Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Books, Jell-O and Sentimentality


Our senior hall has a once-a-year book presentation given by a storyteller/librarian and anyone who’s been to one of her speeches never wants to miss the next one. She picks a batch of books from a certain genre and her excitement over their plots and authors is infectious. I could listen to her all day. The funny thing is I get her book list hand-outs but rarely read any of her picks which just goes to show you don’t have to be a reader to enjoy a great book talk. This week’s presentation was titled ‘Chillers and Thrillers’ and it included the following books: In the Kingdom of Ice, The Death of Mrs. Westaway, Those Who Wished me Dead, Under a Flaming Sky, The Midnight Plan of the Repo Man, On Desperate Ground, The Woman in the Window, Enemy of the Good, and The Plea. 

Right now I’m reading two books. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot and Homegoing by Yaa Guasi. The first book is a true story of a poor tobacco farmer whose cells were taken without her knowledge and they became the basis for developing a wide variety of medical advancements. That one is for our March book club discussion. The other book, Homegoing, is one my great-niece highly recommended to me, telling her mom, “I thought of Aunt Jean the entire time I was reading this!” How could I not download that one on my Kindle? I haven’t gotten far enough into it to understand why my great-niece sees me in the pages but I’ve read enough reader reviews on Amazon to know the book gets heavily involved in genealogy research. I’m at a point in the book where one African tribe is helping the English capture another tribe’s members to sell in the slave trade. I’ve never uncovered anything remotely that dramatic or tragic in my family tree but the mystery and thrill of the hunt is what keeps most genealogy hobbyists going.

I took two clothe grocery bags full of books to the library’s semi-annual book sale this week. They were all cookbooks. I don’t cook. I never did. Still, it was hard paring down my collection so that all the cookbooks I have left fit on two running feet of shelving. As I was unloading the books on the library donation cart I had second thoughts about a book on making desserts with Jell-O. I put it on the cart and I took it back off several times, then I held it midway in between trying to understand why I cared about that book. It was from an era when ladies in TV commercials served Jell-O with the same flare as the chefs on the Food Network do today, but I hadn’t opened that book in decades. Did it remind me of my mom? The day before, my niece and I had been looking through my family photos and that made me overly sentimental, I thought. Still, I wanted to keep that Jell-O book so badly but I didn’t and I regretted it all the way home. Why on earth Marie Kondo didn’t pop into my head and tell me to keep the darn, joyful little thing is a mystery I’ll never understand.

What makes some of us more sentimental than others? I’m guessing somewhere out in the world is a person who was born at the exact moment I was and that person has a cold disregard for anything remotely sentimental because I got a double dose---part of which belongs to that moment-of-birth twin. There was a story on our local news last night about an old man who walked into an antique store and found his WWII era Army uniform hanging there with all his metals and name still attached. He burst out crying. It had gotten lost during a move and the owner of the antique store gave it to him, wouldn’t accept a penny. Why is that kind of sentimentality celebrated and worthy of a human interest story but an old woman who wants to stay attached to a Jell-O cookbook is viewed as silly or too sentimental for her own good? Ya, I know, we’re allowed to be sentimental over uniforms and wedding dresses but there’s a line to be drawn somewhere down on the chain of other innate objects. 

Wikipedia says, “Sentimentality originally indicated the reliance on feelings as a guide to truth, but in current usage the term commonly connotes a reliance on shallow, uncomplicated emotions at the expense of reason.” That’s a charitable definition compared to one I found at Vocabulary.com: “Sentimentality is a quality of being overly, dramatically emotional — sad or loving or nostalgic. Your sentimentality on her eightieth birthday might make your down-to-earth grandmother roll her eyes.” Roll your eyes all you want but without sentimental people in the world there would be no museums full of obsolete and curious oddities to visit and amaze you. Now, I’m going to go check out e-Bay sales to see how much I could have gotten for that vintage Jell-O cookbook. ©

 Johnny Carson makes an ice cream pie with Jell-O

43 comments:

  1. I'm blowing town for the weekend, and am out of time. I'll try to comment tonight, but Google has been refusing to recognize my iPad. I commented on your last post while getting my car serviced, and it just went "Poof!" If I can't figure it out, I'll catch up when I get home. Happy weekend!

