Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, August 21, 2021

Ambien, and Moving E-mails and Landlines

I knew it wouldn’t last. It’s been nearly a month since I accepted an offer on the house and during most of that time I was able to wean myself off from taking Ambien every night to get some sleep. That auspicious occasion evidently re-set my internal clock so that I was getting six hours of sleep the natural way which for me means my dreams are back. Usually I like my dreams but ever since I got a firm appointment for the closing on my house my dreams have not been the fun kind that wake me up wishing I could go back to that wrinkling-of-time-and-space land of my subconscious mind. Nope. Two nights in a row I kept waking myself up dreaming that I was at an auction and my house was what was being auctioned off. “No, no! I can’t do this!” During the daylight hours I do want to do this---move---but all of sudden it looks like too much work. Like an avalanche is headed my way and I can't outrun it. In other words, panic mode is trying its best to sink in.

After two nights of falling asleep around midnight but waking back up near 3:00 with no more sleep in sight I was hauling out the Ambien bottle again. Before the pandemic I’d taken the drug for years but I limited its usage to several nights around the full moon and my doctor was fine with that. With all the stress in my life now he’s temporarily okay with me taking it every night but would be happier if I didn’t. Apparently, people in my age bracket are more sensitive to the negative effects of the drug than younger people. If you google Ambien you’ll find stuff like this: “Due to the association noted with other sleeping medications like diphenhydramine and benzodiazepines, there is some concern that Ambien could affect long-term memory and contribute to the development of dementia or Alzheimer's disease.” Yikes!

On the moving front: I’ve been doing things that don’t show up except as check marks on a To Do List. My landline and e-mail address are both tied in with my cable company and I won’t have the same cable company after I move causing me to set up a new e-mail account and I've been updating that info at places where it matters----financial and health related mostly. I got conflicting information on whether or not you can keep using an e-mail address from a cable company once you leave that company. Evidently, many of them do let you do that. However, at the cable company I use its written out in plan English but buried in the fine print on their website that your e-mail address will only be good for 30 days after you cancel your cable service. The moral of that story is to get your information from the horse’s mouth. Hint: Tech gurus don’t know everything and I’m grateful I figured that out before moving rather than after I move when I'll be distracted with settling into my dollhouse-sized new digs.

My landline number is one I’ve had for decades. It’s only the second phone number I’ve had in my entire life. Can you believe that! (I don’t count my cell number because I rarely use it except for texting and I couldn’t pick it out in a lineup of phone numbers if I tried.) But I do remember when the phone company put the telephone poles down the street for the first time and we neighbors all had sequential numbers when I was a kid. My last digits were 9042 and our neighbors were 9041 and 9043. That number issued back then stayed with the house I grew up when I bought the place from my parents.

I cannot take my landline number with me when I move because the continuum care campus has their own internal phone system we have to use if you want a landline and they don't port numbers. Finally, after weeks of thinking and scheming about how to keep that number I decided to upgrade to a brand new cell phone, have the landline number ported over to it and after that's all squared away, then get my contacts ported over to the new cell before canceling the service on the other two phones. My cell carrier assures me it will all work out. Since I always have a back up plan, I printed out a hard copy of my contacts in case I have to enter them manually. The new phone is due to be delivered any day now and then I'll have to work up the courage to start the porting process. I have a bit of a phone phobia. I have to be in the right mood to dial anyone.

I hate using cell phones in particular. They are too small and awkward to hold, but I’m vowing to take the time to learn the ins and outs to getting the most out of my new cell. By the time I've settled into my new place I hope not to give in to the temptation to add a landline phone bill into my budget. On the other side of the coin I don’t want to become one of those people who are surgically attached to their cell phones. I will, however need to work on getting better at checking for messages a couple of times a day. Woe is me and my First World "issues". Soon I’ll only have one cell as opposed to one cell and three landline extensions. You can't not hear three extensions going off at once. Unless I’m sitting right on top of the new cell, I’ll never hear a phone ringing for me for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll have to rethink that surgically attached option.

