Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Got Buzzed, Got Silly and Other Things



I’m a one trick pony! Always have been, always will be. My husband used to call me ‘One Track Jean’ because when I get involved in something---anything---I dive head first into the project and don’t come up for food or water until I’m light headed and satisfied that I’ve figured out how to make whatever I’m attempting to do, work. Needless to say, I’m old and I still haven’t learned how to pace myself. 

Since I’ve started downsizing I’ve lost eight pounds---a combination of moving more, and forgetting to eat. But I know myself inside and out and know that come the end of summer when I have the basement and garage completely emptied out and it’s time to start a new goal, I’ll suffer a few weeks of burn-out. Hopefully, those few weeks won’t stretch out into months because come winter I fully intend to go through all the closets and cupboards and keep Goodwill happy with my weekly stops on the way to the grocery store. From inside the house I’ve already dropped off five barely used kitchen appliances. Someone should start a business where you get to borrow an appliance to try out before you buy it. Like that Panini maker I just had to have and only used five times before I lost interest in it. The receipt said I paid $44 for that appliance. I should teach a course titled How to Waste Money. Downsizing your life lets you know if you’ve gotten your master’s degree in wasteful spending and I think I’ve earned two of them.

My Gathering Girls group did something a little different on Monday. We normally do lunch in our neighborhood or near one of the movie theaters but this week we went to a lake side, country inn that has been around forever. I’d never been there---wrong boondocks for me---but the other ladies were excited about returning to one of their favorite places from back in the days when we were all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. (Has that expression taking on a sexual over-tone in recent years or is it just me?) Either way, they don’t open until 4:00 in the afternoon so we had an early dinner and it was a good thing I left early because I got so lost I considered calling someone in the group and telling them I couldn’t get there from where I was at. I was going up and down a highway looking for my missed turn but I was too far north to find it. My head wasn’t in the game when I left the house and that’s not a good thing at my age or any other, for that matter.

We don’t usually drink at our lunches but when one of the ladies ordered wine five us followed her lead and ordered alcohol, too. I ordered a Painted Turtle, Blueberry Bliss Hard Cider. It came in a glass so tall I told the other girls if I drank it all we’d have to stay a long time so I’d be safe to drive home. I ended up asking for an empty glass and sharing 2-3 inches of my cider with a woman who was celebrating a good report from her cancer team. But half a glass in on an empty stomach and I was feeling great---a little buzzed, a little happy that I finally found the place. And a lot happy that I had someone besides the dog to talk with. We ended up ordering dessert, too, and all of us was in danger of having a cardiac arrest when our bills came. I’m not used to spending $30 on a sandwich, one drink and three marble sized scoops of gelato. Oh, and truffle laced French fries---they were great, but not as great as they cost. Another woman was charged $12 for a Kahlua and cream and she was digging deep in her purse. “I should have asked how much it cost,” she said. You can tell we’re all big drinkers can’t you, she writes with a smile on her lips. It was worth it though; we all laughed a lot at silly stuff and joked about having hot dogs the next time.

My basement is emptying out. The three pieces of furniture I had down there will be gone by the time your read this and they were what I was worried the most about because all the other stuff down there, I could bring up myself in a pinch. My great-niece took a turn-of-the-century oak buffet---the kind with the hidden drawer---that I refinished with 6-7 layers of hand-rubbed tung oil. I got really good at tung oil finishes back in the '70s. My dad taught me how to use pumice in between the layers of tung oil and the results were wonderfully as smooth as glass. It was meditative to refinish furniture that way and I probably did eight pieces before I ran out of room in the house to do anymore. 

I can’t think of refinishing furniture without thinking of my mom, though. The few years before she died she had a goal of refinishing a piece of furniture for each of her two kids and three grandkids. But she didn’t live long enough to get them all done, got them all striped of their paint but that was all. One piece meant for my youngest niece my sister-in-law ended up with and she put a god-awful, almost black stain on it that completely covered up the grain. To this day it makes me sick to look at it, knowing how hard my mom worked to get at the nature wood. But I’m learning---or I should say I’m trying to learn---that you can’t put strings on things you give away. You shouldn't say, “You can’t paint this” or “you can’t sell this for five years” or “if you give this away, try to keep it in the family.” Those are all no-no’s in the downsizing world. I’ve already said the first, but have since taken it back. A gift, is a gift is a gift, she writes without a smile on her lips…  ©

29 comments:

  1. I can tell you had a really fun time with the Gathering girls. Worth every dollar spent this time. You are so right when you say "A gift is a gift, is a gift."

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    1. Most of us spent double what we usually spend on lunch, so we had to have double the fun. LOL

      I have to keep chanting that "a gift is a gift, is a gift" because I do tend to want to put strings on stuff that give to people.

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  2. Had to laugh at your Panini maker. Yep I had one that ended up in the Human Society thrift store. I would be nice if we could rent one first. Yikes, the bill for your lunch certainly was sobering but it must have been fun while happening. Totally agree on a gift is a gift. I also never loan money--I just consider it a gift then I am not upset when I never hear of it again.

