Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, December 26, 2020

The Picture Purging Project

 My niece drove up from the boondocks to spend the day with me. We hadn’t seen each other since several months before the pandemic started. Her mission was to get me started on downsizing all the photos that I’ve accumulated over my lifetime and part of my parent’s lives. My goal was to end up with forty-one images to go into a 27” by 40” photo collage frame and another 100 to be digitized to become a slideshow in a digital photo frame.

My idea was that the photo collage will be an easy move if/when I ever have to get relocated out of my independent living unit on the continuum care campus to their memory care building. Those kinds of place always ask family to bring photos in. When my husband went into stroke rehab I scrambling to put together a board of photos that the therapists wanted in his room so they could try to pull language out of him. I don’t want to put that kind of stress on my nieces someday, not to mention they wouldn’t necessarily pick the same photos I would to invoke memories. Some of Don’s nieces and nephews, for example, brought in photos of their grandkids who Don hadn't seen often enough to be able to name before his stroke. Can we all spell ‘confusing’ for a guy who’d just had a massive brain bleed and 'awkward' for me having to remove them off the wall?

Anyway, photo purging with my niece was both easier and harder than purging my closet was last week. Easier because anything I was willing to let go of my niece wanted. Absolutely nothing got trashed that day. But it was harder because we kept getting side-tracked down Memory Lane and I kept forgetting what the goal was. We didn’t get anywhere near my finish line---I had a full week penciled in to complete the job---but we had fun and she went home with two 22” x 16” x 6” boxes full of photos and albums from my side of the family. She sent me a text when she got home saying she hoped I wasn’t too stressed with the purge and I wrote back, “Not at all. Downsizing to Goodwill is stressful. Downsizing to family is not because I know if I made a mistake I can turn into an Indian giver and get stuff back."

She also went home with the 25th anniversary dress of my mom’s, a “memory jacket” of my dad’s golfing days and a like-new L.L. Bean goose down parka that she’ll give to her daughter. She also took my dad’s oak tool box, some old 1940’s linens and a couple of things to pass on to my other niece who is surprising both me and her sister by developing an interest in collectibles at the ripe old age of 50 something. She’s the niece I used to hire when I wanted someone to help me deep clean and I wanted to be talked into parting with stuff. She was ruthless with her, “Aunt Jean, you don’t need that!” She’s still a cleaning machine and does it professionally, doing two and three houses a day.

The second day of my photo purging project I was on my own and I disassembled most of my photo albums and filled a 13 gallon, tall kitchen trash bag up with photos to throw out. I also labeled four  4” x 7” x 11” photo boxes to rough sorting photos I might want to keep. Yes, I know, my idea of only ending up with 140 pictures quickly got scrapped as an impossible mission unless I got a lobotomy to cut out my sentimental side.

The third day of my project I filled up another 13 gallon trash bag. All but 5-6 pictures of our travel and trips got purged as well as all the photos from my husband’s side of the family, (except for a few ancestors that will get mailed to his brother). The travel photos I kept were from our time spent in Central City and Silverton, Colorado taken on the day I call the happiest day of my life. One of those photos will go in my jar of fool’s gold and rubies that we panned on that trip. It wasn’t a honeymoon but it sure felt like one. If we could have figured out how to make a living in Silverton we would have moved there. For months afterward we got home we tried to figure out a way to buy the Teller House Hotel that was for sale at the time. It was built in 1896 and only the bar on the first floor was still open, but we got to wander around upstairs and got an invitation to stay overnight at the bartender’s house. All I could think about was getting murdered in our sleep by a stranger who looked like Jack Nickelson so we slept in sleeping bags on bed the of our pickup truck instead---like that was somehow safer. A decade or so later casino money came in and turned the entire area into a huge tourist destination and the hotel got restored to its former glory.

Teller House

On the fourth day of my photo purging project I took all the photos I had in frames and in three photo collage boards out of their frames and started the process of figuring out what to put in my new photo collage board. It’s going to take time to complete that project because I’ll have to send many of the photos out to get resized. But it was unrealistic to think I could complete this project in a week. Duh! I’ve also rescheduled the photo frame slideshow part of the project to after I move. After researching the cost of sending them out to be digitized and putting them on a memory stick I decided it wasn't something I'm willing to pay when I can teach myself how to do it when I don’t have pressure of a moving breathing down my neck.