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    1. I have trouble posting comments on my Kindle, too. You can always tell when I do because they are extremely short because I keep 'losing them.'

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  2. Lots of commenting problems lately going around. Some people are finding it is because of outdated browsers, namely Safari. Others, due to still trying to use a Google+ ID, which is now obsolete.

    Anyway--I used to be highly sentimental; now, I've lost that almost entirely. It hasn't served me well at all. But I would have saved that Jell-O cookbook, too, and framed the pages as art for either my kitchen or another room. Those illustrations are fantastic.

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    1. That's a good thing to keep reminding people of...the browsers and Google+ ID issues. My problem with posting from my Kindle is the tiny keyboard. Kindle by the way uses
      Silk.

      If you get a hankering for those Jell-O ads you can buy them on e-Bay for $5 to $20. Most on the low end.

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  3. The Jello cookbook brought back memories of a lime jello with cottage cheese salad. I just went on a hunt for the recipe and can't find it. No worries; a friend still makes it on occasion and I can get the recipe from her. Remember tomato aspic? I think The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks was made into a movie starring Oprah Winfrey?

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    1. Oh, my gosh, my mom made that Jell-O and cottage cheese salad, too. It wasn't bad. Tomato aspic was not something I liked but I remember it.

      I didn't know that about the Henrietta Lacks book! I'm not far into it but so far I'm fascinated.

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    2. I'm not sure if there's a movie (I didn't look) but there is a pretty good documentary on Henrietta. Pretty much everyone in the world who takes meds or has procedures owe it all to Henrietta. Damn it, now it seems like I DID see a movie about her too! Guess I'll have to look now anyway...

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    3. Pippa, I just found a trailer for an HBO movie staring Oprah, released in 2017. It's a fascinating bit of medical history, isn't it.

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  4. I did remember the Henrietta Lacks book was made into a movie and wanted to see it. Perhaps instead of waiting for the DVD, I'll just get the book on Kindle via my library. Thanks.

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    1. I might have to cheat and find it on demand and watch it instead of read it. Works if they didn't change it too much in the filming.

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  5. The original definition is the correct one to me. All my life it seems more sentimental people ( not the overly gushy or tearing up at anything types) are more introspective and do more thinking and feeling. To me this is a sign of intelligence...a particular type of intelligence that gives into critical thinking, non judging, looking at the bigger picture and a sense of what’s the good part of humanity. Our world no longer lends to sentimentality and I think this is a great loss.

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    1. I love your outlook on being sentimental. I don't like the trend of painting it as a negative or character flaw and I agree with you that this is a great loss to society.

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  6. I live in a state that uses the second most lime Jell-O in the U.S. A certain religion uses it in funeral food and probably for other occasions, too. I absolutely love what they do with lime Jell-O, but I've never made it myself. Tomato aspic--hated that stuff. My aunt used to make it when it was her turn to host Thanksgiving. And kids always had to take a bite.

    Sheila

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    1. Oh, that famous 'take a bite." If you were lucky like me you had a dog in the house that would help you out with that.

      That's a funny statistic about the lime Jell-O. I remember making it with pineapple and cottage cheese back in the day and the key lime pies, too. Now I am REALLY regretting donating that cookbook.

      Not so many years ago I used to make strawberry Jell-O with bananas, walnuts and fruit cocktail every single week. Now it's pudding I make to use up milk before it spoils.

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  7. My daughter and I used to sell estate sale items in a store on eBay. She did most of the leg work in acquiring them and I would do the rest. A friend whose grandmother died let my daughter go through the grandmother's house prior to it being either torn down or moved. Most of everything had been given to family members already. The electricity had been turned off and my daughter was going through a linen closet practically in the dark when she found a box on an upper shelf. It held the WWI items that belonged to the grandmother's brother. There were a cap and several other things from his Texas national guard unit which had been sent to France. There was even a journal he kept of his travels there, and a handkerchief from Paris that he must have brought back for his sister. Long story somewhat shorter, when we listed these things on eBay we were contacted by a man in Texas who saw it as his mission to find and preserve anything from that guard unit. He had a huge collection of uniforms, etc., which he took to Boy Scout troops and church groups. He wanted the young people of today to know that many of these soldiers were mere boys when they went off to war. We gave him everything from that listing for free. He was so appreciative and we really felt good about doing something that both honored the brother and other soldiers. We were glad my daughter had been able to discover those sentimental items saved by the grandmother before they were lost forever.

