Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Mister Rogers and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood




Speaking of my Gathering Girls pals---oh, I wasn’t? No, matter I just brought them up so let’s talk about them. The seven of us were supposed to go see A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood and go out to lunch afterward last Monday. But one by one, they fell by the wayside because of medical issues until there were only two of us left. Is this what growing older is going to be like---we can’t make plans in advance because our lungs and legs and digestive systems can bug out on us with little warning or care for how inconvenient it is to our social lives? We were down to me and BL and a miss-read e-mail almost caused me not to show up. Sunday night one of the ladies sent her regrets and BL replied back to us all in the e-mail group, “Sorry everyone can’t make it” and I miss-read it to say, “Sorry everyone, can’t make it.” It was straight out of the classic book on proper punctuation, Eats, Shoots and Leaves. Only in this case it wasn't a miss-placed comma that changed the meaning of a sentence, it was me reading a comma in where there was none. Why, Jean, why do I do things like that? It took a flurry of e-mails back and forth to get my error straighten out and we two did meet for the movie.

Moving on. You’d have to be living under a rock not to know that A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood stars Tom Hanks as Fred Rogers but you may not know it’s based on the real-life friendship that grew between a journalist for Esquire Magazine, Tom Junod, and the beloved TV star of children’s programing. Junod was a cynical guy who usually exposed the underbelly of the topics he wrote about but this time, his article inspired this heart-warming film. At Rogerebert.com they said when Junod was assigned to interview and write about Mister Rogers, he rolls his eyes at the “too-easy job” and his wife asked him not to "ruin her childhood" with his usual hard-hitting article. 

A pluggedin.com review says, “In the movie, Fred’s wife, Joanne, tells Lloyd Vogel (the character based on Tom Junod) that Fred isn’t who he is by accident. He works at it. Fred’s intentionality, his kindness, his goodness are products of not just who Fred is, but of who he wants to be—who he thinks he needs to be for the children who watch and trust him.” And over the course of getting to know Mister Rogers Tom/Lloyd comes to see that he is exactly the same off camera as he is on camera. Through his association with Rogers, the journalist also learns the importance of forgiveness, and he has a lot of long-held dark resentments in his life to forgive. 

In one of the reviews I read---I lost track in which one, I read so many---it said “this movie makes you want to be a better person.” I’m getting tired of hearing the phrase and variations of, “you make me want to be a better man.” After all, it’s been 22 years since Jack Nicholson first delivered that line in As Good As it Gets, but in this case I totally agree with the sentiment that this movie makes you want to be a kinder person and more thoughtful about the words we use. You’ll laugh, you'll spill a tear or two and you'll get a deeper, more complex story than you will probably be expecting. I guarantee you'll go home feeling your time and money were well spent.

But nothing is ever black and white or a-political in our modern world, is it. When the trailers started appearing on TV for the movie's release Andrew Klavan, host of the right-wing website The Daily Wire claimed Fred Rogers was responsible for creating a generation filled with metro-sexual men. “If you really want to have a beautiful day in the neighborhood” he said, “call John Wayne and tell him to bring his guns.” Klavan went so far as to claim that Jesus was more like John Wayne than Mister Rogers. I doubt that but you can’t argue with Crazy.

In the same time frame another man, a college professor, originally said Mister Rogers was responsible for creating a generation of young people who feel entitled. Fox News picked up that quote and pushed the smear to the point that the professor finally contacted FOX essentially to retract his ‘entitled statement’ writing, “The reference to Mister Rogers was just a metaphor. I have no professional qualifications to evaluate the real problems or propose solutions. Mister Rogers was a great American. I watched him with my children and wouldn’t hesitate to do so again if I had young children.” I first ran across the push-back about Mister Rogers on a political website where I occasionally go to debate and I couldn’t believe anyone would find a way to tear down a man like Fred Rogers. But then I remembered these are the same people who tear down environmentalists who fight to keep our water and air safe for human consummation and who believe windmills cause cancer. Like I said, you can’t argue with Crazy. 

To recap: The movie has a powerful message of acceptance and forgiveness and my wish for us all of is that Mister Rogers’ message of kindness will guide us all through the holidays. As for me, as you can see from my not-so-veiled barbs at right-wingers I made in this post I should probably go see the movie again because that’s a message that clearly hadn’t fully taken root in my persona. But more importantly, as BL and I left the theater we both said we want to see A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood again. It's just that engaging. ©

 
 Official Movie Trailer

Tom Junod was asked to write 400 words about Fred Rogers. He wrote 10,000.  Esquire Article

47 comments:

  1. Thanks for the review. I'm looking forward to seeing it.

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  2. PS I'm glad you straightened out the confusion about the comma!

