Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, May 7, 2022

Swans, Margaritas and Mother’s Day


It wasn’t exactly a beautiful spring day but the temperature was in the 62 degrees range and I’d waited long enough. I was going to walk around to the lake side of the building to see the baby swans. Lunch chatter from the people who’d paid $10,000 more for their units with window views of the lake and an additional $300 more per month in service fees were raving about the little gobs of gray feathers gliding along side the turtles sunbathing on a log near-by. Someone said I’d better hurry to see them before the turtles snatch the babies up for dinner. I knew snapping turtles could do that but while the turtles I saw that afternoon were big enough to drown a baby swan like a swamp alligator does with its pry, the sun worshiping turtles I saw were box turtles. I’m surprised I remembered the difference. I guess spending all my summers on a lake growing up gave me a few useful tidbits of information, like never lick the baby turtles we caught unless you wanted to get salmonella poisoning and spend the night in the outhouse with the spiders.

I sat on a bench by the lake for 10-15 minutes listening to the birds. That’s another thing the lake side people get for their money. Birds singing. Birds calling. Birds fishing. Ducks waddling on land. But the tin dog is doing a good job of chasing the Canadian Geese off the 20+ feet of land between the pedestrian path and the lake. On my side of the building we get to see and hear the Fed-X, Amazon and the US postal trucks coming and going and the only birds I’ve seen from my apartment is a pair of geese who seem to think they are night owls. They strut around in the middle of the night, honking and waking up the light sleepers. The parking lot lights are so strong they probably think it’s still the middle of the day. I get fooled by those lights all the time. I’ll get up to pee in the middle of the night, see the sliver of bright light coming in at the top of my black-out shades and think it’s the sun so I’ll wander out to the living room and see the geese outside acting like they're king and queen of the place.

Some of the rich people on the other side of the building complain about the real sun being so bright in the morning that they can’t sleep in. Others say the birds wake them up and they all fear that mosquitoes are coming. Am I sympathetic? Not in the least. But to keep my jealousy at bay I do remind myself that I was the twenty-forth person to sign up to live here. I could have picked an apartment across the hall if it hadn’t been for the fact I played it safe money-wise and I told myself that not having a good view would give me incentive to walk more. But the walking around the building part hasn’t happen most of the time because I found out I can take the elevator down to the parking garage, go out a pedestrian door near-by and I’m there---just a few feet from a park bench and the sounds of nature at its best.

The Life Enrichment Director loves theme weeks and this week it was all about, Cinco De Mayo. Why we are celebrating Mexico’s victory over the French in 1862 is beyond me, but the holiday here in West Michigan seems to be growing in recent years. Here on campus we had a one-man Mariachi band for entertainment on Wednesday. Then a happy hour featuring free margaritas and homemade pita chips another day. But the happy hour got super crazy because the Enrichment Director accidentally scheduled a woman’s group at the same time who came out to give all the ladies living here five carnations with cookies  and punch for Mother’s Day. We were all having such a good time because of the margaritas and dunking cookies in them that I don’t think it registered what a screwball combination was going on until we all got back home to our apartments.

Also this week was a fancy luncheon for Mother's Day, but I’m not one so I didn’t pay attention to that dress up and look pretty party. I was told I could still go because I did have a mother even if I’d never been one or I could invite a niece to be my surrogate daughter for the event. But an invitation like that to either one of my nieces would be a hardship for them to arrange, given the distance that they live and the heavy load on their plates right now, not to mention they had a mother who has passed away. For all I know they could be making time to stop by their mom’s grave this week. Flower sales for grave-sites ticks upward this time of the year. I’ve never been to my mom’s grave for the holiday---or rather her headstone, her ashes were scattered---but my brother has been known to do it. My mother died in the early ‘80s but Mother’s Day still churns up bittersweet memories. I wrote about my mom once here, so I won't get into the bitter or the sweetness in this post. Besides, I'm guessing those feelings are universal when it comes to mothers and daughters. ©

Photo: This is the bench you'll find me on if I'm not in my apartment. It looks like it's sitting on a road but it's actually a walking path for residents and dogs that also doubles as a fire access road should the lake side of my building ever catch on fire. It goes all around the lake---one mile. One of those low windows behind the bench is at the end of my parking stall and I have a chair parked there. I actually did sit there a few times over the winter.

 

45 comments:

  1. Another great blog. I love listening to the birds and just being outside. It is still pouring rain here 6 days a week ... one short sunny day to keep us sane, Enjoy it all! You are a special woman and I wish you Happy Mother's Day!

