Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, July 3, 2021

The Apocalypse, Books and Selling my House

I have stripped my house of so much stuff over the past year it looks naked. And I can’t believe I’m about to say that I kind of like the look. My library, though, still has eleven feet of totally empty bookshelves in it and my crafting and guest room just has an area rug, a small keyhole desk and two running board picnic baskets (circa 1910), one sitting on top of the other. Both of these rooms are actually bedrooms so the openness should help buyers visualize them that way. The open shelves in my guest bathroom that once housed a large collection of seashells now has neatly folded towels and covered baskets. The living room without the roll top desk, without eight pieces of art including three sculptures and without my husband’s collection of vintage western memorabilia it looks a lot less Old West. But because I still have six large prints on the walls---three of contemporary Native Americans and three of contemporary cowboys---the living and dinning rooms now look more New American West. A staging company would take them all down and put up a nondescript cityscape or an over-sized sunburst made of gold gilded plastic. I’m sorry, but if people are so dumb that they can’t look past my artwork to see their own stuff on the walls, then they’re too dumb to live here. (And yes, a staging company who gave me a quote last year raved about what the sunburst could do for my room, a sunburst I've seen a dozen times on HGTV and I disliked that lady from the minute she stepping into my house.)

In my dinning room, though, I still have all my keeper books that tells a story of who lives here---a no-no according to staging companies. Screw the staging companies! It’s a seller’s market. Besides, it’s not like I have a collection of military manuals for Navy SEALS or Delta Forces on Fifty Ways to Kill a Person or books on how to dissect and dispose of bodies from Psycho Press. No prepper books on how to live through an apocalypse either. Although I just finished reading a series of seven books by Kyla Stone that has me thinking I need a few. 

Ohmygod, those books were the perfect thing to keep me distracted from obsessing about my own life. The series is based on the premise that a high altitude nuclear bomb detonation caused an electromagnetic pulse that destroyed all the power grids and fried anything with computer chips in them---cars, planes, communications, media  and medical devices; sewer, power and water treatment plants, gas station and food distribution hubs. Even modern generators. All of it rendered useless across America and beyond.

 I’ve read a few dystrophy books in the past year but these books were set in my home state, all over the state, and featured a nasty-ass militia group not unlike our real-life militia group that tried to kidnap our governor because the candy-asses didn't want to wear masks during the pandemic. The books were action packed and full of villains and good guys and instructions for how to do things like build a solar powered oven, make hand-warmers and convert a mop pail and a swimming pool noodle into a toilet.

Threaded through the first five books a girl who’d been held in a basement prison for five years by a psychopath escaped when the power grid went out. It was in the dead of winter in the middle of the national forest and she was eight months pregnant. Yup, the psychopath was tracking her when her path crossed with an x-Delta Force guy armed to the teeth who was trying to get to his cabin in the middle of no where to ride out the chaos. It was just a little light, bedtime reading that made me forget to worry about how much my life is about to chance.

It’s a good thing so much of my reading fare is on my Kindle because I do wonder what kind of impression I’d make if someone were to see the titles of the books I’ve been reading since the pandemic started. Looking at my shelves of "real" books sitting in plain sight of the herd of Lookie-Loos who will invade my house in a few days, I’ve combed over the titles for anything that might turn off a perspective buyers. The staging companies turn all your titles to the back so no on can read them. Joanna Gaines on HGTV does that too when she does a remodel reveal. Drives me crazy. If the home owner doesn’t read, don’t use books for props, Joanna! I only turned one title to the wall, a book about back alley abortions that was written before Roe vs Wade and helped push the issue up to the Supreme Court.

It crossed my mind to dust that book with baby powder like I used to do with my diary when I was a teenager so I could tell if my brother touched it. The joke was on me because my brother was smart enough to know where my mom kept the baby powder. But a snoopy person wondering what I’m hiding with the title not showing probably wouldn’t notice that my Nancy Drew detective trick was in play. Just to be clear, I’m kidding. I’m not going to set up a trap. If a Right-to-Lifer finds that book she/he will steal it to destroy it like they do with pro-choice library books in my part of the county. That's the reason why I didn't donate to the library with my other women's history books. 