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    1. Me too! I was so looking forward to this movie and when I thought the last person bugged out on going I was heart-broken.

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  3. As a child, I hated and despised Mr. Rogers. I was a gifted child and very perceptional. I noted early on that Mr. Rogers was full of shit. When interviewed, Mr. Rogers stated that the reason why he decided to do a children's show was because he was appalled at another children's TV show, The Soupy Sales Show, where the main character used to throw pies in people's faces. Rogers thought it was too violent. Soupy Sales was hysterical and as a child I adored Soupy because it made me laugh and be happy. Rogers just frigging frustrated me. Even today when I watch his old shows, I'd like to strangle him. What does Rogers know about child abuse, being beaten by my father almost daily, then going to school and being beaten by the nuns and violated by a priest. My parents never read to me. Rogers thinks that all little boys and girls come from nice families with a mom who pours you a glass of milk after school. Mr. Rogers is a whimp. He was never a man. I saw him as weak. He couldn't survive one hour in my childhood.
    But at least for one hour a day, I got to laugh and be happy with Soupy Sales. I could forget my horrible childhood and actually smile. I wrote the man who played White Fang on the Soupy Sales show, Frank Nastasi, a letter, and the man actually called me and invited me and my mother down to see the show live. There was no studio audience. Frank Nastasi and I became great friends. Soupy Sales was a caring and funny man. I loved everyone on that set.They were all kind and wonderful people.
    I wish I had a pie now (it was filled with harmless shaving creme) because I'd love to smash it in Mr. Rogers face and shove it down his throat.
    I'm 70 years old and I still hate and despise the phony Mr. Rogers. When he talks to people he knows exactly what button to push, exactly what to say to make you feel small and tiny. He may fool you but he never once fooled me. Any kid who grew up with Mr. Rogers is a woos and a pussy. One smack and they'd cry like a baby. They're weak. Just like the 143 pound weakling Rogers was.

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    1. I'm sorry you had a bad childhood. I really am but you have a lot of misplaced angry directed at Mister Rogers when you should be directing that angry at the father and the nuns who beat you and the priest that abuses you. But it would be even better if you saw a professional so you could get some help to deal with and letting go of some of that angry before you leave this world.

      You said watching Mister Rogers frustrated you...Ya! Because he was making you think and feel instead of closing yourself off to pain you were living with and you've held onto your angry all these decades and hating a person who never harmed you, never laid a finger on you. And you're wrong about Mister Rogers assuming he thought all children come from families with loving parents. He dealt with heavy topics all the time and tried to teach children what to do with feelings they didn't understand. That's what REALLY bothered you about him. He made you think about things you'd put in a lock box inside your head.

      Again, I'm sorry for your childhood but bashing a person who was not responsible for that childhood is just plain wrong.

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    2. Amen to every word of your response. This anger is clearly not about Mr. Rogers. Sad.

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    3. Well said, Jean. I hope that angry man's heart thaws.

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    4. Exactly, Jean. I'm sorry that the commenter had some pretty terrible things happen but it wasn't because of Fred Rogers. I feel sad for this anonymous writer and I hope he will find a space in his heart and time in his life to at least see the film.

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  4. Jean, your well-written post is absolutely fabulous - thanks for sharing! I would have thought that the answer to the question, "Who doesn't love Mr. Rogers?" was "No one," but, apparently, that is (sadly) not that case. It's a pleasure to see the movie industry produce a tribute to a man who earned and deserves the same love, kindness and respect he showered so copiously on others.

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    1. Thank you Mary. Oh my gosh, read the comment above yours. Shocked me how someone with such a pure heart like Mister Rogers could bring out so much anger in another person.

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  5. It's strange -- I don't remember ever watching Mr. Rogers. It may be that I was a little older and just didn't pick up on it. I never watched Sesame Street as a show, either. I just got familiar with it through clips here and there. I was more of a Howdy Doody (sp?) girl. Anyway, it sounds like a great film. Maybe I'll go see it. But first, there are boxes to unpack. I'm fully moved in, and in the "now where did I put that?" stage of the process! Everything went as smoothly as could be. The movers were great, and when I got the computer put back yesterday afternoon, there was my Comcast connection, just like they promised. It IS a beautiful day in the new neighborhood!

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    1. I never watched him as a kid either. We didn't have a TV set until I was in my early teens.

      So glad you got settled in your new apartment! That truly does make for a beautiful day in your neighborhood.