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    1. I've only loaned money twice in my life. Once I didn't get it back and the second time I was obsessed that I wouldn't get it back. Never again. My husband used to loan money but he had a business where the people who borrowed the money could work it off, and they did many times.

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    2. I believe in 'give without expectation '. If you have it to give, whether it be money or material items, once it leaves your hand it belongs to the recipient. The recipient can enjoy the gift and you can appreciate their enjoyment without stress or worrying. Your get together sounds fun and you sure are getting into the big "D"! I expect you'll be done months before you move.

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    3. It's hard for me sometimes because I get invested in things too much and want the to have a good home. Like giving puppies and kittens away.

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  3. There is an old Hindu (I think) proverb that says "When you give someone a goat, let go of the rope." I try to remember that all the time.

    Glad you really cut loose with a spendy lunch and a little hooch. As my late friend used to say, "It's not like you bought yourself a ten thousand dollar diamond necklace!"

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    1. I love that proverb. I will try to remember to let go of the rope.

      Me too on the cutting loose. I really needed that.

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  4. Losing weight, that's amazing. Now I know how to lose my weight other then stop eating so much good food. Keep up all the good things that you've been doing so well. See ya Jean.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Your time is coming, Paul, once you guys find a new house to move to.

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  5. Sometimes mini vacations are better than longer ones --- it sounds like you got a lot of bang for your bucks. And, as you say, if you need to you can all economize on the next outing. Something creative but inexpensive. Shake it up a bit.

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    1. We've kicked around the idea of picnics in the park but most of us want to be served when we get time away from the house.

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  6. How fun! But don't you have GPS in your car? If not, download Waze on your phone. Step by step directions with plenty of notice before you have to "turn left". I use it even at home in case my mind starts to wander.

    Don't we ALL have those gadgets that were barely used? I need to go through our kitchen again. Kate got a new waffle maker so we need to start a Goodwill basket with the old one, the panini maker, the ice cream maker, old electric toothbrushes, hair dryers, etc.

    I agree about eating out! It's nice to be served and have someone else do the dishes.

    My new favorite saying! Let go of the rope!!!

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    1. No GPS. I know the city pretty well never wanted it before, but I sure could have used it that day. I'd been on the road I was looking for before but my mine was focused on something else that day and I paid for it.

      I gave Goodwill a malt maker, too, that I only used twice. That was hard but my blender has a malt attachment blade and I use the blender every morning.

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  7. Your last paragraph reminded me of something my mom told me when she was dying. I was 25. She said, "Keep my cut glass till you're 40. If you don't like or use it by then, you never will -- let it go." I use it all the time. Well, holidays and nice dinners. Doesn't go all that well with daily Fiesta or vintage Hall China!

    I think I need to follow your lead and get on the downsizing if it brings a down in physical size, too! Eight pounds -- great! You can afford to do a jolly lunch like that at that pace!

    Thanks for coming by. I always love your comments!

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    1. I think you have more to downsize than me...well, maybe it's a close tie with us just having a different kind of collectibles. I dread getting into my pressed glass downsizing. It will all have to go to Goodwill, I'm afraid. No one wants fancy serving stuff anymore unless they are building garden sculptures.

      I have three cut glass pieced handed down from my mom, too. I love them and hope to keep them.

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  8. I, too, am a lover of natural wood grain so am appalled at those who slather god-awful paint all over lovely refinished furniture items of maple -- birds eye and plain, cherry, walnut, oak, mahogany and more. I guess many don't really know about the woods to value their differences. Save the paint for plywood, compressed woods and substitutes, and lesser types.

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    1. There are so many pieces of furniture now made out of pressed wood that young people don't appreciate good wood. I'm giving a walnut table away and I'm biting my tongue not to tell her not to paint it.

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  9. I'm glad you found the restaurant. I like to treat myself once or twice a year to an expensive, but really delicious, meal. It sounds as though you are on a roll; maybe your decompression period after you finish this project will be shorter because of your positive motivation to get ready to move.

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    1. I hope it works out that way. The heat we're having here in MI is really getting to me and slowing me down from working in the garage to sort through boxes.

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  10. I feel like a slug in comparison. Great job Jean with all this downsizing. I need you here to motivate me.

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  11. I read more and now know my age now in 80's
    I am beyond you but similarities are there.
    Take care....

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  12. My good friend is selling her home of 34 years as well to move into a condo. We have breakfast weekly and I hear how things are going. It's such a huge task and some things are easier to let go of than others, but what she's finding, and I've read the same is the next generation generally doesn't want all the stuff that has been saved and passed down and generally doesn't even want stuff from their own childhoods. She's learning to box it up and get it gone. Sometimes with tears in her eyes. Sometimes not. Mostly she's happy to be free of all the 'stuff'.

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    1. For me the hardest thing to make peace with there being no market for is china, stemware and dishes. You can't give it away. You can't sell it. The only ones really using it are crafters who are making garden stuff out of it. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that, and I haven't done it yet.

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  13. I have indeed earned my Masters Degree in wasteful spending, downsizing certainly had illuminated that.

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    1. That aspect of downsizing really gets to me at times. I think of how I'd love to have all that wasted money now.

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