 Over the years my husband and I had looked at a dozen or two houses for sale and only once did a person’s art and reading influenced us enough to seriously consider putting in an offer. The guy was elderly and had drawn and written over every square inch of his walls in the style of William Blake. Mythical little creatures and poetry, so mind-blowingly strange and beautiful we wouldn’t have wanted to paint over it or to live with. We thought about cutting the walls out and selling sections as art. We researched him, hoping he was famous enough that his "walls" could end up paying for the mortgage. No such luck. His walls were also not sheet rock but rather the old style plaster lath and they would have fallen apart if you tried to preserve sections of it.

Over the years we’d often wondered what happened to the art inside. I used to tell my husband that when I got to be his age I was going to throw convention to the winds and do the same thing with my walls. He’d scowl at me, trying to gauge if I was serious. I never told him that if I had half the talent that old guy had I would have done it in heart beat and not wait until I'm the age I am now, but I’m not so the walls in my new place are safe. ©

 "Enlightenment means taking full responsibility for your life." 

William Blake 
 
William Blake, an artist and poet who was often labeled insane, genius and prophet all rolled into one.

43 comments:

  1. We are on the same page when it comes to staging a home. Enough already! My goodness, when I think of all the homes my husband and I have purchased and sold over the years, it just didn't seem to matter. When we were young and couldn't afford much, those fixer-upper homes looked pretty rough. There was wallpaper to peel off and stuff was outdated, but that meant it was more affordable to us as a young couple (with more energy than money). The next move, to our little retirement place, will be our sixth home. A person learns as you go along. We've had humble little homes, big well-built homes, and for the past 17 years we've had my husband's family farm. Oh my, it is beautiful here, but there is so much work involved. We are now at an age where we are not able to keep up with the demands any more. Our next home will have 2,000 square feet less than we're living with at present. There was a time that would have freaked me out, but I'm looking forward to caring for just 1,350 square feet! Jean, it's been interesting to read your opinions and plans for the next stage of your life. It encourages me to hang in there. One of these days, the dust will settle, and we'll all be safely tucked into the "next chapter" of life.

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    1. There was a woman realtor and stager who did a presentation at our senior hall a few years ago and boy did she turn me off to the progress. She said when you sign with her, your house becomes hers and if she wants to paint your oak cabinets white that's what will happen. "You will have no say in the matte." I'll do whatever it takes to make your house appeal to buyers. My oak cabinets look as good as the day they were built and the idea of someone painting them while I still own the place and still love my cabinets made me mad. Unless your cabinets are really worn out and in bad shape it's its just a side hustle to paint them.

      Leaving a big house behind and all the maintenance that goes with it is going to feel so good when your time comes.

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    2. Wow, that realtor really has her head up her butt. Your house becomes hers? Just because you signed with her? I don't think so! What happens when the listing runs out and the house hasn't sold? Will she remove the paint on your oak cabinets? If she told me that, as a prospective client, I would quickly show her the (unpainted) door.

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    3. I can't imagine why anyone would sign with someone with her attitude. That wasn't the only tyrant-like thing she said that turned me right off.

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  2. I think this staging idea is bonkers. I get to not have a home look too crowded or too tacky, but I agree wholeheartedly..if they can’t see beyond that, they are too dumb to own it. šŸ˜Š

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    1. Someone in my town selling his house almost lost his job because of some KKK stuff he had hanging on his walls and he made the nighty news because he was a policeman. In that situation, he could have used a stager to swap it out with a stupid sunburst, but in most cases they are just spending your money for things you can do yourself. Thankfully, my realtor and I are on the same page. He says he'd rather have a house look like a home and not a hotel.

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  3. I just howled when I read, "We thought about cutting the walls out and selling sections as art." I can't remember which season it was, but that was the plot line of an episode of NCIS. Someone cut a section of a graffiti artist's work out of a bank wall; it took them some time to figure out it wasn't a bank robbery, but an art theft.

    The talcum powder story reminded me of a friend who used to write his name in the dust at my place. The worst part was that he didn't just write his name -- he'd date it, too. Sigh.

