Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Rounding the Downsizing Corner

Between listing and (actually selling) a few pieces of art on e-Bay and listing other stuff I don’t want to ship on Facebook’s Marketplace, my head is spinning. I don’t like having too many balls in the air and that’s what it feels like. I didn’t earn the nickname ‘One Track’ for my ability to multi-task. I’m more like a dog with a juicy bone who won’t let go until every last drop of marrow is gone. I want to wrap up all my selling efforts by the end of April.

Selling Successes: I mentioned in a recent post that I sold a sculpture for good money with only a five day listing on e-Bay and that was exciting because I have two more to sell by the same artist. I waited to see if the first one arrived safely before I packed the second one in case I had to rethink my packing method. All was well at the end of line so it was back to Pakmail for more boxes. It took me a half hour to pack each one of these large, breakable sculptures plus each one required two boxes (one inside the other), nearly a half of roll of bubble wrap and $6.00 worth of packing peanuts. The second one is a live auction now and my opening bid has been met. Can we hear one for the home team?

Selling Misses but with a Good Outcome: One piece of art---an unframed, 30 year old pencil drawing by a now-internationally famous local artist---I sold on e-Bay to a guy who asked ahead of time if I’d allow a local pickup. I’d never done that with e-Bay before but the pickups with Marketplace have been going well and feel save, so I tweaked the drawing’s listing and the guy won with it a $50 bid. Other drawings by this same artist are listed buy-it-now for $200 and the winner of mine---when he got here---said he was prepared to go up to $200 because my drawing "was going to be his come hell or high water.” He has a watercolor of the same scene. The drawing was a study the artist did for his watercolor and my buyer plans to hang the two side-by-side. He was a nice guy---the same age as me, we even drive the same color and year Chevy Trax. Those were facts that came out when we were making arrangements for him to pick up his drawing.

I liked the guy so I had a large print by the same artist that I couldn’t list for sale because it had a scratch on the surface from when I’d dropping it, breaking the glass out of its frame and I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I asked him if he wanted it for free and he was elated. I could have fixed it with a prism pencil and a bone paper tool but then what? I wasn’t going to sell a doctored piece of art or hang it because my eye would have always gone to the repair. So I made myself and the guy both happy. I even gave him a book about the artist. He was in door prize heaven and left me great feedback.

I also did a similar thing when the smaller showcase was picked up last weekend. The woman noticed a large ‘Save City Hall’ poster from when there was a big fight in town to keep the city from tearing down the old city hall, a wonderful feat of Gothic Revivalist architecture from the glory days of clock towers, hipped roofs with gables and arched windows. The woman said, “Is that what I think it is?” Another local but deceased artist who had an international following did the original lithograph for that poster and that original is part in the public museum’s local history collection. I replied, “Yes it is and it can be yours for $20.” She grabbed that poster so fast she looked like a cartoon character jumping over a box blocking her way to where it was hanging. We both acknowledged that in the right circles she could make good money on it but here's the thing: we’ve had that poster hanging in one visible place or another since 1969 and she’s the first person who ever recognized it as being the work of the famous artist. We talked about him and his heavy investment of time and money trying to save that old building and how all his prints were made old school, starting with a drawing with a greasy medium on heavy lithograph stones. Back in my eat-sleep-and-dream art 24/7 days 50 years ago I took printmaking classes in the same studio where he sometimes worked, used the same equipment, stones and presses. She said she'll keep the poster in her personal collection. I believed her.

With the man with the drawing and the woman with the poster I felt like I was back working in what I duped Jean’s Adoption Center for Collectibles when I first started my downsizing project. When I sell something I’ve loved and/or appreciated for years and it goes to a home where I know the object will go on being loved it makes me very happy. In those cases I don’t always care how much cash exchanges hands in the process. But watch out if you treat me like I don’t know what I own and you’re offering me a price that’s so low it’s insulting. I’d sooner take something to Goodwill than sell it to a wheeler-dealer who takes pride in cheating people. (Like the $20 fire hydrant guy. Please!)

And speaking of going places where my things will be appreciated, I just sold my 62 piece set of Iridescent Amber Carnival Glass Dishes---1930s Federal Glass aka carnival glass in a pattern called known as Bouquets & lattice Grill---on Facebook Marketplace to a woman who does catering and decor for small events. Bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, birthdays, parties up to 40 people. Her thing is mixing vintage dishes in with her regular white, service ware. She loves and buys carnival glass when she finds it but she's has never scored more than a piece or two at a time. It made me happy to see this young Puerto Rican woman get so excited about dishes that I have loved for nearly my entire life. (And trust me, it takes a lot to make me love anything orange.) I gave her a freebie, too, a large serving bowl with a Chinese design of dragons in gold, white and amber that looked super cool with this set. I said to her, "It's not vintage, I bought it in the '70s but if you can use it, you can have it!" "It's vintage to me," she said with a huge smile on her face, "I wasn't even born until 1990!" Marketplace is fun!

