Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

The Honey-Do List

I found the moon last night. I’m on the wrong side of the building to see the morning sun and I thought I’d never see the moon again either. But I can sit at my desk after midnight and the moon looks at me from above the tree line in the distance. Now I know where to go when I’m having a hard time falling asleep and I want to know which phase the moon is in. Funny how little things can make you feel like your life is coming back together again after a major disruption in its flow. So many changes all at once can drive you batty from “where did I decide to put the measuring cups” to getting overwhelmed by so many new people to meet and remember. We finally got name tags we can wear (or not) which has helped. So far, only one person is on my Avoid-at-All-Costs list and another is on my Maybe-You’ll-End-up-There list. As for finding others with a similar sense of humor as mine: one of the Skinny Minnie Twins, a woman in my paining class and one of the other Jean’s on campus all do. Did I mention there are at least five Jeans living here? The weird thing about having other Jeans on campus is we all seem to be attracted to the same kinds of activities.

The maintenance man is a peach. He finally got here to hang a couple of shelves and my Paul Newman as Butch Cassidy signed and numbered print. (It was done for a fund raiser he and western artist James Bama did for the Hole in the Wall Camp that Paul started for kids with serious illnesses, to give them the experience of camping.) I’m nicknaming the maintenance guy M&M because he is so sweet that you want to see more of him like mindlessly popping candy into your mouth and he's the first person to notice my art as something more than furniture store decor`. We worked so well together, me handing him stuff he needed without him needing to ask. It felt like I was working side-by-side with my dad although M&M is young---mid thirties. We bonded over the fact that neither one of us can stand to see a picture on the wall that is hanging crooked. Even if it’s in a public place or a friend’s house we can’t control the urge to nudge it back in place. 

M&M apologized for it taking so long to respond to the work order---a week---and I told him it was quicker than my husband responded to my Honey-Do lists and being a man he felt the need to give my husband an excuse. “He probably didn’t have the right tools to do the job. That’s why most men put things off.” That made me laugh. There wasn’t a tool made that Don didn’t have from those big enough to work on antiquated street cars and those tiny enough to repair pocket watches---modern power tools to antiques. Oh, yes, M&M and my husband were cut from the same clothe---the clothe that says, “I can do ANYTHING if only I had the right tool!” He is going to be one popular man here in Lady Land. (I shouldn’t call this campus Lady Land. Probably 10% of the popular here has outdoor plumbing.) Aside from being someone to give our Honey-Do lists to, he had me at, “Hello---oh you’re an artist!” Said when he walked in the door and got his first view of my space. It was like he read my master plan for the vibe I wanted my place to have: Beach cottage artist’s den.

Aside from finding the moon I still haven’t fallen into enough of a routine yet to feel completely at home and mostly that’s due to not feeling ready to explore the shopping areas off campus yet. That will come after I finally get new a eyeglass prescription in December, weather permitting. I know my way to two grocery stores, both my banks, a hair salon and “doctor row’ where all my doctor’s have offices. It's just seven short minutes away. Before I had to allow 45 minutes to an hour to get to them because I had to go on a highway known for traffic delays at certain times of the day. As my youngest niece recently said, I’m at the right place, at the right time in my life.

By the way, keeping the Newman print was literally a last minute decision. I ran out of time to sell it and the-son-I-wish-I-had had it in the back seat of his truck for him to sell for me. “Are you sure you don’t want it?” he asked before leaving my apartment and just like that I have Paul back again and he looks great over my desk. Its a nice, unplanned nod to my husband's and my past decorating theme. My whole den is.

The photos below are from of my honey-do shelf project in my half bath. The little bookcase full of seashells my dad made for me when I got my first big girl bedroom make over at thirteen.  ©


 I really love the floating shelves you can layer stuff on, an idea I got from The Awkward Widow's blog.
 
The silhouettes are of my mom, done back when I was around 6 or 7 and I have one of me as well that will rotate to this shelf from time to time.
 
I used to have a lot of jewelry made of seashells. I wish I had better photos of those on these shelves. My hands shakes too much to do photography anymore.

The sand toys (except for the pail) on this bottom shelf were mine and my brothers growing up.


32 comments:

  1. I love the way you collated the items for your bookshelf and floating shelves.

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    1. Thanks. I love the concept of laying things on a floating shelf and that I can change things at will without having to worry about putting holes in the wall.

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  2. Sounds like the son you wished you had has a new brother. The maintenance man appears to be a keeper. Interesting about all the Jeans. Kind of like my new neighbor Patti. I never have trouble remembering her name.

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    1. He used to work as a maintenance man in a grade school so he's used to doing little projects for woman. He says we seniors are more patient as we wait for him (and the other guy) to get at things than teachers were. Then he gave an excuse for them being impatience. That was so like my dad, always trying to understand where others are coming from,

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  3. I like the sounds of M&M man! Everyone needs someone like him. Those floating shelves look great. A person can change your arrangements without having tons of holes in the walls. So glad you "found the moon." I watch the skies, too.

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    1. They hired some great people to work here and they all seem happy with their jobs.

      I ordered two more floating shelves, but a little longer this time, So I'll be seeing M&M again. Not the reason I ordered them though. LOL

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  4. Right place, right time. That speaks volumes. You made a smart move.

    Can you believe you're finally there for real?

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    1. Six or seven of us were talking about this very thing and some of us felt like we were on a cruise ship at first and now we're starting to feel more like we're at home. Finally having to clean the toilets did it for me. We get a cleaning service but that's just once a month so I've started a mid-month cleaning routine like I did at my other place.

