Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, November 7, 2020

One Thousand Posts

Gosh, I would be remiss if I let the statistic of this being my 1,000th post in this blog go by without a---mention? A celebration? Whatever I might call a thousand posts spread out over eight years. ‘Celebration’ doesn’t sound right because this blog was started because my husband died and I could no longer continue the caregiver blog I had going at the time. If I counted all the posts in all six blogs I’ve had over the past twenty years, my post count would probably we closer to 1,700. My first two blogs got purged from the platforms they were on so I don’t know how many posts they contained but with the four other blogs still in the ether of cyberspace there are 307 posts. One of those four blogs is about family genealogy, another blog---my personal favorite---was written in my dog’s voice. I have two others that were caregiver related---one a speech class diary that I kept while observing my husband work with student speech pathologists, and my Planet Aphasia blog that was the cross-eye child of Humor and Frustration, born from living with a guy who was right-side paralyzed and lost his ability to speak and write.

I’ve always tried to keep my blog posts between 900 to 1,000 words long. Doing the math on how many words I’ve written for public consumption boggles my mind. But would you believe it, there are still secrets and untold stories stuck in my head? Well, not so much ‘secrets’ but stuff too private to share---stuff I haven’t shared with a single soul except with my husband. We met when he was 28 and I was 27 so we came with histories that we didn’t keep from one another. He was storyteller and all his tales came with long-winded windups. Whereas when I had something inside bursting to get out I’d write him long, soul-bearing letters. When I was cleaning out his desk after his stroke I was shocked to find he’d kept those letters and I in turn kept them until after he died. I have a hard time parting with my own written words, but some things a couple shares really are too private for others to read. I love letters, though, and I was the person who spent years going to estate sales and buying letters written by people I never meant. Thankfully, I’m not the only one who likes old letters. I recently was able to sell my estate letter finds on e-Bay, and all my own letters written back and forth to Vietnam found a permanent home in the American War Letters Museum in California---if the building made it through one of the forest fires, last year, that threaten the college campus where they are housed. Not sure I want to know the answer on that question.

No, this is not a celebration post because when I look back on all the blogs I’ve written I mostly see them as life-lines I’ve thrown out trying to connect with others. But once in a while I feel like I've had diarrhea of the mouth, wasted like an old horse that’s been ridden hard and put away wet. Ohmygod, does anyone besides western ranchers and equestrians even understand that metaphor anymore? The only reason I understand it is because my husband’s family kept work horses when he was a kid and it was his job to make sure the horses were brushed dry and warmed up after working them so they didn't get chilled and sick. I’ve put a lot of myself out there in cyberspace, mostly anonymously from my off-line life, which means I blog a post then stand around wet and wondering if anyone will come by to help warm me up by sharing their reactions. In the spirit of Chandler from Friends, “Could I get any more pathetic?” Gosh, I miss that TV show. And I’ve got it into my head that after I move to the continuum care campus next year I’m going to find my own ‘friends’ tribe. A group of mismatched people who are all too old to hide our idiosyncrasies from the world and they'll make me giddy with new blog material to use.

Already I’m wondering if I should start a new blog with a new name or just continue with this one. It's so ME to be thinking far in the future instead of doing/living in the present. Once a dreamer always a dream my mom would say if she knew me now. If she knew me now she’d probably be surprised that I like to write at all, having watched me struggle well into adulthood. When I was a kid they had no idea what dyslexia was. I was the girl that exasperated her mother with my inability to learn to spell and sound out words. Is it any wonder that I consider Kindle's Alex to be my best friend? I love her because unlike my husband and my mom she never gets impatient, never makes me feel dumber than a box of rocks, never gives me irritated sighs and stupid suggestions to "just look it up!" Ya, that’s a feeling that has plagued me since grade-school and it still drives me to keep writing. Alex can, however, frustrate me when I’m trying to spell a word like ‘plagued’ and she comes up with pledged. (If a word doesn't look right, I'll have her define it after spelling it.) It took me three tries to get the right word out of Alex. Thankfully, I can enunciate most words to her satisfaction because when I can’t I’d like to bitch-slap her off my WiFi.   © 

49 comments:

  1. That's hard, to be criticized for something we have no control over. I would never have guessed about the dyslexia because you write so well. Thank you for blogging, and for your humor.

