Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Bits, Pieces and Bright Futures


Times flies by but I often wish it would take the train instead. A slower pace, not as scary in this day and age of Homeland Security trying to keep us safe from hijackers and sabotage. I’ve only been on three trains in my life and two were just short sightseeing trips pretending to give its riders a taste of the past. One even had pretend, gun-toting bandits riding horses alongside the train in an attempt board the train and rob the men of their pocket watches and the ladies of our wedding bands. Fall often reminds me of those color tours by train they have up in Canada. The video clips and still shots are beautiful…until they show the train trestle bridge in Alberta over the Oldman River Valley. It’s over a mile long and supposedly its the highest trestle bridge in the world. I don’t know where I’m going with this post but it won’t be over the Oldman River. I’m afraid of heights. I’m afraid of a lot of things that keep me from being a world traveler. Like getting diarrhea on a plane or getting lost in the back alleys of Calcutta or having Homeland Security not let me back in the country because my last name is a common one in Central America.

One of my Gathering Girls pals just got back from a ten day trip to Africa. Talk about a world traveler! She’s been all over the place including the Amazon---the forest, not the online store. She apparently sold a large parcel of land, then a farm and has no money worries. Along with taking a couple of trips a year, she also bought herself a cherry red Trans Am convertible. Boy, does she turn heads with she parks it off all by itself and gets out. She’s a little bitty thing, my age and not at all what one would expect paired with that car. But is she any happier than I am? Who’s to say? She’s got a couple of kids who look after her interests and a new condo to go along with her car. But I was surprised to learn recently that she and another one of my Gathering Girls pals are going weekly to a widow’s support group. I’ve never been to a widow/widowers support group but my brother went to two or three meetings. He said he couldn’t take all those crying women. Fast forward a couple of years after his wife died and he managed to find himself not one but two girlfriends. Life goes on for those who are not afraid of their own shadows. (I've often wondered if one of us was adopted. He's been fearless since he was four and rode his three wheel bike off a six foot high porch.)

I went to another meeting of my future neighbors at the continuum care complex. Our independent units aka the three story apartment buildings will break ground later this fall at which time there will be a party and they’ll collect another $20,000 check from each of us. How scary is that? The media will be at the ground breaking so someone watching the local news that night might be able to pick me out of the crowd and I will probably go home tired from trying to always stand sideways to the cameras in an attempt to make myself look skinner. They had new schematics for us to view on a large screen that showed the removal of a building they’ve taken out of phrase one and in its place is a green space with walking paths and a Michigan wildflowers and butterfly garden. That will be my new view for the next 10-15 years. Now instead of a community of 72 units we’ll have 52. 

They had a question and answer session while we ate from beautiful trays of hors d’oeuvres and drank wine. One future resident had a mini melt down when she asked about the shower stalls and found out there won’t be built-in shower chairs. I asked if we’ll get to customize the placement of the grab bars…and the answer was ‘yes’. A couple of the guys had questions about financing this 3 million dollar building project and tipping points and if the non-profit parent company is picking up any short falls caused by dropping the 4th building. Others wanted to know about fire walls and heat run walls and one bright and shining star kept raising her hand and each time she was called on she’d say, “I just want to move in tomorrow” and then there would be a few amen callers responding with, “Me too!” She is petite and sweet and she pulled if off like she was Gracie Allen standing alongside George Burns. 

The management also brought to the meeting copies of their sixteen page, by-monthly newsletter that covers the activities on their other two campuses plus articles. I’ve always found looking at a community newsletter to be a good way to judge a place. Once our campus is up and running we’ll be included in this newsletter because if you live on one campus your ID will get you into activities at all their campuses. Apparently anyone one of us will also be able to submit articles to the newsletter. Oh boy! And there was a whole page devoted to an upcoming residents art and quilt show. Double oh boy! Reading that newsletter made me want to move in tomorrow. © 

NOTE: At the top is a drawing of the complex I'll be moving to. The building to the back left is the one that's been eliminated and replaced with walking paths and wildflowers. The two buildings in the foreground face the lake. Those units are all two bedrooms and the one bedrooms with a small study, like mine, are on the back side of those two buildings. The first floor of the building on the right towards the back is community stuff like the restaurant and cafe, the mail room, concierge service, etc., and there more units on the top two floors. The private street and sidewalks along the buildings will be heated to melt snow and the parking is underneath the two buildings along the lake. A mile long, paved walking trail goes around the lake and connects the old section of this complex.

22 comments:

  1. Wow! That is so impressive. I'm excited for you.

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    1. They have all the schematics on a large screen TV in a small building that was made using all the appliances, windows, flooring, and other finishes that they will be using in the units so it's easy for me to visualize. Once they no longer need a sales center they will turn it over to the complex for us to vote on how to use it.

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  2. I bet you can hardly wait for it to be built and to move in. I like the way they keep you all updated and make themselves available to answer your questions.

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    1. Yes, it's good to listen to other people's questions because you learn things you didn't know you wanted to know. For example, the money we pay them they can't touch until the day we move in. By law it's kept in an escrow account.

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  3. You really must be getting excited. So great that they are being so open with you. Should be no unpleasant surprises that way.

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    1. I fluctuate between getting excited and getting panicked that I won't get downsized enough by move-in date.