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    1. Happy Mother's Day to you too and well deserved given the amount of time you spend helping to raise your grandsons.

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  2. I think your bench and walkway are lovely! As I've gotten older, I really appreciate level walking areas. Waterfront views are wonderful, but most of us have to count the cost. Being able to sit on the bench or in your chair in your parking area, gets you a great view, too. I need an incentive to get out and walk, too, and that would do it for me!

    Just picturing you women dipping cookies in margaritas, carrying flowers, with the Mariachi band made me smile. Gotta admit, you guys know how to party!

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    1. We're suppose to get some actual spring weather this coming week so I hope to start walking more. I can see five park bench from my apartment and they are calling my name.

      All the fun people around here seem to have summer cottages they'll be going to soon. A couple are getting them ready to sell, others plan to just do the summer thing. My point is the dynamics around here is changing all the time. We also gained a few residents who've been in Florida all winter.

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    2. I love reading about your new life at the CCU! You are an inspiration to me.

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    3. It's crazy to think a person can move from living in single family homes their entire life and then come to condense living like I'm doing now and find things to make one happy.

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  3. I just learned this year that few in Mexico celebrate Cinco de Mayo. It seems we Americans will use any excuse to party:)) Cookies in Margaritas sounds fun.

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    1. Isn't that strange! I thought it was maybe more populate along the border states and was crawling northward. Maybe it's the party stores that are pushing it? Our Life Enrichment Director had no trouble finding decorations and Mexican flags for the occasion. We're having a Kentucky Derby Viewing party tonight with Mint Julips. can't wait to see what she comes up with for that.

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  4. The grounds in your CCC are so beautiful. Quite a bump in $$ to look at the lake, though. I love the walking paths around there and missed walking them when I moved out of that area. Enjoy the weather...we're finally getting spring!

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    1. The main road going through the campus gets a lot of foot traffic and dog walkers. The path around the lake not so much from outsider and I cant' wait to explore along it more than I've done so far.

      The lake side apartments with views are all two bedrooms while the others are one bedroom and a small den. So it's not just the view they're getting for the extra money, And you'd think those two bedrooms would be mostly occupied by couples but that doesn't seem to be the norm. We've got singles and couples living in all floor plans.

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  5. Cinco de Mayo, Derby Day, St. Patrick's Day - all fun excuses to sit around and enjoy drinks and noshes. Your version of Cinco de Mayo sounds like lots of fun and I think the carnation bouquets being handed out is just the right added touch lol.

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    1. Crazy, isn't it. I've drank more in the past 6 months than in the past 20 years. It helps that I don't have to drive home afterward. And there is never a wrong time for flowers.

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  6. Life Enrichment Director. Now that's a great job title! It would be so nice to be by the water but that's some heavy nickels to enjoy it. Pity about the bright lights and FedX trucks, though. I think being "Life Enrichment Director" would be fun. Well, for awhile!

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    1. I commented above and should have put it in the post that the lakeside apartments are all two bedrooms and the others here are not, so it's not just the view they are paying for. Even so, it's the view most bought them for.

      I never get anything from Fed-X but I love seeing the mail and Amazon trucks roll in.

      I think being a Life Enrichment Director would be a great job long-term for years. She gets to exercise on the job, plan and take part in all kinds of Entertainment and go on all the field trips we go on. Her job is literary to have fun. She gets to paint with us, sing with us, knit with us and learn Mahjong with us.

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  7. Any holiday that offers an excuse to eat and (especially) drink will undoubtedly grow in popularity. St. Patrick's Day, for example - everyone is Irish for that day, apparently. 😉😂 Cookies in margaritas? Doesn't sound too appetizing to me, and I really like sweet and salty and sour (and hot) together. But one margarita in, I'd be dunking them too I figure 😄.

    Deb

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    1. A Derby party is tonight so I'll let you know if we try cookies with Mint Julips. We actually get offered two drinks at these happy hours but I stop at one.

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  8. I can't tell you how many times that you stepped in as a maternal figure when I needed one. Just because years have passed doesn't mean those instances are any less important and appreciated. You were a confidant, advisor and much needed shoulder to hundreds of people who were in need of those very things.

    Happy Mother's Day to one of the two people in my life that I've ever called 'Mom'. :)
    -Cinder

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    1. Gosh, Cinder, you took my breath away with the compliment! However, my time spent as a mentor on the website were we met was as much for building my sense of self-worth as it was for those who read and communicated me there. But I humbly take your Mother's Day message to heart. Thank you.

