Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

The Doctor and the Realtor

 

My appointments with the doctor and realtor happened two weeks ago but at the time I had other stuff that had to published in a timely manner or be trashed or break my rule about posting no more than twice a week. I didn’t want to trash my stress induced reaction post to the election or my essay about my 1,000th post, so here I am trying to remember the details about my above mentioned appointments.

I had to see my internist for my bi-annual and the Medical Care Wellness Check where they ask you questions we older people have learned to lie about. No, I don't have any throw rugs that can trip me, doctor dearest. How's my sex life? Only in my head, doc, but I have lots of book boyfriends if that counts. That sex life answer wasn't a lie if I'd actually said it out loud. Instead, I mumbled something about being a long-time widow. It ticks me off that they actually ask it because the medical community never cared back in the days when I was sexually active so why should it matter to them now in our Medicare years? If I had answered that I was playing the hide the bologna game on a regular basis would I have then gotten the safe sex talk? If you've done the Medicare Care test you know they ask some stupid stuff and thank goodness they don't hook us up on lie detector machines while we take it.

I was a little concerned that I was developing lung issues because I’ve been experiencing shortness of breath since I saw him last. Apparently I’m not good at self-diagnosing, even with Dr. Google’s help, because I thought it might be from gaining too many pandemic/comfort food pounds combined with wearing face masks. But my lungs were fine and my internist was more concerned with the fact that I’ve picked up an extra heart beat since I last saw him. He hooked up the EKG machine and that put a technical name of ‘ventricular ectopy and DOE’ to the extra heartbeat. Then he ordered a few blood tests to rule out stuff like anemia. Turned out my RBC (red blood count) came back on the low end of the scale but still one point within the normal range and my doctor says he’s comfortable with waiting until my next bi-annual to have me wear a Holter monitor (echo-cardiogram) for a few days to see what I’m doing when I get short of breath. I don’t need to wear one to know it happens when I jog a few yards with the dog, walk up hills and go shopping at the acres big grocery store---but he made me promise to call if I start getting dizzy or feeling faint with the breathing issue. Stress and lack of sleep can feed into the equation Dr. Google said, so hopefully as the nation heals those factors might resolve themselves. Ya, I know hope and two cents will give me something to wear in a pair of penny loafers. Off topic, but I remember going on a date in high school and my mom having me put dimes in my penny loafers in case I had to phone home. Phone booths and dimes to make a call...those days are long gone.

And, oh goody my doctor wants me to work on losing my pandemic pounds. A month or so before I saw him I’d already started cutting sugar out of my diet but I got side-tracked when the tricker-or-treaters didn’t show up. I used to get around 140 kids on good weather days and 70-80 when it's cold and rainy and since the township didn’t cancel the tradition because of the pandemic I bought enough for 75 kids. Fifteen showed up leaving me with a month of eating two pieces of candy a day. I’ve always hated Halloween for starting me on a sugar binge that would last until New Year’s Day. Not going to happen this year. Fingers crossed I stick to the two a day plan. I'm calling them multivitamins because I'm very careful with medications.

New topic: What did I get myself into? The son-I-wish-I-had wanted me to talk to his realtor friend even though he knew I liked another firm I’d had a walk through with---two lovely women in their 50s who specialize in dealing with senior citizens. Tim and his guy do a lot of business back and forth and he has known him for years, trusts him. So I had an appointment with the guy and I thought it would just be a quick walk through, meet-and-greet appointment like I had with the two women. Didn’t turn out that way. He’s been here twice. The first time with a presentation selling his history and experience and doing the walk through and he left a large, expensive looking leather notebook full of reading material on how to get your house ready to show, blah, blah, blah and the clever little devil wanted to schedule a second appointment "to swing by to pick the notebook back up."

At that second appointment he gave me so much information that my eyes and legs were crossed before he left and I think they killed a tree just to make all the papers he left behind. Homework, he told me of multiple page listings of the past 30 comparable houses that have sold in my neighborhood including all their interior photos. Plus he left every public record to be found on my house including aerial photos and Google street maps shots and some he took which he used to create a sample listing showing a breakdown of what I'd net out of a sale. I hate wasting paper and that stack of listings gave me the heebie jeebies as I sat there trying to decide how I could use the back sides of all those pages.

Dilemma time. I really liked the women but I'd be going on pure instinct since I don’t know anyone who’s used them. And while the guy wasn’t so aggressive that he turned me off, I thought he had just enough aggressiveness to give him an edge on selling my house. Leaning toward him, I thought I'd have a few months to decide between the two realtors but the day after that second appointment I got a greeting card in the mail from one of the lady realtors saying she’d seen the progress done on my future home and thought of me. Oh, crap! I don’t want to lead anyone on so I’ve got to come up with a thanks-for-your-time-but speech to deliver to one of these two companies. ©

46 comments:

  1. Gut Instinct Time as far as the realtor issue, in my opinion. I would have been very put off by the male realtor and his officious and bossy manner. The women were giving you the space and time you probably said you needed. They were working on YOUR timeline, rather than the guy working you on his.

