Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, December 7, 2019

It’s not the KonMari Method of Downsizing


I’ve done my share of poking fun of the KonMari Method of downsizing but I’m trying to be kinder and gentler when I utter my dislike of things that bug the heck out of me. And that’s all I’m going to say about the petite lady who earned herself eight million dollars teaching people how to ask their possessions if they give them joy and trashing what doesn’t give them an affirmative answer.

My downsizing method is different. I started out by making one dimensional, scale model furniture to move around on a floor plan of the unit where I plan to live one day until I knew what pieces I’ll be able to keep and what I’ll have to say goodbye to. I’m living in a 1,600 square foot house with a full basement and three stall garage and will end up with 1,000 square feet and an underground parking space so a lot has to go. Two pieces I knew right off the batter’s mound wouldn't make the cut: a Hoosier cabinet (photo to the left) and a large four-sided glass showcase, and I took my first steps toward letting them go. For anyone who doesn’t know what a Hoosier cabinet is they were a work center for the kitchens of the 1920s, before built-in cabinets were the mainstay of housing. They all have a pull-out porcelain work surface, a built-in flour bin and sifter, a metal bread box and storage for cookware and dinnerware. They came with glass canister sets and I still have most of the original pieces. 

The Hoosier cabinet has been in my husband’s family since his parents got married. It was the very first piece of furniture they bought and 15-16 years ago we spent $700 to have the Hoosier restored to its original glory. (It had been stored in a barn and then a basement for a lot of decades.) After my husband died I wanted it to stay in his family and I offered it for free to his nephew and niece-in-law who like antiques. They were so excited they started looking online to complete the canister set. But the day they were supposed to pick it up, she called and said they'd changed their minds...blah, blah, blah. She ended her explanation by saying, “I can call around to see if I can find someone to take it” and I had a terrible time not retorting, “If I’m going to give away something I could sell for $400-500, I’ll be the one to decide who to give it to!” 

This week I unloaded the Hoosier---again---so Tim, the-son-I-wish-I-had, could help me move it out to the garage. In the spring I'll list it for sale. As for the pressed glassware I kept inside? Some will go the auction house, some went to Goodwill and what I’m keeping ended up inside an antique ice box since that piece will move with me. (Photo below.) I might downsize those dishes even more when I go through the kitchen cupboards. For now, I’m slowly working my way towards staging the house so the space that opened up where the Hoosier sat now has two bookcases sitting in its place, housing the books that made the cut when I did the Great Library Purging Project. My end game goal is to get one wall of my library exposed….no bookcases, no glass sided showcase and the other wall will be full of four empty bookcases that the realtor says can be left for staging the room as an office. Before that happens, though, I’m turning the library into e-Bay Center for when I start selling again in the spring. All the small stuff I’m selling is being moved to the library and I set up my laptop and postal scale in there. 

Three-fourths of the collectibles in the glass showcase I’ll be e-Baying and other fourth took up a half day of decision making and moving it out. It was sentimental stuff mostly from my childhood but I can’t keep all the sentimental stuff I’d like to. My criteria is I can only keep what I can fit in a small antique dentist tools cabinet that I freed up last summer after e-Baying my husband’s collection of Old West stuff…handcuffs, padlocks, spurs and cast iron Indian and buffalo banks, etc. I suspect before I actually move, the stuff inside my dental cabinet will get tweaked a few times before I’m through downsizing. (Photo below.)

But for now I’m having a lot of fun walking past the dental cabinet every day and seeing where my herd of ivory elephants are going. Half the elephants only have three legs and vibrations are making them ‘dance’ around. In Chinese culture a string of seven elephants represents eternity but I only have six and they are having trouble staying in line so what do you suppose that symbolizes? They are turn-of-the-century and I couldn’t sell them even if they were whole and I wanted to because it’s illegal to sell ivory objects no matter how old they are. And who would want a donated herd of three legged elephants? They got that way having survived a tornado that took the roof and three walls of my husband’s family farmhouse and dumped them in a field. The curio cabinet where the elephants lived at the time was left behind but tipped over, much of its contents smashed. Every object in my dental cabinet has a story and, yes, Marie Kondo, the elephants tell a story that gives me great joy. It's a story of human survival, of loss and rebuilding and treasuring even the imperfect story queues. ©


What pressed glass I kept from the unloaded Hoosier, is in the ice box above.
This is my marble collection which I'm keeping. I didn't downsize it but I did empty a large tray of marbles and added them to a couple of new-to-me fruit jars. I won't have room for the table where I displayed the tray of marbles. I'm still looking for two more fruit jars so I can lighten up these jars and get rid of the two glass balls to the right.
These two bookcases replaced the Hoosier. (Another holds all my art books, CDs, DVDs etc. is in a different room.) One more bookcase will go in my future laundry, and when I move I'll sell the others.

This is the glass showcase after I took out what I'm keeping and put it in the dental cabinet below---lots left to e-Bay. The case itself will get sold next fall, probably to a vendor in an antique mall where Tim knows many of the tenants.

The pie carrier on top of my dental cabinet has a story to tell on another day.

