Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, August 25, 2018

Two Days, Two Gaggles of Women



I had the weirdest lunch recently at a road house near a Nature Center that ten of my Red Hat Society sisters and I visited earlier in the day. When I see something on a menu that combines things I’d never put together at home, I like to try it. That’s how I ended up with a Cauliflower Crusted Grilled Cheese. How bad could it be, really, when it’s a “house favorite?” It was listed as a sandwich but it was round and flat like a tortilla that had been folded in half and cut into two pie-shaped pieces and filled with cheddar and Provolone cheese, spinach and tomatoes. But you could smell the cauliflower coming to the table before the waitress set the plate down. In my head I expected the cauliflower cut up in the filling, not something made by putting cauliflower in a blender with an egg until it’s the consistency of rice, then pan-fried to be used instead of bread. Would I order it again? It was interesting to eat but for $11 with a dab of chips on the side, I thought it was over-priced. But never let it be said that I’m not up for a little culinary adventure.

You know how people will travel half way across the country to tour a place they saw in a travel brochure, but we ignore those kinds of places in our own back yards? The Nature Center is only 13 miles away but it’s the first time I’ve ever been there. It has grown from 17 acres in 1965 to 264 acres today, a private non-profit charity and the passion project of an amazing 91 year old women. The place has education programs for all ages, overnight 'survival' camping, a maple tree sap-to-syrup overnight camp, a working farm, woodlands, wetlands and wonderful trails all over the place and all but one are dog friendly. That one trail is a boardwalk around an area where wounded animals in their care are kept. Mostly what we saw were huge owls that can’t fly. I have Eastern Screech Owls in my yard and I hear them every night but until our outing I’d never seen or heard a Barred Owl (20” to 24”) or a Great Horned Owl (20” to 25”). I was immediately smitten, seeing them up close. One of the owls had brain damage from getting electrocuted on a power line and he had a funny way of holding his head and looking right at you that was adorable. His glassy eyes and lazy head reminded me of a drunk on a bar stool trying to flirt with a girl he can barely see.

After lunch we went to a meat market. I didn’t even know places like that still exist. My chapter sisters were oohing and aahing over red meat in glass-front cases and the frozen section with wild game and odd ball stuff like cow cheeks and octopus. And I’ve never seen so many different kinds of sausages, jerky and salami in my life which was probably a nod to the neighborhood’s Polish roots. I didn’t buy a thing but the others loaded up their debit cards. If they had frozen mice I might have been tempted to buy a treat for my new-found love back at the Nature Center. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did have frozen mice somewhere in the store. The place was huge with ten butchers working behind the counter and a line of people backed up behind the cashier. It was like being back in the 1940s on a Friday afternoon with my mother. 

That was Wednesday last week with no opportunities for human contact on my day planner until this week Monday when I got together with six of my Gathering Girl pals at the Guy-Land Cafeteria. After two and a half hours we were reluctant to leave, but leave we finally had to do or risk growing roots like potted plants into our booth. We didn’t solve any of the world’s problems but we had a few serious conversations mixed in with our usual laughter. Surprisingly, we talked at length about churches and how they’re changing, trying to hold onto their younger members and I was shocked to learn that four of the ladies had Catholic upbringings. (All of my life I’ve been surrounded by mostly members of Christian Reform Churches.)

We also talked about the homeless, accepting the gay community and helping the poor---or not. We had one dissenter on that last issue. We usually don’t have conversations like these but it felt good to be in a group where everyone was listened to and really heard without judgement. I’ve been missing in-depth conversations---a byproduct of living alone or growing older? Take your pick. I interact with people when I'm out and about but usually those conversations are like eating a cup of Reddi-Whip nondairy whipped topping when you’re craving a pig-out session with Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey Ice Cream. But I think Scarlett O’Hara said it best if you substitute “good friends” for “Rhett” in the following quote from Gone With the Wind: “Talking to Rhett was comparable only to one thing, the feeling of ease and comfort afforded by a pair of old slippers after dancing in a pair too tight.” Did I just compare my Gathering Girls pals to a pair of old slippers?  Oh, dear… ©


30 comments:

  1. Thanks for the recipe! I'll try a variation of the cauliflower and cheese dish (I never follow recipes).

    It's good to have friends with whom one can speak with an unguarded tongue. ~ Libby

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    1. I would imagine there are some spices in there. This was just what the waitress told me. Who would have ever guessed you could do that? Not me.

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  2. You could hold the said sandwich in your hands and it didn't mush or fall apart? I heard about using cauliflower, but have never seen it in person.
    I haven't been in a real butcher shop, for maybe 20 years. They are a rarity anymore.
    Love the owls, any owls.