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  5. Oh, I envy you your moon view! Next home, next home....fingers crossed!
    Your maintenance man sounds like a gift. So happy for you, Jean!

    Deb

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    1. In the house I left I could see the sunrise and the moon rise both. I could here, too, if I wanted to go down to my parking space to greet the sun. Not going to happen any time soon. LOL

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  6. I am so glad for you that the place is starting to feel like home. You sound so happy about your decision and that is terrific! A lot to keep you busy and the time flies by! Happy for you!

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    1. I am happy with my decision. There have been a few surprises but generally any kinks that have come along we are all experiencing and they will get worked out. For example, today I'm ordering black out blinds because the parking lot lights are so strong, I can't sleep and the CC will pay for them and the installation.

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  7. You have a knack for making your nest so cozy! HYGGE!!

    hyg·ge
    /ˈh(y)o͞oɡə,ˈho͝oɡə/

    noun
    a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being

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  8. Finding the right place for things can be hit and miss till it is hit and nail it, which you have done

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  9. Sounds like everything is coming together. And your handy man sounds perfect. Let Rick try that move with he doesn't have the right tools - my Lord our garage is nothing but tools and riding lawn mower! And it's full and it's a 4 car garage. :-) My hope for you is that each day gets better and better and the must avoids stay away~

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    1. Guys with garages full of tools, though, is a dying thing. Now it's computer stuff they can't live without. The It guys here at speak a whole different language but seem to be patient with us oldies-but-goodies.

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  10. So Glad the Maintenance Man is on top of his Game and he sounds like not only an observant, but a Kind person who enjoys being Helpful in the capacity of his role there. Glad also that most Neighbors so far have been Positive experiences so that the Community feels like a good fit, that is everything really to me. I'd rather live in a Shack in a good Community than a Manse in a bad one. Once you expand going out to include the surrounding area you'll be so glad you have made this Transition, I know I did, everything is damned near Idyllic in this Location, in ways I didn't even anticipate, but now feel totally at Home with at this Season of Life particularly. The transition to having a Grown Child back and living with us with their Partner has been one with ups and downs already, but we're sorting it out one day at a time. Once Grown, Kids have to be respected as the Adults they were just meant to be and it's hard sometimes to let go of the Child they were to you. A certain amount of Grieving for what has been Lost when Illness and Metamorphosis combined change the person has to be moved thru also. Like The Man being different after his Accident and I can never get back who he was... The Young Prince's transition during both the progression of serious Illness and Identify is sometimes emotionally raw for me too, I try really hard to accommodate who they are now and let go of who they once were.

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    1. I've never had kids to experience what you're going through with your adult kids but I sure remember what it was like to be the adult kid trying to be taken seriously as an adult. Those transitions are classic and I know you'll make the adjustments needed to do that.

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  11. I'm glad you're making friends with the best people to make friends with, those who are clever and those with a sense of humor. Five Jeans seems like a lot of Jeans in one place. Slightly confusing, but mildly entertaining too.

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    1. None of us Jeans has ever known more than one other Jean in our entire lives and four of us seem to be attracted to doing the same classes. Today six people showed up to decorate bags to pack lunches in for unprivileged kids who get them on the weekends and four of us were named Jean. Just so weird!

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  12. It really sounds like you have landed in the right place. I guess Jean is like Barbara. I go into a group and a quarter of the ladies will be Barbara's. We are a sign of our times.

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    1. The name thing has never happened to me before and it's kind of a joke around here.

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  13. I was in my thirties when I realized that, when I wasn't looking, Jean had gone from being a common name to being an unusual, kind of old-fashioned name. There are three Jeans in my choral singing group, and we are all in our early-mid seventies.

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  14. All the Jean's here are in our mid-seventies and we all seem to love doing the same activities. Kind of fun in a spooky sort of way.

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  15. M&M sounds great -- Isn't it nice when someone "gets" you? And nice you are finding some kindred folk too -- even if some of you are named the same! (Hey, in another 20 years they'll all be Brittany, Ashley and Tiffany.) Love your shells -- so pretty in the bath!

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    1. I know! I think most of the people who work in places like this are taught not to remark about people's decor, etc. because if something comes missing who is the first person they think of? The person who said they liked it. So it really surprised me that he not only noticed that he seemed to like and understand my place

      When I see all the shells I have I keep thinking most were obtained one at a time. How on earth did I accumulate so many? And I took boxes of them to Goodwill too.

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  16. Just remember -- the moon moves its position in the course of the year, just like the sun. So, if the time comes when you can't see it, don't worry. It's still there, and you haven't gone batty! I'm so pleased that you're found some people who have a sense of humor, too. Having even a few people around who 'get' your sense of humor can make a world of difference.

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    1. I did forget that. Thanks for the reminder. I thought we'd just been too overcast to see it before.

      We've got lots of holiday activates coming up to get to know each other's personalities and find those who we gel with. I'm finding something laugh about every day. I'm not going to make any decisions on anything one or any activity until the first of the year. And the time in between is my sit back, watching and listening time.

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  17. That is so cool that you still have some toys from your childhood. I don't have anything like that for various reasons. The maintenance man sounds great.

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    1. My situation is kind of unique in that I grew up in a house with a large attic and then in my twenties I bought it from my parents who moved out and left behind a lot of stuff, most of my childhood toys included.

      Everyone here has high praises for our maintenance men---two---but I've only met the one.

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