Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Circle Theater and Strawberry Shortcake


One of the ladies living here in on the continuum care campus had a birthday and her kids bought her four tickets to the local circle theater so she could taken three friends with her. I was shocked that I was invited. Sure, we took a painting class together and we occasionally sit at the same table for dinner or lunch and our chit-chat is pleasant and warm. However, if she saw what I wrote about back when she had a hissy fit over something a painting teacher said that caused her to throw her canvas in the trash, I would be ostracized from her circle of friends. And don’t think that doesn’t bother me. I’ve read and reread that post and its followups a dozen times making sure I represented what happened accurately in case it’s ever discovered. She’s really a nice person and I like her but she gets her feelings hurt extremely easy to the point you have to weigh all your words around her. I used to think it’s was because she’d lived a china doll life on the Monopoly Board equivalent of Broadwalk while I grew up on Baltic Avenue. But getting to know her better during the circle theater event I found out that’s isn’t true. Her elegance, sense of decorum and tenderness come from some place else. She lived in an upper middle class neighborhood and worked as an executive secretary for some of the most important business owners in town but didn't come from wealth.

After the play we went back to her place for dessert and she told us about how she had been on the same Resident Council that I was invited to join and rejected the idea of setting up and run their newsletter. At their second meeting the guy in charge was going around the room telling the ten people present what he thought they’d each be good at contributing and he didn’t say anything to or about her. So afterward, she sent him an email resigning from the group and told him why for which he apologized later on and asked her to reconsider. She told us all the experience she’s had in the workplace which really could have translated into useful skills in the Resident Council, but she was truly hurt and on the verve of tears retelling the story. Honestly, I don’t know what to make of this. If it had happened to me I would have chalked it up to the guy being in his mid eighties and it being an honest oversight but she obliviously processes things differently than me. Aren’t human beings interesting in all of facets and foibles? I don’t think I’ll ever tire of trying to figure out what makes us all tick.

Back to the theater: If my memory isn’t playing tricks on me I think I’ve only been to a circle theater one other time in my life and that was only 4-5 years ago. It was a funny production at the Michigan lake shore and full of obscenities that wouldn’t go over well with my current collection of neighbors. I’m really surprised that I’ve been able to keep my tongue from throwing out a few curse words here and there. As a former caregiver to a husband who spent time working in a factory I had perfected the use of the ‘F’ word in well placed situations. And although I’ve moved away on from reading all the military romances I was struck on last winter where every pages was filled with swearing I still can’t bring myself to be offended by an occasional obscenity. I actually quit reading them because I was afraid some of those four letter words would roll off my tongue too easily here  and I’d die of embarrassment. I don’t think I’ve heard a single ‘damn’ or ‘hell’ since I moved it let alone a hardcore curse word.   

This time I saw a production of  On Golden Pond and the story comes from a 1981 movie The official synopsis for the film reads: Cantankerous retiree Norman Thayer (Henry Fonda) and his conciliatory wife, Ethel (Katharine Hepburn), spend summers at their New England vacation home on the shores of idyllic Golden Pond. This year, their adult daughter, Chelsea (Jane Fonda), visits with her new fiancée and his teenage son, Billy (Doug McKeon) on their way to Europe. After leaving Billy behind to bond with Norman, Chelsea returns, attempting to repair the long-strained relationship with her aging father before it's too late.” I remember not liking the movie much but I just found out that the film is a top favorite of my youngest niece, giving me something else to examine closer when I can't sleep. In this production the accent was on humorous one-liners and the bond the boy and the old man were able to form. 

