elon Musk (155), Mark Zuckerberg (152) and Sunny Doel's 166. What Tyson has that most of these other guys don’t is an ability to communicate advanced theories and technical stuff to ordinary people in a way that we understand it. 

Recently I saw an interview of Neil's where he was asked what happens to us after we die and they got to talking about 'green burials' which is what Neil wants done with his body. I first heard the term on the Netflix series Six Feet Under and the Green Bureau Council defines them this way: “Green burial is a way of caring for the dead with minimal environmental impact that furthers legitimate ecological aims such as the conservation of natural resources, reduction of carbon emissions, protection of worker health, and the restoration and/or preservation of habitat.” What they aren't saying is your body is wrapped in burlap and placed in a shallow grave where the worms and bugs help decompose the body and the open land itself can eventually be reclaimed by nature. 

Neil says he wants this type of burial "so that the energy content contained within it [his body] gets returned to the earth, so that flora and fauna can dine upon it, just as I have dined upon flora and fauna during my lifetime.” Not for me! I'd rather have the energy left in my dead body go up the smoke stack of a crematorium while its still legal. The National Death Centre says, "one cremation uses as much energy in the form of gas and electricity as a 500-mile car trip and releases a staggering 400 kilos of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, not to mention mercury vapor and other pollutants." 

Everything comes full circle if you give it enough time. I predict that 100 years from now our choices in deposing of our deceased will be between green burials and 'sky burials.' There are fourteen places in my state where green burials are legal now, but when I checked while I was binge watching Six Feet Under there were only a couple of places. So clearly this trend is becoming a real thing. They've got to be considerably cheaper without embalming, a casket, a cement vault or a cemetery marker which might account for the trend more than people being concerned about the environment.

Sky or celestial burials were used by indigenous populations and on every continent on earth dating back thousands of years. (How historians know this would fill an entire post.) Sky burials are still legal in Tibet and parts of India and there is a movement to bring them back as an Eco-friendly choice. A sky burial, in case you don't remember involve a raised platform or a tree and either fire or vultures. Yikes! I'm off to Facebook to find some puppy and kitten videos to replace that image in my head. But I'll leave you with this: If you haven't put your preferences in writing, you should because your next of kin might be a penny-pincher and choose something you (may) or may not like.

Until next Wednesday. © 

                      

47 comments:

  1. Andy and I still plan to be cremated, even though it's now bad for the environment. What a mess!

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    1. None of the choices are appealing, but there's no such thing as getting away without making one. Although during the Flu Epidemic of 1918 my grandmother was buried in a mass grave because they couldn't keep up with all those that died. We solved that issue a few years ago during the pandemic with the refrigerated trucks outside of hospitals.

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  2. Well, you made me laugh with this post, Jean. Reading about that turtle on a skateboard and his partner in crime, the cat, was a good way to start the day. Animals just amaze me. My husband and I often talk about the pets we've owned, and sometimes we are so tempted to consider getting another one. It sure is tempting.

    You taught me something--I had no idea how negatively cremation impacts the atmosphere. Guess I should research green burials. We will all return to dust, and that little quip at the end of the post is cute enough to put on a tee shirt!

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    1. Green burial do make the most sense and if I was younger I could probably wrap my head around it enough to accept it for myself but not going to happen with my limited time on earth. I once watched a documentary on body farms that are used to study crimes and I got creeped out by the details. Body farms are where some bodies that a donated to science end up and scientists for the police, FBI, etc. study them to determine how long the bodies have been in the ground or on top of the ground in various weather, etc.

      That particular turtle is very aggressive toward that cat but the cat never seems to jump to high ground to get always from it. I keep waiting to see a clip of them sleeping together like other cat-turtle or dog-turtle videos show. I never realized that turtle have personalities before.

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  3. I think green burials are a great idea. Nothing seems more wasteful to me--of time, money, land, and devotion/emotion--than the traditional cemetery burials. I'm sure I'm in the minority, but it just seems so pointless to me. I've already told my family that my preference is not to have a gravesite. I don't want that burden for them. Memories are better.

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    1. I'm betting that green burials will become popular and accepted by the general population in less than 20 years. Look on quickly climate change has made us become aware of things we need to change. This is just one facet of that.