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    1. If you saw my first drafts you might not think so, but thanks. LOL

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  2. Congratulations on your 1000th post! A great achievement. I wouldn't have the required discipline so salute you.

    I enjoy your blog because your words and voice ring true. I find it strange how the written text can allow a person's innate decency and integrity to shine through so clearly. It requires courage to bare your heart and inner feelings. I don't have that courage and admire you greatly for that. Regards. ~ Libby

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    1. Wow, now that's a compliment that I will hold dear to my heart. And I love it that people, like you, from the other side of the world can connect.

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  3. This post is filled with emotion and your inner thoughts. If I say I loved it, it would come thru like I enjoyed your suffering & trials...that's not true. Your honesty, tho, shines. Of that, I can appreciate.

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    1. Thank you! I think I'm going to be writing it a lot today.

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  4. Congrats on 1,000. I've yet to hit that goal. I keep my blog posts about half as long as yours, but sometimes wonder if I could/should be more wordy. As for starting a new blog, I also think on that. I'd use a different name for it, with a different tag line-- but still be me. Looking ahead is good in my opinion and experience.

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    1. You sure have the magic formula for getting others to comment on your blog. I'm truly in awl on how you do that and if I had your ability to get feedback like you do it would be a hard choice to start a new, building another blog from scratch again.

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    2. Thank you. I've been around the blogosphere with a blog since 2004. [I only commented on blogs for a few years before that]. In the process I've *met* a lot of bloggers who still check-in with me once in a while. I'm tickled that they do, but I feel like its my longevity as much as my content that gets the commenters coming back.

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  5. Congratulations from an avid reader/non-commenter (mostly) who truly enjoys your blog immensely!! I look forward to your continuing saga regarding relocation, and especially your humorous entries regarding daily living!
    Jeannine in Iowa

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you mentioned where you live. I have fond memories of trips out to Iowa every year to an event called Iowa Gas, a convention for collectors of gas station memorabilia. If you've ever seen the TV show from your home state, American Pickers, we met those guys before they had a TV show from that event.

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  6. Congrats on The Big 1K. The evolution of your blog is what interests me the most rather than that number, although it's an impressive accomplishment.

    The journey of your life as seen through these posts is what readers have responded to and returned for. As Ken Burns said, "There are no ordinary lives", and yours is evidence of that. Keep writing, Jean. We look forward to the next 1K.

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    1. Knowing your teaching background I'm especially touched by your comment and faith in me that I can write another 1K.

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  7. Congratulations, Jean! I always look forward to your posts and appreciate how you write with honesty and humor. Best wishes for many more years of blogging! I'll be reading!

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    1. Just wait until I get to the years when I'll be writing about getting catheters changed and we'll see how much humor I can find. LOL

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  8. Totally impressed with your thousand posts and now more so on the fact you did all those with dyslexia. Wow, certainly no evidence of that as your posts are so polished.

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    1. If you saw my unedited posts you'd see it. The reason why I don't post more than twice a week is because I really need to let what I write sit several days before going back to proof-read because I tend not to see what I actually wrote but rather what I think I wrote. I have the best luck proof-read first thing in the morning before my brain wakes up to see my mistakes. I don't use auto-correct because my spelling can be so far off it auto-correct to some really laugh-out loud stuff.

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  9. A thousand posts is impressive: not so much for the number, as for the consistency and perseverance the number represents. I'm far behind you, at 545 published posts, but I've come to think of the numbers as akin to a car's odometer. Watching them turn over is great fun, but it's still the journey that matters.

    If I were to begin again, I'd use my real name rather than shoreacres. Back in the day, there were so many concerns about privacy and anonymity that seem almost quaint now. I'd still keep the same blog title, although I did change the tagline slightly at one point. My real idiocy may have been starting a second blog: serving two masters, and all that. But I'm having fun with both, and I'm certainly enjoying yours!