    The whole scenario with the male realtor really raised my hackles.

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    1. He wasn't pushy, push...just super detail orientated in his presentation. The thing that makes me lean his way is he's helped the son-I-wish-I-had with at least 15 buy-sell deals and countless other estate stuff. I got burned badly by a agenda when I sold my last house so a personal recommendation is a heavy thumb on the scale.

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  2. It sounds to me like the male realtor is up to date on how to sell a home in modern times and especially during a pandemic. Have you asked the first realtors how they would price and market your home? Another question that is important in my recent experience is how they would help you evaluate offers and negotiate counteroffers. I also found that having a selling realtor who had a good relationship with a lot of the local realtors was helpful in getting showings. Forgive me if you have already thought of these and to find out how they handle showings in person vs virtual during the pandemic.

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    1. Good question to ask: "..how they would help you evaluate offers and negotiate counteroffers." I just wrote that on a post-a-note to ask about. Thanks! The guy had a whole page full of listing places online (Like Willow) where he places listings.

      We did cover how they do showings during a pandemic...it was in him book too. I actually prefer their not being a regular open house because an agenda can't keep an eye on a house full of people wandering around. The house next door sold with a scheduled first day of showings.

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  3. They really ask you about your sex life? Sure glad I have passed on the wellness check ups.
    Sure hope your shortness of breath is just extra pounds and living through one of the most stressful years we have all had to endure.
    Oh no, the horrors of selling your home. I am so sorry that you are facing this. I so don't envy you. I was was really lucky when selling my Florida home. It was during a real estate boom and it sold in one day with no preparation. Plant sign in the ground--sold. I wish you that same delightful way to sell.

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    1. Yes, they really do have a sex life question on the Medicare Wellness test. Thankfully, the nurse asked it instead of the doctor. I don't think they like asking them anymore than we like answering them. The only good thing about the annual Wellness appointment is it saves a bunch of money.

      My biggest fear in selling my house is that I'll have to be out of here before my new place is ready. Timing the listing and move. Some of my other future neighbors are moving in with relatives temporarily and at least one sold her house and rented an apartment. I did that last time I sold a house and don't want to do that again.

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    2. My doctor skipped that question apparently on my recent virtual wellness visit. Probably just noted that I am married lol.

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    3. Ya, as if being married ALWAYS translates into having great sex. *Did I just type that?* LOL

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    4. Yes you did just type that lol!

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  4. OMG that nickel and dime in your loafers brought back memories for me. My father always wanted me to have a dime. When it went to a quarter he always gave me some. I used to laugh at him as a kid. Now I get it. :-)
    So I will have to deal with medicare care test huh? Oh I might have to say something to him to make him plush so he doesn't ask that again. And wouldn't you discuss this at the gyno not with him? Maybe because older folks in assisted living are all fooling around and giving one another diseases. I saw something about this on 20/20. Glad you are overall well though. You need many more years to enjoy this new home of yours!

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    1. Actually, the nurse asks and records your Wellness questions and I think the sex question is directly related to the fact that a lot of seniors are having unprotected sex and getting VD. They also ask if you can prepare your own meals and if you have help with your medications. I make a lot of fun of the Medicare Wellness test but I can see how the screening could lead some seniors get in-home
      help.

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  5. HAH! I loved the meme about the doctor. So true! It's like an interrogation where they want to see if you change your story. Except I don't think the nurse and the doctor ever compare notes.
    Good luck with picking a realtor. Sounds like either would do well.

    Deb

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    1. I think the doctor trusts the nurse to mark any answer you give that he/she should take a deeper dive into.

      That's a good way to look at my dilemma. Either one will do.

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  6. I had my visit with the doctor today only mine is called a "Medicare Super Visit", I filled out the questionnaire online but I do not remember any question about sex!?! The nurse followed up with a few questions like: "What's the month? What day is it? What town are we in?" She also did the 3 word test where she mentioned 3 words before she started asking me her other questions and then her last question was "What were the 3 words?" "Ball, Car, Man!", I said, "Now I can run for President!" LOL!
    Good luck with the realtor - who ever you choose - it will all work out!

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    1. I think they have several Medicare Wellness tests that they rotate. I know I looked for a sample online a few years ago and found three with similar but not the same questions. I've never had the 'memory' question of three words. I'd probably funk that one.