After I move I'll have very few things of value and that's been the plan all along. As I age I don't want to become Ms Set-Up-a-Nanny-Cam to figure out who is stealing from me. That happened to my relative when home healthcare workers were coming to her home in the last years of her life. Several from different agencies stole cash, credit cards, jewelry, heirlooms, even meat from her freezer. Not that value really matters. When my husband's mother was in a nursing home we were always chasing down or replacing her shoes, teeth, glasses and other stuff not nailed down in her room. And when my dad was in Hospice---HOSPICE WHERE YOU GO TO DIE!---a night shift worker was stealing money from his wallet that he kept under his pillow each night until I got wise and filled the wallet up with Monopoly money. Dad didn't know the difference. He'd just see the edges of the bills and was at peace that he had plenty of  "walking around money" and I wasn't going broke on a daily basis when Dad asked to bum some cash from me. That sense of vulnerability, of being easy prey to the those who target the elderly is something I want to avoid as I age, so I can spend the next chapter of my life playing with paints and fabrics. ©

36 comments:

  1. Thanks for the warning about healthcare workers...I was blissfully naive. I'm so glad you're getting closer to the end of downsizing.

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    1. She had many good home healthcare workers as well as the bad ones but none of them are paid well enough and the turnover was constant.

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  2. I laughed at your friend's comment about what is and isn't vintage. The '70s seem like just yesterday to me, but I guess when you remember the '40s, that makes sense!

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    1. I thought that was funny, too. Had to laugh at myself for saying it. Fifty years old is right in that mid-century stuff that is really hot in the collecting world right now.

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  3. Oh, how lovely to see your things go to those so happy and excited to have them! That's the ideal situation for everybody.

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    1. I know. I was resigned to thinking those dishes would end up up in garden art, even advertised them that way. All the people knowledgeable about antiques told me carnival glass was really impossible to move these days.

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  4. I can hear your joy about your treasures finding just the right next homes.

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    1. It is joyful and I'm glad it shows up in my documenting my downsizing journey.

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  5. That's great news! Glad you are having good luck selling. You are making such good progress and sound really organized. Good for you!

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    1. I am but I still miss the auction house. I could have gotten a lot of this stuff sold in one shot. But then I'd have missed the great stories at the end.

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  6. That what is vintage made me think and smile. Sure is different for everyone.
    Scary about what happened with your Dad and brilliant for you to put Monopoly money in his wallet. Would loved to have seen the face of the thwarted thief.

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    1. It really added a lot of stress to the an already stressful situation. The reason Dad had to go to the Hospice home was because I fell and broke my arm so badly I almost lost the lower half of my arm and am still dealing with the results all these years later. I couldn't take care of myself with the turn-buckle cast let along take care of him. The whole time Dad was there I cried every day and for weeks after he died. I never told anyone at the place about the missing money because I was afraid someone would lose a job over it and take it out on dad. I already knew they had a problem with someone on staff who was stealing morphine from the patients who needed it.

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  7. Monopoly money in the wallet. That's ingenious, my dear. So good of you to give the other picture to someone who'll really enjoy it. Racking up some good karma with that.

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    1. He was really pleased and he gave me good e-Bay feedback too. So karma did come back.

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  8. JOYFUL! An excellent word for you to be using during your down sizing.

    I have my Mom's china and Mr. Ralph's mother's silver. Sitting in storage for 11 years. I may need to try FB Marketplace as well. And do a little research to see what it is worth.

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    1. Vintage china and silver aren't worth what they should be because people want things that will go in the microwave and dishwasher. But my sale proved there is a lid for every pot if you look hard enough. After she paid for it I said to her, "You know you can't put those in a dishwasher, don't you?" She laughed and said one of her workers asked why they were hand washing some of her vintage and she said, "Think about it, did they have dishwashers in 1930?" I loved that girl and could have talked to her for all afternoon.

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  9. I love these stories, and what a joy to know your things are valued by their new owners. The Monopoly money was brilliant...don't you wish you could have seen the worker's face when they found it the first time? LOL.

    I love the idea of those dishes mixed at catering events with white service pieces. Sounds really lovely. These folks are lucky they found you.

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    1. I'll bet that person about peed their pants, knowing he/she got caught and worried for days if they'd get fired.

      I know! I loved it too. I could visualize a whole bunch of vintage dishes done that way with matching floral arrangements and colored napkins. The combinations would be so much fun. She's building her green and red carnival glass collection up too. I checked out her Facebook page and she's definitely got a flare for color.

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  10. Jean:

    you are so good in selling all these collectibles & I am glad you found buyers who also appreciate it & see it as collectibles & will use it nicely instead of just material things we accumulate over the years. you got knack for auction selling.