      I want at least one person from my family at the cemetery when my ashes are buried. We've had a funeral home or two here in MI scam families and not actually bury the ashes and they were found years later in a back rooms.

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    2. When we were living in Amador Co., CA, (in the Sierra Nevada foothills) in the 1980's there was a big scandal because a pilot hired by the Neptune Society to scatter ashes at sea or over the mountains had been dumping the ashes on a ten acre property for years instead. They figured the ashes of over 5,000 people involved. An attorney for the families said it had been particularly difficult for people who lost a family member to suicide.

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    3. Things like that happen too often to leave it to chance that you've got a honest funeral director who doesn't take short cuts. I can see why that would upset those people! I hope they were able to turn that ten acres into a memorial park like they did with the place where my grandmother was buried in a mass grave after the Flu Epidemic of 1918. Very Sad!!!!

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    4. Unfortunately, it seems that is not the case here: https://abc7news.com/archive/7459437/

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    5. Wow, that's really a sad outcome and that pilot got off way too easy.

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  4. Good grief. I wondered why you were posting today, when I haven't yet responded to your previous post. Well, a week's gone by. Time flies when you're trying to recover from a hurricane!

    You think you have a problem deciding about 'disposal after death'? I still have Dixie Rose's ashes in a container on my bookshelf. I haven't been able to spread them anywhere because (wait for it) she didn't like to go outside. How's that for pure irrationality?

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    1. I hope you get a chance to read my last post about living through a tornado. I'm sure there will be similarities to living through a hurricane. Hope you didn't get a lot of damage where you're at.

      I took my Levi's ashed up to the cemetery where most of my husband's ashes are buried and I poured them around the base of the memorial stone. Then I panicked because you could tell exactly what they were, if you'd ever seen cremation ashes. So I tried to dig them into the ground. Funny thing is they seem to have helped control the quack grass that tries to overtake the stone.

      We're allowed to be irrational about our pets. Dixie Rose's ashes may have to go where ever you go so she doesn't have to be outside by herself.

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  5. We had a box turtle when my kids were younger. I even had to give it Vitamin A injections when it got an eye infection! But really it was like owning a pet rock because it really didn't do much except sit in its aquarium. We eventually gave it away to a family with young boys when my own boys got too old to bother with it...
    I want to be cremated but I had no idea it wasn't good for the environment. Maybe there will be ways to cremate that are environmentally friendly...??

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    1. Turtles really aren't good pets for kids because they can give you various health issues if you don't wash your hands thoroughly after handling them and what kid does.

      It's possible they'll come up with a more environmentally friendly way to cremate but I haven't found any mention of research going on in that area. At some point in the future they probably will have to, don't you think.

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  6. Green burial is definitely my choice and there is such a place not far from where I live, with a beautiful view (not that I'll be looking at it when I end up there 😉). Thanks Jean, for reminding me that pre-planning this is still on my To-Do list!
    There is a more environmentally-friendly alternative to cremation but not widely available - Aquamation. Google Caitlin Doughty - she is an author and funeral home owner who is really smart and funny and up on all these things! I really enjoy her videos on YouTube (my obsession, as opposed to your Facebook video one 🤣).

    Deb

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    1. Thanks, I will look her up. Aqua suggests water is involved. Be sure to read 'Texas Trailer Parks' comment up above.

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    2. Just found this: "Aquamation, also referred to as alkaline hydrolysis, uses an alkaline water solution to slowly and gently break down the body into a powder-like substance similar to cremated ashes. Depending on the heat of the water, which is between 200 and 300°F, the process takes between six and 20 hours." Better Place Forest - Sounds like they bring your body to a rolling boil.

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  7. I was the oldest daughter and granddaughter. I have dealt with "disposal" for years. I have my ducks in a row. Back when my church merged and plots in the little country cemetery were going up, I quick bought two, right next to the driveway where they set up the barbeque for 2800 chicken halves in July. This way I will hear everything going on from the grumpy old men drinking beer all day. I also ordered the stone had it all engraved except the final date. There is no discussion, we are doing it my way. And I don't carry if I am buried or burned. Whatever is cheapest.

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    1. That's the smartest way to do it---pre-plan.

      I don't know what I do wrong with commenting on your blog but most of the time the system won't let me...but I do read all your posts.

