I love that half asleep, half awake state of mind. The colors are brighter. The actions are faster. The storylines are epic and more than once I’ve woke up thinking that Steven Spielberg and Stephen King have figured out a way to channel this state of their minds into fiction for the ages. If I'm ever stuck in that place between awake and sleep and my heirs are debating whether or not to pull the plug, I hope there's a way of letting them know if I am stuck in a Stephen King-like nightmare or if am in outer space on an adventure with Spielberg’s E.T. Let me just say it now, in case that happens, I have very few nightmares. My dreamscapes are more likely about the adult versions of chasing rainbows and puppy dog tails.
They had a Ted Talk lecture here on campus last week titled How to Live to a Hundred. You’d be surprised---or maybe you wouldn’t---at how many people said they weren’t going to it because they have no interest in living that long. If you took these people seriously there would be an opening for a sharp shooter on campus to pick off the ones who say, “Just shoot me if it’s time to move me to assisted living or memory care.” We could build a sharp shooter's nest in a tree along the path leading towards those buildings and paint a big X on the chests of those who don't want to go.
Up until I moved here I used to say it all the time that I want to live to be a hundred. I still do but I don’t say it out loud anymore because other residents would ask "Why?" with distaste and disdain in their voices. And I don’t have a good answer other than I've been saying it so long I can't take it back. My mom had three great-aunts who lived to be over 100 and that made them famous in their small home town and in our family genealogy. I’m pathetic, aren’t I, competing with dead people in my family tree. Of course, in my mind I envision me being as full of life and as interested in the world around me as The Aunts were. They ran an antique store and printing business until nearly the end of their lives. I used to wonder what it would take to be a bride and worry about three elderly women living long enough to get my invitations printed.
At the lecture we learned that there are seven places in the world (Blue Zones) where longevity is the norm and I don’t live in one of them and I doubt anyone reading this does either. Most of us don’t walk everywhere or graze instead of eating three times a day. Drinking wine every day---some people here do that very well but living on nuts, grains, berries and other plant based foods, not so much. Heck, they don’t even serve a heart healthy diet around here. It’s like they want to give us all diabetes and heart disease, knock us off so they can resell our apartments.
But living to be 100 has more to do with our genes and our location that anything else. We can’t control those things but one factor we can control that is common to all seven places in the world where longevity is norm is to have a tribe of people around us, five to six close friends and family to socialize with daily.
Here’s a summary of the ‘Ted Talk’ given by Dan Buettner, a National Geographics Writer and Explorer:
1) Eat less: eat a low-calorie, mostly vegetarian (and in some cases vegan) diet, eating more in the morning and less at night
2) Keep moving: intentionally build physical activity into everyday life, including walking in nature and gardening
3) Rest and slow down: make time to de-stress, relax, and nap
4) Loved ones first: include and celebrate family
5) Maintain connections: have a network of friends who reduce loneliness and act as a positive influence
6) Have a sense of purpose: know your "ikigai" – your reason for being alive and getting up in the morning
That sixth one on the list gets me every time. I struggle with finding my sense of purpose since I moved to this community fourteen months ago. You'd think by eighty years old I'd have a better sense of who I want to be when I grow up, wouldn't you. I'm so busy cultivating the fifth thing on the list---building connections---that I'm doing very little else. It's a fun way to live but in the middle of the night when I can't fall back to sleep I have this hollowness inside me that feels like I'm just marking time until I die. ©
Summary points are from Make Life Fun
I exercise, eat a healthy diet, am close to my family, have a sense of purpose, and am not stressed, but I don't have close connections outside of the internet. I'm never lonely so I'm concerned about that one. We'll have to see how it goes.
ReplyDeleteYou are so laid back and mellow and interested in how things work, etc. I can't imagine you ever being bored. But you still have a husband who is active and interested in keeping busy. It makes a difference when your life partner is gone or sick. Keep doing what you're doing as long as you can.
DeleteToo true that. My husband does next to nothing these days and I follow suit. :/
DeleteI think you are touching many peoples’ lives every day in a positive way, and if there is a better purpose to life than that I want to know about it. I look forward to your blog posts and I am sure many will agree with me. I hope you remember this during your next sleepless night.
ReplyDeleteDeb
I almost didn't publish this post because I thought it would be boring but it seems to be ticking a few boxes for others. Thank you for the compliment, you are too kind.
DeleteI actually love Ted Talks so I will add this to my list. Ikigai .. I did have to look it up. Some days I wonder what my passion is ... family of course. Mainly I think I simply enjoy learning. Like you, I research just about anything and everything. With glee! Nothing to blog about but love to share. Especially technology. And hygge. Comfort and joy. And I think my ikigai changes daily.