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  6. Acceptance and forgiveness, how wonderful. Our world use to be wonderful for acceptance and forgiveness, but things have changed to much. I wonder if Trump even know what acceptance and forgiveness means. Have a wonderful day Jean.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Quick answer: no. He couldn't even keep his mouth shut when Harris dropped out of the race. Had to bash her in a tweet while he was in Paris.

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  7. Jean, I didn't watch Mr. Rogers when his show was on tv but thanks for the Mr. Rogers movie review and trailer. I'm now making it a point to go see the movie. From what I read of Mr. Rogers, we need more people like him.

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    1. It's been getting super high ratings across the board of professional reviewers. When the movie ended no one left their seats until the very end of the credits. It was like we wanted to bask in the kindness message as long as we could.

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  8. Hi Jean, lovely post and I so admire you for your response to the angry poster. I think you hit the nail on the head. Anyone who takes that attitude about Mr. Rogers seems to me to be a hurting unit - someone who needs help, compassion and kindness - not the angry response they seem to be enticing. I'm sorry too, that this person had such an undeserved, shitty childhood. No child should have to undergo what this person did. And look what it did to them - 70 years old and still locked into that abusive past, still haven't dealt with it in a healthy way. I hope this person gets the help they need.
    As for me, I am going to see this movie. The world needs more Mr. Rogers.

    Deb

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    1. I just did the math in that post and something doesn't add up. If the person is 70 years old that means he/she was born in 1949 and couldn't have watched Mister Rogers in his/her childhood because they would have been 18 by the time his show first went on the air in 1968. I suppose the '70' could have been a typo but I could also have just been trolled. If the latter is true, then that person is still messed up and needs professional help in my opinion. You don't spread that much hate if you don't have hate in your soul.

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    2. P.S.We sure do need more kindness in the world right now.

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    3. I was going to say the same thing, Jean, about the angry poster's timeline. I'm 72 and there was no way he watched Mister Rogers as a young child. I watched Soupy Sales too and loved him, but I doubt even Soupy would share this guy's hatred. Yeah, I think you've been trolled for sure.

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    4. Trolls are such angry people wanting to slam whatever it is that is positive in the world. They're not beyond making up stuff just to do it.

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  9. I was too old by the time Mr. Rogers came around for it to have had an impact on me. But my youngest sisters who were all into him. I'd watch my 3 yr old sister be mesmerized. It settled and calmed her. I was 20 and thought my God Mr. Rogers speed up the speak! As an adult I now understand why he felt that cadence was important. I love everything Tom Hanks does so I will eventually see this. We need more Mr. Rogers.

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    1. Tom Hanks said in an interview that the Mr. Rogers cadence was the hardest part of doing the role. That it took him a long time to develop the patience it took not deliver the lines in speed that most of talk in. But he said, Mister Rogers thought you had to give young children time to think about what is said to them before going on to next thought.

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  10. To everyone: I do publish anonymous comments because some of my favorite readers find it easier to do than setting up a google account or whatever it is Bloggers makes you do. HOWEVER, I do have one rule for anonymous commenters: You need to sign your name at the end. Just a first name or initials will do.

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  11. I absolutely loved this movie. Such a breath of fresh air and positivity in these crazy times. My kids watched Mr. Rogers in the evening while I made dinner - he came on right after Sesame Street. It was the most peaceful stretch of my day. LOL. And I absolutely love Tom Hanks. I'd pay to watch him read the phone book. Ha!

    As for not being able to argue with Crazy, well, you are spot on. I have that conversation with my DH when he's going out with his golf/breakfast group, several of whom get their news from Fox. The fact that anyone would attack Fred Rogers says more about them than than Fred Rogers. (Just like your angry commenter. Yikes.)

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    1. Mrs. Rogers said Tom Hanks did a wonderful job and she says the movie/the script itself portrayed her husband perfectly. I agree about Tom. He does such great work.

      I found it interesting that Fred's manager made him read every word the journalist had written before allowing him to do the interview. Well, you saw the movie, you know why Fred picked him... :)

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  12. The goodness and simple kindness of Mister Rogers speaks for itself. He never pretended to be something he was not. He never wavered in his devotion to children and their wellbeing. That alone is admirable.

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  13. Thanks for seeing this first! I didn't choose it for our movie group because I thought I would be a blubbering idiot. We are going to see Dark Waters.

    Spot on for reminding Mr. Negative to let go of the past. How sad.

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    1. It's not the crying like a blubbering idiot kind of movie, more like a single tear on the cheek a time or two kind of movie. It's really an engaging story about the journalist and Fred's friendship.

