Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, July 16, 2022

Wild Ducks, Wild Man and Wild Conversations on Campus


 I went down to visit the swans today after lunch but they were on the other side of the lake, which is a mile walk to get there and back. So I sat on a bench 15 feet from the water’s edge and not more than a minute later four Brown-Teal Ducks waddled by me and dove into the lake right in front of me. Seconds later a mother Mallard and her six babies came marching by and the babies got herded into a stone-lined creek that meanders through the campus and ends up by the underground parking garage entrance. The stream was cast in dark shadows and the babies seemed to be taking a bath. It was Saturday so why not.

As I tracked the swans as they moved ever so slowly closer I was thinking, “Why would someone put a pole right in the perfect viewing spot for lake gazing?” Then I noticed a 7-8 inch pulley with a chain attached to the pole and my eyes followed the chain upward. It ended with a 16 unit Purple Martin condo. I’d been to that bench before but I’ve been so busy watching for goose poop I don’t want to step in that I hadn’t bothered to see any higher up than the cattails along the shore.

Speaking of water foul poop, the maintenance man put on quite the show this week. He is tasked with scraping goose poop off the sidewalks every day and he was using a golf cart to get around when he encountered a group of 35+ geese in our parking lot which isn’t far from the lake the way the crow flies (or in this case a goose flies) but it's quite a long away from the lake if you walk around the building to get there. Our poor maintenance man was chasing on foot and by golf cart all the geese, trying to round them up so they’d all go in one direction---back towards the lake. Those of us who were on our decks were having a good time watching and worrying at one point he’d tip the golf cart over or run it into a tree. But the harder he worked the more the birds tried to scatter in all directions. Of course we had to heckle him and he shouted back, “As soon as those babies can fly there’s going to be an all out war!” 

I’m from the camp that enjoys seeing and hearing the ducks, geese and the bullfrogs but there is another camp that would love to see them all shot or poisoned which is against the law. Some hate them because of the poop and others because their honking, quacking and bullfrogging around interferes with their sleep. I keep reminding them they chose to live on a lake. Lakes come with wildlife. And ohmygod, this lake comes with tons of dragonflies which probably explains why we don’t have the mosquitoes that everyone feared we get. As I sat on the bench I easily saw several dozen dragonflies playing tag in the cattails. By the way, did you know that dragonflies can literally die of fright at the sight of fish, according to an article I just read? Everything is relative, isn't it. If a pride of lions was stalking me I would hope I'd die of fright before they started eating me for dinner.

Speaking of dinner, recently four people spent the entire time talking about their dissertations in great detail while I and another woman without an advanced degree sat stone quiet. At one point I wondered how something that happened so long ago could be so important to them now when the world around us seems to be falling apart. Mass shootings, the January Sixth Hearings, supply chain issues in the stores. Covid. Current events are rarely ever discussed here, except in book club as it relates to something we’ve read. (I love that group.) I miss talking about current events. Admittedly my husband and I used to be news junkies, but here those kinds of conversations get shut done quickly when certain people are in the mix. They want to pretend we’re living in Never-Never Land where the illusion is that everything is fun and beautiful. But ignorance is not bliss when there’s a darkness waiting to destroy Never-Never Land aka the world as we know it.

At that dinner it came out that I was taking art classes on the same campus at the same time as one of the women talking about their dissertations and she was naming professors trying to figure out if we’d been in any of the same classes. I could no more name the professors I had back in the ‘60s than I can name the countries in the old Soviet Union or the members of the Backstreet Boys, for that matter. I’ve always known my mind tends to focus on the broader context and not the details but here that foible smacks in the face every time my peers talk about this kind of stuff. My peers can even name their grade school teachers. Not me, but I could describe what my grade school teachers wore to work---their sensible black shoes with the chunky heels, their dark colored cotton dresses with their padded shoulders and broad, white lace or matching collars. I can remember the kindness of one teacher and the pure evil of another who smacked me and the other left-handers daily with a ruler.

At the end of our last book club we talked about getting our Life Enrichment Director to start a monthly discussion group for those of us who want to talk about current events. She’s usually very responsive to our ideas so fingers crossed I might find a place where those of us who want to compare our reactions to the world outside our campus can go and not get the Never-Never Land treatment. ©

 

Photo at the top is one I snatched off the internet of a martin house located in the Iroquois National Wildlife Refuse. Ours is below and was built by the residents in the assisted living building. I can't take good photos anymore but I tried with my phone. (below).