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  7. The real estate market around us is crazy right now. I'm betting your house will sell really quickly, so you're right. And I don't think the 'good' realtors are doing open houses right now. I'm convinced they're only for the neighbors to walk through your house anyway...I don't recall ever selling our house via open house even back in the day. Sounds like you have two good realtor options, and like you, I'm a fan of details and recommendations. We interviewed three realtors, and maybe those women will just fade away if you don't contact them again...one of ours did. :-)

    The doctor visit and questions for Medicare always make me laugh, but I'm sure they catch some problems along the way. Did they make you draw a clock? And I fall every year and have since my youth, so I fail that one every year. They keep asking me about grab bars in my shower...still don't have them. And I have a couple throw rugs, too. I'm a scofflaw, and I suppose it will come back to bite me someday.

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    1. That's what I'm hoping about the two ladies just fading away. After their walk through they did send me some valuable contracts for selling art, coins and better furniture so I feel guilty. But I'm sure all realtors know they aren't going to get every house they get called out to.

      I really hope the market is still hot next summer so I sell it before school starts. The guy told me I'm within a half mile of the best school system in the area for people looking for great sports opportunities for their kids and my location qualities for school of choice which he says is a good selling point. I know he's right on that.

      I didn't have to draw the clock this time, but I did once before. I lie about throw rugs because mine have those gripper mats underneath. The thing about grab bars and being proactive about putting them up before you need them is when you need them, you knew them RIGHT NOW and you might not be able to get them installed in a timely manner. When I was a mentor in the stroke community, I saw a lot of people have to stay in hospitals or nursing homes extra days while waiting for stuff like that to be installed.

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  8. I agree about Halloween being the beginning of the candy season. I bet this year it won't end at January 1, but will go on until Valentine's Day... or even Easter. Not saying that's good, but with this pandemic going on carbs are soothing.

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    1. Aww man, I'll bet you're right! But I'm going to pretend I didn't just read your prediction.

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  9. My nurse practitioner lady parts checker, always asks the sex questions ... and if I wanted any information about self pleasure toys! (I did have a few but after moving in here with nosy little people, I got rid of them!)

    It is definitely a Seller's market. And will be through the next year, they are predicting. I'd choose the assertive guy that your Son works with. He would never steer you wrong!

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    1. Oh! My! God! I'd die laughing or of embarrassment---not sure which---if someone in the medical community asked me about sex toys. Too funny.

      Definitely an advantage to have the son-I-wish-I-had able to beat up on the realtor if he did me wrong. LOL

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  10. I'm beginning to understand a whole lot more the "landscape" of people living in other countries. How one goes about certain things, be now or in the past.

    I've not struck a medical questionnaire yet, other "did you ever smoke" - yep, as a very young teen, but gave it up when I wanted trendy clothes, which budget didn't stretch to for both! That doesn't qualify so they "tick YES"

    Next week, I have appt with a different medical clinic...where apparently I will need to fill in a form. This after she searched her data base for my name, in case I was registered. I had already said "NO I'm not registered" but obviously she has to put something that says "new client"... I won't ever go that clinic, heard a lot of stories, but I have no other place to do for this treatment...

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    1. Blogs make it easier to see how people in other countries think and live, don't they.

      We get the smoking question too and drinking. Some make sense from a medical point of view, others seem intrusive.
      Good luck with your appointment!

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  11. I wouldn't worry about not choosing the lady realtor team if you like the guy's approach better. Or vice versa. We had a woman realtor "groom" us for years after we bought our house through her. She would send recipes at Christmas and the occasional potted houseplant and other stuff just to stay in touch. When she found out we bypassed a realtor altogether when we sold to my ex-husband, she really got her nose out of joint, but we didn't owe her a listing.

    I had to laugh at the "sex life" question because I've been watching old "Roseanne" shows on TV lately. The other night was the one where her mother falls and fractures her hip while trying to have sex with her boyfriend (Red Buttons.) He tells Roseanne that her mother, Beverly (Estelle Parsons), has earned the nickname "Adjustable Craftmatic Bev" at their assisted living apartments. Ha!

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    1. I'm wary of realtors in general and it's such a huge investment we're talking about when selling a house and all the memories that it contains.

      The old Roseanne shows had some good episodes and Red Buttons was so good at physical comedy.

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  12. Halloween for many is about junk food for many for mw it is just another day. I have forgottten the rerst of the comment, I just had my knee give out and fell over not hurt just shook up a bit.

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    1. Been there, done that with knees giving out, before I got my replacements. Gotta be careful!

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  13. My doc told me I'd aged out of a pelvic this year. No arguments there although since Covid and Rick and I keeping distance (he's out there more than me) it would have been the most action I've had. Ah, well. I need to be doing one of those monitors soon too. We can compare notes.

    I dread the day I'll have to make a realtor choice. I don't envy yours and have no concrete advice to add to your dilemma!

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    1. If I was you, I'd be missing those Rick hugs about now. Even I miss hugs and the only ones I got were few and far apart...from the son-I-wish-I-had and from the senior hall director.

