She and I happened to both be at the cafe` counter at the same time waiting for them to open and we struck up a conversation that carried us all the way into the dining area and was extended by email once we finished our long lunch. And get this, she was dressed like an equestrian because that’s what she used to do before moving here from Tennessee. She had a horse she had to give up---the hardest part about the move---but her veterinary adopted him and sends her photographs and updates her on how he’s doing which helps, knowing her horse has a good home.
The Red Rider for lack of a better name moved here with her husband to be close to their son but two weeks after the move her husband had a stroke, lingered in the hospital awhile then spent several weeks in the Hospice building here on campus before passing away which explains why she hasn’t been around this part of the campus much. Between unpacking and being with her husband during the days, then packing his stuff back up again after the funeral she’s far behind the rest of us in the socializing and settling in department.
We bonded over talking about the 'Heartland' series on Netflix. We are both binge-watching it. I’m on season nine of thirteen and she’s not far behind. For those who don’t know the show it’s filmed in Canada and centers around a horse ranch and a teenaged girl who is known as the Miracle Girl, a sort of Horse Whisperer. Each hour-long episode is about a horse with a problem that she helps its owner (her client) work out. Red Rider tells me the bond between horses and humans and the training sessions portrayed in the series are absolutely authentic and I shared with her the fact that when I was a teen I had a crush on a boy whose dad had horses for rent but my romance was a non-starter because every time we’d go on a trail ride the insides of my legs and thighs would break out in hives.
I told her that we have riding stables around here but she said at her age it was time to give up riding anyway but she’s like to find a volunteer situation that involves working with horses. Before moving I happened to have lived near a place that specializes in therapy equestrian riding. A big place that helps nearly 200 people a week from 2 to 100 ride for therapy. My niece on my husband’s side goes there and we’d seen her ride. She’s completely wheelchair bound with MS and she positively glows when they put her on a horse. It’s exactly the kind of place Red Rider was looking for and she has experience volunteering at a similar place back in Tennessee.
If I was ten I would have gone home after lunch, flew through the back door, letting it slam shut which annoyed my mom like no other thing my ten year old self could do and I would have excitedly told her about the new friend I just made. I would have told her how we made easy conversation and have plans to meet for dinner on Saturday where I’ll show her the ropes of how to get seated at the table for singles eating alone. But the grown up me hopes she’ll stays my friend after she meets all the other ladies around here who are far more in her class of classy people. Have I mentioned that I’m the forth fattest person on campus? Okay, okay I know I should tell myself that being over weigh doesn’t cancel out being classy---exhibit A, look at Oprah---but January (when I started writing this) is when all fatty-two-by-fours beat themselves up. Fortunately January will be over by the time this post goes live and I will have moved on to obsessing about my dry skin. I'm as predictable has as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. ©
So after making friends with Red Rider, how does she get her shirts so perfectly pressed and stay bright white? š
ReplyDeleteI haven't asked yet but I'm guessing they go to the dry cleaners like you do with men's dress shirts and ask for heavy starch.
DeleteFYI, if you ever decide to stop the heavy starch, it never comes out of the shirts. My DH did that with his shirts because he traveled for work and they pack better. I tried to wash the starch out, soak the starch out, and finally asked the cleaner what to do. Once they're starched stiff over and over, that is their permanent condition. So it's nice she looks good in them. ;-)
Deletethe starch over time will yellow. It's gross. Hubby's shirts were sent to the dry cleaner and when I complained he said it was the starch. Went to another dry cleaner and they told me the same. But he liked heavy starch. I was just joking anyway. :-)
DeleteRed Rider sounds very interesting and I am glad you found eachother. I do hope she can find a place like you mentioned where she can work with horses. I was around horses a good portion of my life and know the draw. They are amazing animals.
ReplyDeleteShe's waiting for a day when the roads are good to go up there. From combing their website and calling them, she's really excited about the opportunity. They are always looking for voluntaries. She says she'll do anything from muck the stalls to grooming just to be around the horses.
DeleteOh, I'm sad for your new friend. What a heartbreaking situation with her husband, right after a move to a new place together. I'm glad she met you.
