Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, July 27, 2019

August is Coming and I've Got Places to Go!


I need a name for the community I’m moving to. I’m thinking of calling it The Lake Apartments. Its actual name is _____ on _____ Lake which obviously I'm not sharing with the blog community because that’s just the way I roll here in cyber space. I share a LOT but not my name, rank and serial number so to speak. Nothing that would help the trolls track me down. Anyway, the Lake Apartments people have get-togethers for those of us who signed up early. They call us---the first 45---the Admirals Club but that sounds so pretentious, I don’t like using it. It makes us sound like we’re a bunch clueless yachting types like Thurston and 'Lovey' Howell on Gillgan’s Island. 

Yesterday I got my second Admirals Club invitation in the mail…. a cocktail party in August before a classic car show that is taking place on the grounds around the lake. Then later in August they’re having a fashion show. I haven’t been to a fashion show since the ‘70s but I’ll play the game---can’t wait to see if it will be age appropriate clothing. No cut-to-the-crotch play suits for me! I’d be over the moon if it turned out to be a trunk show of muumuus and bathrobes, and sweatsuits for more formal attire. They’re also putting an email list together for those of us who want to stay in contact in between these planned events. I’m guessing they’re doing all these things to keep us in the basket labeled “Still Enthusiastic.” With so long to wait for them to break ground on building the place it would be easy to get impatient and start asking for our sizeable deposits back to go elsewhere. So far, my enthusiasm isn’t waning. But I wish I could fast-forward and get past the downsizing, get past selling my house, get past the physical move and just be free to start anew. 

Speaking of downsizing---yes, I know, that’s all talk about lately---I found three manuscripts in a box of creative writing box and I made the mistake of reading the first chapter of one of them, however I stayed strong after that and I ripped the rest of my book up. But bless my self-indulgent heart, I’ve decided to copy the first page into my blog to preserve the story-line somewhere other than inside my flaky head. It started like this:

“Katherine Abbott sat in the back row of the packed auditorium fidgeting with the braided trim on her wool traveling suit. Lord, there would be hell to pay if her father finds out she’s in a town fifty miles short of where she was supposed to get off the train, let alone at a Woman Suffrage meeting, of all places! He’d be so angry he’d pop the buttons off his waist coat ranting and raving about how a woman's brain is too small to be burdened with the task of entering the political arena. He's just like the anti-suffrage people handing out tracts outside the auditorium, she thought, and the longer she sat there the more she regretted the split-second decision that brought her to the meeting.

“With a round of applause from the few gentlemen in the crowd, a sea of white handkerchiefs waved in the air as the black-clad speaker crossed the platform to take her place behind the podium. It was a silent tribute to the illustrious Susan B. Anthony from progressive women who all across the across the country have come to believe that hankie waving is a far more lady-like greeting than loud hand clapping. (Inserting a 2019 edit here to cut out a bunch of bull crap about Katherine’s frazzled nerves and naiveté, both of which were annoying me.)

“Leaning against the side wall of the auditorium, Thomas Whitmere’s face split into a wide, devilish grin. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his finely tailored frock coat and his long, sinewy legs were crossed at the ankles. He’d been watching the prim little morsel sitting in the back row for the better part of an hour. When he’d first noticed her she was shut up tighter than a jar of jam sitting on a cellar shelf. Now she was perched on the edge of her seat completely captivated by the words coming from the platform. ‘Miss Anthony,’ he shouted in a tone his friends would recognize as teasing. ‘I’ve heard it said that if a woman had a ballot she’d sell it for a bonnet. Is that true?’

“’Perhaps,’ the speaker shot back. ‘As my good friend, Anna Shaw, so aptly once put it, a new bonnet is a fine thing, and most women hanker after new bonnets. But a good bonnet costs more than a glass of whiskey and that, sir, is the market price of male votes nowadays.’”

Well, that’s enough of that. Fast forward to the end of my manuscript and be assured that the guy gets the girl and they lived happily ever after, but all the details in between are headed to the paper recycling center. Mostly what I got out of reading that first chapter were good memories of how fascinated I was by researching the Suffrage Movement and that explains why my library is still filled with women’s history books some forty years later. My heroine was not atypical of historical romances back then but I doubt I could write a silly, afraid-of-her-own-shadow type woman today. Not that I’d want to try my hand at writing fiction again. I’m perfectly happy being a blogger who blogs slice-of-life Seinfeld style who is also looking forward to August. But be forwarded, I did set aside some of the poetry I wrote back before menopause and a few of them might make it into my blog if my 'slices of life' get too thin.  ©

30 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing it with us. It's a lot better than any fiction I could write.

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    1. Anna Shaw actually did get asked that question about the bonnets and gave that answer. Those suffragettes rocked!

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  2. I had to laugh at "The Admirals Club." The impression of the place I got this morning was of a land-locked cruise ship, so that's perfectly appropriate. And I suspect there's some truth in your supposition that one purpose of the invitations to events is to keep you engaged and enthusiastic. It's pretty slick marketing, actually.

    I haven't heard the word muumuu in forever. Those were the best, weren't they? Grandma had her housedress, but Mom and I were great muumuu enthusiasts. I still remember my favorite, that had smocking across the top.

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    1. I agree, it is slick marketing. They claim the Admirals Club comes from us early sign-ons being a steering committee of sorts. We get to have them do things like pick out the equipment for the exercise room and art studio and we'll even be able to meet the landscape designers and the biggie---pick out our own interior finishes which those who sign up after they break ground won't be able to do.

      I wonder if anyone still makes muumuus and can be bring them back into fashion. I get a lot of pressure hives from where clothing touches my skin too long and the muumuus were great for that.