ReplyDeleteHaving grandchildren in ones life I suspect makes a huge difference when it comes to this topic. I see it in my nieces. Losing our soulmates or significant other matters too. I love that you can say your ikigai change daily.
DeleteG’day from Aus! I just recently discovered your blog (through Chasing My Stories, I think!). Anyhow, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your writing the blog, I’m enjoying your views and little jokes a lot. I’m a 62 year old retired healthcare worker and I just love to read, especially other people's views on things. I’m in country Victoria, which is great, as I love nature and birds. Have a great Christmas and I look forward to seeing more of your wonderful blog posts. Rosemary
ReplyDeleteThank you Rosemary! I have a couple of other followers from 'Down Under' and they have taught me that although our countries are far apart we share most of the same values.
DeleteI've really enjoyed following Dan Buettner and reading the weekly Blue Zones installments. The statistics of those Blue Zone areas are pretty darned convincing! I used to think that genetics, diet and exercise might be the top of the heap, but lately I've wondered. Although I have some serious health concerns, when my husband and I help take care of our grandchildren, I get so busy that I actually forget my issues (for a while). Maybe having a purpose is more important than I realized.
ReplyDeleteJean, the three aunts you mentioned sound like amazing women. I'd love to hear more stories about them. As always, I hope your feeling well and that your leg is healing.
That was the first time I'd heard of Dan Buettner and I loved him. And I do think having a sense of purpose makes a difference. When I was caring for my husband and my dad before him and then going through the years when we were building businesses, etc I never thought about having a sense of purpose.like I do now...because I had goals with obtainable benchmarks.
DeleteThe Aunts would make a great blog post. Two never married, one was a newspaper editor for her entire life and she wrote 3-4 books about local history and one about family history. They were well known in the schools and colleges because they did history lectures. When they died 100 years worth of the towns' newspapers were donated to a college---their father ran the news office before the daughter took over.
I love that Twinkie Zone. It's a good place to be. I'd only want to live to 100 if I could maintain a degree of health and mental acuity and have the resources to do live well. Not over the top, not even borderline excessive. But well enough that it isn't a total struggle mentally, physically or financially. It's an interesting topic!
ReplyDeleteWith the way prices and other expenses are going I'm worried about the financial part of growing old. Think we all are no matter where we're at in life.
DeleteHaving a sense of purpose keeps me awake too. Similar to “am I wasting my precious time”? You are a brave person to write this in your blog.
ReplyDeleteThat sense of wasting time is something that eats at me sometimes and it is the same as not having a sense of purpose, I think. I keep busy with fun things but that gets old after awhile. First world problems for sure and then I start feeling guilty because these truly are first world problems when so many others around the world are suffering.
DeleteFrom having followed your blog for some time I suspect big parts of your purpose are strengthening and continuing ties with family as well as writing. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. Since my brother moved so close by I've decided I can help my nieces and nephew by helping him. They've been under that caregiver umbrella for a long time are stressed out...most of us in my age bracket have already been there and know what that is like taking care of a parent. I'm still working though it in my mind how much I can and can't share in this area of my life.
DeleteAnd writing I do for my dyslexia/brain exercises and for a deeper sense of communication with others that I don't share anywhere else since my husband's stroke in 2000.
Thanks for reminding me that I do have purpose and goals left.
Love that half conscious zone. Mine seems most active when I have scheduled my post for the next day, hit publish and then as I wallow in comfort before sleep, it seems much better lines come to my head but I am just too comfy to do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I've actually gotten out of bed to change a word or a sentence on a scheduled post.
DeleteI think your purpose is writing and making connections. You have shared so many posts that I can relate to and often make me think. You have a good sense of humor which helps a lot as we get older! :)
ReplyDeleteI would like to think I'm making connections and sharing things we all have in common but don't necessarily talk about with people we see every day. Thank you!
DeleteQuality vs quantity? Like Jeanie says, living to 100 would be fine with physical ability, mental acuity and resources. It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to care for an old person as physical/mental ability wanes. Loretta Lynn was asked how she's doing, to which she replied, "Just trying to matter." Purpose is so subjective. Is it enough to engage in life as long as there's breath?
ReplyDeleteI love that Loretta Lynn quote! Boy, are you right about 'purpose' being so subjective. I've never really explored that before.
DeleteI look forward to your twice-a-week posts and many others obviously do. All of us would argue that your life has meaning and purpose.
ReplyDeleteI compete with deceased relatives, too, but because I want to give my daughters a better longevity record. I have an easier race than you do and have already pulled ahead of most of my near relatives, though. With my 73rd birthday on Christmas day, I have already outlived my mom (45, cancer), dad (71, heart attack and stroke), younger brother (67, cancer), both grandfathers (51, cancer and 67, cancer) and am now hoping to get to my grandmothers' ages (78, heart attack and 79, cancer), at least. I've already had the breast cancer that took Mom and a surprise appendiceal cancer--at least so far I have--and never smoked, so have less cardiovascular disease than they did, but 100 still seems far fetched for me with RA and other autoimmune illnesses although I exercise every day and am vegan. I'm thankful that I've lived when I have, when medical advances have made early detection easier.