ReplyDeleteThe same thing happened with another couple that moved here only it was the wife that passed away two weeks after the move. She says she thinks the stress of the move brought on the stroke. Her husband was starting to have signs of dementia which is why they wanted to be closer to their son and his family.
DeleteJean, I sure enjoy reading about your new life on campus! Red Rider has certainly gone through a lot with losing her husband and relocation. You have much in common with her. Bet she'll really appreciate your friendship and suggestions for how to make life there work a bit better. By all means, please tell us her secret for keeping her white shirts looking good. I almost feel like white shirts are disposable. After several washings, mine aren't bright, no matter what I put in the laundry. As for weight, I want to share something that I told my daughter this week. For the majority of my life, I was very overweight. I tried so many diets and exercise programs, and they might work for awhile, but the weight would gradually come back on. I don't know why. Now that I'm older, and and a two-time cancer survivor, I'm having the opposite problem. I'm on medication that has been wonderfully life saving, but for me, it causes weight loss. That was a great problem for awhile. It felt like I had won the lottery. But when I kept dropping pounds, I got concerned. Now I'm learning how to add extra calories to stay stable. I say all this to encourage you not to be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we can change our weight, but I have found that there are many other physiological factors at play in each person, too. My daughter recently had a baby and has extra weight left that concerns her. I told her to focus on living as well as possible and let go of negative feelings. All we can do is get up every day and try to make healthy choices. I wish you the very best, Jean!
ReplyDeleteWhat practical advice about weight. My doctor pretty much feels the same way. Years ago he had me on a medically supervised liquid diet for weeks and I lost a lot of pounds only to put it back on again. Then I worked with a personal trainer at the YMCA and lost it again but it creeps back up each time I lose it. He knows I've tried so he doesn't nag me like some doctors do and blame every hangnail on the extra pounds.
DeleteI haven't seen the Red Rider much since that first week but that doesn't mean much because we've had another Covid scare and people are laying low right now.
Okay Ladies, I have a Vision of how Red Rider might keep her White Shirt Image: I see a Closet full of brand new White Shirts she wears once and then throws away... or has enough of no one Shirt gets used that often? It is an amusing Fantasy Theory I just Imagined...
DeleteI think my dry cleaner theory makes more sense. Growing up my best friend's father worked in an office and his white shirts always looked like hers. And I'm 98% sure they were sent out.
DeleteJean :
ReplyDeleteI am so excited you met new friend, I am sure she will get so much help and support from you with your wealth of knowledge about stroke & being mentor to so many on strokenetwork by helping them back on their feet & making sense out of what just happened, so rest assured you got good friend for lifetime now.
Asha
Thank you, Asha. I'm really proud of the work I did there but I think I've forgotten as much as I remember.
DeleteShe's doing remarkably well but widows all tend to have good weeks and bad weeks. There seems to be a lot of three-years out widows here that I think are a better match for the Red Rider.
Red Rider sounds like someone to be Friends with, whether or not she builds up a large or small Inner Circle, some people can become Popular yet don't want a big Inner Circle and are more selective. Isaac happened to strike up a conversation with me about that, he pays attention to a lot of things you wouldn't think an 18 year old would. He said he had noticed that everyone seems to know and like me, so I know almost everyone, but I appear to prefer to keep almost everyone at an Acquaintance level, for convenience and less external baggage. He is inclined not to want to have a lot of Friends, but doesn't know how to 'know' everyone like that and have those casual ties exchanges that are satisfying but without having to risk becoming closer or feel the need to be? I told him I'm just Nice to all of them and Close to none of them... suits me best... becoz my Life is complicated and my Family obligations and ties are my Priority. Having a lot of 'Friends' who are Close Ties was for my Younger Years and Lifestyle then, I've found I need less of that at this Season of Life and prefer to keep it Casual, engaging, but not really feeling a Need to involve myself at a level I couldn't maintain nor want to sustain. I don't know how I'd fare in a CCC if that were in my Future, but I like the Ideal you can be as Involved or NOT as you see fit in that Community, which is rather Idyllic Jean. And I don't think you need to lose weight nor improve too much upon your personality at all, you're perfect just as you are my Friend... that will attract the right type of relationships there... the rest, probably are not worth letting in close, but might be Fun as Casual Ties.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you in that I try to be nice to everyone but keep most people in the acquaintance column and few if any in the real friend (inner circle) column. I've very leery of anyone who wants push a friendship along too fast. Not really happening here but in general.