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    1. Now you have me laughing at you friend dating your dust. I remember a time someone did the same with a "wash me" graffiti on car.

      Love the NCIS story, thanks for sharing it.

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  4. I was spoiled when I sold my place in Florida. There was a real estate boom then, like now, and the sign was barely planted in the ground when it sold--one day. I don't even think I had washed the windows. I think staging might be necessary if it is a tough market. Today people are even buying via drive by.

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    1. I agree---to some degree---on the staging during a tough market. Move-in ready is needed then.

      My realtor says to be prepared for showings shortly after it goes live tomorrow afternoon.

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  5. I hope you have somewhere comfy to go while your house is being shown as it sounds like it will get lots of interest. What a journey getting to this point. Congratulations.

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    1. I've goy a list of 10 errands/places to go during showings, one includes seeing a movie, another includes getting the car detailed. I'm not looking forward to the first week when most of the showings will happen and with any luck, that will be the only week of showings.

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  6. Good luck with the sale! It should be a busy, exciting week for you!

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    1. Photographs on Wednesday, listing live on thursday and realtor said there will be showings that night.

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  7. We lived in an old late 1880s limestone homestead out in the country for 11 years. I had painted a copy of a French advertising poster by T. Steinlen on the door of the laundry room. It took me about a month of working on it for around 4 hours a day. When we sold that place in 2007 we had to leave the door. Even though I'd taken a lot of photos of it, I still wish I had it. The people who bought the place did some major renovations, I'm told, and I'm sure the door went to the landfill. Here's what the advertisement looked like:

    https://www.art.com/products/p10010317-sa-i790120/theophile-alexandre-steinlen-clinique-cheron-c-1905.htm

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    1. Wow! I could have had the listing state that door does not go with the house or replaced it with a new door before the listing. I have an 1800s medicine cabinet that I considered doing that here in this house, but I wouldn't have anyplace to put it. So fingers crossed the new owners will see it value and usefulness.

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  8. Some people here are buying sight unseen! What's the plan for between homes, I forget? Rent an RV and visit all the National Parks? (Actually, I'd love to do that). I am just in awe of all that you have accomplished! Thanks for continuing to post through all of this!!

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    1. We're asking for a firm 60 days occupancy after closing and if all goes according to plan that will put closing August 15, and staying put until my scheduled move in date of Oct 5th with a ten day buffer if needed. I also have my niece's cottage where I can stay as long as I need to if this ideal time table doesn't work out as planned. Asking for 60 days might cut down on some offers but if the buyers market holds on must a little longer I will be fine. If not, I will sit down and cry.

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  9. I would love to see the house you mentioned with the writing on all the walls! I couldn't live with that either but it would be something to see. I've heard of people who leave markers in their powder room for guests to graffiti up the walls with. That could end up wonderful or horrific. I guess it depends on who you let use the bathroom. If you had a lot of visual artists as friends, I think this could be very cool to do. Also, it could really tie up this toilet...especially during house parties! ;-)

    Deb

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    1. It was back in the days before cell phones or I would have taken pictures. We went back twice. It was a great old, fixer upper house which was just what we wanted too.

      Ya, the bathroom would become a very popular room with graffiti on the walls.

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  10. When my son died we had to ready his house for sale. We touched things up, replaced stuff such as damaged carpeting...but mainly decluttered and made things look like a family home and not a man and cat cave. Worked..sold in a day. The digital pictures organized by the relator were worth it...they were an online invitation to come and look!

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    1. I'm excited they are going to let me watch the photo shoot of my house and give me a copy all thy take. We're not going to look at any of the offers until 7 days out so that's the fast mine could sell.

      Sorry you lost your son. I can't image how hard that must have been.

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  11. I didn't know they turned books around so you can't see the titles. I have 4 large bookshelves so that would be a lot of book turning. lol

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    1. The crazy stagers do and a couple of house flipping shows on HGTV do for their big reveala. Drives me crazy!

      I had a humongous number of books, made me sick to donate so many. Bedore the pandemic I Was able to sell a faction of them at an auction house and on e-Bay. Selling collectible books was my least favorite thing to sell on e=Bay. Book buyers are the fussy.

