Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

The Day Trip with a Detour Down Memory Lane


It's been a long time since I've been on a day trip and I've forgotten how good for our mental health they can be. They get us out of our ruts and give us new fodder for our brains to mull over. My husband and I used to do a lot of day trips and after he died I went on five or six a year with the senior hall crowd in my old neighborhood. After moving to my continuum care complex there are still plenty of opportunities to get off campus for a full day but what's changed is the size of the buses. The senior hall day trips usually used 50 passenger motor coaches with bathrooms on board while my CCC takes our 20 passenger mini bus. Having the security of knowing that bathroom was there for emergencies made a huge difference in my willingness to sign up for any excursions that start before 10:00 AM, which most of them do.

Drum Roll please. This week my oldest niece picked me up for a two hour ride up north to my cousin's cottage. It was a beautiful day and along the way we stopped at an Amish farm to buy honey, peaches and tomatoes. I don't know what there is about seeing horse draw buggies and laundry hanging outside on clotheslines that speaks to me in a way that probably lowers my blood pressure but it happens every time I'm passing through Amish communities. 

 
photo by Jim Fisher

As a little kid my mom would take me and my brother with her when she'd visit her sister down in Indiana and that was my first introduction to both day trips and seeing women dressed in long dark colored dresses and men driving horse drawn buggies down the road. My aunt and uncle weren't Amish but they lived in close proximity. My uncle was a traveling Bible salesman and an odd duck who fit right in with his straight-laced neighbors. He wasn't the Paper Moon, door-to-door kind of salesman. (Great movie, by the way.) He called on churches with his sample cases full Bibles, hymnals and candlesticks, collars, collection plates and choir robes. My uncle's prayers before meals were long enough to make you forget why you sat down at the table. At least that's the way my child's eye saw them.

Fast forward to a time when I was hooked on reading romances books with an Amish theme. They represented a simpler time and place when the worst thing that could happen is a fox gets into the hen house. (A naive view of Amish farm life, I know, but just go with it.) My favorite plot device was heroines being placed on Amish farms by the Federal Witness Protection Program. Back then---shortly after 9-11 when the outside world was a scary place---I could daydream myself as that heroine separated from mainstream civilization and my FWPP handler would be a hunky guy who'd fall in love with me and keep me safe until the danger passed and we could go back to the modern world with running hot water and daily showers. Isn't the power of imagination a wonderful thing! And, yes, there really is a sub-genre of romance books labeled 'Amish Witness Protection Romances'. Google it if you don't believe me.

My niece was a teacher and on the drive we got to talking about home schooling, private schools and charter schools verses public schools. I'm strongly opposed to charter schools that are mostly run by churches---at least where I live they are. But the Amish community we were driving through got us wondering why I find it acceptable for them to have their own schools but not acceptable for other religious groups to have them. The new MAGA nominee for Vice President probably would say I don't have a right to an opinion on schools since I don't have any kids. I don't have any cats either but that's just because I allergic. I still can't believe he didn't know he'd be poking a sleeping giant with his cat lady insults.

Back on topic: My niece and I had no trouble filling the drive up and back with conversation about politics, family and past travel experiences. And after getting to my cousin's place the three of us continued on with an organic conversation that flowed easily between current events, decades old memories and cottage life. Her cottage has all the iconic things that a cottage needs to have to live up to the Title: a porch glider, a puzzle table, wind chimes, lots of secondhand furniture and knickknacks that all come with stories, lawn chairs and a great view of the lake. And, of course, a pontoon. 


After lunch we went for a pontoon ride on her lake that only has cottages on about a third of its shoreline. (See the photo at the top.) The uninhabited, wooded and swampy shoreline on the other two thirds of the lake gives you the feel of being farther up north than we were. From the pontoon we saw Loons on the water which are protected divers that unlike ducks can't walk on land. We also saw a bald eagle's nest. After the ride and parking the pontoon we sat there gentling rocking with the waves while we ate pie and swapped hilarious stories involving run-ins with skunks and bats---also part of cottage life. It was a perfect afternoon of fun and relaxation. It's a powerful thing, isn't it, when you can see someone on rare occasions like weddings and funerals but still be able to pick up on lively conversations and warm feelings as if you see each other every day.