This is a close up of my ivory elephant family with the larger cast iron elephant bank. My sundial watch is in front and my childhood blocks are to the left. My husband and I both had sundial watches that we wore on play dates to Lake Michigan. The doll is wearing a coat made out of the suit my mom got married in. The first bathing suit I had as a toddler is also in this cabinet of stories as well as a Lone Ranger snow globe my dad bought for me. 

30 comments:

  1. What an enormous amount of work, and what hard decisions when so many memories are involved. I'm with you about people who disparage people who treasure a lot of things with sentimental value. If minimalism works for them, fine, but don't knock people who have different values.

    Good luck!

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    1. Last summer a relative brought a friend over and that woman looked in that glass showcase and actually said, "I just don't get it. Why would you keep all this old stuff?" I heard she even talked about it on their way home. I would have loved to see how she lives. I know I'm more sentimental than a lot of people but I've always had enough room to display my treasures nicely so why I should feel guilty for that, I don't know.

      I've never actually seen a minimalism house but I think of it as 'cheap and empty' as opposed to having well thought out furniture lines of the modern era where empty space or one well placed vase was as much a part of the decor as the abstract paintings on the walls.



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  2. I admire your steady progress and determination to address all of these collections. You are keeping some very interesting and meaningful to you pieces.

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    1. I told Tim that I'll keep selling online from March to fall and what doesn't go by then can go to the auction house. They do better with larger stuff than smalls.

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  3. I think some people collect things from times in which they wished they had lived. It's their sort of Time Machine. Someone who believes in Reincarnation might say that collectors are merely reconnecting with pieces of past lives!

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    1. That could be true. There is also a saying that collectors are trying to buy back their childhoods. That was very true with my husband. I didn't have to as my parents and I kept all my stuff. His family lost practically everything to the tornado and he couldn't pass up something at an antique shop that he remembered having as a kid. It's also true that people collect from their grandparent's era---especially if they had good memories of their time spent with grandparents. One beloved cookie jar could turn into a collection of them, for example.

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  4. Always impressed by all your collections and the courage it takes to let precious items go.... You are an inspiration.

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    1. I wish I had downsized more back when we moved into this house and we had two large live auctions. Everything gone in one day for good money. The auction houses in town now, don't do live auctions and they don't bring in as much money. I'm just blown away sometimes at how much stuff two people can accumulate in their lifetimes. It was our entertainment as much as other people travel or go to concerts or buy clothes and shoes they don't really need.

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  5. You keep pealing layers of memories away but see you are hanging on to the ones you cherish.
    I have a friend who is a minimalist. Her house looks like a model home that no one lives in.

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    1. I have always had good luck downsizing when I know in advance how much space I'll have for whatever I'm trying to downsize.

      I kind of feel sorry for people who have houses that don't have any personality. They are aren't inviting homes.

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  6. So many memories! I’d be having a panic attack just thinking about it all!!!! Continued good luck!

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    1. No panic attacks, just sadness once in awhile that I'm probably downsizing for the last in my life.

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  7. You have so many interesting things! There is something really wonderful about a doll wearing clothing made from your mom's wedding suit. And the elephant collection, etc, etc. Fascinating. And you're really having a walk down memory lane going through it, although I can see why it's hard to part with so much of it. Wow.

    I'm sure there are those who would call our house minimalist, but it's also got a fair amount of 'stuff' in it. But only things we love. (Or one of us does...haha.) I'm not looking forward to the after Christmas purging we will need to start. Our move time is supposedly May-ish, but you know how building goes. I've yet to meet a contractor who finishes their projects right on time. So I'm not counting on it.

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    1. I have other another doll---in much better shape---that I had as a kid with clothes my mom also made but the doll I'm keeping only has one eye lash and a taped up foot, both caused by a dog I had back then. But the coat made the choice between the two easy.

      When are you putting your house up for sale of a May-ish move? They say houses are going fast in our area now.

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    2. Probably in April, but it will depend on the progress of the condo and we'll also take the advice of our realtor, as we trust his judgement. I'm just really hoping to avoid a gap between the sell and the move. Or worse yet, owning two houses for while. It's stressing me out. But yes, they say the market here will still be strong in spring. We'll see. Fingers crossed!

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    3. Having a realtor you trust makes all the difference. Still, the stresses are real. Keep in the back of your mind that we do have a large apartment complex in the area of Metro Hospital who do one-two-three month rentals, if you need a Plan B. That's what we did to bridge the gap between moving out and moving in. Half the bedroom was full of unpacked moving boxes.

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  8. I have a cabinet that has a bunch of sentimental stuff in it too that is probably looks like useless old stuff to other people!