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    1. Wow, that's quite a story on how that kind of memorabilia gets separated from families. I've sold stuff like that before on e-Bay, too. There is always a self-appointed documentarian who hunts that stuff down and eventually the get donated some place.

      We have a guy around here that does the same thing your Texas national guardsman did only with a unit in the Vietnam War. I love hearing stories about people who is the long-term value in things like this.

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    2. Unfortunately, no one in this particular family was interested in sentimental stuff. They were only interested in jewelry, etc. Things of "value."

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  8. I have commented these past few weeks but I am not confident that you have received my comments even though the normal procedure has been followed (I am not a robot and then your comment will be visible after approval). It all seemed regular but noticing the other commenters having problems, I think, I, too, have been in a black hole.
    Hoping you receive this!
    Leze

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    1. Got it! Bloggers is changing things, doing away with Google+ IDs and some people are still trying to use that, I think. But you've always been 'anonymous' so the changes shouldn't have effected you.

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  9. I have sentimental feelings about Jello and get annoyed when people make fun of it. I don't eat it now, but it brings back warm memories. I wish you had kept the book.

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    1. Me too! And all this talk about Jell-O will have me making a box this week.

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  10. You shouldn’t have to get rid of anything ... if you have the room and the desire. Most people asking for downsizing have too much stuff that it interferes with living.

    Jello! I need to do some for the boys! Bright colors.

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    1. Kids like Jell-O. I'm surprised you haven't made it for the boys before now. Rainbow layers is fun but a lot of trouble.

      I have lots of space but doing a little downsizing makes sense now because I'm not under any pressure to do it other than self-imposed pressure. But I made a mistake with the Jell-O book when I was back in the house sorting through the cookbooks and I made a mistake at the library when I left it behind.

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  11. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the Henrietta Lacks book. I did not expect to get so drawn into the story - expecting it to be drier, I guess. I hope you love it as much as I did, Jean.

    Deb

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    1. I'm finding the same thing. I'm only at chapter five but the story is far more compelling that I thought it would be. It should be an interesting book discussion.

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  12. This post reminded me of my kids' stand-by when they were sick--jello made with 7-up and usually consumed warm. Enough protein from the gelatin that they weren't just getting sugar-water, and they loved the fizz from the 7-up. Also, if you let it set in the refrigerator, it captures the bubbles, which tingle in your mouth when you eat it. Good times.

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    1. I never could have guessed how many of us have memories that relates to Jell-O. I can remember making it with 7-up, too, but never had it warm. The bubbles captured I do remember. Just fun.

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  13. The jello receipe I remember my mom made was with lime jello, large curd cottage cheese and I think caned pineapple tidbts in unsweetened juice.

    I don’t like those definitions of sentimentality — a feeling deserving of more respect, IMHO.

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    1. I haven't had lime Jell-O in a long time but it sure was favorite at parties back in the day.

      I agree with you about those definitions. I felt a little insulted by them.

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  14. I enjoyed the book The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, as much as you can enjoy this subject matter.
    I am not a fan of jello so that would have gone to the bin but call and see if you can get it back. Tell them you didn't mean for it to be donated with all the others.

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    1. I thought about turning the car around and going back. It would have still been on the cart. If it still bothers me when the book sale comes around, I'll just buy it back or find it on e-Bay. It's not rare. It's not worth making someone else spend their time trying to fix my mistake. I tend to mourn a lot of things that I give away like the fondue pot that I could have used during the outage according to an article I just read. I'm setting up an emergency kit. That darn tidy girl!

