“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want me to come down and clean it up?”
“No,” I replied. “I want you to quit doing what you’re doing because I’ve had to sweep my deck three times in two days and I’ll have to do it again.”
She’s in her mid-nineties and weighs about the same as her age and this isn’t the first time she’s annoyed me. She annoys me almost every day with her obsessive vacuuming and furniture moving. Her apartment has no carpeting; she had it all removed and put down vinyl flooring because, she says, it’s better for her allergies. Her allergies are why she vacuums daily as well. I swear a herd of wild horses would make less noise than her dragging that old canister vacuum around.
And she falls out of bed often enough for it to be a 'Thing' which has me staying awake wondering if I should go up and check on her after it happens. “Nope,” you don’t need to check on me when I fall,” she told me. “I never get hurt.” Ya, sure there’s always a first time. If I fell out of bed on regular basis I'd get a little rail to prevent that. Heck, I have one on my bed and I haven't fallen out of bed since I was a kid. I got it after I broke my ribs and it helps me get in and out of bed. Best $27 I'd spent in a long time. I don't understand why some people resist getting the products that can help us old birds stay independent. Several women here asked management to remove the safety bars in the bathrooms because they don't like the way they look. Big deal! They look better than having blood from a concussion all over the floor.
Rose and I occasionally get seated at the same dinner table and wouldn’t you know it, the same day I had to sweep my deck several times we got paired up and I wasn’t quite sure I could pull off an act---pretend I wasn’t totally annoyed with her. My usual M.O. is to brood about something like that for a day or two before I’m ready to let it go. But by the time we walked back to our building after dinner I was over it and she promised she’d tell me the next time she re-pots her plants. “Better yet,” I snapped back, “put a drop clothe or plastic bag down before you begin.” It all started because a deck plant fell because its hanging bracket wasn’t screwed on tight enough and she thought as long as she had to put more dirt in that pot she might as well re-pot her house plants at the same time. It will probably fall again. How tight can a ninety something elf of a woman install a bracket for a hanging basket?
At least we had something new to talk about. At dinner Rose usually repeats the same story and when she starts I daydream about filling my ears up with wet cement. It’s about why she didn’t get her master’s degree in biology. Every time she tells the story of how her professor thought her experiment in the lab refrigerator was someone’s left-over lunch and he threw it out---thus she couldn’t finish her thesis---I want to point out that the accident was on her for not labeling the project. But that would be starkly on my part and I try really hard to keep my ‘snark’ inside and put it to use as blog fodder instead. Trying hard didn't help the one time when I did ask her if the experiment was labeled. She let her snarky out when she answered, "It was the only one in there and he knew it was mine!” I then I asked, "Wouldn't he let you do it over?" "Oh, he would have but I got married soon after and left the state" which kind of feeds into the stereotype back then that girls only went to college to get their M.R.S. degrees.
Enough about Rose. Let me tell you about another resident here in the Independent Living part of my continuum care complex. I’ve written about the college professor who taught art before. I’ve been fangirling her since I discovered what she did before retiring. She’s very busy with outside-the-complex friends and former students so I don’t see her often. But she’s in our book club and my Tuesday Discussion Group (Formerly known as the Secret Society of Liberal Ladies) so we do have some contact. A few days ago she asked me if I’d like to go on a day trip with her, to her cottage up north very near to where my folks once owned property that they gave to my brother. He built a cottage on it and it was sold to my great-nephew recently.
Anyway, at first I was happy about the invitation to see the lake I hadn’t been to for nine-ten years, but the next day Ms. Professor asked me if I’d be comfortable driving her car---it’s a five hour round trip and she has macular degeneration. I don’t even like driving my own car more than 30 minutes and all the negatives about going were adding up including her cottage doesn’t get cell service---you have to climb up a hill behind the house. What are the odds that two 80-something year old women would need to call for medical attention? But the cherry on the top was the fact that she was proposing we go on the Forth of July. Anyone who lives in Michigan knows what the bumper-to-bumper traffic is like going up to the northern part of the state on a holiday weekend. I lied and told her I had plans for the Forth. Now I have to remember to lay low on the 4th. Note to self: Don't lie to people who live close enough to catch me in it.