All and all, it was a great way to spend the afternoon. We had wonderful seats, didn’t have to walk too far and the strawberry shortcake our host served was just like everyone’s mom used to make. There is a sick kind of joke going around here since strawberry season started and they added it to our menu. Only instead of the traditional biscuit drenched in berries and whipped cream that we elderly people are used to the chef makes little bullet shaped cakes and drizzled them with what looks liked pink toothpaste. He started topping it off with one slice of strawberries and when people started complaining about the lack of strawberries the one slice went up to two. The sick joke is that after our meals we all make the poor waitresses tell us what’s for dessert and then we ask her how many strawberries are on top. We had some new, cute little college girl waitresses who have dutifully gone back to the kitchen to ask our question of the chef. The waitresses have caught on to the routine now but we still ask and then we pass on ordering the strawberry shortcake without strawberries and laugh about it. ©

46 comments:

  1. It sounds as if you had a great time. That's great! I'm glad you are keeping this blog secret so you can write what you want and not worry about hard feelings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did have a good time, better than I thought I would. I would have a hard time coming up with stuff to write about if I couldn't do the stream of consciousness style of writing about what I see and hear. People interest me.

      Delete
  2. We human beings can be incredibly strong on one hand, but most of us struggle with insecurities as well. Most of us have come up with ways to help us cope. Often, by the time we've gotten older, there are so many survival systems going on in us, we don't even know who we are anymore. (My opinion, only). One thing we know for sure, the birthday lady appreciates you, Jean, and you were included in her party. I think your honesty and sense of humor is valued at the CCC. Humor can carry all of us a long, long ways through life--especially in the difficult times.

    Now on to things I understand...strawberry shortcake...be still my soul. We raised beautiful berries on our farm, and I missed them this season! A person needs those plump, juicy kind (that are rarely sold in stores) to make good shortcake. And my favorite biscuits are the old fashioned drop ones you make from Bisquick (just like my mom made). And then, you really owe it to yourself to get some heavy cream and whip you up a batch with a little bit of sugar and the best vanilla you can afford. That, my friend, is a party on a plate. I sure hope your chef tries the old-fashioned style of shortcake someday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How true, we do all have insecurities and ways of coping. Some of us wear our insecurities closer to the surface than others.

      The biscuits I remember from my childhood were made from Bisquick but the ones my neighbor made were from scratch and were perfect in every way. with a solid cup of mashed strawberries on top. The whipped cream was from a can but homemade whipped cream sure sounds good, too. When I was looking for a photo to use with this post I couldn't believe how differently strawberry shortcake is made these days. Shocked me actually.

      Delete
  3. I feel badly for her being so thin skinned but it must be uncomfortable for you to have to tread so lightly around her. Yep, you are wise to keep this blog secret.
    I remember seeing On Golden Pond and the thing that stuck with me was when Henry, while out walking becomes lost. That was my first taste of the scariness of dementia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that I know her better I do feel sorry for the woman. She genuinely had her feelings hurt over the guy's omission and wonder what is going on in her life that makes her that way. I can't imagine having gotten to the age we all if she'd always been that way. It just goes to show that first impressions aren't always what we make of them.

      In the play the old man got lost too. It was an abrupt turning point in the humor or the play.

      Delete
  4. I love strawberry shortcake and our local berries are great. Growing up in the UP, strawberry season was a big deal. I made my first pennies picking for a local farmer. It was AWFUL work -- hot and buggy. But when you're a kid, money is money. Ha! We had a cake and a bowl of berries going for weeks (usually lasting over the fourth of July) and we lived on shortcake and potato salad, plus local hot dogs. It's still one of my favorite meals...with Tums nearby, of course. LOL.

    Sounds like a great outing, and I'm always struck by seeing the vulnerable side of someone I saw completely differently on the surface. Aren't people interesting??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vulnerability! Thanks! That's the word I was searching for but couldn't find when I was writing this.

      We picked strawberries to as a kid but more blueberries because those were free on state land.

      Delete
  5. Whatever your chef is producing, it's not strawberry shortcake -- unless, of course, he misunderstands the meaning of the name and assumes the "short" that's involved means a shortage of strawberries. Call it "strawberry delight" or whatever, but what you describe sure isn't a shortcake. I always avoid restaurants that include the word "nouvelle" on their menus, or talk about "plating" a meal. Local cafés suit me just fine: especially the ones with homemade desserts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually had the whatever the chef was serving once and it tasted good but when you are expecting real strawberry shortcake it was a disappointment with no end. No one ordered it a second time but it's still on our menu. We suggested it needed a different name, too, but we couldn't come up with anything that described it. Pink Delight would have been closer than Strawberry Delight. LoL

