Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Oh But it was Worth it!


I knew downsizing would get to me eventually so when an invitation came to go to an out-of-town wedding, I sent my RSVP card back marked ‘yes’ before I could change my mind about giving myself a mini vacation. It was close enough that I could have done it without an overnight stay but that would have had me driving after dark which is something I’ve been avoiding for a couple of years now. So I went with Plan B which involved me inviting myself to stay the night at my niece’s cottage. The cottage is ten minutes away from the wedding venue so I got to see both sides of my family on the same day, killing two birds with one stone. To be clear I’m talking in metaphors here. No bird died even though a flock of wild turkeys looked death in the eye by crossing my path while I was driving in the boondocks. It was touch and go there for a few minutes while they took their sweet-ass time and I was jamming on my breaks. 

I’ve always enjoyed being in the country this time of the year. Seeing the Canadian geese squawking their way across the sky, the wild turkeys and pheasants that for some crazy reason seem to like being alongside the roads, and the Sandhill cranes out in the fields looking for corn left behind from the harvest are common sights and signs that summer is giving over to fall. I even got to see a family of deer crossing the road not fifty feet in front of my car which sounds like there should be a joke involving about why they did it. But the punchline isn't that funny; there was water on the other side of the road.

It was an out-of-ordinary venue for a wedding---an Indian casino---for the bride’s third wedding and the groom’s first. The place was picked because the location was central to the guests who had to come from different parts of the state. She’s a great-niece on my husband’s side of the family and she had a tumultuous first marriage and a second marriage that ended tragically. There are decades in between us but her widowhood came close on the heels of mine so we often got seated next to each other at family parties. Funny how that works out. Together but alone in a crowd. Then last year she showed up at the Christmas party with the man she just married.

Back to my side of the family: I spent my summers growing up at the cottage my niece now owns, so my inviting myself to stay overnight was not a stretch of etiquette. Since the day she bought it, I’ve had a standing invitation to use the place anytime I want. I went early so we’d get some visiting time in before I had to leave for the 5:30 ceremony. I was only at the wedding a few hours before I had to leave or be forced to drive back to the cottage after dark when small, furry animals would have risked becoming my road kill, but it was enough time to cover the wedding basics. The casino has a huge buffet where we ate and ate and ate. And after the wait staff cleared the dishes away and the cake was cut they gave us each a ten dollar coupon to play the slots. That emptied out the private room they’d rented of just about everyone but the bride, her three her kids---who weren’t allowed on the casino floor---and the asthmatics. 

Smoke has been known to give me asthma attacks and although smoking is no longer allowed in any other public places in Michigan, Indian casinos are exempted. I’m guessing this 147 acre place has become a mecca for sucking on cigarettes. Just getting to the private room from valet parking where I was told to park, I had to walk the entire length of the casino---past all 2,000 slots machines, a wifi café---whatever that is---all the table games and the glass-fronted poker rooms. The smoke was overwhelming and the people sitting in the dim-lite casino in front of the slot machines with their dancing neon lights didn’t look like they were having fun. Their glassy-eyed stares made me feel sorry for them. And I kind of felt sorry for the bride when her guests scattered like roaches once they got their coupons. 

When I got home I found a message on my answering machine from Levi’s kennel. “Levi is okay,” the owner said right out of the gate but they’d lost their power and a few trees on their wooded acreage. There had been tornado warning that forced everyone down to their basements and a neighborhood in between where I live and the kennel had lost some roof tops to straight line winds. Less than a mile away from the kennel a wide path of trees had been mowed down like grass in a public park, but the kennel has sound-proof walls so the boarders didn’t hear the wind whipping through the pines, or so the kennel owner assured me. Levi was glad to see me and even happier to get in the car to leave. 