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  15. Sorry I'm a little late Jean. I've been very busy this weekend with family. Now, this Jello thing. I totally enjoy JELLO in any form, plain, with fruit, mixed with JELLO pudding, what ever.“Sentimentality is a quality of being overly, dramatically emotional — sad or loving or nostalgic. Well I'm a very sentimental guy I guess.. See ya Jean

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. I don't care if people post comments on topics I wrote several years ago, I'm just happy to get comments at all. Glad you got lots of family time over the weekend.

      I already knew you are a sentimental guy, Paul. Your wife is a lucky woman.

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  16. I love Jell-O salads. Why did we stop making them. I visited a close friend's mother a couple of days before she died. She was known for her Jell-O salads, and she told me that she had a new recipe for me, and a cutting from a plant in her garden. I can't remember what the plant/shrub was, and I never found out what the Jell-O salad recipe was.

    I've only read one book on your speakers list: The Woman in the Window. It was pretty good. An agoraphobic woman spies on her neighbors, and she gets more than she bargains for when a new family move into the house across the way. Thanks for giving the whole list. I like "chillers and thrillers."

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    1. Some of those books really looked good. I just don't have enough time to read as many as I'd like. (I've been knitting too much lately.) "Those who Wished me Dead" had my favorite theme of a person on in a witness protection program, in this case a young teen who was sent to wilderness skills program camp out West. But those who want to kill him find him and the chase in the wildness begins. I want to read "The Midnight Plan of the Repo Man" too because it's "wickedly humorous" according to the librarian, is by the man who wrote "A Dog's Purpose" and was set in an area of Michigan I know really well.



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  17. There's a line in the song "You Took Advantage of Me" that is: "I'm a sentimental sap, that's all!" And I am, which makes purging so hard. I did a number in the bookcase the other day and so far still can't get those books to the library but at least they are in a bag and out of there! I have trouble parting with my parents' things especially or gifts from special people, especially those no longer here. Rick lives in panic of my sudden demise!

    My best story akin to the army fellow -- I was looking at antique postcards at the antiquarian book fair and found one written by my grandmother to my childhood babysitter and their next door neighbor from our cottage up north. It was the first time I'd ever seen her writing as I was born after she died. I stood at the booth and cried. And paid retail for it.

    I loved the Henrietta Lacks book. Loved it. I hope the author finds another intriguing subject like that.

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    1. I've been to those antiquarian shows in your city. They are huge. What are the odds of finding that postcard! How could anyone not buy that! I have a lot of postcards framed around the house. Some in groups in one frame, some alone. They go great with a cottage theme.

      As for Rick's fear, there is a line one can cross where we've purged too much so that there isn't enough (good stuff) left for a estate sale person to want to come in and take care of it. Then the family has fewer choices and less chance of getting the value out of the kind of stuff we both collect. That's my story and I'm sticking too it. LOL

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  18. I fondly recall every holiday meal when my aunt brought some new variation of a Jello salad. It was her "specialty". Seems silly now, but we all looked forward to it.

    I've become so lazy about reading. My eyesight is giving me fits; social media has rotted my brain so that I get impatient. I loved the Henrietta Lacks book though and also the Oprah movie was excellent.

    I have no patience for those who ridicule sentimentality. I believe tears are the heart's way of speaking out loud. "I hurt; I love; I grieve". Feeling deeply makes us vulnerable and human.

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    1. Love what you said about tears and sentimentality.

      I'll bet every family had a Jell-O specialist back in the day. I hope I remember this blog post next summer when we start having picnics down at the senior hall.

      Trouble with eyesight is scary!

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    2. I so agree about sentimentality. And we are losing that and empathyin the world and now we have a mess!

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  19. I love the idea that I must have a sentimental twin somewhere. There are several sentimental types in my family, but I'm definitely not one of them. I never connected sentimentality with collecting things before, but it makes complete sense and helps explain my "When in doubt, throw it out" tendencies.

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  20. You collect garden plants. You might not think of them as a collection but they are. No one needs all the varieties you have. Your collection just shows better then most. But since we both have the same first name we could very well be each other's sentimental twin. LOL

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