Wow, you've got a lot of cancer in your family! You are steps ahead of me when it comes to taking care of yourself. I think on my deathbed I'll finally decide I need to exercise and eat better and trust me, I feel badly that I don't seem to be able to hop on that train now when it could make a difference. I'm 80 and have seen how fast the past 50 years have gone by, 20 more could go by in a blink.
DeleteI didn't realize until now that my comment had come through as "Anonymous." I had recently cleaned my cache and deleted history, and I guess that reset me back to Anonymous. I also forgot that like lives, sentences come to their ends, too. That's one whopper of a run-on near the end of my previous comment.
DeleteNo worries. A lot of us end up with anonymous comments when we don't me too. Even me on my own blog. As for run-on sentence if you hang around my blog long enough you'll find I can be the queen of run-on sentences.
DeleteDan Buettner has found his purpose for sure. All but 4 and 5 are factors I can check off. Healthy diet, enough exercise, relaxing and having meaningful purpose. I didn't question my purpose either when caring for my husband in his waning years. Afterwards, yes, hollowness, just marking time flooded my being when I turned in for the night. So I turned my care and concern inward to address my own undeveloped traits and deficits of character. Beneath personal characteristics and traumatic conditioning is a bubbling engine of goodwill. Cultivating this is my purpose and will hopefully fill out 4 and 5. You have this goodwill engine, as I see it. I express it in my own way; you in yours. I have now taken in a Ukrainian refugee for the next two years. Two years is what our government allows under its humanitarian parole program. You have taken us and your family into your heart and interests, so to speak. #4, 5, 6 ✔️
ReplyDeleteOf all the widow blogs I used to follow (or still do for those still writing them) you have made the biggest transformation in your life and we readers got to see that struggle until you healed your grief and found yourself. I'll have to think on the concept of a "goodwill engine". You've really jumped right in with your engineer's hat on! You are making a difference.
DeleteI've had the sense of purpose conversation with myself for a few years now.
ReplyDeleteOne part of me is saying "what's your sense of purpose, sense of purpose" but then the other side of me (I'm a Libra, we are prone to going back and forth on every little thing) says "please relax, take each day as it comes, enjoy the little things and for goodness sake stop taking to heart every little thing you read about how you should be doing this or not doing that in your old age.
Sage advice and I need to hear that once in a while.
DeleteI've never paid much attention to those 'how to live to 100' folks. How long I live is irrelevant to me. If I trundle off to Whatever when I'm 80, or 90, or 100, that will be fine. I've always lived by the aphorism that says, "Whether there's life after death is less important that whether there's life before death." I know a lot of 50 and 60 year olds who seem to live with one foot in the grave. Sometimes, they're in up to their knees, and sometimes it seems that being old/ill/disabled is something they actually desire; it gives them their identity. Odd.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, on we go. This morning, I'm baking cookies for a friend who doesn't have time to do it this year. I'll finish a new blog post while I'm home, and this afternoon I'll go to work. Tonight I'll get a few things ready to mail, and try to limit myself to one bowl of peppermint ice cream. Life is good!
Your life is, indeed, good. Your photography and writing, your boat restoration business---they all give you and others pleasure. Although peppermint ice cream is one of the very few flavors I don't enjoy. So all the more for you.
DeleteWell I’m one who does not want to live to be 100 or even 90. I’m almost 76 and 80 or 85 will be plenty. I’ve had a good life. I was married (widowed now) no children by choice, traveled, have a few friends, paint, some TV, iPad time and work in my garden. The thrill of travel has gone and really I find the thrill of any of it dissipating slowly. I’m tired more frequently, sometimes bored and a real sense of the past and all the good things in my life have entered the realm of memories only. I just can’t imagine 10 more years of this somewhat monotony. I sometimes feel depressed, but I don’t think it’s from a neurotic stance, just normal aging. At some point I would consider going into a place like you are in, but it would be strictly to be around people, as I need that. I’m so far in good health and the mind is OK. But if that were to change, I’d really be ready to go.
ReplyDeleteJust my view. I get the hollow feeling as I have that too.
All views count here. Normal aging, I'm guessing, does come with a certain amount of depression that can't be helped, especially once someone's health declines.
DeleteOther readers have emphasized your very clear purpose, so I will only say I’m in total agreement. Bringing a bit of joy to your readers is a gift.