Next Saturday's Blog Saga will no doubt be about a future residence orientation meeting at my new place that is supposed to cover things like making our final payments and the other paperwork---a 14 page form!---we'll need to provide them. We'll only have until October 4th to back out and get a full refund but if I did that where would I live? There will be no second guessing this late in the game. From here on in I have to trust that I was of sound mind and body when I made the decision to sign the dotted line on my next big adventure in life. ©

55 comments:

  1. So much is going on for you, as you prepare to move, just the phone situation alone is a lot of choices to make and work to do. I had to change my cell phone plan yesterday, it is not an enjoyable task. Those warnings about Ambien sound dire. I am glad I haven't taken it. Be well and look forward to your move.

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    1. I have a theory that not getting enough sleep also contributes to dementia and Alzheimer's because sleep is necessary for storing our short term memories into a different part of our brains for long term memories. So I'm damned if I take it or damned if I don't. LOL

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  2. Lack of good sleep--not good! Ever since my husband and I decided to transition from the family farm to a smaller retirement place, he has struggled to get decent rest. It's not unusual for him to get up at 2:00 and start his day. Sometimes he's able to nap mid-afternoon, but not always. I'll admit, I've been concerned for him, but I believe it's the psyche's way of figuring stuff out and making peace with life changes. Phones. Now there's gonna be big changes with phones. We still have an old landline, too. Heck, we even have a harvest gold wall phone with a long, long cord, in the kitchen. Remember when everyone wanted a long cord so you could talk on the phone while making a meal??? (I'm humming "Memories....like the corners of my mind...) I just love those solid old phones with receiver that were engineered to fit. We do use our cell phones when we're at the new place, and probably won't have a landline there when we move. Jean, I like your idea to keep your landline number on your new cell phone. Smart. When you talked about the numbering system of your childhood neighborhood, it reminded me that the first phone number I remember was 2262. We lived in an itty bitty rural community, so we had the party line system. If you picked up the phone to use it, and someone was talking, the proper thing to do was to hang up and try later on. Sometimes, it was tempting to listen, though, to get caught up on the local gossip. Oh my, times have changed, but everything's going to be fine...(that's my mantra). Hope you start resting better, Jean. Have a good weekend!

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    1. Until house got listed I still have a wall phone in the kitchen with a long cord. Cords always seem more private to me...watched one too much movies where van parked outside a house could listen to calls. My favorite phone was a pink princess phone I had in the '60s. Did a lot of flirting on that phone and it fit perfect on your shoulder.

      Your husband is lucky he can nap during the day. I never could (or even tried). Well, until watching baseball this past month.

      I was trying to remember if our first phones with the sequential numbers were also party lines or if I just heard about so much during my lifetime that I'm having a false memory of them.

      I like your mantra. I'm going to brought it for a couple of months.

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  3. Ok that is enough to keep you awake at night. I have no cell service here so a land line is my only connection. I do have a flip phone for travel. Hope all your new connections go smoothly. Keep the Ambien handy just in case. Would hate that no dreaming part though.

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    1. Hard to believe there are still pockets of the US without cell service. I guess that's part of the what that infrastructure bill is supposed to address. I do worry about all those signals going through the air could be doing to our bird population.

      Got the new phone up and running but am waiting now for the port t happen---the scary part---which can take up to 7 business days.

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    2. We had to port from one company to another, and I was also very nervous. But it came off without a hitch. Keep the faith!

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    3. I'm on a long hold right now with Spectrum. I got a call this morning from my cell carrier saying they can't get Spectrum to release the number because something doesn't line up. I had her double check for typos on the numbers written right off my bill that Spectrum told me I needed. Been passed around 3 times to get phone number directly to their porting department.

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    4. And here's the topper. The phone number I was given and verified twice and dialed three times in no longer in service! Call again, jumped through their hoops to a live agent, got another number for the porting out department but at that number they have a recording that asks if you want to be called back but it cuts you off without allowing you to answer. Called 4 times, same thing!