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    1. Nope, it was very solid and crispy and if no one told you (or you couldn't smell) you'd never guess that "shell" was made of cauliflower. I would bet you could make cauliflower chips, like potato chips.

      I guess we have two real butcher shops in my area. This one and one in the "rich" side of town. People in the parking lot had coolers in their car and were stocking up. I just don't cook enough to bother but my chapter sisters with husbands to cook for sure loved the place.

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  3. When I go to a new restaurant, I like to try something different, but I tend to get my old favorite if I go to a restaurant where I've eaten before.

    Your outings with the Gathering Girls sound like so much fun. I love conversations like that, where everyone feels comfortable enough to give their opinion without things deteriorating into a brew-ha-ha.

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    1. Me too, when I go to a restaurant I've been to many times, I have my old favorites I order.

      I love my Gathering Girls. I just wish we could all show up at all our brunches.

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  4. Hum, never heard of cauliflower bread. Interesting. Loved your image of the brain damaged owl. Very visual.

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    1. My favorite way to eat cauliflower is baked in the oven with olive oil and spices. All this talking about will get to to add it to my grocery list this week. It's getting cool enough to had the oven on.

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  5. Friendship gold: In-depth conversations where "everyone is listened to and really heard without judgment." I had to smile at your comment about all the Catholic backgrounds of your new friends as opposed to your experience of being surrounded by people from Christian Reform churches. My experience is somewhat reversed from yours. I am what some call a "cultural Catholic," meaning I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools through college, and my family and friends are Catholic. I stopped participating when I was about 20, but almost all my friends are still Catholic with various degrees of commitment. I am trying to branch out and seek new viewpoints to life, but so far I have found mostly people who are even more conservative and evangelical. I love it when I find someone who thinks independently and doesn't belong to a group-think organization. Congratulations on finding and enjoying a nice new group of friends. Ann

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    1. Finding my group of peers did not come easy, if you've read my blog for long you'll know how hard I've been looking and being active in various things looking for friends.

      My best friend growing up was Catholic and neither one of us were in the with the popular kids. But her father was on the school board (I think that was his title) and that gave her some brownie points with the teachers.

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  6. You are so lucky to have a group of friends to go to places, sit down and eat together ( which also means talking ) and enjoying different locations. During this week when Mary Lou & AmyLynn were gone on a mimi - vacation, I realized that after my stroke which was years ago, after that I lost many of friends and to this day I really don't have any friends. Yes, Gerry takes me golfing maybe twice a month but that's it. Yes every Thursday my cousins Dan & Tony go for lunch but I really don't have so called friends to sit down and just talk about anything and everything. I told my wife this week I found out that I was lonely, really lonely. Loneliness is difficult. Having blogger friends are great but you never get to sit don't face to face and enjoy the togetherness. Maybe I'm just getting old but man I would enjoy sitting in my backyard on the deck drinking some beers ( non-alcoholic )and talk and talk and just talk. I;m sorry Jean rambling probably crazy words of an old man. Sorry about that. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Don't be sorry about rambling. That's what bloggers do. Loneliness is a common problem as we all age and friends fall by the wayside for various reasons. My husband lost many friends after his stroke, too, but I learned to understand it, understand and forgive. The balance of power, so to speak, changed when Don could no longer talk or do the things he could do prior to his stroke.

      You recognize your loneliness and have already talked to Mary Lou about it. Maybe you two can brainstorm some ways to address that. No matter what, know that it's a very common thing. You are not alone.

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  7. Thank you for the good information we share. I like your blog very much. It's great.
    สัตว์

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  8. I can only hope to find a great group like you have, once I'm in AZ. I definitely plan to be proactive on finding one. :)

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    1. If I've learned anything, I've learned you have to be proactive to connect and be patience because it doesn't happen overnight.

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  9. I have a friend who substitutes "riced" cauliflower for -- well, for rice, or pasta. She cooks it and then presses it through one of those ricers that you'd use for potatoes, and then tops it with sauces. But I've never heard of what you describe. It actually sounds like it would be ok, but more trouble than it's worth at home.

    I just went to my meat market yesterday. It's the same sort: old fashioned, and affordable. If you want, you can have them grind meat that you choose, so there's no question about what's in it. Although I'd never do it, families or really big meaters with a freeze can buy a quarter or a half and have them hang it for you before cutting and freezer wrapping. Yesterday, I got two pounds of ground round, some fresh, never frozen organic chicken breasts, and a pound of their homemade green onion sausage to cook with lady cream peas. I'd better get busy!