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    2. Now that's a beautiful tribute! Happy Mother's Day, Jean!!

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  9. The Japanese have something called shrin-rin yoku, which translates to "forest bath." It's all about just being out in nature and appreciating what you see, hear, and feel there. It looks like you have the perfect spot for that. I take my little dog to the park every day and then walk around town with him in his stroller. (Yeah, I'm one of those.) We usually take the same route but I try to find something new to appreciate, or just to re-enjoy what I've seen before. Our local Catholic church (built in the late 1840's of limestone) always has the most beautiful flowers and sometimes I pretend I'm in Europe and it's a church in France or Spain. Never going to actually get there, but it adds to the enjoyment.

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    1. I was so planning to buy one of those dog strollers for Levi. I figured it was a good way to make sure he didn't pee in the hallways or corners of buildings etc. until I got him were I wanted him to do his business. Little dogs can't always walk as far as other big ones too if you're into walking. I also figured a stroller would be like I use a shopping csrt at the store, kind of doubles as a walker. LOL

      "Forest Bath." I can going to incorporate that term into my vocabulary around here.

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    2. I've had my dog stroller for at least 3 years now and probably put a couple hundred miles on it, at least. I take my little long-haired Chihuahua to the park and let him sniff and pee and then he goes into the stroller since, like you say, he's not able to walk as far as I do. And, yes, it does double for a walker sometimes! A few times I've tripped on something but holding onto the stroller kept me from falling. And it has a zippered compartment underneath where I put my purse and a bottle of water. Very handy.

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    3. If I get another dog, a dog stroller is going on my shower want list. Yes, I come from a place where a few dog showers have been thrown. LOL

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  10. I think you made a good choice about where to live in the complex. I love the excuse to walk and wouldn't necessarily like lots of loud birds in the morning. I'm also scared of geese. Dipping cookies in a margarita, hmmm. I'm not a dipper of anything into any liquid. I don't like bits of things in my drinks or soggy cookies. LOL

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    1. Ohmygod, anyone with a fear of geese would hate it here in the spring and fall. Even with the tin dogs on guard we'd get easily 50 geese in the green space across from my apartment and even more on the lake side of the building. Fortunately, you don't have to go outside for anything around here if you don't want to.

      I learned dipping as a young girl having graham crackers and milk with my dad. I'm a cookie dunker from way back. It's funny how different people are in how we eat and drink.

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  11. Babies always more or less look adorable, although I have seen a couple of not so adorable looking babies in my time. Listening to birds is for the most pleasant but not always.

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    1. I'm not crazy about baby snakes or spiders but most other kinds of babies are adorable even the ugly ones.

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  12. I love your description of the party!

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  13. I'm not one for graveside visiting, and I never have been. I think Holden Caulfield summed it up best in The Catcher in the Rye. I've never been to my father's grave, and that won't change when my mother has one, either.

    I love how the parties got combined and the refreshments did,too. That place really knows how to celebrate!

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    1. I don't purposely avoid going, but my parents' cemetery stone is out in the country kind of far away. I don't feel that pull to go their like I do with my husband's grave. I don't need a gravesite to remember any of them, but with Don's I know it meant something to him to tend graves a couple of times a year so I'll do his as long as I can.

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  14. Thank goodness the weather is starting to get warm enough and sunny enough for some Spring time walks! It is fun to see what is popping up out there. Enjoy your walks when you can!

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  15. I like the looks of the bench on which you sit. I'd join you there, if'n I lived there. I'm not much for any "dress up and look pretty party." Well said, that line.

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    1. It's been so many years since I've been invited to dress up and look pretty parties that I'm ease into them little by little. (Lots of them around here.) I'm up to wearing church lady clothes if they worn blouses and pants. LOL

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  16. Jean :
    that walking trail looks so pretty I bet soon you will be walking there on that pretty walking trail f yours. I also remember there were lot of members who used to call you mom in the support site where we met long long time ago, & with your words of wisdom you supported & pulled off so many people who were ready to jump off the that edge of uncertainty building we were placed on because of stroke. I still remember your kind help in those trying time of my life when I thought there was no point in living any longer. your advices were the best one & I still follow it by writing my own weekly gratitude journal. you were virtual mom to so many people there.
    I enjoy reading your blogs & I get so many pearl of wisdoms from your blogs.