      Delete
  6. My swearing has picked up as I have gotten older. I am very careful who I swear in front of, tho, as that is how I was brought up. Even now, when I am home alone and I swear out loud, I always offer up a "Sorry, Mom!" to my Mom's spirit!
    How nice of that lady to invite you to the theater. You have made a positive impression on her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kind of miss swearing! Your 'sorry mom' reminded me of the first and only time I ever said the 'F' word in front of my mom. I was at a family Christmas party and my nieces and nephew were in their teens. The place when dead silent while everyone was trying not to laugh as my mom glared at me.

      Delete
  7. I loved that film 'On Golden Pond', and I think you ladies together are positively wicked teasing the chef about the strawberries, such fun! Yours is a lovely blog to read, kept me entertained for over 30mins as I read back.. and I shall be back to read more, so keep it coming!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Chris, I think what we did with having the waitresses ask the chef about the strawberries is funny too and at first I thought it would help get us a more traditional dessert but it hasn't. I did manage to get a half cup of mashed berries over ice cream out of our kitchen but I think my favorite waiter made it for me special.

      Delete
  8. I don't know what your chef is calling Strawberry Shortcake, but that's not it! You owe it to yourself to get some strawberries and even some Jiffy biscuit mix (just add a little sugar), whipped cream/Cool Whip, and make your own. Goodness!

    I can understand your friend feeling upset. Sometimes older people get the feeling that their value is diminished just because they're old, and they get tired of fighting to be seen and appreciated. Perhaps she's had that battle once too often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You make an excellent point. I've heard but haven't really experienced having to fight to be seen as I age. I guess I'm just used to not being seen. But I know it's a real thing for some. She was a beautiful woman who had some very high powered jobs in an age when women had to fight to be recognized for their talents.

      I did buy some berries and made my own dessert....got to eat it four nights in a row.

      Delete
  9. The Sensitive Lady may just be hard wired like that, some people are. I'm glad she invited you to join her, even some of the closest Friends I have do have their traits that can drive you crazy and I'm certain it can be said about me too. *winks* As for what we Blog about the Characters in our Productions... LMAO... well, all mine know they're on my Blog and that it isn't always buttercups, rainbows and unicorn farts of singing their praises... which is probably why they choose not to read it? *ha ha ha* I Love them all dearly and it's my Space to keep it 100% of how I feel about whatever is going on and from my perspective, that's all, I think we all do that Jean, it's Human Nature. I have never actually put something out here that I wouldn't or haven't actually said to each individual mentioned anyway, I don't have the filter to sugarcoat much anyway. Oddly enough people do like that about me, they've said they can count on me keeping it 100% so they don't have to guess how I REALLY feel. *Smiles* I Love your Blog becoz you are so observant about Human Nature and fascinated by it... I've always been a People Watcher and what makes them tick is indeed varied and interesting. Some are more Mysterious than others. The Strawberry Shortcake Inside Joke is the stuff that bonds people in any Community, Pink Toothpaste isn't a very appealing look for a dessert, and a lone Strawberry would crack me up to where I wouldn't be able to stop laughing long enough to taste it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You blog about family dynamics in a way that would get most people in trouble if you weren't 100% real about your assessment of yourself as well as what is going on around you.

      We have had a lot of fun over the pink toothpaste dish. Next time I see the chef I'll have to thank him for that.

      Delete
    2. ME getting in Trouble... surely you jest. *winks* The Family actually assess themselves with clarity and keep it 100% Real, we know ourselves well enough not to be deluded about our quirks, failings, how we behave and interact with others. As for Friends, my Lifelong Friends really have so much Shared History that we can joke about even the stuff that might make some people defensive or insecure... there is a certain security in knowing you're Beloved in spite of yourself with certain people. The insecurities most people face are due to how they have interacted with other people in ways that make them feel not so confident about being themselves, which is a shame. Nobody is perfect and laughing at yourself, being able to be authentic to Self, is priceless. Insecure people are so fragile and everyone tends to walk on Eggshells lest they take offense, whether perceived, imagined or whatever, and it's sad really for those individuals not to be able to just accept themselves unconditionally. I think it would go a long way towards others accepting them with less conditions actually.