Money Spent: $96 for two nights and three days for Levi's kennel, $40 for a wedding gift, $5 to tip the valet and $40 on a new blouse. Now I have to get back to my downsizing to help defray the cost of my mini vacation. Oh but it was worth it, just seeing the morning come across the lake of my youth slowly revealing the sailboat masts and the docks extending over the water whispered to my soul and reminded me of how grateful I am for the childhood my parents gave me and my brother. Now my granny-nanny niece is doing the same for her two grandsons and I got to see them interact up close and personal during my time spent at the cottage. But I'm lucky I didn't come home with teething marks and slobber on my shoes. The baby loved my shiny Mary Janes. ©

28 comments:

  1. A wedding in an Indian Casino? I don't know that I'd go that route but under the circumstances I can see why the event was held there. Still, everyone ditching the bride to go play slots? Seems kind of sad. I love your financial accounting of your mini-vacay. I think you got your money's worth. This post is great.

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    1. I think the bride looked at it like playing the slots was the entertainment, like others would hire a band. Most of the people there were excited about playing. But I saw it as 'sad' too. I left early so I don't know if the others returned to the room from time to time, but I'm guessing they did because the food and drinks were free from there, but not on the casino floor.

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  2. Third marriage? Oh well, I happy that you enjoyed yourself, spent time talking with your niece, enjoyed the wedding, and back home safe and sound.
    I'm so happy that Levi is also safe and sound.Well there isn't much more to say Jean. Keep safe my friend.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. A third marriage isn't THAT unusual when one ended in an unexpected death. The groom stepping to fatherhood with three boys that I'd worry about.

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  3. Sounds like a wonderful little va-cay, and trip down memory lane. I have the same reaction on the (very) odd times I find myself in a casino - I feel very sorry and also curious, seeing the people hunched over the slot machines. They seem like they have been taken over by some demanding, zombie-creating virus. The ads for casinos feature all these laughing people having all kinds of fun but I have yet to come across those same people actually inside a casino.

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    1. I know people who go on bus trips where they goto a different casino every day for a week. Don't understand that at all. Glad some else sees the same sadness I saw.

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  4. Well at least you got some needed relief from downsizing and I am glad you didn't murder any animals on the road. That is one reason I don't like to drive at night also. A casino seems an odd venue but like you said, entertainment of sorts. Only went to one casino in Florida and their ventilation was so good, I couldn't smell any thing from a man smoking beside me and I am very sensitive to smoke.

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    1. This particular family loves theme and designation weddings so, for them, I don't think it was such a strange venue. And like I said, family had to come from three different directions to meet in the middle at the casino so everyone ended up driving 75 miles instead of some driving 150.

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  5. I think that was money well spent. You have worked so hard at downsizing you needed a little pick me up.

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  6. Cool! Good for you for taking a mini vacation ... and oh so affordable! Fun, fun, fun. I have a young friend who had three SMALL children when she remarried. He is a fabulous father (unlike the bio guy). Stars in his crown for helping raise great youngsters.

    Thanks again for taking time to post!

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    1. A father by choice...that's a good way to look at it. This guy was raised on a farm, a country guy and seems down to earth...no pun intended.

      I write in the morning with my coffee. It helps wake me up.

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  7. I've only been in a casino once, and to be honest, I can't remember where it was. I think it might have been in Nevada. It was so long ago that nickel slots were the thing, and I do remember I started the night with $5 in nickels and ended up with about $8 or so. I'm just not a gambler at heart. It seems like opening a window and throwing your money out. When Texas introduced scratch-off tickets, I did do that for a while. Then, I won $250 on one of the tickets, and that was the end of it. I didn't think, "If I keep going, I'll win more." I thought, "I beat them once, and that's good enough." Then, I went out and bought Christmas presents with the money.

    I will say I've never heard of a casino wedding, although I suppose a lot of the wedding "chapels" and such in places like Vegas are much the same. It does seem like that's the sort of setting that bridge and groom both would have to agree on, so maybe it's good. They might have decided to do something they'd enjoy!

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    1. I don't get gambling either. I'm too much of a penny pincher for that.

      This casino is really out in the middle of no where, but in between to big cities and next to the highway. It employs a lot of people and the groom grew up close by. Going there on the weekends to hear live music and eat is what a lot of the locals do. To them, I don't think it's strange. I've never been to Vegas but I think your comparison to their weddings is a good one.

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  8. It sounds wonderful, Jean. I know you often write on mine that my lake posts remind you of your cottage days and I'm glad you got a bit of that time back. And great price for a mini-vacation! You know you love a pet when it costs more to board them than to board you! Glad all was well (more or less) after the storm.

