From Movie Reviews to Family Parties and Confederate Flags

My Movie and Lunch Club saw a good film last week, I’ll See You in my Dreams. From the tagline used to promote the movie---a widow and former songstress discovers that life can begin anew at any age---I got the impression it would be about an older woman who discovers love again. As it turned out that part is true but with a shock of a twist that I’m dying to talk about but I don’t want to be a spoiler for others who might want to see the movie. Aside from that element serving as one arm tied by behind my back, it’s a hard movie to describe. After seeing it I read an interview of Brett Haley, the director, and he said, “The movie is presented as a series of random and idealized slice-of-life episodes.” The minute I read that I ‘got it’---got why it’s hard to describe the plot. It didn’t have one! But it’s a funny and smart movie with a few tears thrown in and the casting was spot-on with Bylthe Danner and Sam Elliott in the lead and well-known character actors playing three sassy girlfriends who live near-by in an active retirement community. It was great seeing a sisterhood of older women portrayed so positive and alive on the screen. (Color me green with envy.) And unlike a lot of movies featuring senior citizens it isn’t about looking back, it's about looking forward. 

In the same interview mentioned above, Bylthe Danner is quoted as saying this about how she identifies with her character: "I've had to go through losing dogs and people and parents and my one wonderful husband. I think it's about a human being's capacity to handle loss and I think the longer you live, the more you lose, and that's the price of being a survivor." And that’s all the hints I’m giving out, but if you want to see a good chick-flick for older women, do see this movie. You won’t be sorry. All seventeen of us in my group loved it and we laughed hard and long through many scenes. Although we didn’t all agree on whether or not we liked the way it ended. Me? Imagining any other ending that could have brought closure to the non-plot wouldn’t have fit the slice-of-life presentation of the characters, so I’m good with it. The director brought the audience full circle, ending almost where he began.

New Topic: Michigan has a lot of lakes and both my nieces have houses on lakes and Saturday I drove out to the boondocks to go to a family party at my youngest niece’s place. The drive took me by a corner store that had been there since before I was born. Seeing it so busy and full of tourists filling up on junk food and gas to run their water toys brought such a wave of nostalgia over me that it brought tears to my eyes. Growing up I spent many summer afternoons walking the dusty road from my folk’s cottage to that store to get ice cream cones and on Saturday nights we’d bring our blankets there to spread on the ground to watch movies on the side of the building. As I drove on by the store, following the road along the nearly 2,000 acre lake to where the party was held I thought about buying a little place down there. Moving closer to family pulls on me and I love the summer energy around the lakes, but then I came to my senses and remembered how it is in the winter, after the tourists leave and the snow comes. You can’t go home again but it sure is a great place to visit in your daydreams.

The party was just as fun as I knew it would be. I got to hold my first great-great niece (two months old) and watch my two great-great nephews interact with the family. One had learned to walk since I saw him last and the other one has recently learned to stand up. It’s bittersweet to watch this newest generation. Sweet because our family line is finally starting to grow and bitter because I’ll never get to interact with these kids like I did with my nieces and nephew. I won’t know them and they won’t know me. Heck, I don’t really know how to interact with my great-nieces and great-nephews all that well. To them, I’m the old aunt who gets invited to parties who gets the hugs and ‘how are you?’ but I’m not the beloved aunt who played with them as kids, who gave them hands-on love. That baton was passed down a generation a long time ago. Aunts ARE different than great-aunts and given how far away I live from them all I’d be wishing for unicorns to expect any different.

I guess it's also bittersweet because it's another reminder that I’m growing old. But I’m a proud growing older person, proud of everyone in my family and at the party I was especially proud of my oldest niece. We were all talking about the shootings at the South Carolina Bible study and she said she is writing a letter to the South Carolina Tourist Association to tell them she won’t be coming back to their state until the Confederate flag is removed from the state capital grounds. She and her husband have been renting a cottage down there annually for years and she said it hurts to give that up because they love the state. But she wants to take a stand about a flag displayed on public property that has become the banner for White Supremacy groups like the one the shooter belonged to. Living your values when it’s hard to give up something you love is something my dad would have done. Happy Father’s Day, Dad. Your influence is still relevant even after all these years since your passing. ©