We’d been carrying on this conversation about going up north through e-mail so my last reply was: “I was looking over the book club selections this afternoon and noticed that we'll be discussing Finding the Mother Tree in September---which was your book recommendation. I'm going to throw this out there: have you considered hosting the club up at your cottage that month like <so-and-so> did with at her cottage? Would it be practical or feasible? In early September the trees on the trip up north would be spectacular and everyone seemed to enjoy having an excuse for a road trip.”
I’m really hoping Ms. Professor likes this idea because when we carpooled to Lake Michigan for our May book club all the 70-somethings (and presumably safer drivers) in the group drove. I'm turning into an old fuddy-duddy aren’t I and that mind-set lost me an opportunity to spend one-on-one time with someone I admire. But a road trip on the Forth and coming home after the fireworks when every hundredth car gets a dead deer for a hood ornament? Thanks but no thanks.
Until next Wednesday… ©
That's too bad about your upstairs neighbor!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to get stay mad at someone as old and spunky as she is.
DeleteOY! After the first two sweeps, I would have gone upstairs and brought her down to clean it up. We live in a downstairs unit and have had upstairs neighbors toss their cigarette butts, deadheaded flowers, bread and crackers to feed the crows, and more. The current owners have been well trained.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I could do a 5 hour drive at all. Maybe after a visit or two with the urologist, I may be able to update that! If I did, I would prefer to drive. Be sure to sit in the 2nd safest spot in the car ... behind the driver. And I usually stay close to home on the 4th. When I moved back to Oregon, I would drop the family off so they could stand on a bridge and watch fireworks over the lake. Then they would walk out of the high traffic area and I would retrieve them,
Thanks for writing! I do miss blogging. Maybe Good Grief, Grandma!
I've never lived in an apartment before so I suppose there are small annoyances we have to accept, but I'd really hate it if I found cigarette butts on my deck. Another woman here is highly annoyed by people who go to the trash room after 10 at night because the door is not quiet and stuff going down the shoot make a noise. I haven't confessed that I'm the late night trash dumper.
DeleteI hope your urologist has an answer for you because I've got the same issue. But I asked last time I had my yearly and he said the medications to stop frequent urination come with complications like not being able to go at all and that gets serious really fast. A female doctor at the respite building told me they have catheters that hikers and pilots and people in wheelchairs use, but I'm not ready to that alternative.
We've gone to busy tourist areas over the forth but I was a lot younger and my husband drove. I think the professor forgets that she's got a serious eye condition, too, and I'm not the right person to go on a two person road trip with because driving that far would not be fun for me.
My ex and I once had to travel from Chicago to Pittsburgh for a family emergency over the holiday weekend when the Indianapolis 500 was held. Although this was 40+ years ago, I have never again done a long road trip on a holiday weekend. The traffic was awful, of course, but I was also shocked at how many deadly accidents we passed. I also lost a close family friend in a traffic accident on the 4th many years ago. I think you made the right decision!
ReplyDeleteNina
I do too. It was one thing to travel over the holiday when we were young and had limited time but for retired senior citizens to get into that fray is foolish. And I've long said of all the ways to die, doing it a car accident is at the bottom of my list.
DeleteReading about your upstairs neighbor reminded me of the neighbors we've had over the years. There have been many who were wonderful, and then there are the others... When hubby and I were young newlyweds, pinching pennies, we used an old-fashioned push mower to cut our lawn. Our senior neighbors had a spare, newer mower that they offered us. My husband said no, he didn't feel right taking it, but appreciated the offer. Then the man next door said they were going to put it on the curb for whoever might want it. Well, hubby relented and accepted it, gladly. When we got transferred, due to hubby's job, we wanted to take them with us. They were the best!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'll write about the other type of neighbors. Well, maybe I'll just say that people's pets can really become a nuisance. The neighbors we had when living on the farm had a beautiful, manicured property--plus four beagles who never left a much-too-small kennel. Gosh, those dogs could bark. We don't miss them at all.
I'm glad you told the lady above you about the messes her repotting created. And I do not blame you, at all, for not wanting to drive 5 hours, each way, on July 4th. That would be hellish. Your idea for the book club to visit the cottage sounds like fun. Let's hope that happens!
Beagles are barkers by nature, I think. No matter how much room they have. I never did see the purpose of having a dog if you're going to keep it confined in a kennel. Hunters, I'm guessing in your x-neighbors case.
DeleteI still haven't heard back from the professor, but she was trying to do something nice for me but I think she realized that between her eye condition and my not liking to drive it wasn't the best idea for going up north. She's used to traveling with younger people who will drive her car gladly.