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  12. Just dropped by to check you out but no comment comes to mind

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  13. Looks like you've done the best for you and the forthcoming sale .... go well.

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    1. me too. In a burst of energy today I wash my window shades. If clean count, I'm in great shape here. I'm so ready!

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  14. I think you did a lot of planning and the time line you have sounds very reasonable, for selling and then moving in to your new home. Having your home rather empty makes it look spacious, which is a plus.

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    1. My time line is a negative for many buyers who want to get into a place in 30 days. But that time line will fly by for me.

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  15. An Insane Genius Prophet sounds like a good Label to be slapped with by Society! I never paid much attention to what was in people's Homes when I was house hunting and that actually surprised me, since if I look at online Listings I'm intrigued by how the people live and try to guess if anyone actually even lives there or if it's completely staged for the Listing? The Homes I was serious about buying tho' all were either tastefully decorated with everything the owners had or had been emptied out. When we bought Villa Boheme' it was empty, as was the Historic Home... but this one still had the belongings of the Young Couple in the Listing pixs and she had an Urban Farmhouse Vibe that was sparse but pleasant. When we scheduled the Viewing they had moved out so it was empty... which gave me both a sense of what this Home looked like furnished and unfurnished, very Helpful actually to envision what could fit in each room. I know when we Sold Villa Boheme' it was hard to know just how much to empty it out, but like you, I spent about a Year getting rid of things and then cramming U-Haul Storage to the gills with whatever I thought might put off a prospective Seller or get Stolen. I thought we did a good job, by the sounds of it, so did you Jean. I had to Smile about the Keeper Book Display tho', since I was envisioning those Military Stud Muffin ones you had been reading and how erotic the covers might be? *Bwahahaha* Now that might raise an eyebrow or be Temptation for someone to take peeks at?? *Winks*

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    1. O remember some of the houses you blogged about when you were looking. The one with the giant wind-chimes was my favorite and one with a lot of black and brick in the kitchen.. Both out of my price range but unique.

      My reading choices since the pandemic have been insane and all over the map of throw away genres. And you are right about the covers. LOL

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    2. Yes, Pueblo Boheme' was The Man's favorite and I must confess Divine for me and Princess T too... but... and it was a big BUT... remote and had that Driveway of Death down to the Mesa that almost gave me the vapors every time, I would have white knuckled it every time and who needs that? Plus, it wasn't near anything relevant and no neighbors whatsoever. As The Son so aptly said, if something happened to you guys nobody would even know a house was there, so it might be Months before anyone found you! The Black Kitchen with Brick was so Small, but that Kitchen was everything, wasn't it? Every place we almost bought would have been okay really, but this one is the Idyllic fit so I'm glad it all turned out how it did in the End.

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    3. I wouldn't have liked the isolation of that one either.

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  16. So much happening all the time! I don't know how you keep up with all the details.

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  17. Lists. Lots of lists: What I Need to Do, What I Need to Hire Done, what I need to Buy plus a month-by-month schedule allotting time for each phrase. Planning has always been my strong suite.

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  18. I shouldn't let a post sit too long before I comment or else it doesn't take and I have to write it all over again! I never understood why so many say to remove all personality from a house. I can see getting rid of controversial titles or art. If I walked into a house filled with Trump memorabilia, I'd walk out. I would refuse to give these people one cent of my money. But if they had an ugly painting on the wall -- I think I could see beyond that! It's coming soon!

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    1. I agree on the Trump stuff. I had a jar of political pinbacks from both parties that I hid. Not sure if you saw my reply above about a cop here in town who had his house up for said and had KKK stuff on the walls. He got in a lot of trouble over that. He said it was historical---which it could have been---but it caused a review of his work as a policeman.

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  19. I'm wishing you good luck, much excitement, and the perfect buyer.

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  20. It's been a long time since I read it, but I think the first Louise Penny mystery included a character who had painted original art work all over all the walls of her house.

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  21. Less than 24hrs before your listing goes live! Best-est of luck! You deserve it, and more.

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