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  8. Oh gee whiz! Now we have more decisions to make? I never knew about green burials or aquamation. By the time I kick the bucket, maybe there will be something else that will be kind to the environment but not boiled like a lobster!

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    1. I'm petty sure they wait for you to die before they boil you. lol

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  9. Burned, boiled, eaten by worms or carrion birds, pumped full of toxic chemicals and left to slowly rot in a wooden box encased in concrete...what difference does it make to us personally? We'll be dead 😂. Great comments!

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    1. I like to watch "Mama's Family" to escape the political climate and last night they had on "Mama's Layaway Plan" about how Mama (Vicki Lawrence) wanted an elaborate funeral because her cousin's coffin was just a pine box and she'd seen "sturdier boxes for takeout chicken." The funeral director sold her a $16,000 funeral with a bronze casket that was leakproof and bug proof. Mama said that one was for her because she "didn't want to be buried with a can of Raid in her hand."

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    2. "With a can or Raid..." now that's funny. I don't remember seeing the episode.

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    3. That's hilarious! I loved the Carol Burnett Show and its spin-off Mama's Family.

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  10. Our granddaughter recently had a green burial and I really had never heard of it. I have not been to her gravesite but my son tells me it is in an open field and very peaceful. For me it’s a lot to wrap my head around but I respect people’s choices. I used to think I did not want to be cremated but with the cost of burial and a funeral I have changed my mind. I think, as we get older, we get a lot more practical in our thinking.

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    1. The green burial is a lot to get my mind around too, but I do think in time I could...in a couple of decades which I don't have ahead of me. It's always seemed creepy to lay in a coffin for hundreds of years. For what?

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  11. I like to scroll through Facebook and really like the shorts or reels call them what you like. I said for years I wanted to be cremated but now I don't care I will leave that decision to my daughters.

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    1. I just think its important for us to speak up and make our preference known so the family doesn't have to make that decision and maybe disagree. They have enough to deal with when a parent dies.

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  12. I heard Neil DeGT speak at MSU years ago -- he's an amazing speaker/explainer and I can see why you follow him. I always wonder about AI with a lot of the videos I see--you can make anything be anything now. But I'd love to believe it is all real!

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    1. I used to follow two tiny house sites but I learned to tell the houses they'd show that were designed by AL from the ones produced by humans, so I unfollowed the one. I'm not sure how you can tell AL videos from real things but when commenters start to mention in consistencies I will pay attention. We all (or most of us) learned how to spot photoshopped stuff, now, so I'm hoping there will be telltale things in videos.

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  13. I just Googled 'green burial cost' and had an offer withing seconds. It was $5450, so less than a cemetery burial and more than cremation. That doesn't include the cost of a service if you want one. With so many of us living longer, sometimes there aren't many who could attend a service. I personally don't want a service. My son will go along with whatever I choose. There's human composting too, which I'm sure is even more expensive but I love composting so much for my gardens I like that idea too!
    Shorts! I'm hooked on Gizmothegreybird. He has the most fascinating vocabulary and speech pattern of any Grey I've ever seen. Here's a darling clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlICsSUtVwI&t=109s

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    1. He is a beautiful bird! I've seen other parrots on shorts but never him.

      I'm surprised that a green burial costs that much! Especially that is cost more than a cremation. What do they do to justify that? They pick up the body, put it in a bag and have to get it in the ground within a certain number of hours. The grave itself is shallow and the patio stones around it are removed after the burial. They are smaller than a regular grave site too.

      You crack me up with your composting option---another thing I didn't know they could do. I can see them being popular with gardeners.

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    2. What I wondered about is the land involved? Do people with acreage rent out an area for green burials? Or do the companies own the acreage and know the 'turnover' allows maximum usage. Imagine how rich that soil would be! Shame not to use it for growing food, but imagine how queasy people might be knowing their corn was grown from human compost. The composting option is done in about 6 weeks, and involves a casket type container while the composting is happening but I don't have all the details on that one either. There's always a component of cost that doesn't occur to those of us who aren't in the 'green burial' business. I'm going to check into it more however!

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    3. I don't know but I'm guessing to get a license to do a green burial the land would have be zoned and registered as a cemetery for preservation. Only after x-number of years that land can be repurposed unliked regular cemeteries. It's one of those topics that grabs you in a creepy kind of way, isn't it.