On the fifth & sixth days of my photo purging project I sorted through a 15” x 20” x 18” box of 35mm slides that I had taken back in the '60s. It was a box that I hauled out of my clothes closet during that purging and it had been in there so long I forgot what was in it. A month before my husband died we sorted through a similar size box of slides that he had taken, with the intentions of getting the best 100 put in a digital slideshow photo frame. We were both avid amateur photographers back in the day, me concentrating on candid shots of people, he loved landscapes and nature shots. The best of the best of his photos were tucked in the top of my box of slides and I made quick work of cutting that 100 slides down to 25. My slides---close to 1,000 I'm guessing---were a harder sort, but I did it! And I fully plan to carry that digital frame goal over the finish line and it will have to accommodate 200 images now, instead of half that. In addition to the 100 slides I kept for myself I set another 200 aside to give to my nieces since they were my favorite subject to follow around with my camera.

On the seventh day I rested to write this blog and wished a good fairy would come by to clean up the mess this week's project created. My work tables in the garage are filled with stuff to pack for Goodwill and photos that need resizing are waiting on my dining room table to get labeled to take into the photo center. Photos have a way of evoking memories that otherwise get lost in the shuffle of life and, boy, this week of photo purging sure gave me have some vivid dreams each night, making my Christmas week pass no anxiety. I had a full life, not a conventional life but it hit enough benchmarks to make me happy and with few regrets. ©

This is photo collage frame that will hang in my future laundry room.


This is what is left of my photos and slides and they all fit in my media cabinet. Before the purge I had albums that took up three feet on a bookcase, those white boxes were all full---two are empty now---I also had the four photo collage boards (up above) that hung in my garage, the box of slides and a basket full of photos that were in frames. The only photo collage I couldn't bring myself to disassemble is one of all the dogs I've had in my life. I'm thinking I can find a place to hang that one after I move. Don't judge. I never had kids. 

43 comments:

  1. I can understand about the collage of dogs, and I have a child but have never had a dog.

    What a massive undertaking! Andy scanned in the thousands of our old pictures and slides years ago. I organized them so they are easier to look through. Now I organize the new pictures as they come in...I give them titles and keywords. It's a lot quicker now that we have digital cameras.

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    1. It's really smart to do what your did, especially organizing and labeling new photos as they come in. We all think we're going to remember but we don't. I don't take many photos anymore except for stuff I'm selling. That might change next year if I treat myself to a new camera.

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    2. You are good! If only....I have thousands of family photos going back at least 110 years. I've been trying to get them all scanned, but I am easily discouraged. It is boring.

      Good luck & feel free to come attack my accumulation.

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    3. The trick is to have a niece who takes all the oldest photos where she'll squirrel them away at the family cottage. LOL I really hate scanning photos, too. Not only is it boring my scanner is temperamental.

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  2. Oh, I certainly understand how difficult it is to downsize on your photos. I have lots and lots of photos and don't know how I'll ever be able to downsize the number of them. I can't even bring myself to throw away the yearly Christmas photos I receive from my extended family members. I need to create a photo collage of all the dogs I've had in my life. Thanks for that idea!

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    1. I had years worth of Christmas photos sent by extended family and I threw them all away and it was HARD to do. When I downsize anything I first determine what space my downsized items have to fit in and I keep sorting and throwing until I make what I keep fit the space.

      I love my dog collage. Glad you like the idea.

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  3. I need to do the same, except with digital files rather than printed photos. Most of the family photos -- ancestors, particularly-- have gone to a cousin who's into geneaology and maintaining family records. It's enough for me to have scans of the photos. I have kept a few, including one of my mother at six months of age. It's one of those huge photos in an oval wooden frame with convex glass, and a real treasure.

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    1. I'm the person who is the genealogist in our family but I made and published books of the family on both sides with all the important photos included. So I didn't feel compelled to keep those. I made a book of my husband and one of my brother, too.

      You are such a great nature photographer I can image your computer files are huge.

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  4. Glad you're keeping your Fur Baby Collage, they were your Kids! I'm envious and inspired by your successful Purge. Mine stalled on the Photos, I got Emotionally so raw after just a few Albums and didn't toss nearly enough and have nobody that wants them... so, I suspect even what I thought I Purged already will be revisited again because I just can't Keep all that or I'll have Photo Boxes out the Ass!

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    1. I can see why you'd get emotional doing a photo purge with all the things you went through with your kids and grandkids. Me, I was just the aunt who followed the kids around to document their happy play times. Times have changed, though. I took a photography class in college and took some shots on a playground of kids I didn't know. If I tried doing that today, someone would call the police!