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  4. I love the excitement in your "voice" I am so happy for you. This place sounds and looks great.
    I took Amtrak Acela train for many many years from here to NYC for work. I liked to sit in the silent car. No phones or loud talking about a whisper. It was just a relaxing way to spend my trip home after a few hectic days in the city and the stress of the job at hand. It took me less than 3 hrs. To fly was shorter air time but with having to be at an airport 1 hr prior and all that jazz it worked out to be less travel time. How can you beat that? AND there is food and drink on the train with much larger more comfy seats. I would so do VIA Rail across Canada in the fall. I can't imagine a more relaxing and civilized way to enjoy the scenery and your final destination.

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    1. The Amtrak Acela sounds great! I don't know why there isn't more support for building more train travel infrastructure in this country.

      I have to keep myself pumped up because move-in day is so far off and I have too much to do to get there.

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  5. I'm not very good at downsizing...and boy does it need to be done, now that the last of the littles is on her way out the door. Unfortunately, the other 2 littles left behind a whole lot of I don't know what, that they moved back here after they graduated from college...that they obviously do not want or need...so off it goes!!! All the very best to you in your new home...

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    1. Thank you. But I have a long way to go before moving.

      It's hard enough to downsize my own stuff, I can't image having to do it for kids, who may or may not understand why you can't store their stuff forever. LOL

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  6. I don't think I'm the support group type either, but who knows if that would change should I ever need one. I'm not very comfortable sharing lots of personal information in a group, let alone one of strangers. Grief is such a personal experience; each person has a different way of going through it.

    Your time is moving right along until you move to your not-yet-built home. You are making the most of it.

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    1. Contrary to the what the blogging community might erroneously believe, I don't share well one-one either. I could never do it in a grief support group. I'm used to being the person who consoles, not is consoled. I have to know a person well before there is that sense of trust I need.

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  7. This is so exciting. I love how they just keep telling you more and more. I want to move in!
    I can't believe they gave up the $$$ for Mother Nature! So wonderful... when is move in again?

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    1. They are very Mother Nature friendly...as much as you can be with a project like that. They have volunteers from the other campuses plus college horticulture students out there now moving wildflowers and endangered plants from where the construction zone that will be and they will be moved back after the buildings are completed. In the meantime the plants will live in greenhouses.

      Move in is still a long way off...spring of 2021 which suits me fine, given all I still have to sell.

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  8. I grew up in a small city on a rail line south from Boston, so we took the train often. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve taking the train up to Boston at Christmastime to see the window displays in the big department stores. My father was a train enthusiast, and I always felt jealous that the train set that both my brothers got to enjoy wasn't deemed suitable for a girl. (I especially loved the passenger cars with the silhouettes of people in the lighted windows.) If I have to go someplace on the eastern seaboard, I prefer to take the train than fly. When I went to England for the first time as a 50th birthday present to myself, I traveled all over the country on a BritRail pass. Twice, I've taken big vacations that involved taking the train back and forth across North America, the first time between Montreal and Vancouver, BC and the second time between Boston and Seattle (which was my jumping off point for the Alaska ferries and a month traveling in Alaska). If I'm going to take a multi-day train trip, I spend the money for travel first class, with a real bedroom to sleep in and meals in the dining car. I love the pace of train travel and the chance to get acquainted with fellow travelers. The year I took Via Rail across Canada, the dining car porters made a point of seating me at a table with someone different each meal, which was great for meeting other passengers. Those cross-continent trips were more than twenty years ago, but I still have wonderful memories of them.

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    1. You've had some great sounding train trips! They sure sound a lot more enjoyable than going somewhere on a plane.

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  9. Your new community sounds like Utopia! I'm so happy for you after all this time of fretting and investigating and wondering what to do. You persevered! You did it!

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    1. I could still back out and get a full refund which is comforting.

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  10. Dear Jean, you know when I was a mere 25, I had the mistaken notion that after 40, people froze in time and never changed. They became like stuffed animals!!!! Then my mom died at 58 (I was 32) and I watched my dad change and adjust and adapt to his new life. He was 63 when she died and he lived 7 more years. During that time I watched him change in many ways. So I applaud your willingness to venture out into a new living situation where you will meet new people and have new experiences. It shows you are a woman of great fortitude--besides being a woman whose life story is so interesting! All the other residents in those 52 units are going to so enjoy meeting you! Peace.

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    1. Young people have some funny ideas, don't they. I love your "stuff animals" story.

      I've already met about twenty-five of my future neighbors and I think we're going to get along fine. It's exciting that we're all starting off on equal footing and we are able to weigh in on so many things like that types of activities we want, the menus in the restaurants, the equipment in the gym. etc. and what kinds of things we'd like to volunteer with, if any.

      Don't you think that MOST women had interesting life stories? It's just so much easier to learn about each other's accomplishments, failures, hopes and dreams, etc. in the blog community.

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  11. It sounds great, Jean. But considering the age and future ages of the population, I sort of think the woman with the shower chair issue had a point. It seems like it wouldn't be that much more and could be a lifesaving thing if someone were to feel faint or dizzy in the shower. Maybe they are big enough one could add their own chair.

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    1. Actually, shower chairs that you can customize to your height, weight and disability are better than built-in one-size-fits-all. We had a session with an occupational therapist and an architect specializing in disability friendly houses help us figure out the best set up for Don and it was a non-stationary chair. The marketing director at this place said there have been studies made on this issue and places like that are getting away from built-ins. The showers will be big enough for use to bring in our own stationary shower chairs, even roll-in shower chairs if needed.

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