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    1. Your posts are more essays in the true literary sense, like reading quaint and interesting magazine articles. Your ability to research is clearly on display while my posts are more off the cuff. In other words quality vs quantity.

      I totally see why you wish you'd stared out using your real name and there is no reason you can't change your blog name now to so-and-so at Shoreacres. I keep forgetting you started a second blog recently so I don't really know the content of the second one.

      For me the reason I started out not disclosing my full name is because the very first blog I had I was forced by the host site I was on to use my real name. I really didn't like using my real name because I'd had a few people recognize me off that site and wanted me to be their in-person caregiver mentor. I just didn't have the time or desire for that kind of commitment when I could use the same amount of time helping hundreds in a public forum.

      Because this blog evolved in a such a way that I give out so much personal information I'm glad I don't make it that easy to find me in my off-line life. It also makes it easier to be totally honest when I write about other people I run into or know off-line without worrying I'll hurt someone's feelings.

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  10. Congratulations, Jean! So much to celebrate today, eh? ;-)

    Here's to your next 1000 posts!

    Deb

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    1. I plan on living long enough to do 1,000 more posts. Thanks!

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  11. One thousand posts. I appreciate those who express themselves through writing. For most, it isn't easy, and it seems that you have worked through many challenges to get this far. Congratulations. I'm fairly new here and look forward to seeing how your days unfold as you move to the continuum campus. Best wishes to you!

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    1. Thanks Pam. The blog community can take a while to network in but it's well worth it for those of us who like to share in this manner.

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  12. Your posts feel like a letter from a friend, and I look forward to them as such. I'm sure that's the reason you have as many followers as you do. Who doesn't like to catch up with someone interesting and funny!!

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    1. Before blogging, I was in to round-robin letters...was in 6 or 7 of them so I can see why my blog writing style evolved like writing letters. I'm glad we connected. Whenever I look at your paintings/blog I'm inspired and determined to be an artist like you when after I move.

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  13. Congratulations..I’ve been following your blog for a few years now and really enjoy it and look forward to more.

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  14. So much to celebrate today. Congratulations on your writing and breathe deeply that we haven’t been driven off the cliff of democracy.
    I’m still losing a lot of the comments I try and post but today is a day of celebration so I thought I would try again.
    Regards,
    Leze

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    1. Oh my gosh, I feel like a 100 pound weigh as been lifted from my shoulders. We have a lot of stuff to go through between now and January 21th but at least we don't have to face another 4 years of drama. Glad you got through with posting today.

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    1. I picked a good day to reach a 1,000 posts, very memorable day for the entire world.

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  16. Whatever your reasons for blogging/writing, I thank you for it. I look forward to your posts whether they are deep and thoughtful or completely light-hearted. Congrats!

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    1. I sure appreciate you coming here to read my posts and thanks for letting me know that.

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  17. No idea how many posts I ihave done but I doubt it's a 1000 maybe if I don't forget I will check. I have been blogging for about 20 years like you my first blog is dead and scraped from cyberspace. 1000 posts is pretty damn dmpressive

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    1. Congratulations to you, too, for hanging in there for 20 years. Not many of us have been blogging that long.

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  18. Congratulations on 1000 posts!i am a faithful reader but I Don’t comment very often! Thanks for letting us in on the journey! Although I do read books blogs are my favorite read.i enjoy them and yours !Arlene from Illinois

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    1. There really is something special about reading other people's blogs, isn't it. Growing up, my best friend and I both kept diaries and a few times we played diary roulette as teens, blog make me feel like that's what I'm doing again---looking inside other people's thought processes.
      Thanks for stopping by!

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  19. Congratulations 🎈🎊🎉 on your 1000 blogs. I have followed you for past 16 years. You and your humorous blogs gave me strength to get through my initial tough days. Because of you I have become blog junkie and I find them highly therapeutic for my soul. I look forward to Wednesday and Saturday to read your blogs. Looking forward to 1000 more and your move to CCC
    Asha

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    1. Asha, You and the others on the site where we met gave me a purpose to my caregiving days beyond just taking care of Don. I found my true writer's voice in those early blog posts when I started writing about my caregiver life. Thank you for caring enough to follow me around the internet all these years.