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    2. Or... you'd have a bunch of angry Karens attacking you on said playground. I'm all for keeping Kiddos safe in this messed up World and being cynical enough to know Bad Actors are out there. But, some of the Helicopter Moms are so over the top that you have to be guarded about smiling, looking or saying anything to their Kiddos... it's kinda insulating them from proper Social function in so many ways that aren't positive and has become more of an exclusivity benchmark for some of those Parents. They size up everyone 'for' the Kid and pass along a lot of their own biases. Thankfully, some of those Kiddos of theirs are so much better than those who've raised them that they rise to greater heights of decency and Social compassion in spite of their upbringing. I'm kind of on a Roll about that Topic right now becoz I know some stellar Kids being raised by Parents that I have zero or not much respect or tolerance for. It used to be people universally bonded over Parenthood and it's particular challenges, joys, hardships. Now you have the ones pretending like they have the best shit in their toilets and acting as tho' other human beings are pieces of shit by their uppity or warped standards. It's so hard for their Children to Deal with on a Social level... and it's amazing what Kids will confide to an Adult they can Trust about what at Home bothers them so much they have to feel Heard somewhere else! Grrrr.

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    3. I can kind of see it now because those photos taken by strangers can be put online and used for purposes that are not so innocent and wholesome as I was doing back in the day for photography classes. But you make a great point about some parents who are so helicoptering kids to the point they are afraid of all strangers.

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  5. Wow! What a job! I can't even begin to think of our photos in three boxes and five albums, and that's a meagre amount compared to what you went through. A major accomplishment to be proud of and well done by you.

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    1. It was one of the downsizing projects I wasn't looking forward to and I'm glad the hard part of the job is done. I will no doubt do another purging in the a year or two but I say that about everything I will take with me when I move.

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  6. That is a huge job! I do have piles of pictures that I should purge. I think I will make that a 2021 project - thanks to your inspiration!
    Happy New Year!

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  7. I'm so glad you gave yourself so much time before moving. Although, without a deadline, I've only scanned ONE of ten boxes of old photos. I keep thinking I am going to let Costco digitize the rest...But $0.32 each ... I may pay the boys to scan for 30 minutes a day til they are done!

    YES, a dog collage would be wonderful. I may have to do that for my daughter!

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    1. Wow, 32 cents is cheap compared to the prices I'm finding around here. But I'll bet your boys could do it easily. I've been scanning photos today to send them into get resized for the collage board. I should have paid more attention to the cutouts on the board, none of them are standard sizes!

      The pandemic delayed my move by 4 months but even so I don't regret the long windup to the move.

      Your daughter, with her passion for dogs, would love a Pets of my Life collage.

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  8. My daughter has become the keeper of the family photos. She recently moved into a larger home and when I was over there (briefly, and masked) Christmas Eve day she showed me some of what she had stored and now was able to bring out to display. I had forgotten she had all the elementary school class photos of my mother, dating from when she was about six years old up to sixth grade. One dates from 1933, the year of the big Long Beach, CA earthquake. All the kids are lined up in front of a tent because it was too unsafe to go into the buildings. My ex-father-in-law was going to toss all the photos he had after his wife died but my daughter saved them. And it's nice to have some note with a description somewhere. I have some tintypes from my grandmother's family bible that date from the 1800's, but I have no idea who the people are.

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    1. I love that there seems to be one person in every generation of every family who keeps photos and sentimental stuff. I love that your daughter gets to display her treasures.

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  9. I think it's great that you were able to spend some time with your neice and give her photos and other keepsakes. I treasure the mementos I've been given from family members. It sounds like you're making great progress. Sorting through pics would be much harder for me than purging closets. Wish I had your motivation!!

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    1. My niece is a wonderful woman and it's always great when I get to see her. We really live to far apart to do it as often as I'd like but I'm hoping once I move we will be able to increase our visits. I did learn something with my photo purging project. I should have done the collage first and then gave stuff away and purged stuff.

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  10. great job - and having your niece help - even better...

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    1. It really helped get me started and we always enjoy seeing one another. We wore our masks and stayed 6 feet apart, so we were safe doing it.

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  11. Maybe it's good that you didn't buy the Teller House Hotel, after all -- that place has a real reputation for being haunted! (I did have to reread your post one more time, thinking you were saying it was in Silverton -- as you know, Silverton and Central City are way far from each other. Central City and Blackhawk are pale shadows of what they used to be, hidden under all the casino glitz. Silverton is more its old-time self, though all things change.)