      Delete
  10. Hmmm...your chef has come up with an interesting way to make a single basket of strawberries feed a whole campus 😂.

    Your executive secretary lady - perhaps her raw emotional state comes from being a smart, capable woman constantly being overlooked and undervalued by much dumber, posturing male bosses in the workplace for the length of her career (oh wait, that might be me 😏).

    Deb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nance up above came up with a similar reason so I'm going with that theory whenever I'm around her. But it doesn't explain why she threw her painting in the trash because the instructor told her it wasn't a good time to leave the class early because she was about "to teach something important." Back then I chalked it up on the stress of settling into a new place...

      Delete
    2. The Widow Badass caught what I did about the newsletter/council position situation. I thought the man was quite rude, going around telling people what HE thought they'd be good at. For a volunteer position, the rule is usually what the volunteer would like to do to contribute, not what someone thought they should be doing. As for the strawberry shortcake topic, when my boys were small, I'd take them to the strawberry fields and we'd pick strawberries together. When I got home, I'd make jam from them. The boys are 50+ year old men now and they still remember those times with fondness. It's not everyone who gets to pick fresh strawberries in a field!! Thanks for keeping this blog--I need all the humor I can get these days! Carol (aka Tehachap)

      Delete
    3. We have a lot of retired people here who had important careers and they can't help themselves. The guy in question started the council and handpicked the members. In one years the place will get to vote on the council member. They have a neatly drawn up legal document all all. It will be fun to watch it progress.

      Making jam from stuff you've picked in a field is something all kids should experience at least once. Glad your sons got that. We still have pick your own fields around here.

      Delete
  11. I would have CRIED if served a dessert so mis-advertised! Make a cup of macerated berries and bring them to the table ... to dramatically pour on top of your pink toothpaste dessert. Maybe even a bisquick shortcake!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your were a trouble making in your youth, weren't you. LoL

      Delete
  12. Well, this post comes at a time when I am leaving a group and wondering if I'm too thin skinned. My answer to myself is, yeah, probably, but I don't want to be in a group where I feel overlooked and not valued. My issue is not a one time thing, however.

    Not sure if I could eat strawberry shortcake like you're served at the CCC--sounds kind of disgusting. If it wasn't so hot, I'd love to make the strawberry shortcake served by your friend, although with loads of real whipped cream. Yum!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Time is too short to waste it in a group you're not enjoying.

      The pink toothpaste looking stuff wasn't disgusting to look at,,,you could see the strawberry seeds in it but when you expect real strawberries you can't help feeling cheated. They looked like something you'd serve at a little girls unicorn themed party.

      Delete
  13. I had extremely thin skin in my youth and will still get my feelings hurt with a slight - intentional or not. I started to give everyone a break because I don't think most people mean to be cruel. We've all had our feet in our mouth numerous times.
    There's a personality type called a Highly Sensitive Person but the trait tends to make a person far more empathetic than most people. It's clear many people could care less what other people feel, and that's hard to swallow for most of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting. I suppose there's a name for all kinds of personality traits. Since the pandemic I've tried to give people the benefit of the doubt where before I might not have. We've all been stretched through a lot these past few years.

      Delete
  14. You need to enjoy being part of a group other wise why bother, groups and me don't mix because I am a loner

    ReplyDelete
  15. It sounds like a fun day. Yes, I'd be worried she'd find out about my blog too! You're right -- some folks are uber-sensitive and it's hard to always figure out why. Still, nice to have been chosen -- and it sounds like a terrific way to spend the day!