I also brought my cousin a gift, a sweater my mom made for me back in the early 1960s. She's a master knitter who does all kinds of fancy stitches and when she visited me last spring I showed her the sweater (pictured below). She mentioned if I ever wanted to part with it she has a daughter-in-law who loves wearing vintage clothing like that. After asking both my nieces if they had an interest in the sweater I decided it couldn't go to a better home. But after my cousin put it on she said her daughter-in-law was not going to get it. It looked so darn cute on my cousin, as if it were custom-made for her. My only regret in giving it away was that I didn't get a photo of my cousin wearing it. Proof that I've made another great placement in my Personal Antique Adoption Program. ©

Until Next Wednesday!


37 comments:

  1. The sweater is gorgeous. It went to a good home.

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    1. It really did. My mom as like a grandmother to my cousin and her siblings.

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  2. Well that's a perfect day trip, from my perspective. Driving through Amish land and spending time with family sounds fun. We have Amish settlements near us and we love visiting them. I'd never thought of it before, but you're right Jean, there is a calming effect. I guess it reminds us of how many of us lived, years ago. Thanks for posting a picture of all you gals--you look happy. Sounds to me like your sweater found a very good home--it really is a work of art!

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    1. It amazes me that Amish communities are growing in numbers, that in such a complicated world they don't lose many to the outside world.

      You know I don't post many personal photos and I got permission from my niece and cousin to do so this time. I was filled with joy that day and it did show, didn't it.

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  3. What a lovely day trip! You make me want to live in a cottage by a lake at least for a summer.

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    1. I spent my first 20 summers on a lake and there is no better way to bring up kids. Both of my nieces and my cousin have cottages and they love hosting their grand-kids. The fall when all the tourist go home is a special time too as is the excitement of opening up a cottage in the spring.

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  4. I can certainly tell what a lovely and restorative time you had with your niece. So nice to go and spend time in your old stomping grounds and revisit those memories literally.

    Your mother did a terrific job on that sweater. Following that pattern must have been finicky. Knitters like to have their garments worn--all that work isn't just for show. It went to a good place and will be appreciated.

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    1. I even had the original pattern for that sweater to pass on when I gave it away. I used to have two of them---the other one was white with two shades of blue before I moved. For the life of me I can't remember what I did with that one. Sell it on e-Bay? Give it to someone?

      I'd never been up to this lake before. The cottage of my youth was south of town about 35 to 45 minutes away depending on how fast you drive. My niece owns it now and it's only 5 miles from her home and they often bike back and forth.

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  5. That sounds like the perfect trip. I would want to relax at the cabin for a week at least - just reading, visiting, and listening to the sound of the water. I'm glad you had such a nice getaway, Jean!

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    1. Growing up we didn't have TVs---no one did. So we had to entertain ourselves and often did with board games or poker when we were teenagers. I think most cottages have TVs now, but I think a week away from media at a cottage would be a real treat, even on rainy days cottages give you permission to slow down from feeling that you have to be producing something.

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  6. There is nothing like a cottage up north. So many great memories. And I love the picture of the three of you -- you all look so happy.

    That sweater! Your mom was quite the knitter!! Your posts often jog memories for me, and I suddenly remembered that I had an aunt with mad knitting skills. She died young (I was 14), and I have to ask my mom on our next call if I'm remembering that right.

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    1. Jogging memories is what the blog community is often about and what I love about peeking into someone else's life and thoughts. Your aunt probably would have been about my mom's age when most women did knit. My mom didn't do the fancy stitches like my cousin but she loved to do color blocking and pattern with different colors. We were never without warm sweater, mittens and hats.

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  7. Gorgeous sweater!!!
    I love day trips too. It's so good to get out and see some new/different things if people are able. I almost always come home refreshed (and tired at the same time, if that makes any sense 🤣).

    Deb

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    1. It makes perfect sense. And if you write about your day trips you get to stretch the joy out even longer. :)

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  8. You appear to have maintained a wonderfully varied life. I'm sure there are spells when you feel like nothing is happening, but from our perspective, your life is full indeed. What a lovely post!

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  9. Thank you. There is always something going on like today we're hosting an antique car club and '50s themed buffet that starts right after Mahjong and runs until 8:00.

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  10. A trip to a cottage sounds like a dream! I think we should all disconnect from TV and radio and the news. Just for a week. Several times a year. The world might be a better place. Lately the news just makes me miserable ....

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    1. This past week and a half I can't quit smiling when I see the news. It's been joyful since Biden did what was right for the country, his party and his legacy.

      Once in a while I do disconnect from the news but it never lasts more than a few weeks.

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  11. It's been a bloody long time since I have been on a day trip, how wonderful you and your niece's tri must have been. I have never seen an Amish community but I am in Australia and the Amish are not.
    Down here it seems to many that the so called private schools get more government funding the the public schools, which is why I said so called private a private school shouldn't get more money from the government then the public schools do but it looks like they do.