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  3. There must be someplace where the muumuu never went “out of fashion” because the Vermont Country Store still carries them in their catalog. They have long and short lengths. Not mini short but lady like knee covering length. Wish I still had my favorite from the 70s. Sooo comfortable.

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    1. They still have the great flannel nightgowns too. Maybe I'll have to get me a couple of muumuus for early morning and late night dog walking after I move. Thanks for the reminder about that catalog store.

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  4. Enjoyed our dip into your view of the suffrage movement via your manuscript. Are you sure you want to trash the rest? Loved the quip about the bonnet.
    The Admirals Club does sound a hair pretentious but worth checking out.

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    1. S.B.Anthony had a few well-known quips like that. We owe her so much. She worked tirelessly for decades to advance our rights to vote.

      The manuscript (except the first chapter) in all its forms have already gone to recycling. And I have no regrets. The benefit was in learning the process of writing and that's not something that will ever leave me.

      I've already been to the Admirals Club. It's not an actual place, it's a series events they plan at various locations, mixers so we won't be strangers by the time we can move in. I like the people and everything about it but the pretentious name.

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  5. I don't know...I think I like The Admirals Club better than the First 45. I've developed a strong aversion to that number lately and wouldn't want to be associated with it. But yes, as much as I loved The Howells I must admit The Admirals Club is a little over the top. Surely they could've come up with something else to signify the original "settlers" of your area. Enjoyed your chapter from your book!

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    1. I would have loved to have been in that meeting when they were brain-storming names. Gosh, the lake is hardly big enough for much more than a few row boats!

      I always thought a good collection would be the first page from all the books I've read and/or loved but I could never tear them out of the books. At least I got to do it with one of my own books. I should have kept the first page from the other two manuscripts as well. Three of anything makes it a collection. LOL

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  6. I think instead of calling it The Admirals Club, it should be called The Pioneers. After all, they (and you) are the brave first ones to embark on this new journey, right?

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  7. Oh I just love hearing your exciting new home plans. I think it's a great idea to have gatherings of new neighbors before you all move in! Muumuus sound PERFECT for walking Levi. I do wish there was some style of cotton clothing that would be in fashion. Maybe muumuus are it.

    Geez. Now I want to read a historical novel!

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    1. I was wondering if they wore them in Maui when you were living there. Some of the new fabrics they have now are awful!

      I used to read 4 historical fiction books a week but I haven't read one in a couple of decades now. I got interested in history that way because I used to look up stuff that an author would build a story around to see if it actually happened, got to know which authors did the best research to incorporate into their stories.

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  8. I have been reading a bit recently about the women’s voting rights movement. In fact, I was in Boston yesterday and went to an exhibit at the Massachusetts Historical Society about the movement, I have been reading about how black women were excluded from the movement and felt that they needed to form their own groups. Even the women’s voting rights movement has an unfortunate aspect to it.

    I read those paragraphs that you wrote and would be very curious to know how much you would have edited what you wrote now. Do you write in a different style now (I know you said you don’t write fiction any longer) or is the language very different than what you would use now? There are times when I have found old acedmic papers of mine and I don’t always even recognize that I would have written it!

    (I have been visiting my daughter on Cape Cod and decided to take the bus to Boston for the day).
    Regards,
    Leze

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    1. They were all products of the times they lived in and we have to be careful not to judge that exclusion through the lens of today. There was a split in the Suffrage Movement about whether or not to help black men get the vote first so they'd help the women. Really interesting period in history.

      I have also found old writings of mine and hardly recognized the writing as my own. Over the years I've learned that less is more, but sometimes I think I was a deeper thinker back in the day. I also don't have a big enough vocabulary to write fiction but I can get by when writing a blog.

      Boston is a great place for anyone who loves history. If you run into any of the Otis or Warren's on historical walks, they are my ancestors.

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  9. Love your slices of life, Jean! Keep them coming!

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  10. Downsizing, Moving... ah, I know that Drill all to well and yes, it would be incredible to fast forward past it all and get down to permanent Settling in at a Forever Place at this Season of Life! Have one Grandchild left to raise tho' before I can indulge myself in the Fantasy of what it would be like to just do what's best for us exclusively.

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    1. At least you've got a great trade off...investing time in your grandson's care might come back to you 10 fold.

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  11. You're a brave downsizer. But knowing what writing to chuck is instinctive and smart. And liberating.

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    1. It is, isn't it. Our writing improves over time, or at least we like to think it does, and the early stuff can be embarrassing.

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  12. Oh how I laughed at the comment of sweatsuits for more formal wear. That would be heave wouldn't it? I am so happy you are so excited. It is nice to see Jean.

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    1. In my perfect world, sweats and muumuus would be acceptable attire for any where you wanted to go. All my clothing makes me itch no matter what fabric or laundry products I use.

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    2. My Mother, long gone now, complained that every thing made her itch. I wonder if you looked into what would cause

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    3. Oh, yes, I've been to allergists many, many times over my entire life starting at 3 months old. Laundry products and fabrics can be a source but not in all cases. I get hives from just the pressure on my skin and changing clothing during the day and wearing loose stuff helps. I'm also allergic to a hormone my own thyroid gland puts out which I only found out in recent years.

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  13. This is a wonderful blog. Thank you so much for the effort and the honesty.

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  14. The Admirals DOES sound a tad pretentious but you have to call it something, I guess. And it sounds like they are pulling together some good things. It'll be a nice way to start already knowing people.

    I understand finding that manuscript thing. I need to destroy a few of mine before I die!

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    1. It's a weird feeling to admit to yourself that you're getting to an age where you probably won't finish some of the stuff you started and always planned to come back to 'when you have the time.'

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