I think your neighbor needs an outdoor rug on her balcony. She'd be more likely to put down something to cover it (unless she decides to vacuum!). Smart move on the fourth. I will be driving to the lake to stay on Friday morning solo (if you don't count a discontented cat) and I'm not looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll get an early start, assuming said cat doesn't pull her magic act and disappear, which usually requires taking the mattress off the bed and cornering her when she runs out from under. Your idea about going up in September sounds like a great idea. That's my favorite month in the north. Not always the best for swimming but so much more quiet and polite.
ReplyDeleteMy upstairs neighbor's next door neighbor saw the plant fall and was following the saga as it unfolded and she told Rose the same thing, about needing an outdoor rug. (Her balcony and Rose's are side by side and she has a perfect view of mine.) I doubt she'll get one though. If it happens again I'll keep all the dirt I sweep up and ask her if she wants it back, then I'll march out to her baloney and take her bracket and through it in the trash. Big talk but would I actually do that....?
DeleteCats and cat carriers produce some 'fun' stories don't they. You travel safe and I look forward to your posts from the summer place.
Oh my. Good for you saying something to Rose. That falling plant dirt would make me CRAZY. I hope she puts down a plastic sheet next time, but you're probably right about the plant falling again. Oy Vey.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your professor friend was looking for a driver. And I'm with you...the traffic up north is liable to be nutso. I had to laugh at your plan to lay low. I've done the same on occasion.
It's hard to stay mad at a little elf of a woman more than ten years my senior, but I was. It's a good thing we had to have dinner together when we did or I probably would have brooded about it longer than I did.
DeleteI think you are partly right about the professor looking for a driver. But evidently I once said I was sad I'd never get back up north again and she thought she was doing me a favor to take me. I said yes to going before I remembered her eye condition. My neighbor in the parking garage has macular degeneration too and they both go to the Association for the Blind for visual aids and through her I know the driving limitations that causes. Frankly, I don't understand why it's even legal for them to drive.
I have an aunt with macular degeneration who is still driving. It is madness IMO. Last I heard, she drives on the back roads of the small town she lives in to avoid traffic. Seriously...her kids need to take her license away. But I've seen people try to do that against the wishes of the person and it is pretty hard.
DeleteTaking a license away from someone IS hard. my dad didn't put up much of a fuss but my brother didn't follow suit. My parking space neighbor can only drive when the sun is shining and in the morning. And she has special glasses with orange lens that the Ass. of the Blind gave here. She's always hitting the storage cabinet at the end of her stall.
DeleteIt's always difficult living with people so closely. Unless they are exactly like you, you'll almost always chafe at some of their habits. Thank goodness you weren't sitting out on your balcony when the showers of potting soil occurred! That really would have ripped it.
ReplyDeleteI thought about that! The photo was taken of the second dumping of dirt. The first was three times as bad and it would have cause me to take a shower. And here I was miffed that she doesn't deadhead her flowers and the pedals end up on my deck. LOL
DeleteAhhh, the joys of communal living! My upstairs neighbours at my old place liked to wash their balcony floor and the dirty water ran into my balcony staining my bench cushions. They also earned the nickname "Stompy McStompersons" for obvious reasons. When they opened and slammed shut their balcony doors (frequently, as they smoked outside even though we were a smoke-free building), my walls shook. And their grandchildren came over regularly to scream and run around at all hours. But at least they weren't singing, whistling and clapping in the middle of the night like my mentally-ill next door neighbour. Good times, good times... 😉
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't do the 4th of July thing either. This weekend it's Canada Day (also my daughter's birthday) and they want to go to the fireworks display in another town. The thought of the traffic after the display is over is making me consider staying put.
Deb
Dirty water would be way worse than dirt! Where is common sense theses days? We have a smoker here, too, who defies the smoke free campus rule but management isn't doing anything about it. I guess going out on the baloney is better than hiding in room where you could fall asleep smoking but the neighbors living around him say they can smell the smoke inside their apartments.
DeleteI'm sure you already know this but don't leave that puppy home alone when fire works are expected.
There shouldn't be fireworks at home as we are under a fire ban at the moment. The fireworks the kids want to see will be set off from a platform in the ocean. Bowser would be coming along if we all went. Fireworks haven't bothered him so far. But the idea of staying home with Bowser is getting more and more appealing to me as time goes on.