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    5. Spectrum is horrid...and getting through is a challenge. But don't give up. It sometimes takes a while, but with luck you'll get through to someone who knows what they are doing. If I had all the time back I've spent on hold and on the phone with them, I would live another year past my fated demise. :)

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    6. You'll know what I'll be doing on Monday.

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  4. Sounds like you have entered the “what have I done phase” of moving! Quite emotionally painful. Hope your new phone works out well and your move continues on schedule so you can start settling in and feeling at home.

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  5. My mother has always slept like a rock her entire life. She is 91 now and has dementia and early stage Alzheimer's. Be careful with those theories you propose.

    Big decisions almost always come with an aftershock of second-guessing. Change is scary, and you are making a huge one. The nice thing about your big change is that you didn't just cavalierly jump into any part of it. No one could have been more methodical or informed than you have been.

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    1. I would love to sleep like a rock every night but an only do that with the darn pill. I've never had a good short term memory but I blame it on not paying attention most of the time, my imagination is usually off some where else.

      I always marvel at people who can make major life decisions with little or no planning. I don't know whether to be jealous or call them reckless. That 14 page document I just got to fill out from the CCC really hit it home how BIG my change really is.

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  6. When I switched cable companies a few years back, the tech guy suggested using a "gmail" account for my email. He said it isn't linked to your cable account so you never have to change it if you switch. So that is what I did.
    Instead of worry and anxiety over the changes in our lives, we should try to have anticipation and excitement like when we were young and we looked forward to future events! Easier said than done, tho! :)

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    1. I've had a gmail account for a couple of years as a back up, but I don't really like how they group emails into conversations or whatever they call them and I knew I didn't want to use it for my main email.

      Like I said above to Nance, it was the 14 page questionnaire that really threw me for a couple of days, pointing out how much my life is about to change and how much faith I have put in this CCC holding up their end of the bargain. I'm used to being in control. LOL

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    2. You never know what detail will hit you that way. It catches you by surprise when you think you've made your peace with your decision. Good luck. My mantra is always "Other people have done this, so surely I can."

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    3. I like that. It's similar to one I use of 'I can do this'.

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  7. I'm really interested in your phone situation. I'm sure at some point landlines will go away and we'll all have to use cells. I'd sorta like to cut the cord but my mom has dementia and can only remember our landline number. I don't think I know what porting is, can you explain it? Do they allow you to keep your landline number? My mom used lots of sleeping pills and I've wondered if that contributed to her dementia. I try to stick to melatonin. Good luck with all your forms.

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    1. Porting is what they call it when you have your new phone provider (my new cell service) request of your old phone provider (my landline cable company) to transfer your phone number to them (the one I've had for 35 years). Supposedly if you have all your information correct (account numbers, pin number, SS#) it goes through in 5 to 7 days. If anyone along the line makes a typo, it can take another 5 to 7 days. And yes, it works with landline numbers I called both my landline company and cell service to find out the procedure and make sure it was do-able. I'll let you know in s5 to 7 days. If you call be sure to use the words "port request" to find out how it works and where to start it. Google it for general info.

      I use melatonin too but it doesn't work very good for me.

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  8. I loved downsizing ... once it was over. In fact, I need to downsize my itty bitty room again. Simple and serene. I hope you find is peaceful once you are moved in and set up!

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    1. Not me! I downsized at least 10 things that regret or have needed again.

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  9. I have crazy dreams when I'm stressed, and moving is a huge stressor. But I think you have done what you can. It's hard to live through, but ultimately, I think you'll be happy you did it. I did have a couple moments of "is this the right move" last year, but now that we're past it, it was the right thing. Hang in there!

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    1. This has been the most frustrating morning of dealing with the porting issue that isn't going smoothly (see above) and filling out that 14 page questionnaire for Monday's meeting. But I'm grateful I didn't wait until the last minute to try to port the homes number! One step at a time!!! I'll get to the fun part in time.