    Asha

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    1. I've been buying and selling a long time. It's fun to talk about stuff with histories to attached.

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  11. Bless your heart for being generous to those buyers who appreciated what you had to sell. It sounds like you were nearly as happy as they were, and that's incredibly satisfying. We all need to be practicing the Golden Rule as much as possible. You certainly did your part. Good on you!! We're still packing up and getting ready for our move. It feels good. If our backs hold out (we have a basement storage area we've been working on), I think we'll survive.

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    1. Marketplace has been fun 90% of the time. A few people haven't shown up but who knows. I want to be nice and think maybe they had a good reason.

      Basement stories are the hardest to downsize and or/move. Best of luck with your move.

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  12. What wonderful memories, from just the recent sales, when people came to pick up the sales...

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    1. I think everyone has been sticking close to home because of the pandemic for so long that we're enjoying talking with strangers in a well ventilated place where we're wearing masks and loving the same objects.

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  13. Looks like you are having fun shedding your collections. I do understand the pleasure of handing things over to people who appreciate them and love them as much as you do. In some cases that is even better than getting lots of money.

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    1. It's definitely better than getting money when you can makes someone happy with a simple gift.

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  14. Just read a fabulous letter to the editor in The New Yorker from a woman who was letting go of as much 'stuff' as possible and leaving the name of her professional organizer to haul off anything the family didn't want after her passing. It's SO hard on relatives to have to do that, and some hard feelings can surface, so better to deal with it while we still can! The 'feel good' exchanges help a lot with letting go of beloved things, so I'm glad you've had some of those.

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    1. Even when you earmark stuff for your heirs or give stuff to them before you die hurt feelings still come up. It's a huge job to take care of a person's estate after they're gone and there are always the siblings who want nothing to do with the process but complain after it's over. The more we can make those decisions before we're too old or sick or dead to do it they better.

      Don took care of the contents of his mother's house and had a type-written list of every single thing in it and where it went to. And wouldn't you know, I kept that 1980s list until last summer and not more than four months later it could have resolved a little dispute between some family members. At one point in time, all his brothers had a copy but mine was the only one that was survived as long as it did.

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  15. These are such great stories -- and I know exactly what you mean about someone wanting or recognizing something of yours and loving it. Like you, I'd rather take it to Goodwill versus someone who just was trying to low-ball to amp up their own next ebay sale.

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    1. With all your lovely and much loved things I know you understand exactly what it means to have people love what I'm selling. I was told by several antique store owners that they can't give carnival glass away so I was especially pleased to have that set sell. I do think it helps to write catchy ads. For those dishes in addition tot the pattern name, etc., I said they'd be great for mixing and matching at Easter or Thanksgiving or to even used to build garden art. I had two other people waiting to see if the first lady who looked at them took them or not.

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  16. Oh my, Jean! Those stories of the health care workers stealing from their clients are horrific. My rose-coloured glasses just flew off my face reading it...let me tell you! I'm so happy your downsizing efforts are paying off, in both cash and good karma. Wonderful!

    Deb

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    1. Unfortunately, not everyone who works in healthcare---especially in those entry level home healthcare jobs are---good people. Even if they pass the background check. One relative, for example, had a live-in caregiver who started entertaining a guy who'd been recently released from prison. They'd met through letters. And he brought scabies into the house. One night he slapped the elderly woman and locked her in her room. Family found out when they saw the bruises on her face.

      It doesn't matter if a person goes into an independent living situation like I'm doing or you arrange help so you to stay in your own home for as long as possible, someone has to keep a vigilant eye out as you age and can't always do it for yourself.

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  17. I'm so glad your downsizing and selling is going so well and the lovelies are going to appreciative new owners. As for the thefts in Care Facilities, they are rampant, even in the better ones... which is a disgrace, given how much they charge for the Care in the first place! Mom's Care was $11,000 a Month and yet they stole everything we brought her to enjoy and it always upset her, because even in her vulnerable condition and dementia, the one thing she knew was what stuff she had and that turned up missing! Not having anything of Value will be liberating tho', I don't know I'll ever get to that place... but if I had to, I wouldn't mind, because the Peace of just indulging in what cannot be bought or sold would be priceless.

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    1. I'm really sick of selling stuff,though. Our original plan was to keep sending the bigger and breakable things to the auction house and that would have been so much easier. But between the pandemic and the auction house going out of business, I've really had no other choice.

      Unfortunately, there are lots of people out there who will take advantage of vulnerable elderly souls. It's one of the reasons why people like you and me are family caregivers because I know we've both seen how our husbands got treated in facilities.

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  18. I am so impressed with what you have! And what you know! And how you sell! But I can see how it is a full-time job at times and takes so much effort. Whew!

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    1. It wouldn't have been so time consuming had the pandemic not gotten in the way and the auction house gone out of business. But it is what it is.

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