This is our bird condo with the bench I sit on to the right. In the distance on the right is the Memory Care building, on the left are our town houses.

Hard to see but it's a swan chasing a goose as seen from the bench in the photo up above. Also hard to see through the trees is the independent living apartments where I live.

One of the swans, photo taken from the bridge in between the town houses and the Memory Care building.


This is the creek where the baby ducks played and that's an assisted living building on campus. Being on a continuum care campus it's comforting to know where exactly I'd get down graded to if something drastic happens to my health. There are 7-8 couples here where one of them lives in our independent living apartments but their spouses are a short walk away in one of these other buildings on the lake.

45 comments:

  1. I enjoyed the pix of your Campus and Lake. I too love Wildlife and find nothing negative about living in the midst of Nature, but many are very negative and want total Control over Mother Nature as if it's all about them all of the time. As for those in Never-Never Land, it disturbs me that too many Americans are residing there and won't turn out to Vote in what might be the most important Election in our Nation's History to preserve Democracy, so much is at stake, far too many don't want to acknowledge or talk about the real Issues and dangers. But, when everything goes to Hell due to their ambivalence and complacency, rest assured they'd be the first to squeal loudest, as if it was someone else who should have done all the work FOR them... such Entitlement and Privilege makes me retch... not until it becomes unbearable for them personally will they ever get Woke and take any of it Seriously. Insulating yourself in comforts you enjoy only works for so long and sadly too many take that comfort for granted, not realizing that at any moment, it could be gone, forever.

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    1. I agree it might well be the most important election in our nation's history. I woman here today says the news upsets her so much she can't watch and then she says, "But then I think we're all old here. What does it matter if or democracy and women's rights are gone in a few years?" And I said, "But you have kids and grandkids. You should care for them."

      I don't get people who move onto a place like this with a lake and trees in the middle of the city but who bitch about the wildlife. We even have deer, for crying out loud. Deer!

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  2. How cool is that condo on a pole? When I first saw it, it reminded me of the one that Harrison Ford knocked over when he went to the Amish farm to find 'The Witness.' Excellent movie... and at the end of the movie, he'd rebuilt that birdhouse!

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    1. Oh, I remember that movie! I have a secret love of Amish themed books and movies. And I'm so glad you commented right after this went live so I could correct a couple of misspelled words---pole/poll. I knew something was wrong in my many proof-readings but I couldn't figure out what it was.

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  3. Catherine/parlance here... Now, I've messed around so long trying to comment that I've forgotten what I want to say. Hmm...oh, yes, now I remember. I was glad in this post of yours to finally realise what Continuum Care Campus means. I think it's a wonderful idea, if it means people can move there and know they will have all the levels of care they need right to the end of their lives. Lately in Australia the big push is to 'Age in Place'. The idea is that we'll stay home with an increasing level of support. It's just a pity that the government probably doesn't have the money to support the concept.

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    1. Aging in place is a growing concept here too, but while you might get the care services you need brought in---visiting nurses, house cleaners, zoom doctor calls, etc.---it is still socially isolating which when you get older and can't go out as much will get depressing for most/many. Even here in the CCC they plan to keep as many of us in our apartments for as long as they can before moving us on down the line. (It's cheaper for them.) A lot of the same people work in all the buildings on campus and of course we'll even know many of the other residents as we get moved on down the line. So the fear of the unknown is taken out of the equation in CCC's like this.

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  4. I think it's a huge bonus that your home is near water. That always draws wildlife. Although it can be messy (poop just happens), nothing can compare with watching the ducks, geese, deer, etc. And the sounds they make really have a relaxing effect on many people. Last night, before bed, I looked out and saw an owl sitting on top of a pole at the edge of our lot. Amazing.

    I'm a news junkie, too. Sometimes I wish I could turn it off, but I want to know what's going on. I would think there'd be enough interest in current events to start a discussion group.

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    1. We have owls too and harriets. I can't imagine not wanting to be around wildlife.

      The last few years I've taken breaks from being a news junkie but something always pulls me back in. Now, I'm pretty much watching an average of two hours a day is all. There is gong to be enough interest in the discussion group. So I'm looking forward to that.