    Asha

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    1. Cinder and Pam started calling me Mom on the website. I figured it was because I was one of the oldest mentors there. LOL Judging by yours and Cinder's words (above) I guess I did some good there. Thank you!

      No one will be walking around the lake until the baby swans grow a bit. The parents aren't even letting a goose or duck land on the lake. The male is a terrible bully. I watched them for an hour today, sitting in the sun. It was a great afternoon.

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  17. I didn't think you were called mom because of your age, but the role of support any parent will provide to their kids you were providing to so many there garnered you that nickname. My mom was no help since she was just sitting & crying, but my older sister, you & my hubby were my biggest strength & support system during those trying times., and I still follow you everywhere.

    Asha

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    1. Your husband was one of the good ones when it came to having a supportive spouse in the early recovery months/years. I've long forgotten the statics on how many marriages break up after a disability as severe as yours and Don's but it's very high. When you count up those of us who helped get you through the hardest parts don't forget to count your inner strength that eventually shown up. I'm glad you're still blogging to help others see there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.

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  18. Down here, Cinco de Mayo is mostly like St. Patrick's Day -- a good excuse for a party, especially for young singles. It's mostly Anglos who go for it, too. I think some of the more Americanized Hispanics might celebrate it -- especially for the kids, with piñatas and such -- but it's not really much of a deal. It might be one way to sort out the Mexicans from the Guatamalans, Hondurans, and such, but this year it came and went without much hoopla at all.

    I love that you get to see box turtles. They're around, but I've never seen one, and I'd love to. I mostly see Red Sliders, which are cute enough. They do like to line up on logs, sometimes in fairly large groups -- depending on the log size, of course.

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    1. Our downtown business association hosted a big deal around Cinco de Mayo, tying in museum exhibited, restaurants and bars and a big party. I imagine it's all about getting people downtown to spend their money rather than an tribute to the Mexican whatever the holiday celebrates.

      I saw the turtles again today so I think it's safe to say I know where they hang out. The male swan was busy making all the geese and duck leave the lake but he didn't show any interest in the turtles.

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  19. Jean :
    yes I depended on strength of others till I found my own, & our son who was just 7 at the time was my biggest motivator to fight & not give up, since I always thought he deserves better mom & I can't screw up his life because of my depression & illness. he was my biggest motivation to pick up pieces of our life & create another beautiful mosaic, ad guess what today that 7 year old son of ours is 25 year old adult & in his final year of medical college, & will be MD doctor in 2023. you might not even remember I had made you review one of his undergraduate college admission essay which I had written since he was procrastinating so much & grating on my nerves, I got so much in trouble from him & his dad when I did that. So when it was time to apply to medical school mom just backed off completely & let him handle his own medical college application & he did amazing job & ended up in one of top 15 medical college in the country. So I still thank our stars & all the help we got along our journey in this life. That is the sole reason I am still hanging around in that stroke support group because I feel it is my time to pay it forward, though my EQ is not as high as yours.

    Asha

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    1. I do remember that admissions essay but I don't think you told me YOU had written it. I do know your son will make a better doctor because of what you and your family went through. You should write a book about it, your story is inspirational and no I won't edit it. LOL

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  20. LOL you dashed my hopes of writing that book LOL

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  21. Why do the Lakeside Residents get charged $300 a Month more for Service Fees? The Ten Grand Extra for The View sounds reasonable, but that other sounds like extortion! The Parties sounded Fun even if the two combining was whacky, but in an end result good way. Cinco de Mayo is Celebrated worldwide now I guess and caught on. Some of my Foreign Friends/Family say in their Countries it's Celebrated more as recognition for Latin American Culture in a blanket way that has nothing to do with a specific Victory or Independence. To be honest, most Holidays now are blanket Celebrated and have little to nothing to do with why they were initially Celebrated or had a day set aside to Honor them... so it's all good. Give me any day to Celebration something and I'm All In. *Smiles* The Baby Geese here are at the awkward looking gangly phase of development, the Ugly Duckling part of it, as I'm sure the Swan Babies are too? The Subdivision with the Biggest Lakes near us is packed with Wild Birds and their Offspring this time of year. It is a Joy, tho' I've heard on the News it's the Migratory Birds that brought in the Bird Flu so a lot of Poultry Farmers are having to protect their flocks from exposure to any Migratory Bird, a tall order.

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    1. Aren't there a lot of man-made lakes in your part of the country made specifically for the migratory birds? I heard last night that our seven baby swans are down to too now and people think the tutles got them.

      The $300 more a month in fees is probably because they can get it and base it on square footage.

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