DeleteYou'd fair just fine here. Lots of people don't poke their heads out into the public area and just live their lives like they would in any other apartment building. There's just a layer of support here IF and WHEN you want it but it's and the social life is not pushed on anyone.
As The Bohemian says .. IDYLLIC is a great word to use for your new life. I agree that my "active" friend circle is shrinking and I have more friendly acquaintances. Even friendlies I've never met in person!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could come up with a signature "look". I do sorta, I guess. The dresses in the warmer weather and black boot cut yoga pants and black V neck shirt. Can be dressed up with scarf or jewelry.
As for weight .. exercise is better than thin!
It's only naturel as we age to have less friends, I think. We can't get out and do things together to bond us better.
DeleteYou have a signature "look" with your yoga pants just like I do with sweat pants. We just don't' want to admit it. LOL
She sounds fascinating and I hope she does check out the volunteer opportunities. Things like that keep one young and involved. I need to check out that series. I think you've mentioned it before!
ReplyDeleteShe already has checked into it and the last time I talked to her she was biting on the bit to drive up there...waiting for a good roads day since it's about a half hour drive north of here.
DeleteWhat a tough stretch Red Rider has had. It's great that you were able to connect with her and make a recommendation for that equestrian volunteer opportunity. I hope it works out for her.
ReplyDeleteAs for feeling bad about your weight. It's January. Which I have come to know as my darkest, heaviest month. And I have reached an age where I am no longer sure I can lose the weight I'd like to...I'm just no willing to do what it would take. Like you, my doctor doesn't bug me about it. But I was reading some old journals this week and came across my worries about cutting back "or I will weight X pounds"...which is about 20 lbs less than I weight now. It's all relative, I guess. LOL.
BTW, I just realized it was Saturday and I didn't get my email with your blog link this morning. Hopefully it will work on Wednesday or I will need to sign up again. ?
I'm hoping the lack of an email notification was a mistake on my part. Mailchimp is set up to email at 1:00 Am if there is new content in the hopper. I had my auto publish turned off and didnt' remember to turn it on until around 2 AM. I got out of bed to fix it but it was too late. If it doesn't send an email out tonight for this post then I have a bigger issue to solve before Wednesday.
DeleteRed Rider won't have any trouble connecting with others here or at the equestrian center. She's one of those kinds of people who can talk about any topic with an easy-going give and take. I've only seen here around twice since that first meeting though.
Got it overnight. All is well. :-)
DeleteThanks for letting me know! Human error on my part. This time. LOL
DeleteMy signature look? Faded jeans & t-shirt with a frayed collar. I really need to do something about that. Or not. My SIL often says - they'll stand around our beds a long time waiting for us to waste away. Like Pam says, being underweight can be as challenging as being overweight. Just be healthy as you can be. I've put the scale and the wrist watch away in retirement. I know when I've lost or gained weight by how my clothes fit me.
ReplyDeleteI have a box under my bed of clothes that are too small and no clothes anywhere that are too big. I'm really struggling now to stay in the size I'm in. I just can't/won't go to the next size up. I have, though, decided that my signature look is going to remind somewhat under dressed from the others here. I'm sticking to causals like sweats and knits for everything but Saturday night dinners and holidays. I just need to update the quality of my clothing as I replace things that are worn out and I have a ton of those.
DeleteYou can be classy in the way in which you talk with people. Classy isn't just the way you dress. There's more to life than stiffly starched shirts.
ReplyDeleteI know. I just really like the look of collars framing faces. My favorite outfit of late is a new black, cashmere turtleneck under a L.L. Bean black and white plaid flannel shirt. With my white hair and a pair of small pearl earrings I love the way it frames my face and is comfortable at the same time. I could never pull off the starched shirts look with my body type, but seeing it on someone I like makes me smile.