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    1. I really like the idea of having all the sentimental stuff together. If I were to visit you, I'd want to know the stories behind your stuff. I've even thought that after I move I want to make a picture book printed of the stuff in my cabinet---a page for a picture opposite a page describing of why it's special to me. When I'm too old to remember my life I want my nieces to be able to read to me and remind me. LOL

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  9. Like your other commenters, I am truly impressed with your collections and your organization.
    Years ago, in one of our previous houses, we were building a new kitchen. You reminded me that we, too, made little graph paper models and cut out all the different pieces of furniture that we wanted to put in it. It was entertaining to move it around and find its best place. It’s just one of those things that reminds you, like your move, that it’s all in the preparation!
    Regards
    Leze

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    1. I think I have a little ADA or whatever they call it when you have a compulsion to organize. I've been known to organize magazines and grocery carts at the grocery store if they're messy and out of order. LOL

      Preparation and moving paper models around helps but until I actually get to see the space and know were all the plugs are and where the sunlight falls at different times of the day, it can all change.

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  10. I'll really be interested in your posts once the move is made. My experience has been that despite the downsizing I did, it wasn't enough. In fact, as the movers did their thing, I eyeballed it all and said, "OK, guys -- who wants that small wooden chest and the two side chairs?" One of the guys did: presto, gonzo.

    Now that I'm in, things are having to be rearranged a bit, as I have plenty of floor space, but not nearly as much wall space. And the kitchen clearly was designed for the Uber Eats and takeout crowd. A little creativity -- and much more neatness on a daily basis -- will make it workable.

    Once I get shelving up in the huge outside storage closet, the last of the boxes can be emptied and things moved into it. Then, I'll start pondering which painting goes where, and etc.

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    1. I found that out when we moved here, that what looks good on paper didn't necessarily work in the space. For example something tall I wanted on one wall would have covered up the thermostat and that through the entire room plan off.

      I love the expression that your kitchen was designed for Uber Eats. My future kitchen will be too and I'm excited that I'll actually be living in an area where I can get that service.

      I dread the artwork decisions because I won't have much wall space and I have a LOT of stuff I like that I won't be able to keep. I'm just hoping I'll have time to decide after I move in and before I have to have it out of this house. With your beautiful photography I can't imagine you'll have an easy time either.

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  11. Boy do I agree with your comment about minimalist/furniture showroom homes being cold and unwelcoming! I admire people who manage to keep things tidy, tidy...because I don't, but I resent people who assume 'stuff'='not clean'. I like clean!

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    1. Me, too! I've always collected, even as a teenager and my dad used to complain that I kept things so clean that I'd empty his ashtray before he'd even finish his cigarette. LOL

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  12. You are doing what I'll have to do and dread, dread, dread. Not imminently, but I need to think about these things while I feel good instead of waiting till it is necessary. I plan to start with art supplies I'm not using but when I get to the china and Christmas it will be very hard. I admire that you made the scale models. Smart, but I probably wouldn't have thought of it!

    I should add again how much I really appreciate your visits to my blog. Since you're no-reply and I don't comment on blog, I'm not sure you know how much they mean. Thank you.

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    1. Only you---with all your fine dishes and china---could know much I dread downsizing mine sometime this winter! If we could sell it or give it away to someone special, it wouldn't be so hard. But young people who used want their mother's or grandmother's era china don't anymore. If has to be able to go in the microwave and dishwasher or worse yet be black or white. When I see carnival glass at art shows made into garden art, it makes me SO sad because I know that's where mine will end up. Pieces we used buy for good money!

      I did art supplies last summer and started by deciding I couldn't take every medium so I picked my favorite and downsized the rest. Hard but not sorry. My craft closet will get down this winter and that won't be easy either. I originally thought I'd let go of all my quilting and sewing supplies and just keep knitting, but the place I'm moving has a healthy quilting group. So I need to downsize with an eye toward picking up the hobby again. I did sell my sewing machine. It was a good one but too heavy for me to lift. When I see a good sale on a small one, I'm buying myself a present.

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  13. I have so enjoyed seeing all you have collected and your thought process towards downsizing. I wish I had that Hoosier! Would fit right into my cabin.
    I wish I were more organized and a neater housekeeper. I am good at dragging things out.
    I do some art quilts and have more supplies than Joanns. Also have an impressive button collection. Those jars look like a great way to display them.
    I have a Janome sewing machine and I just love it. Never had a problem with it, plus it is lightweight. Be sure to buy from a dealer and not off the shelf or internet. If there is a problem or question, a dealer will stand behind it. Anything else can be a problem. I had a friend who was very knowledgeable about all brands and I learned a hard and expensive lesson about buying at a discount business.

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    1. I love buttons, sold nine pounds of them last summer, some going back to the 1800s. It was a hard parting, I kept three jars. . I think clear fruit jars would be a great way to display them.

      If you're coming to Michigan in 2020, I can send you home with that Hoosier for a good price. LOL

      I never heard of a Janome sewing machine, but see they are sold at Home Depots around here. Seems to be in my price range. I wouldn't buy a machine online because I have to know if I can lift it. Singer dealers are common around here and they teach classes all over the city. The one I sold was a Kenmore, it was a good machine with all the bells and whistles but now I don't need all that for mending and maybe quilting. I have always done all my quilting by hand but I don't have the hand dexterity I used to, so I might change that.

      All creative people are messy. I swing back and forth. Having a house cleaner come once a month keeps me in line as I have to put things in order at least that often.

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    2. P.S. Check my next post for something unusual I've recently downsized out of my life.

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