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  5. I can't think of a more boring discussion than having people regale you on their dissertations. Zzzzzz. Ugh. But the views around that campus are wonderful. And I agree that the wildlife is a feature not a bug. :-)

    On another note: When I was younger, I worked for the scientist leading the wolf/moose study on Isle Royale. When an ailing moose was cornered by wolves who started chewing on his/her leg (literally), this guy claimed their bodies secrete some substance (enzyme?) that puts them into a state of calm as the wolves attack. So I hope if I am ever attacked by a wild animal, my body does the same. LOL.

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    1. Wow, that's fascinating about the enzyme and the fact that you help with the wolf/moose study on Isle Royale. That's a place I've never been to but always meant to go.

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    2. I haven't ever actually been to Isle Royale...he was a prof at the University and I went back to school when my kids were little. He went to the island for weeks at a time and I was his office manager. The office was full of bones and bits from animals. LOL.

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    3. I'll bet he had a lot of interesting stories to tell.

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  6. I can name only two professors from my university days, one my advisor and another a professor so wonderful that many gathered early in class and were already debating the book we were reading by the time she walked in and began guiding our discussion. This is despite the fact that I changed my major three semesters short of having all my graduation credits and went a totally different direction. I have enormous amounts of undergrad credits and had lots of professors. I'm better with remembering numbers than names.

    My brother died at 67. He and I didn't share many traits, but we had a 3:00 pm-ish conversation every day about what was happening in our government. A lifelong Republican, he, like my lifelong Republican husband, were appalled by Trump and both felt their party had abandoned them. If anything particularly onerous occurred, I knew to expect a call when it did, and I miss those calls now. He, with a huge gun safe filled with weapons, wrote an editorial about the need for more gun control.

    I agree about the importance of this election and am participating in a get-out-the-vote postcard-writing campaign. However, with super-religious relatives in my birth state of Louisiana and here in Texas, I can tell you that they feel the same. Here's a conversation I recently had with my beloved cousin. He said, "The Antichrist is here already, walking among us, gathering acolytes so he can take over without a war." Taken aback although I shouldn't have been by now, I, replied, "Well, there would be some disagreement about who the Antichrist might be." He answered, "Oh, I don't think it's Biden," which means that at his church and his circles we are indeed talked about as acolytes of the Antichrist. (By the way, I don't blindly agree with every choice of Biden's.) Another cousin from the same side of the family publishes Facebook posts which are routinely blocked by "Fact Check" banners, and he's routinely in FB jail. These are people who are not normally insane although their church's deeply held religious belief that each word of the Bible is gospel primes them to believe the Alex Jones of the world. They feel driven to extremes, just as we do. THAT's what scares me.

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    1. It is scary! Two of my husband's nephews are like your cousin on Facebook. Alex Jones and people like him are turning a lot of people into conspiracy nuts. I, too, have heard discussions locally about the Antichrist walking around and ready to take over the world and turn us all into good little Christians by their definition of the word. I believe that's why some of them hold their noses and vote for Trump...like he's the ONE who is bringing about the changes they want in things like Right-to-Life and woman's rights, guns. etc.

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  7. That looks like a lovely place to live and I agree that with the campus of buildings, you know where you might end up if you ever need more care.
    It is true that our country is in trouble and I encourage everyone to vote Blue in the next elections so we don't go backwards in time.

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    1. Every day when I walk down to the lake I know I made the right decision. The money aspect is getting a little scary because of inflation and rates for everything going up. But at least we're non-profit and we're a group to face changes like that together.

      I have my mail-in-ballot sitting on my desk right now and I'm going to fill it out this weekend.

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  8. Nor could I name most of the teachers who contributed to my education although the three primary or secondary teachers who taught me what English I know will forever stand out in my memory. In addition, you taught me about a hitherto unknown-to-me duck: brown teal. I've seen all sorts of teals, but didn't know about the brown. Thank you!

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    1. I had not seen a brown teal duck until I came here either. One of my fellow residents used to have a high-up job in our State's Natural Resources Department and spent half his life in the woods and on water and I've learned a lot about your waterfowl from him. After he named them for me I was able to google the brown teal. He knows the everything there is to know about the wildlife here so that's been a fun aspect to have so handy.