DeleteI feel bad for all the recent losses Red Rider has gone through. She sounds like a lovely person and I hope you and she continue to click. If she ditches you for "classier" people (echoing your thoughts about you, but I heartily disagree with them!), then she wasn't up to your quality, not the other way 'round.
ReplyDeleteAs for weight, after a lifetime of hating my extra pounds I have decided to stop. Clearly hating my weight (and body) hasn't melted an ounce off so I am going to try loving myself instead. It might not help either, but it's a better state of mind to be in.
Deb
How do you know I'm classy? I could be walking around with snot hanging out my nose. LOL
DeleteYou are clearly looking the part of a healthy and physically fit hiker out enjoying the trails up there in Canada. My weight has kept me from doing a few things like that I wish I could. It's not all about body image but I get your point. We all worry too much.
I know you’re classy because true classiness is carried on the inside, not the outside.
DeleteAw...thanks. Right back at you.
DeleteI started thinking about how dirrty white shirts can get and forgot what I was going to say, bugga.............
ReplyDeleteHappened to me all the time.
DeleteNo, no, no, NO! You can't possibly know you're the 4th fattest person there, and I guarantee nobody worth your while cares about your weight, or has made that judgement.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one of your readers that found it odd that your new friend wears riding pants and boots around the CCC? Do you mean jodphurs with the poofy things at the outer hipline? She does sound interesting though, and to fall into easy conversation is truly a gift. Yet another fascinating storyline to follow!
I just googled jodphurs and what I saw did not have poofy things at the out hip. Wikipedia says "Jodhpurs, in their modern form, are tight-fitting trousers to the ankle, where they end in a snug cuff" and that's what she was wearing. They have reinforced thigh and crotch areas. I do remember those old style riding breeches like Dale Evans used to wear in the 1940s. I had a child's sized pair before I moved and I sold them on eBay for nearly $100. They had an original sales tag on them for under $5. According to what I just googled they've been out of style since the '50s. I didn't think it looks any stranger to wear riding pants around than people who wear yoga pants. Both are very tight only with the riding pants you don't see a lady's "camel's foot."
DeleteI have eyes, I can see my size compared to others. Maybe others don't judge me/my weight as harshly as I do but I've had a life time of practice. But thank you.
I must be thinking of National Velvet. I best go take a look at modern day riding pants!
DeleteI haven't starched or had to iron a shirt since my husband stopped working maintenance and his work shirts had to look nice at the beginning of the work day. You would think that knowing these maintenance guys are going to be dirty by the end of the day, the boss wouldn't care but it was always a problem with him.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for her but I'm glad she gets pictures and updates about her horse.
We have a furnace and A/C company here in town that requires the same starched and pressed white shirt on all their guys. They do some dirty work, too, always in basements but they learn to work without getting dirty. Great company and I can kind of see why they have such a tough standard as guys can get sloppy with their dress if you let them.
DeleteThere are some nice people in the world, aren't there.
I have a friend who still has horses, and who used to work with a group that provided the same kind of experiences for kids with various challenges. She loved the work,but eventually gave it up because of the conflict with her work schedule. She has said that the experience of riding worked miracles with some of the kids: if not physically, then socially and emotionally. It sounds like you new friend will be a perfect fit. I hope it works out for her.
ReplyDeleteAs for 'Red Rider' -- all I could think of when I came across that phrase was the Red Ryder bb gun that was the focal point of the film A Christmas Story. I'm pretty sure the Red-Headed Rider isn't packing heat, but I've had a little fun imagining her riding the CCC range with her bb gun at her side.
I should have remembered that Red Ryder BB gun. I had one from the '50s just like the one in the movie that I sold on eBay before I moved. Even had the original box. Boy, things have changed since then regarding kids and guns.
DeleteI have never understood horses, nor they me. But I love the image you paint of the Red Ryder gal and so happy you found each other. Sad that you don't feel you are in her "league" -- of course you are! Friends are about the deep stuff, not the superficial. I feel I give everyone a break from having to live up to any expectations of intellect or fashion with me. LOL
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't always walk around looking like she has a horse tied outside the front door but she's definitely more into causal clothes that office wear.
DeleteHorses have a way of looking into your eyes that make you feel like they see your soul and you theirs.