DeleteMy Levi didn't mind fireworks---used to sit and watch them with me---until he got older. I don't know what changed except Don died so maybe he felt safer with him in the house?
DeleteMy Lucy never minded fireworks or thunder either...until she became old and somewhat deaf. Then she would tremble and cower. I thought maybe it was because she couldn't identify the sound properly anymore and that scared her.
DeleteThat makes perfect sense for Levi too.
DeleteI'm going through this with my 12 year-old longhaired Chihuahua right now. He never was afraid of thunderstorms but I know he's become pretty deaf. We had two big hailstorms recently with big hailstones hitting the roof, making a noise like a gunshot. Last night he must have heard something (maybe the ice maker dropping ice cubes) and he anxiously followed me around until I sat with him in my lap while I watched TV. When I went to take a shower, I had to shut the bathroom door all the way or I'm sure he would have been in the shower with me. lol
DeleteHad a dog do that once. He didn't stay long and then he had the zoomies all over the house.
DeleteI wouldn't wish to do that driving on the holiday weekend for heaven's sake! Whatever you end up doing, Happy 4th!.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I bought a nice steak to grill and corn on the cob. I plan to bake some bread and not get dressed all day long.
DeleteNo fireworks around here which is kinda sad I haven't seen fireworks in years, some neighbours just make us wonder what the hell. Life is often so frustrating
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! Life is frustrating sometimes.
DeleteI imagine it is hard to live so close to other people when you are used to your own house. But you are making the best of it! You have mentioned lots of stuff (and people) you enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm living in a senior apartment rather than a mixed ages. Everyone here (but me) seems to go to bed with the chickens so it's quiet at night when I like to be up.
DeleteOne of the big drawbacks of apartment living is noisy upstairs neighbors. Until I was 10, we lived in an apartment and my mother had a lot of rules for things we could not do in the house because it would "disturb the neighbors;" but many people have never had that training. I once lived downstairs from a man who was hard of hearing and liked to go to sleep with the television on. It was very loud and he just left it on all night! I was about to lose my mind from sleep deprivation and finally bought him a timer that he could plug his TV into so that it would shut off after he went to sleep.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to give you a different perspective on Rose's lab story. I know quite a few women scientists, mostly biologists. These women are a generation younger than Rose, and they all have stories of terrible sex discrimination, sexual harassment, and worse that they suffered in graduate school, mostly in lab settings where they were dependent on one (male) professor who ran the lab for being able to continue in the program. (I imagine things were as bad or worse in Rose's time.) One woman spent her whole career dealing with the question, "But if you got your degree from X University in Y field, why didn't you work with Professor [Big Name]?" The true answer was that Professor Big Name had sexually assaulted her when she worked in his lab, but to say that would have been the end of her career, not his; so she quietly transferred to a different lab and made the best of it. So I think the likely explanation for Rose's experience is that he knew exactly what that was in the refrigerator and he deliberately sabotaged her thesis project because he didn't want a "girl" taking up space in his lab. Maybe Rose keeps repeating this story because no one seems to get it. The next time she tells it, you might tell her that you've heard there use to be a lot of discrimination against women in science grad programs and ask her if she thinks it's possible that he threw out her experiment on purpose to sabotage her.
You might be on to something. I've often thought the uncompleted thesis was the defining event in her life because she repeats it so often. I've also wondered why she didn't go back and finish. There was discrimination when I went to college ten years after she did for women wanting jobs in previously male dominated fields. What you're saying makes sense and Rose seems to be sure the professor threw it out on purpose. Thanks for giving me something new to bring up next time!
DeleteThe timer on the TV was a great idea. My folks once lived below a deaf couple and they said they were nosier than hearing people.
I would bet Rose repeating that story does have something to do with sexual discrimination and a life altering turn of events after it, which is unfortunate. I think it would be a good idea to bring that up next time, might be a good release for her to perhaps finally let it go?
DeleteI'll let you guys know if I find out anything new about the incident.
DeleteGoing north in the fall would be lovely. Hope she takes you up on your suggestion.
ReplyDeleteWe lived two floors above some people who decided to sit on their balcony and drink and talk loudly at 1:00 am. My husband yelled at them to be quiet, but they'd only quiet down for about 10 minutes. I was so annoyed that I took a pitcher of water and dumped it on them. Lots of swearing, but they did go inside. Never was sorry I did that.