    ReplyDelete
  16. That isn't strawberry shortcake, the kind the chef makes. That is strawberry shortcake, the kind that was served. As for the tearful woman, the incident certainly hit her harder that you'd think. Maybe she isn't accustomed to being ignored?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Each time I read these great stories of yours I say out loud to anyone near me, please don't make me live like a college student again. I fear this for my later years. It all seems so nice to everyone but for some reason I just feel like it's dorm living with a private room. We have long term care insurance and have since the age of 40. So to live in these places and then moving onto extended care we have all the insurance for it and most likely most of it will be paid for with the cost of living increases we have been getting, but I still don't want to. I'd have rather paid it all and not use it than to need it and not want it. I saw what my Grandmother lived through. An elegant woman of means. She hated it. But because of her it made us realize how damn expensive for my family this was so we knew we needed this insurance. But do I? It's not for everyone but if I'm alone will it be? It's not for everyone but if alone would it be different to me? Ah I hope I don't have to think about this for awhile. I think it will take me a few years to process and flip and flop on it. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought I'd live in a place like this willingly either. But two years of covid pandemic isolation changed my thinking. Being all alone has its good points but the bad points started out weighing the good so it was time to me to chance. Before I knew if I died alone it would be several months before anyone discovered my body but here I was late for Mahjong which had never happened before because love the game so much I'm usually the first one there. I was lost in writing and got a phone call and when I walked into the cafe' were we play the whole place gave me a standing ovation. We have fun and know I know if I die it won't be months before I'd get discovered. As for home healthcare which you'll be able to afford, I spent a decade watching my sister-in-law copy with everything from abuse to stealing to getting too attached to the good workers and everything in between. Not for me.

      Delete
    2. I have to say after visiting your new place, it's on the top of my list if/when I need to move. Really just lovely. :-) Also, if you want an opportunity to drop a few F-bombs, let's have coffee again. I'm great at that. We can discuss politics and curse to our hearts' content. LOL.

      Delete
    3. An f-bomb slam...I guess that what the kids would call it. That sounds like fun. LoL

      Delete
  18. We never know what triggers some people but I can imagine being the only one completely ignored might cause your strawberry hostess to interpret her input might not receive serious consideration. Why waste her time and energy even if he apologized she might have thought, but don't know why she would have teared up over that rather than feeling relief she didn't get involved.

    You got robbed on strawberries! If this is the season they should have been piled high but that's my strawberry addiction speaking. I can never get enough. Sounds like you were served the version of shortcake where the chef focuses on artistic creation with little slivers of fruit. So few berries have any real natural sweet flavor any more unless they come from a local patch not growing them to ship somewhere. The best I ever ate that we hadn't grown when I was young, were Sequoias a Japanese gardener and his wife grew in a nearby patch. Sadly, he had a stroke -- looked like left hemi as right motor issues and ultimately he couldn't work more. His wife tried but couldn't keep the patch going. McDonald's replaced the patch with their business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I googled for a photo of strawberry shortcake I was shocked at all the different presentations. And most of them had considerably less strawberries than my generation served. Our chef does like artistic presentations but his meals have been good. We have lots of strawberry farms near by, not shortage of berries here.

      Delete
  19. I swear more than any of my friends. I'm trying to do better. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  20. For years, I used Rosabeth Moss Kanter's Men and Women of the Corporation as a class reading, and I wonder if your co-resident's sensitivity comes in part from spending a career in settings where her skills and efforts were absolutely essential to the functioning of the company, but where they were never recognized as such and she was dismissed as "just a secretary." She may have had to fight for even scraps of recognition of her value.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not the first to suggest a similar line of thinking in this thread so I am guessing there is a lot of truth and wisdom in the observation.

      Delete
  21. I've so many times been to meetings where one or two individuals have been "bigged up" by the organiser...and then others present have asked in private afterwards "why not me?" I'm sure I've been guilty of this error of omission countless times - and it's easier to trivialise it when it happens to others I find!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In hindsight I've had it happen to me many times where I'll do the lion's share of the work and others will get the credit on purpose or just because I didn't speak up for myself and let other take credit where it wasn't due. Similar to what you're talking about but in reverse. But I've always blamed myself.

      Delete

Thanks for taking the time to comment. If you are using ANONYMOUS please identify yourself by your first name as you might not be the only one. Comments containing links from spammers will not be published. All comments are moderated which means I might not see yours right away to publish through for public viewing as I don't sit at my computer 24/7.