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  10. I love my cell phone...it's my additional brain, my messaging device, holds all my paperwork and photos, is my main camera...and occasionally even acts as a phone...LOL! It was a little nerve-wracking to give up the landline but I've been without one for many years now and the sky did not fall down. I hope you come to love your mobile as well, Jean.

    Deb

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    1. I think I'll get used to it. Lots of things I want to get used to liking using the calendar and google maps. Add Zoom and Uber.

      But it's been a frustrating morning trying to deal with the porting. Finally gave up on Spectrum (until Monday) and called Great Calls back (where I'm trying to port the landline to) They have such a great and patience tech support. We went back over the info again, looking for typos and found at the end of my street it only says "N" instead of "NE". So she's resubmitting the port request with fingers crossed that will do the job. I'm to call Spectrum back again on Monday, too, to verify that A/C number on my statements is the one to use for porting. I already did that before I even ordered the new cell so it will be another exercise in wasting time on hold.

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  11. Good luck with everything, especially sleeping. If only the details were done and you could sleep until you have moved. ❤️

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  12. The biggest advantage of a landline and answering machine for me was as a post-hurricane power alert. If I called and the answering machine picked up, I knew the power was back on and it was safe to go home.

    I've never had to do that porting business, because I've always been with Verizon, regardless of phones. My "best" experience was about five Christmases ago when I laundered my flip phone on Christmas Eve and killed it. As it happened, I had a spare flip phone, so I called Verizon. Despite the holiday, they had a nice techie working. He was able to transfer my number and all my contacts from one phone to the other while I sat on the bedroom floor and pondered it all. It took ten minutes, and I was good to go. When I changed from my flip phone to my iPhone, I needed to go to the Verizon store to have this and that done. It's good you have a hard copy of your contacts, because my contacts got lost in the ether during that change, and I had to rebuild it from memory. I have duplicate hard copies now.

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    1. That really would be a great advantage.

      I did two ports of my cell phone number from one cell to another. And both times it went really easy. I was told on both ends of this port that its a lot harder and longer to do a landline to cell port. Hopefully, I'll never have to do a port again.

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  13. interesting how different countries have vastly different set-ups for phones of both fixed and roaming

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    1. I hope you live some place where its less frustrating to move numbers around.

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  14. I understand your conundrum/irritation with cell phones and lack of landline. It's like the world has intentionally made it more difficult to get in touch with me. As an introvert, I say so what? But as a practical person you have to be accessible. I wish all the luck and good wishes and prayers as you navigate this.

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    1. Thanks. I don't spend a lot of time on the phone but its a necessary evil.

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  15. There is a lot going on in your life just now so just take it one day at a time and don't kill anyone...............

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  16. Jean :

    don't worry be happy everything will work out fine, just trust in higher power & believe best is yet to come & march on & take one day at a time.
    on our landline we just get useless marketing phone calls or scam calls only, but we are getting triple play for one price so not changing anything right now. I know you are organized person by nature, just go with flow & trust in God all will be good

    hugs & prayers,
    Asha

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    1. I will try, Asha. Not easy waiting for it all to finally come together after such a long time.

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  17. I think you did the right thing using your landline number on your new cell. I have had my cell number go through three different companies. It was always a drag but something you just have to do if you want your same number.

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    1. It's such a big thing to be able to keep an old number, isn't it. It's not like the old days when we could find each other in a phone book or call the operator.

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  18. OMG, you're hilarious! I'm never sure if I'm of sound Mind and Body anymore. The Panic at the Gate is normal Jean, we all had it when doing a Big Move, it is very stressful, but when it's finally over, Bliss can set in as you begin your new Life's Journey. I too have a Landline Number I've had since our own Kids were Small and they say it is comforting to them all to know we still have that number they ALL know and could remember in any Crisis that might befall them, if they could remember nothing else! Lucky for us it has transferred with a Nomadic Lifestyle that has gone on for Decades to every place we moved to. You'll get thru this okay and the Bad Dreams, well, I've been having them too for various reasons, the World being such a Hot Mess right now, who doesn't?