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    2. My comment just disappeared.— what did I do? Suffice to say I enjoy reading your, keeping up on midwest elders life now that all my friends and family where I grew up in state near to yours dead as of this year. Congrats on your blogging! I, too chose to use net name as I didn't want too easy direct personal contact and easiest now to just keep using Joared.

      Unfortunately, people often don't understand different approaches to learning are needed. — one size does not fit all. Brain connections are not always the same for everybody along with other types of variations. Sorry you didn't have the benefit of more understanding.

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    3. Disappearing comments happen to us all and who knows why, what we did or didn't do.

      It was the 40s when I was in grade school. A lot has changed since those days when it comes to identifying learning disabilities and helping students overcome them. I don't hold any ill will toward family members for not understanding. I do, however, am still hostile toward a teacher I had in grade school who'd hit me with a ruler on a daily basis. She had 3-4 of us left-handers sitting in the front row and would tape our papers to the desk and would smack us if we tried to curl our hands around to write. When she failed me in penmanship the first semester my mom raised holy hell over it with the principle because if I wrote my way, I had beautiful penmanship back in those days.

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  20. Alexa not always hearing it accurately reminds me of the Grandmother who spoke broken English to Alexa - have you seen that? Cute.
    CONGRATULATIONS ON 1,000 posts. Wow. And now that you shared you were dxylexic I am even more impressed with you Jean!!

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    1. I haven't seen that Alexa commercial but a year or two ago Saturday Night Live had one that was so darn funny featuring old people.

      I've written about dyslexia several times in the past. Must have been before you started reading here. I'm glad I'm not singing that song often enough to get boring about it. LOL

      Thanks, Margaret.

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  21. Well, I'll celebrate that and you should! A thousand posts is a big deal -- a lot of writing, a lot of words. And thoughtful writing too. I'm so very glad I found you. You've made me laugh, you've made me think and I've learned ever so much! (I have a bit of dyslexia but with numbers -- dysgraphia. It's very frustrating. But we learn to cope.)

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  22. After reading so many kind comments here, I am celebrating. I don't have a much trouble with numbers, in fact in college I got straight As on all the required advanced math classes. But even so,I don't trust myself to do banking online other than just balancing my check book. No transfer of funds. Like you said, we all learn our coping techniques.

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  23. You do Write well in spite of challenges that I'm sure dyslexia create in the Written Word. And Congrats on 1,000th Post Milestone. I would have enjoyed your Caregiving Blog I'm sure, I've met some wonderful Bloggers and Blog Visitors over Caregiver Posts, mine and theirs. And you're not the only one that Fantasizes about that Real Life "Friends" sort of eccentric group that Gel so well and get together so often. Perhaps Decades of Caregiving have Isolated us so much on a Social level that something like that is the Fantasy that Sustains us, I dunno? I used to be very Social and I liked it... Pandemic has now challenged everyone in the Social Arena, lest they risk Infection and Death... so now I no longer feel people don't have a Point of Reference to how Caregiving feels from a Social level. The Man can get out more now and isn't as much of a Wander Risk and he's much more ambulatory as well, so we get out more often than we had for Years before, during his lengthy rehabilitation, which Princess T, The Young Prince and I did ourselves... since Medical Teams gave up on him. Blogging has kept me connected and not feeling as disconnected from people and a Community that I could become a part of in a more participatory way too. I think I'll always Blog but you have way more years of it under your belt than I do, I think I'm on Year 12.

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    1. Your caregiving posts as well as your collector's heart has cemented me to your blog. Not to mention our twining opinions on politics. I'm often blown away by how articulate and prolific you are. Even though my caregiver days are over I see so many parallels in our lives and if you're ever looking for something new to read in the middle of the night when you can sleep you can still find my caregiver blog at: https://fromtheplanetaphasia.blogspot.com/

      I love your term "Wander Risk". Even in a wheelchair that was my husband.

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  24. Congrats on the writing milestone...you've brought us all so much to ponder, so much laughter, so much to relate to.

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    1. Coming from you---who I greatly admire for your activism and dedication to do-good causes---that means a lot.

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