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  9. So glad you have a Nature show close by. A little honking or croaking sure beats traffic noise. You have landed in a delightful place. Let us know how the current events group goes.

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    1. We also have airplanes over head as we're near the airport but don't ear much in the way of traffic noises. The bullfrogs are my favorite.

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  10. What a gorgeous setting and the joy of being around nature is very helpful to well being. Have you looked at the Great Decisions foreign policy discussion group materials and format? That might give a starting structure for your current events group. https://www.fpa.org/great_decisions/

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    1. I vaguely remember someone mentioning that as a possible starting point for our group but I didn't have a clue what it was. Thanks. I'll do some digging for when we present our idea to the Life Enrichment Director. She's been on vacation.

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  11. You are certainly in a beautiful spot. And yes, that's the "peril" of lake life -- loud birds and goose poop. I admit, I hate the poop on my beach (but there isn't that much) and I love seeing the geese more. If you simply come out and clap your hands as they congregate, they hop in the water and find another spot. No biggie. If you choose to move to a spot with wildlife, then you have to take the sounds of nature with it.

    I like the idea of a current events group -- the discussions could get very lively, maybe aggressive, but at least there would be a venue to share and discuss. Maybe you could have a group watch for the prime time hearing next Thursday (I think). I am just riveted by those! This promises to be the most critical two elections in our history (midterms, too) and people need to be aware and informed.

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    1. Wildlife and poop go together. Your cottage reminds me so much of the cottage I spent my time at growing up, before my parents remodeled it into a year-around home. Those kinds of old cottages are disappearing as others do as my folks did.

      Some of us were talking about how a group formed to talk about current events would probably attract those whose are open to hearing all sides and would need a strong leader who can keep things balanced. We are not short of re-tired teachers and professors here so I think that is doable.

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  12. My high school class is celebrating our 50th reunion (two years late due to Covid). So many of them remember each teacher and specific classes! Liz has about 100 "notes" that were passed to her. I don't have room to store that kind of information. Several classmates had their kids attend our school.

    I hope you have great fun with current events ... choose a STRONG moderator!

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    1. I had the room to story memorabilia like the '100 notes' before I moved and even though I might not have looked at it more than every five years or more it was still fun to keep until I couldn't. I just learned that a guy I grew up with at the cottage is the class historian for his high school class and two of my fellow residents were in his class. It' a small world when you get to know people.

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  13. You place is so lovely outside. I lived across from a developement with a lake and swans, geese and a plethora of poop. I used this place to make a short cut for myself to get to the highway. I'd see the man who was in charge of picking up duck/bird poo and I felt so sorry for him. I also wondered how those homes across from the pond like all that poop in their yard. I don't wish to kill them but I wouldn't want to live that close either. You can't have it all I suppose, but I do hate that rule! LOL And you are brave to ask for that type of "get together" for current events. I fear it would get too ugly. You are far braver than me. I imagine for some reason a lot of maga hats up there. I hope I'm wrong.

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    1. I seriously doubt the maga hat people would want to go to a current events discussion group because they think they know it all and are not open enough to agree to the bylaws we'll have for willingness to listen and give equal time to all who want it. We'll have a format.

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    2. I seriously doubt the maga hat people would want to go to a current events discussion group because they think they know it all and are not open enough to agree to the bylaws we'll have for willingness to listen and give equal time to all who want it. We'll have a format.

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  14. You're living in a lovely setting. Isn't it relaxing and rejuvenating to sit near a lake or stream and observe Nature? The wildlife is a bonus.

    I'm not on Team Canada Geese at all; they cause a lot of irritation and damage here at our lake. They are a terribly invasive species. It's astonishing to me that they are federally protected.

    It doesn't surprise me at all that some former academics would sit and talk about their dissertations or theses. Those are massive projects that consumed hundreds of hours, yet once done, rarely result in anything but that degree. Yes, you are published, but no one really reads it, and it's not like you become a renowned author. Sitting with others who slogged through all that and wrote the final product/defended it successfully would be a chance to reaffirm all that for some people.