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    1. Big changes make for bigger stresses. I know it's normal but knowing doesn't make me sleep any better.

      There are a lots of perks to keeping an old number.


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  19. Hope all goes well with your porting. I've not had to get into that.
    I still keep my landline since like many places across the country (about 50% last I knew) calling 911 on a cell phone may not go directly to a source that will show your exact location -- only the nearest tower and they have to triangulate with other towers to try to figure out exactly where you are if you can't speak or aren't intelligible. Precious time can be lost. My 911 cell calls here go to an adjacent city's system. I have to be able to speak and tell them where I am, then they transfer my call to my city which has instant capability of seeing my exact location without my having to tell them. Everyone needs to call 911 where they live and find out what their service is like.

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    1. You're right.

      I wear a call button, emergency dialer that will get the local 911 with a long hold or the Great Calls operator with a short hold. About a dozen times I've accidentally pressed it and they are quick to answer. It's got the same kind of GPS tracking as a cell and works anywhere. If you can't talk or walk what are your chances you'd even make your way to your landline? Not sure if I'm going to keep my dialer after I move as they have some sort of button to wear but I don't know if theirs has a limited ranger or not. Mine doesn't.

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    2. I easily carry my small flip cell phone everywhere I go indoors, too, so wouldn't have to get to any of my several landline phones. My cell fits in a tiny little pocket type cloth cover I easily put in my pocket, or I can slip a finger or two through the cloth handle if no pocket which is infrequent -- have use of both hands even if carrying this. But know in worse case scenario you describe, I'd have to use the cell phone (if conscious -- if not, it's time to check out, anyway I think.) I prefer this setup as considered other but am sure what you have is very good and best for many people. Taking cell around the house, even when going to bathroom in middle of night, just automatic since I've been doing this for several years.

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    3. I used to have a flip phone before I got the smart phone maybe 5 years ago(?). I made the change mostly for the texting ability and I'm glad I did. Not only do I have more contact with my nieces but during the pandemic doctor's offices use it, food pick up used it, even vaccinate places used it to make appointments. You are using your flip phone for the same purpose I do my emergence dialer.

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    4. I have an iPad Mini I carry if I want for waiting rooms, Kindle app on it for books, other. Can text on my cell phone, take photos and other features including some I don’t need to use. Smart phone not cost effective for me as I explored years ago and reappraise from time to time reviewing with my tech guru son. Years ago when I worked, had family and lots of friends still living here, had more activities, before smart phones existed, I would have benefited from and gotten one.

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  20. I got my very first cell phone a couple of months ago but I hardly ever use it. I have a landline that I use for making phone calls. I text my brother on the cell and that' about it.

    I used to take Ambien but I started sleep walking and sleep driving to the store to get donuts. Ken had to hide the car keys at night. I had to stop taking the medication because of that.

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    1. I've heard that could happen. That would scare me away from taking them.

      Texting is its greatest feature for keeping in contact with younger members of my family. I also like to have it with me in the car for emergencies.

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  21. I'm in a similar phone/internet situation. Mine is all part of my cable and for my birthday Rick gave me a smartphone and ear buds (which I recommend if you find holding the phone awkward; they're pretty effective and you can hear pretty well). Í think I'm going to switch my landline over to it because my cell flip phone is pay as you go and no one knows that number -- I only use it traveling to call home. And then switch from cable to streaming. (Is cable / internet included in your new place?)

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    1. Be sure to read my next post with more details on getting your cable number switched over to your cell. It's been frustrating and I'm not out of the woods with it yet.

      Yes, we get a 60 channel cable package included and 2 Wi-fi connections. I will be SO happen to cut the cord from Spectrum and charter it isn't funny.

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    2. P.S. I tried the buds. They will work, also I'll try the speaker phone option. Thanks!

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  22. The anxiety dreams will probably go away once you are moved. During my teaching career, I had anxiety dreams in the weeks leading up to each and every new semester.

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    1. Wow, I never would have guessed an seasoned professor would get anxiety each new semester.

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