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  14. I grew up with Captain Kangaroo and not Mr Rogers but I can't wait to see his movie!

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    1. It's a great movie to see over the holidays. It's engaging AND has a great message and it gives you something to think about afterward.

      I saw Captain Kangaroo once in a while...not as a kid but I'm guessing my nieces and nephew watched it sometimes when I was around.

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  15. I was too old for Mr. Rogers but everything I heard about him made be a bit sorry about my age. We could use a boatload more of his type. Great review and I will make a point to get the DVD when it comes out.

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  16. Great review. The 11/20/2019 New York Times article about 'the Mr. Rogers No One Saw' was my first window into the Mr Rogers phenomenon. I wish I'd grown up watching Mr. Rogers - too old - but I will catch the movie. We need kindness in our world.

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    1. There is a documentary about Mister Rogers that you can watch online now. It gives you a great overview of his life and the show. This movie is a window into how he related to troubled people.

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  17. There's so much I want to say but it is probably redundant to many of the above commenters. Let me just say a couple of things (besides, spot on review!). First, and you may know this story, Jean, I met Fred Rogers at a PBS meeting. Usually in a line, it's shake hands, mumble pleasantries and move on. Not with Fred. He asked me what I did and I told him about my work at the station and he said, "no, when you are not doing the work you are paid for." I told him about my work with grieving children and we talked for several minutes -- very rare in this situation, especially with a line going all the way down a large hotel ballroom. And no, it wasn't just me, it was every single person in the line -- I watched those before and many behind. I don't think anyone went to the 1 p.m. session.

    The second thing is that I saw this with my partner Rick and his oldest son. Rick and his wife were divorced when the kids were four and six and it wasn't a happy divorce. Although he was always present in his boys' life, they have baggage and so did Rick from his childhood. I drove home but those two walked home and had a really deep discussion that was able to answer some questions for his son and give Rick a chance to explain things about his life. Rick can be very cynical -- there's more than a little of Tom in him. They needed that movie and they needed it together. (And yes, I noticed both wiping eyes, and so did I.)

    So, my words of advice -- if you have family to see it with, even grown children, see it together. The movie is a journey. I know it has made me try to be better about politics. I still have a way to go. But I will continue to try.

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    1. Thanks you so much for sharing this! I'm not surprised at all by your meeting with Fred. He was a people person, that's for sure and really did try to be present with each person he made contact with, to make them feel like they mattered.

      I'm also really not surprise that the movie helped Rick and his son open up to each other either. That's a great testimony to the power of the writing and production of that film. I know a father and son who could really benefit from seeing this movie. Like I said, it's much deeper than most would expect.

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  18. I haven't seen it yet but the reviews are really good. I especially love a good and happy movie at Christmas time.

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  19. I loved watching Mr. Rogers with my kiddos. I thought he was a little gay, but he kept the kids entertained so I could get something else done, so...what did I care?
    Now--Soupy Sales was the one I loved. I still say, "Rut Roh", and make White Fang paw/claw movements with my hands. My mother hated him and hated me watching it because I'd go around the house making the noises and imitating the Soup Bone, but..................I was a teen at the time and he cracked me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Mrs. Rogers is a lovely woman and she and Fred were devoted to one another. They had two sons.

      I don't think I've seen Soupy Sales more than a few times and don't have any memory of any of the characters.

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  20. My wife and I saw the movie a few days ago. It wasn't what I expected, but so much deeper and more meaningful than anticipated. When I walked out of the theater I was a little disappointed in the darkness of some of the subjects. But, for the rest of the afternoon I thought about the message being conveyed and developed a new appreciation for the power of that film.

    By the way, the real Mrs. Rogers is an accomplished classical musician who continues to perform and travel around the country spreading Fred's messages of compassion and empathy.

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    1. I can see why people would go into the movie thinking it was going to be all sunshine and rainbows if they hadn't read a review ahead of time. But even so, like you said, it's a movie that leaves you thinking about afterward and appreciate more and more.

      I knew Mrs. Rogers played classical music but I wasn't aware that she performed publicly! She was happy about the way the film turned out and said Fred was portrayed perfectly in substance and physically.

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  21. Thank you! Mr. Rogers show was a staple at our house when my sons were little -- but I am sure it was more for ME than for them. I felt loved, supported, encouraged, and uplifted on days that I was overwhelmed with parenting babies/toddlers/preschoolers. I saw the documentary that was out a couple years ago too -- cried like a baby. What a force he was for good. Can't wait to see this one.

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    1. He really was a force for good, wasn't he. I hope this movie reminds a lot of people about goodness in the world.

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