ReplyDeleteThe following comment was so well stated - and I suspect it’s common to anyone over 70. "…in the middle of the night when I can't fall back to sleep, I have this hollowness inside me that feels like I'm just marking time until I die." We see people younger than us dying, many of us have lived longer than our parents did and have lost that 'other person' who provides a sense of purpose. We also live in a society that values our 'productivity' above all else, so feeling like we need to contribute something measurable is ever-present.
I've often wondered if people who live in societies that honor their elders differently than we Americans do, if they ever feel a sense of just marking time until they die. The movement away from having more and more stuff and spending money on experiences instead might actually lead towards having a society that values our productivity less and less than we do now. So many questions so few answers. But thank you.
DeleteI have often written blog post in my head but of cause I forget it all when I get up. Often the older generation are forgotten stuck in a nursing home rarely visited which is sad and wrong
ReplyDeleteI've only met a scant few people in Real Life who were 100 or Older, in every instance they were Single with no Children, which may have been a coincidence and not a factor to their longevity, not Sure? *LOL* My Parents long told the Story that when I was a Teen I didn't want to Live Past 30 so that I wouldn't... wait for it... be a burden to anyone. *Bwahahaha* I like having Purpose to Life, but I don't Believe it's any One thing we're Purposed for, it could be ever changing actually. You are not just marking Time until Death Jean, you are still very connected in your Real Life Community and this one, and active in both as a participant and not just a spectator.
ReplyDeleteTwo of my old aunts had never married either. I didn't get married until later in life so I've got that working for me. LoL
DeleteI spent a fair amount of time agonizing over my purpose, especially when I was spinning my wheels in a job I hated. I don't worry about it as much and I'm not sure why. But waking up in the night and feeling like everything is awful I can relate to! Nothing seems OK at 3am and I'm super happy to get up at 6 and realize the sun will come up and most of my worries were exaggerated at that hour.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is 90 and still living independently, although she did give up her car this year on her own volition. I was very relieved. She has had SO many losses in her life, and is now seeing her two living sisters decline precipitously. I fear she will outlive all of her siblings and she is second age-wise of eight! She tells me regularly that medicine is doing too much to keep people alive long past when it makes sense. Not sure what to make of that, but she has very few health problems, and I think she wants me to know she doesn't want to be kept alive via extraordinary means. She has a made that clear to all of us.
Ya, I'd say you're reading your mom right. Can't be easy to hear but at least if and when you have to decide to withhold any life saving measures she's giving you the gift of not having to feel guilt for the decision.
DeleteThere are some Blue Zone areas in the US as mentioned on the Blue Zones website. Loma Linda, CA, was the first and now there is mention of Albert Lea, MN, Beach Cities (Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach), and Fort Worth, TX.
ReplyDeleteAll those beach communities, how could you not be laid back and live in the moment. Fort Worth TX with all their meat eats seems like an unlikely place to be a Blue Zone. Loma Linda is a Blue Zone because of elements in their region.
Delete+1 to Widow Badass comment above (and others with similar opinion) re your blog providing pleasure and interest to so many.
ReplyDeleteMany of the other comments re ageing, lack of purpose etc resonated with me. Your blog provides a one-stop for us similar aged oldies to share our frank opinions! ~ Libby
You people are too kind!
DeleteI've always said I want to live to 106. I just added those few years to 100 to give myself a bigger goal. It would be miraculous given my gene pool. But what did my parents and grandparents in were things more easily diagnosed and treated these days and I'm much more conscientious about healthy lifestyle choices. Still...we never know. I don't really understand why people wouldn't want a longer life, but I also don't (yet) deal with chronic pain, dire diagnoses, mental decline (much) or isolation from friends and family. I'm still active and curious and engaged in things, much like you, Jean. So I say we make a pact to just keep on keepin' on!
ReplyDeleteI don't get it either when the people who are saying it aren't dealing with pain or chronic illnesses. They just think it's coming. I prefer not to worry about it untl and unless it comes.
DeleteOh, and as for purpose...I spent far too much energy in my life trying to pin that down. Now I just try to be kind, compassionate, do some good for the planet and other people, and be a role model for all of that if I can. I'm not sure "purpose" extends much beyond just being as good a person as we can as often as we can.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good and doable plan and purpose. Works good for the involved grandmother that you are.
DeleteWhen I was in college, I was always at least mildly frantic about not keeping my grades high enough to retain the full-tuition scholarship that was making my college education possible. I studied long hours, was perpetually sleep-deprived, and as a result, frequently dozed off in classes. One day I was drifting off in my biology class, when the professor pointed at me and said, "You! Repeat what I just said!" Fortunately, I was in that half-asleep, half-awake state, and when I opened my mouth, the last couple minutes of his lecture emerged verbatim. "My God, she does listen!" he said, and after that left me alone.
ReplyDeleteThe twilight between sleep and awake worked for you that day! lol
Delete