    Here's one person's take on the hotel:
    https://paranormalstories.blogspot.com/2011/11/teller-house.html

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    1. You had me confused. too. We spent an entire week in the area and I Knew it was about a six hour drive between the two cities but we spent the more time in Silverton where I was sure the Teller House was. But according to a google search they show a Teller House in both cities! I did not remember that at all...but we're going back 50 years ago into my memory bank. We never went back to the area, afraid we'd jinx our memories though we were tempted to see what they did to the place. From the online photos it looks like they did a fabulous job. We could have scraped together the money to buy the place but not to restore it or make a go of it as a business or any business in the area back then. We did heard about the haunting and that was part of the appeal. We loved Victorian Homes back then and searched here for years trying to find one to restore.

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  12. What a huge job but so many memories as you sort through. My mom loved to make photo albums and I have one of her as a baby and there are wedding pics as well. It is so special to me.

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    1. Molly, I'll bet your mom made an album of you, too. I kept an album of one of our fur babies. Cooper was my husband's spirit twin. Don took so many photos of that dog, it wasn't funny.

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  13. You are inspiring, Jean! Last week I had to pull out all my photo albums to search for a particular picture and they are still piled up on my guest bed. The thought is to go through them and organize them before they go back into the closet but that ain’t happening, so far. I should take your approach and am looking forward to “and on the 7th day I rested” part 🤣. But alas, I am still at “On the first day, she ignored the pile on the bed” stage. 😉

    Deb

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    1. You'll get there. As another wise blog once reminded me, use the Swiss cheese method. Break the job up into smaller jobs and tackle each job as a mini project.

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    2. P.S. I've discovered I need to sort and purge my digit photos on my computer too. But that can wait until after I move.

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  14. I need to do this same project, but can't bring myself to get started. What a job!! H's cousin called us a couple of years ago and asked H to come and look at her old photos and take whatever he wanted. She was in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. She wanted everyone to get the photos they wanted.

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    1. That was nice! My niece got all her mom's photos and had a party where everyone who wanted copies of whatever could sign a sheet attached to each ancestral photo and she had made copies for them all. Must have cost her a mint because she has a lot of cousins. on her mom's side.

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  15. Photos are the hardest things for me to part with. And I love your idea of the dog collage. I made a photo book of the dog we lost this summer as a Christmas gift for DH - it was a huge hit.

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    1. We all love our fur babies. I made an album for my husband once of a dog that was almost surgicallly attached to him.

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  16. You are way more ruthless than I and more aggressive! I have to pause between purging, only able to do so many albums at a time. I scan many, send originals to the family members and friends who are in them and pitch the ones that were crummy photos, even if I loved them then. That said, I'm about halfway through and more to come. And some, I'll just leave for Rick to deal with someday!

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    1. It's funny but the only two photos I regret letting go of was 1) a long-horn steer and 2) one of my mom standing next to wheel on ship. My niece has the second so I can get a copy someday. An hour after I through the steer away I actually tried to fish it out of the trash but I couldn't find it. I still can't figure out what lost memory that steer was trying to remind me of. I did a mini-mourn over the photos I took in photography classes when I was in college where I actually developed my own pictures. Not that they were great photos but they always remind me that I used to have skills and a great eye. Sometimes I think I'd like to take up photography again but then I think what's the point? Now EVERYONE can take good photos.

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  17. That is a job forever on my to do list. I love photos and have a hard time parting with them. So. I put it off over and over. You've inspired me.

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    1. In all honesty, when you have kids and grandkids I don't think the purge project is nearly as important as it is for someone like me. You know if something happens to you, your family won't just throw them all out without looking at them.

      That said, not having them take up so much space really is nice and the best photos I ever took I have on the slides that I kept. Just need to wait until spring to take them to a processor that would be too far and hazardous to drive to in the winter. Once their on a memory stick I'll be on my way to getting the photo frame slide show I've wanted for a long time.

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  18. 16 years ago, when I had my knee replaced, I purged my family photos. Why did everyone order 3 copies of every photo? I separated them into phases of my life, tossed all the duplicates and any of people I didn't know. I've never looked in that box since, but this post of yours makes me want to take a peek. Your ongoing efforts to minimize and organize are truly inspirational!

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    1. The processing places, at least around here, automatically gave us two copies of every print when we'd bring in a roll to develop. I don't know if it was a marking thing or it cut down on special orders that took up more custom time. Maybe a little of both? It's amazing how quickly we can forget who is in some of the photos we took.

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  19. I think your photo collage will be a great conversation-starter when you move to your new CCRC condo. When you invite people over, they will start asking you questions about the photos in the collage, and you'll start getting to know new friends that way.

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    1. I don't think many people will see it in the laundry room but I you make a good point so I might have to rethink where I want to hang it. It turned out really great! It covers my parent since before they were married down to group shots of the youngest generation in the family.

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