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    1. Private schools and charter schools here can pick and choose which students they will take leaving the ones that are more needy and expensive to educate behind to the public schools that can't refuse anyone. Not fair to the tax payers! Not a level paying field.

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  12. I enjoyed traveling with you on your day trip, thank you for taking me. Your family cottage was a sanctuary for us city kids as we didn’t mind the outside toilet, the hand pump, and taking a bath in the lake was a highlight! Your mom and dad were the favorite aunt and uncle for many of us and we have many treasured memories of our times there. Nice picture of 3 of my cousins 🥰🤮

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    1. My folks love having all my cousins come out to the lake. Every week it was different bunch. As I got older I learned it was for your parents as well, so they could get a little vacation time without their kids. My niece and cousin in the photo had similar career paths so they always have a lot to talk about.

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  13. Ask your cousin to text or email you a photo. It's gorgeous. What a perfect day out! I can't think of a nicer thing than spending cottage time on the water with a relative you enjoy! Makes me sile just thinking of it!

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    1. Your "postcards from the lake" posts always make me smile as well. Your screen porch speaks to me. Even when you have to round up your cat who doesn't like the travel part bings back memories of my cottage days.

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  15. The sweater is lovely. My mother taught in public schools and probably influenced me to guffaw when the topic of charter schools comes up. Home schooling can be effective, but once a religion takes over educating kids it becomes less clearcut as to their intent.

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    1. I believe in pubic schools and think charter schools are producing some paranoid young adults who don't know how to relate in the real world.

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  16. Personal Antique Adoption Program!!! I love this idea. I am holding on to too much stuff. I just need to focus harder on adopted families. I am a huge supporter of PUBLIC schools. I worked at our local library for many years and a majority of homeschool families tended to drop off kids for the day to educate themselves - or be babysat by library employees. I have noticed many homeschoolers working as Walmart cashiers after graduation. I am aghast at charter schools. Locally a new one is opening as a "sports academy" with grades K-3. What?? What?? And here in Ohio we are doing vouchers - so my property tax money which is meant to finance an education in our public schools is supporting this crap instead.

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    1. Don't get my started on home schools. Basically they are passing on their biases and lack of a rounded education on to the next generation. They they don't prepare kids to live in the real world. And sometimes those charter schools are teaching the kids to hate other that aren't the same religion as they are.

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  17. I used to have cats when I was young, but in the decades since, I've morphed into being a "childless plant lady." ;-)

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    1. I'm surprised that you don't have a cat for mouse control out there in the wilds of Maine. I'm a cat lady in my hear until after election day. hehehehe

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  18. I love all the photos! I'm glad you had such a great visit with your people. We don't get to spend enough time with the really important people in our lives, and most of us don't figure that out until it's too late.

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  19. Sounded like a very enjoyable Day Trip. I think we all have romanticized version of certain lifestyles or communities. The Reality Shows of the Amish and Mennonite Communities was an Eye Opener for me, looks bucolic from the outside... very Cultishly different from the inside... the pressure put upon any who want to leave or question the Religion. I had a Friend that escaped the Jonestown Cult, India said something I never forgot: The difference between a Religion and a Cult is what happens when you try to Leave.

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    1. What an interesting way to tell the different and I have no doubt that it's true. The Johnstown Cult had such a horrible ending. It probably keeps your friend up sometimes thinking about people she knew that didn't get away, etc. Even after all this time...

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  20. Charter schools can be problematic, but I don't have any issue with privately funded schools. Two of the best high schools in Houston are Catholic, and believe me: the tuition people are willing to pay to get their kids into them is substantial. A friend has two grandkids who attended them -- one is all girls, and one all boys -- and the education was fabulous. Both were easily accepted at the universities of their choice, completed bachelor degrees in three years and are now in graduate programs. If I had kids and the money, I'd sure try to get them in; the waiting list is long.

    I loved seeing that sweater. My mom knit like crazy. One of my favorite things was a fully knitted dress that she made for me. I still have a couple of the sweaters she made, although they no longer fit comfortably. That's what 50 years will do!

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    1. I agree on the private schools that don't take any tax payer's money. We have some around here and they have a good representation as well. Back when I was in school church buses would pick up certain kids to take them to after-school classes on religion. But now days some of them have figured out a way to teach religion through out the day at the while getting tax payer's money through the charter system. That is not okay with me.

      If I could had had chance of wearing that sweater I never would have given it away. LoL

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