    (I can sit and talk about grammar forever to like-minded people. And have. LOL)

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    1. I actually did learn a lot about what doing a dissertation is all about and I never really knew much before then. On lady went on to be a research biologist and another because a shrink. Another an art professor. I wish you were my neighbor. I'd be asking you a million questions about grammar. LOL

      My youngest niece lives on a lake and hates the Canadian Geese too. But according to what I've read they are important to the plants all across north America. They drop seeds in with their poop that feeds other birds and critters, their poop adds nutrients to the soil. Geese hunting adds a lot of money to the Canadian budget and to the New Jersey economy. On the down side they hurt some farmers in their migration paths if state planted protected areas are not available. The world is such a complicated place.

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  15. Having a led discussion group about current events is a great idea. It's important to have a good leader to keep some people from dominating it.

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    1. We have a few who will be good at the job. Finding a vacate place on our packed schedule will be the biggest challenge.

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  16. My daughter lives opposite a pond and loves seeing the ducks and such

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  17. Love seeing glimpses of your campus. I'd love all the wildlife on the lake -- poop, squawking and all.

    Good luck with the current events group! Sometimes I prefer just my friends where we all basically share the same opinion of the state of the world so that discussing it doesn't make me even more dismayed. But even with friends, I'm tired of finger pointing and blaming and complaining. We all need to organize and DO something. Anything! And we need to stay positive and not cynical. I am open to rationally discussing policies and ideas, but "rational" seems in short supply and I just end up feeling like it's all hopeless. LOL

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    1. It is nice to be among like thinking people. But if we're ever going to get true change we need to understand where other people are coming from in their thinking. Boy, and do I agree with you about trying to stay positive and DO something to help the causes we believe in. It's never been more important in our lives than now.

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  18. We just passed 8 billion humans on this planet. Even if we could feed everyone effectively (and it's clear we can't), the pollution caused by so those of us in the wealthier countries is going to be the end of us. Isn't climate change just Mother Nature taking back the reins?

    Living in an era where a madman can invade and murder innocents in neighboring countries and kill his own soldiers in the process, and no way to stop him because he has nuclear weapons and we're not sure he wouldn't use them if we tried, is it any wonder we produce mass shooters and a third of U.S. citizens choose non-reality and an blatant liar and manipulator to guide them?
    Now that I have that off my chest.....delightful post! I'm looking forward to hearing how the Current Events group plays out.

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    1. It's good to have a place where we can get stuff off our chests and then go back to our daily lives, isn't it. You have a good point about climate change just being Mother Nature taking the reins back but the scary part is that Man is going to suffer in quality of life and numbers in the coming century or two.

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  19. When my mother was in a nursing home the last year of her life, she took me with her one morning to a current events program led by a woman who would read newspaper articles to the group and then comment on them. Since many of the people in the group, like my mother, had communication difficulties, there wasn't much discussion, and the woman who ran this program was quite conservative. I bit my tongue harder and harder until I finally couldn't stand it any more and started to push back against her claims and assumptions. I could feel my mother by my side silently cheering me on and realized that this was why she had wanted me to come with her to this event, to give voice to an alternative point of view. I can see why your life enrichment coordinator might be wary of this type of group, which would likely attract people with strong opinions on both sides of our polarized political landscape. That's not a reason to avoid it, but it will be a challenge to figure out how to organize the discussions so that all points of view can be heard respectfully.

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    1. As I understand it there are teacher curriculum guides for putting current event discussion groups together. One of the guys in our book club belonged to a guided group and it sounds quite fair and balanced on giving each member their time. Topics are selected by a national group of some kind that helps facilitators with resources and questions to ask. Our Life Enrichment Director wouldn't do more than find a slot on our calendar to fit a group in.We have a lot going on every day.

      Love that your mom wanted you to be her voice, so to speak.

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  20. Glad you have the lake and wildlife, despite the poop. The security of CCCs is important for many and sounds like you've made the right choice for yourself. I think the non-profits generally are the best bet for quality care. Rising costs can be an issue wherever we live. I debated with myself about entering one here but decided to go with the living in place concept. I worked in many such LTC communities and like most things, there are pros and cons for our choices.

    A current issues discussion group would be interesting if run by a strong facilitator with so many hot-button topics today.


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    1. For someone like me without kids or grandkids the CCC---I think---gives me the best odds of being humanely treated when I can't advocate for myself. I had the perfect house for aging in place but until I moved here I don't think I realized how lonely I had become, partly due to the pandemic but that wasn't all of it because my social life revolved around good driving days.

      For couples where one of them is entering dementia a place like this is a real asset,

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