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  14. I have not been asked all those silly Medicare questions for awhile. Just if I feel safe in my home, have I fallen, do I have smoke detectors, do I have enough to eat (did your SEE my weight?!?) The sex question though...I have not been asked perhaps because I still have a husband, but I have read that "single older people" take way too many risks and are not condom savvy about STDs and AIDS, so yes, you would get the safe sex talk if you copped to being sexually active. It's a thing and not a rare one apparently.

    Selling a house is a pain!

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    1. Does your doctor know your husband is hot? Just saying I can see why he/she doesn't ask you the sex question. LOL

      I've gotten questions smoke detectors and eating veggies.

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    2. HAHAHAHA. Yes, she knows him. We just avoid the topic. LOL

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    3. Also....it's a sellers market around here. Our friends have put in bids on two houses now...lost them both. The second one they went $60,000 OVER asking price and were still out bid!

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    4. Wow! The house next door went over asking price too, I just don't know how much over because it's only public after the closing. I'm worried that the hot market will be cold by time I have to sell.

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  15. Four, yes four, tricker treaters this year. Candy has been sealed into mason jars (two at a time).
    Realtors? The key is to ask what their commission is. In a seller's market, they should come down if you are the seller. They know it will sell quickly- so not so much work (especially if you are in a desirable school neighborhood). Negotiate that commission.
    I, Personally, go with the gentle people when buying and the semi aggressive when selling. Our last house we used the same agent for both--HUGE mistake. She was so nice we missed several offers. An aggressive will call back potential buyer's agents and light a fire under them.

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    1. I forgot that realtors sometimes come down on their fee. Thanks for the reminder. After I got burned big time by a realtor the next one cut his commission in half because he felt badly for us.

      I can see why it would be a mistake for one realtor to handle both the seller and the buyer. Agents are suppose get the best deal for their client. An agent who works for both just cares about getting a deal anyway she/he can...I'm guessing.

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  16. Ugh, Selling Homes... tho' I Sold quickly and Love my Realtor, who is also now a Dear Friend, I am glad that's all behind me. I Hated the part about Viewings, pain in the Ass and so Intrusive. When I owned the Historic Home I did have to Fire 2 different Realtors before finally finding my Guy, who we've now had help us buy and sell a few Properties. In my Corporate Lives I hired and fired so it doesn't phase me to have to do it I guess. The hard part to me is just having random people Viewing, you never know whose just being nosy and whose really a serious Buyer? We had some real annoying types View the last McManse we Sold, glad it Sold quickly so we didn't have more of that Type making Viewing appointments... some people are so disrespectful that they're actually in someone's Home! I liked it better Selling Properties I no longer was actually still living in, easier, empty, no fuss, no Drama. So, they interrogate you once you reach Medicare Age huh, wanna know how us Seniors fare on the Sexcapades... I'll be contemplating my shocking answers to their intrusive questions now, since it might entertain me. *winks*

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    1. I started following your blog about the time you put your house up for sale. I have nightmares about your many trips to storage and with selling stuff.]

      When my neighbor listed their house last month they had people lined up the first day because of covid-19 rules of only two in at a time.

      I got a taste of how intrusive strangers can be just by having the two realtor companies come through. I didn't know expect them to open closets and cupboard.

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  17. My heart goes out to you about the realtors...I hate situations like that.

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    1. Me too, I don't like hurting someone's feelings even though I know I'm not obligated in any way.

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  18. We bought our house via an open house. They took all open house offers, looked at them and chose the one they liked best. I'd gi with my gut but maybe try and have a conversation with the guy...just a talk if he's capable of it. I also would look at the history of homes sold in my neighborhood in the last year or so and see whi those realtors are. That's how I picked the gal for our DC house...

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    1. Oh he's more than capable of having a conversation, he was very nice and patient with all my questions. I think me using the word 'aggressive' wasn't quite the right word to describe him. Go-getter? Enthusiastic?

      I've heard of open houses working out with multiply offers. It happened last month with my next door neighbor...didn't have an open house per say because of covid-19 but opening day people lined up outside to wait their turn and by the end of the day it was sold.

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  19. Reading what you have to say about hide the bologna...this gives me a whole new concept of "hot dog" but I'll keep that between me & my physician. As for the realtors...go with your gut instincts & pray for the best outcome. Oh, and thanks for the eye candy. Who needs Halloween candy with a swell looking Dr. like that.

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    1. Gosh, I wish I could be happy with just eye candy with a zero calorie count. I follow several romance authors on Facebook and they post a LOT of eye candy. I should do a post on them someday.

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  20. I've been known to respond to the sex question at the doctor's with "Do fingers count?"

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    1. That was laugh out loud funny. Love to see the doctor's response.

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