Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Monday, February 6, 2012

Wild Goose Chases

Today I called the number listed on our loan coupon book for payments on the Traverse. “No, problem,” the guy on the line said, “just take a copy of the death certificate to a local branch and they’ll take care of getting your husband’s name off the loan.”

Ya, right. Simple as making a mud pie. A twenty-five mile trip to the only branch in the area later I find out that the only way to get Don’s name off the loan is to refinance the car. Why didn’t the call-in center at the loan department tell me that? It could have saved me a morning on the road. I don't want to refinance. I want to pay off the Traverse and downsize to a little sub-compact hatchback as soon as the insurance money comes. And I hope that happens so fast the neighbors will gossip about how quickly the little old widow lady is spending "her husband's" money. I can’t help it. For the past 11+ years I’ve been driving, loading and parking wheelchair friendly vehicles and I can’t bear to look at the current model any longer.

Along the way, I made a wrong turn which made my fruitless field trip even longer than it should have been. Hint to other widows: Don’t listen to the ‘prime country’ radio station while driving. Tears are like cell phones---they impede your driving skills. At one point I had to pull over while Tim McCraw sang:

"I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts I can see your dreams
I don't know how you what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better"

Those words brought back a sweet memory of a slow dance Don and I shared early on in our relationship. Dream like, the rest of the people on the floor seemed to disappear and it was just the two us acknowledging with our eyes and touch that we’d found our soul mate. Say what you want above country music but their lyrics really know how to reach down inside a person and retrieve your memories. This one was like watching a video on the romance channel. I kid you not.

"Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away..."

God, I can’t wait until this roller coaster of emotions, paper work phase of widowhood is over! I want to be left with my memories and skip all the frustrating stuff like being sent on wild goose chases that accomplish nothing. But then again, if not for today’s wild goose chase how long would it have been before this sweet, sweet memory was revisited? Thank you, Mr. McCraw! ©

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