    I don't get the casino smoking. Even in Vegas it is banned. Private property I suppose, but so are restaurants...

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    1. It's more than just about private property at Indian Casinos. They are on tribal land which by law isn't part of the United States and their treaties with the U.S. government allow them to have their own laws governing the use of tobacco and other things. This particular casino spent a lot of money before it was built fighting the DeVos family and others who wanted to stop it from being built. Tied them up in court for several years. But the Indians Nations have good lawyers who specialize in the old treaties and they always win these kinds of fights and they had the money of the gaming industry to help them get started. Tobacco use is part of their heritage so I don't see them banning it ever. I don't know Vegas but here in Michigan we have both Indian Casinos and those that aren't so smoking falls under state laws when they aren't on tribal land like the one I went to.

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    2. You can smoke in the casinos in Vegas. I was there at Xmas time and the one I stayed in was a 4 star resort. You also could request a smoking room. Wasn't a tribal casino, part of the Caesars family so I assume all or most are the same. Just throwing in my two cebts.

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    3. Interest! I just googled it and their state laws treat the Los Vegas Strip different than others places around the state.

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  9. Don't you just love those unexpected encounters with nature. And, honey, let me tell you about being alone in a crowd. It 'ain't' funny. But, it looks like you are doing well and finding the good chunks of life just for yourself.

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    1. I've gotten used to being alone in a crowd but I still miss having someone to share my thoughts with, thus blog has become my lifeline.

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  10. Sounds like a sensible wedding venue to me. Casinos know how to do a good buffet spread, and as you say, it is centrally located. Lots of those Midwestern casinos are right off interstates. And rather than hire in an entertainment (and the weddings lately are using photo booths, mechanical bulls, and all sorts of stuff, although why, I have zero idea--it's a wedding, not a show), they made use of what was already there.

    There is a casino in downtown Cleveland, and their ads always show twenty-something people in snazzy evening clothes, all sparkly, laughing and holding fancy drinks. Hilarious. The majority of casino patrons are thirty years older than that, rumply in sweats and a hoodie, and grimly smoking away as they stay glued to "their" slot machine.

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    1. That was only the second time I've been in a casino and it was as you described: patrons in sweats and hoodies. The other one I was one a cruise ship in the '70s and they were all dressed in evening clothing. I felt out of place in both places.

      I would have loved to find a photo booth! I had so much fun in those when I was in my early teens. How cool that would be to have a a wedding.

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  11. Dear Jean, I'm discovering that as I age, I must repeatedly let go of so much that I always assumed would be part of my life--what my body and mind and will and energy could do. But somehow the gift of letting go is that, like you, I have become more grateful for the whole of my life. For Mom and Dad and my brother and for all the gifts of friendship that have made my life whole. We are so fortunate. Peace.

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    1. Yes, I really do consider myself lucky that I was born to the parents I got, in the country I am a citizen of and in the time frame that gave a whole generation of baby boomers a great start in life. But I'm still afraid I'll loss my memories without the visual clues I'm downsizing from my life.

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  12. I would love the scenery but not the casino. I'm glad you went!

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    1. I hope never to go to another casino... but who knows, another wedding or anniversary party might take place and force me too. If so, I'll invite myself to stay at the cottage again.

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  13. I have never heard of a wedding at a casino, but then I had never heard of one in a baseball stadium (Minnesota Twins) until my daughter was a bridesmaid in one last spring! Lovely that you got to spend some time with your memories and family in the cabin you enjoyed as a child.

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    1. People are getting married in more "creative" places these days then they did in mine. Back when I was in the floral industry (1960 to 1981) and did flowers for over 5,000 weddings and not a single one of those outside of a church. I'm not surprised by the baseball stadium, I've seen engagements videos from them several times.

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  14. I find those casinos so depressing. I have not been in our local place (very upscale and fancy restaurants, concert venue, etc. And the smoke chokes me. Ugh! Can't think of a place I less want a wedding! But different strokes...

    You cabin sounds lovely. Glad you got to see family and enjoy time in nature with the furries.

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