    And isn't it the truth, about not going to the places that are close by? I've been muttering about touring the Johnson Space Center for years -- maybe even on your blog. Have I done it yet. Nope.

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    1. Ricing anything sounds like too much work to me, but if you are avoiding flour I can see why you'd experiment. I think I'd like cauliflower chips.

      If I cooked and lived closer to that meat market it would be a weekly stop. I'm surprised there aren't more of them around, after seeing how busy this place was. I've heard of buying a half cow or pig but to cut up for your own freezer.

      Someone I know took a stay-cation in town. Rented a room down town and did all the tourist things out-of-towners would do. You need to go to that space center!

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  10. I used to re-read Gone with the Wind every summer. I love Rhett Butler; Scarlett was such an idiot for not seeing how great he was.

    Anyway...

    I'm a big fan of trying new things or getting things I can't/won't make at home when eating out. But like you, futzing around that much with cauliflower is a nonstarter with me. Not when you can just roast it with olive oil and seasonings. So much easier!

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    1. I, too, used to re-read Gone with the Wind every so often.

      When the menu said "cauliflower crusted" it didn't register, I guess. It wasn't until it came to the table that I asked questions. But I don't regret the choice. It filled half a blog post. LOL

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  11. Jean, that cauliflower "sandwich" was something I have tried at home with no luck. I would prefer no sandwich and I love cauliflower. Being celiac I have learned to go with, is it even worth it or just pass it. I had one of those this weekend. I passed. I miss good real bread but this doesn't make me miss it any less. :-)

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    1. I love bread so I was disappointed. And it you call something a sandwich, it should have something in common with bread. The cauliflower crust had taste onto its own and just needed a different name. I feel badly for people who can't eat flour based things!

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  12. The nature center sounds terrific. Those are some wonderful photos. And I love that you have a group where you can have a good conversation on issues, not just fluff. I'm lucky to have that too and don't take it for granted one bit!

    Thanks for your Gypsy visits! Always good to see you. (And definitely not ready for fall!)

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    1. I'm glad you donh't take your group for granted. I learned through Don's stroke that the dynamics of a group change dramatically with the absences of just one person.

      I can't take credit for the photos. They came from the nature center's website. I've given up taking photos on my phone, I keep turning the thing off instead of taking a picture and my old camera is so big and heavy I often leave it home.

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  13. We have a family meal every Sunday and sit around the table and solve all the problems of the world! It's great to be in a non-judgemental group. We have differing opinions on all kinds of things but we listen to each other. I love owls! We have an owl sanctuary near us and it's a great place to visit. As for your meal, using cauliflower as rice seems to be the in thing at the moment. I haven't tried it but I do like cauliflower!

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    1. I can't imagine that cauliflower that is fried is really as good for us as the normal way we eat it. But it's fun to try new things.

      I envy you, that your family is close enough to do the Sunday meal together. That's a great tradition that seems to be dying out.

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  14. I have a friend who works at a wildlife rescue center, where animals who've been injured rehab until released back into the wild. I never asked her what happens to those who can't return to nature... I'll find out!

    I'm lucky to have my closest friends be those with whom I have in depth conversations interpreted with plenty of silliness and laughter. It does feel good. Full Chunky Monkey!

    I've had cauliflower pizza "crust". I liked it. I eat very little bread or pasta, so cauliflower's ability to stand in for those is sort of a nice alternative...but not if it's soggy, which I've also encountered. My friend served cauliflower "mashed potatoes" for dinner one night when I was there. It was delicious,but I think she added copious amounts of butter. What's not to like? HA

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    1. I've always wanted to try the mashed cauliflower "potatoes." Cauliflower pizza crust is new to me but I really love thick crust pizza so I won't be ordering it. It amazing me how many new recipes are developed to help an industry.

      Our Nature Center releases those that can be released but they keep the ones that can't be. Sometimes they do turn down animals, if they have too many. It's really hard to find places to take injured wild life! T

      Full out Chunky Monkey friends are the best! And I know you have that, too.

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  15. Dear Jean, right before I read this posting, I read what you labeled your "political rant" and left a comment there about the lost art of listening. then I come here and read what you say about the conversations you have with your friends--the nonjudgmental listening. How refreshing that is. Thanks so much for sharing these meetings with those you hold dear. Peace.

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    1. It really felt good to have a great conversation with these friends. One of the ladies is a Trump supporter and we learned early on not to talk about politics but for some reason we were all able to talk from the heart that day and leave the labels out of the conversations.

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    2. Dear Jean, I'm glad! Peace.

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