Voice on balconies really carry. People here go out on their balconies to talk on the phone and I can hear them from the next building over. People here don't use their balconies all that often because the ones that over look the lake which most of them do, are really hot with the afternoon sun or too windy. Those on my side of the building are like being in a fish bowl.
DeleteI live in a house, not an apartment, but I have that same problem. My next door neighbor talks on her wireless phone from her porch or walks around her driveway talking, loudly, in Urdu. She has a squeaky voice that drives me nuts. So when I'm sitting in my living room reading on a beautiful spring day, I will sometimes have to close my door to soften the noise. Grr.
DeleteNina
Why do people think that's it's more private to be outside on the phone than inside? I don't get that. One old guy here will answer his phone anywhere---at dinner, in the middle of a lecture out on our piazza. People in my generation lived our lives without phones we could carry around but now we're just as addicted to doing so as younger people. Even I started doing it after my brother moved into the next building. But sadly (for him) he's getting his phone programed so he can only get calls coming in.
DeleteThe joys of communal living are many and varied, but so are the pitfalls (or dirt falls), literally so in your case.
DeleteI would have great trouble driving for many miles, or even just a few. I am now an officially illegal driver. Eyesight, drat it. To be on the safe side I have given my car away.
I am having problems commenting, hope this works.
It did work! Thanks for going through the trouble to do so.
DeleteBetter safe than sorry when it comes to giving up a license, in my opinion.
So far the benefits of living in communal living outweigh the pitfalls but the balance can change as people move in an out so we have to learn to roll with the punches. Of course the same thing can apply to neighbors and neighbors from hell.
Ah, yes. Apartment living. Since I've lived only in apartments since about 1966, (apart from a couple of years in dorm rooms and a house on a compound in Liberia), I don't much think about it. There are good neighbors and bad, and then there are the flat terrible. On the other hand, I've lived in some interesting places, including a basement apartment in Kansas City where I cooked mostly with an electric skillet. Ah, youth. For a while, we had some kids here who delighted in pulling the fire alarm, but they seem to have moved on.
ReplyDeleteYour decision about the 4th is wise. It's funny: most boaters who know what they're doing, including the fishing guides, stay off the water over holidays, and most people who are smart stay off the roads. As the saying goes, leave amateur hour to the amateurs. It's safer.
I've always lived in regular houses except for college so this is all new to me. But it's the right place for me at this time in my life. Neighborhoods are not so much different in that there are good neighbors and bad but with houses there is no one to kick them out if they are really-really bad.
DeleteI'm glad I'm not going on the road trip over the 4th. Aside from the obvious, I'd worry about spending that much one-on-one time with The Professor. She's always in teacher mode. I had dinner with her tonight and my head got a workout. LOL
You had me giggling today at Rose's bad behavior. At least it doesn't appear to be intentional even if it is annoying as h*ll. Thanks for the laughs.!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it's not intentional and I keep thinking I should be so lucky when I get to here age that I'm still living in independent living and so much stuff on my own. She even still drives!
DeleteWe had an annoying Neighbor at the McManse so I know what you're going thru. Bonnie Sue was not over 90, I don't know how I'd handle an Elder whose difficult to live near, since I'd want to do so respectfully and with some Grace extended... which can be so HARD. *LOL* Our Neighbors who do so much for us are in their 80's but they're vibrant and lovely people, it's their one Son whose more annoying since I think he's a Special Needs Senior and he has other issues when he self medicates. Their Younger Son, whose about my Age, and his Wife, are the ones we hire to do so much for us and are a lifesaver... so we are Blessed to have wonderful Neighbors. On the other side and behind us the people are also very nice folks and neighborly. But, having bad or annoying Neighbors can make Life so hard. Perhaps Ms. Ninety-something will transition to another section of the CCC soon and you'll get a new Neighbor occupying her Unit? As for the Invite, too bad it became complicated enuf you had to Opt Out, that was quite a letdown. But, you were Wise not to go with all those conditions attached.
ReplyDeleteI don't think my ninety-something neighbor will be moving on down the line anytime soon. I think she's healthier than I am and she has five daughters to help her out when she needs it. My problem is that I lived here over a year before I got an upstairs neighbor and I got spoiled. None of us hear our side neighbors which is wonderful.
DeleteI am absolutely with you on this one. I do not like to drive someone else's car nor do I want anyone driving my car - unless it involves me and an emergency room. I also don't want to drive during major drinking holidays.
ReplyDelete