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    I will recommend them as professional loan lenders.

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  15. When I asked the love of my life whether he wanted to be cremated or buried, he answered, "surprise me!"

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    1. Lol! My husband always said he wanted to be "mulched around the roses" but I'm glad I didn't do that with his ashes because the roses died in the big Texas freeze of 2021.

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  16. Dear Ms. Misadventures: Thanks so much for commenting on my blog and encouraging me to not give up hope for the coming election. Your comment had a good effect on me. I signed up with a group that organizes a postcard-writing/mailing campaign to get out the (Dem) vote in states that matter the most. I'm now scheduled to send cards to voters in NC trying to get Josh Stein elected Governor. The reasoning (and I'd never thought about this before) is to get reluctant voters to support the dem candidate for a local post with the thinking that while they're doing that they'll automatically check off the dem at the top of the ticket as well. I've certainly heard of down-ballot voting but never up-ballot voting. I know that only 7 states will determine the election and NC wouldn't have been at the top of my list (MI, WI, PA hold those positions in my head) but I'll do as I'm told by those who know better. And maybe search out other groups that will help in the other states. I follow a blogger in MI whose husband and twin brother will almost certainly vote for trump while she definitely won't. And I'm encouraging her to find a way to keep them from voting at all. That's my little contribution but those 2 votes matter a lot in MI.

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    1. What a wonderful idea! It's a great way to contribute something. We never know what can turn a person in a voter. And this is election is important. Thanks for sharing.

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  17. The Man and I made our final arrangements years ago, it's paid for and the Kids just have to notify the Funeral Home, which now is ever closer and just down the Road, literally, from where we now live. I picked out the gaudiest Casket to make my Kids Smile, Virgin Of Guadalupe and Roses all over it... for The Man I thought I'd picked out an Oak Casket with Eagles, then realized, nope, it was Bronze with Seagulls... bwahahaha... oh well, he's got Birds. Mom and I did the purchase together at the time and had such fun, we're Weirdos like that, hey, it was shopping for a major purchase, why not? *Winks and LOL* Both of my Parents chose Cremation for how inexpensive it was and I paid for an upgraded Urn for each of them. Dumped Dad out in a Natural Space near the Mountains, great View. I recall The Man asking me if it was Legal and I countered with probably not, but Dad is Indigenous, he has a Right to any of the U.S. his remains are placed and was stolen from his People with all their Rules. *Ha ha ha* Mom is at my Brother's, up on some Mantle or something. He should have mailed her to North Wales but the logistics were complex... she'd prefer to be near her Parent's Crypt in her Town of Birth there. I like hearing about how different Cultures Honor and Bury their Dead, it can be insightful. After all, Funerals are really for the Living... the Dead are beyond Caring.

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    1. It made ME smile reading what you picked out for caskets for you and your husband. I can see them surrounded by lots of candlebras and Adam family decor. 'Don't send flowers but taxidermy would be nice.'

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  18. I would love a green burial. I'm going to look into it. I didn't know it was true. However, in Texas you don't have control over your body so who knows what the Republicans will let me do.

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  19. Count me as another fan of green burial; it probably comes from decades with a gardener's eye view on the cycle of life. I was thrilled to discover recently that there is now a woodland cemetery not far from me doing green burials. Now I need to do the leg work to get more information and make the arrangements.

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    1. It's probably more important to get things down on paper for a green burial than the other types. Hard for someone doing your estate stuff to go against your wishes that way. I know I would have had nightmares if I had done that with my husband. Cremation was bad enough. He never could decide for himself.

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  20. Since this post continues to get comments about green burial I just had to speak up about my favorite method of body disposal. Columbia University has or had something called DeathLab where students studied various green methods. They came up with what I thought was an ingenious idea: basically the body is wrapped up and hung from beneath one of NYC's many bridges. Time and chemistry do their magic and the bodies decompose BUT at night the pods should glow, creating a beautiful scene across the rivers. You can read about it here: https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/making-light-death

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    1. That is such a gruesome idea! Image looking out at night and seeing the green glow of your ancestors hanging around. Okay, some might find it comforting. But one thing is for sure, there are a lot of creative minds working on the issue of how to dispose of bodies when we run out of room to bury them all.

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